As Gaius returned with the little bottle, he added one last lesson to the list Arthur would think about in the weeks and months to come. "You know sire, had your father not ordered me to ration this, there would have been none for Merlin…"
Gaius carefully scraped the last drop of dark sticky opium out of the bottom of the bottle and then gently rubbed the resin into Merlin's gums.
At first, there was no change. Arthur burned as Merlin shook and sobbed out his agony, his movements causing more and more damage. Finally, when Arthur felt he could not stand another second, the opium started to take effect. Slowly, over the course of a quarter-hour, Merlin's muscles began to relax. His face lost its vicious tension and finally, his body slumped. His breaths were slower but mercifully less forced.
Only the blood refused to change its course. Steadily oozing from Merlin's bluish lips.
Without Arthur even noticing, Gaius tended to his head. He proceeded to coax him out of his blood-stiff shirt and into one of Merlin's, as if dealing with a sleepy toddler. Gaius was worried about Arthur and wasn't sure how he was going to deal with…well, with reality. Arthur did not even make so much as a peep as Gaius pulled slivers from his knuckles and then wrapped his injured hand. Gaius was fairly sure it would heal, but Arthur would likely feel it every time he held a sword. How many reminders of this day did the poor prince need he wondered.
Every since Merlin had received with the poppy, Arthur hadn't said a word. He simply sat there looking both stern and sad at the same time. He went from sitting back in the chair with his good hand shading his eyes to leaning in close to his friend and back again.
Finally Merlin's eyes opened and focused on Arthur
"Merlin." Arthur's voice came out as a whisper. He could honestly think of no other words at the moment.
Gaius came into Merlin's view, crouching in front of his ward "My boy…how is the pain?"
After a couple shallow breaths Merlin blinked and focused his eyes with some effort onto Gaius "Ok. Loads better."
Gaius' heart was breaking. The poor boy was crumpled on his side, dying from as horrid an injury as Gaius had ever seen and still he was sweet and grateful. Trying to make Gaius and Arthur feel better. Gaius' hand absently stroked Merlin's hair as the boy's eyes went out of focus again.
The young wizard's voice was a mere breath…"What happened?"
Gaius soothed "Shhh…you were badly hurt."
"The horse…" ghostly words whispered from near bloodless lips.
Arthur found his voice "Yes, that's right. I was an ass Merlin. I was an ass and startled the horse. He kicked you…"
Merlin half-nodded, still curled. His blinks long and slow from blood loss, shock, and opiate. He was impossibly white with blue-black smudges under his eyes.
Merlin's eyes were haunted as he looked into Arthur's. He knew, he was dying and he knew.
"Alright Arthur?"
Arthur's features pulled in, sorrow writ across his brow before schooling his face "Yes. I'm alright Merlin. You saved me"
"Oh." Merlin slurred slowly, his eyes wandering back to nowhere "I'm glad of that."
Hiding his sorrow with anger as usual, Arthur leaned in close, elbows on his knees, hands on the bed. He hung his head and bit out, voice shaking "You shouldn't have Merlin!"
Merlin was too weak to respond. With an effort he moved his hand forward across the mattress—inches seeming miles—and slid it over Arthur's bandaged one. A simple act of love.
As he felt Merlin's hand cover his own Arthur's head snapped up. He was sure Merlin was going to say something, anything—to forgive him or tease him or tell him to get lost, say goodbye—something. Merlin was silent. He just continued to lay there, on his side, his grave-cold hand over Arthur's, staring ahead. He was so quiet, still, and tiny. Just fading quietly away.
Arthur's uninjured hand came up tentatively. Seemingly of its own accord the hand reached out rested for a moment, tangled into Merlin's messy hair. Merlin didn't even blink at this, he simply stared ahead. Arthur's hand trembled as he closed it over Merlin's.
Pain bent Arthur in half, his forehead coming to rest on their hands. A broken sob escaped him like ember bursting from a fire. Damn it all!! The prince pulled himself closer to Merlin's face and finally choked out what he'd been thinking since the moment Merlin had lay down his life for Arthur "I wish you hadn't Merlin…I wish you hadn't" Emotion laced the prince's voice. Guilt. Gratitude. Love. Despair.
After a second, Merlin's hand squeezed Arthur's almost imperceptibly. It was all he could manage. For Arthur. Arthur quieted his cries and tried to be strong for his friend.
For a time, they sat just so. Merlin's hand over Arthur's, Arthur's over both.
In the end, Merlin sighed, and was gone. As the last leaf of autumn, suddenly taken by the wind. The tension drained out of his body and he lay unmoving. Eyes unseeing.
A strangled sound escaped Arthur before he could stop it. He brought Merlin's hand to his lips. His whole body shook with effort. As Gaius reached past Arthur and gently closed Merlin's eyes Arthur choked out a sob.
Gaius rested a hand gently on Arthur's heaving shoulder "Merlin's suffering is done, Arthur. Only ours remains." Arthur nodded stiffly, trying so hard to stifle the sobs that were building in his chest and shoulders.
Shaking his head, overcome with unfamiliar emotion, Arthur positioned himself on the bed, tenderly picking up Merlin as gently as if he were a baby. Under his breath, Arthur was making calming and soothing sounds "shhh… Merlin… shhh… it's alright now." Arthur was misery as he touched his lips to his friend's unruly hair, kissing Merlin gently on the forehead.
As Gaius approached the bed with a clean cloth in his hand, Arthur, shook his head, looking frightened and confused, backing hard against the headboard with Merlin clutched to his chest "No."
"Sire…" Gaius eased closer.
"No. You mustn't take him." Arthur firmly shook his head taken by a silent sob.
"I wouldn't dream of it my lord." After resting a hand on Merlin's head for a moment, Gaius gently but firmly began to wipe Arthur's burning face, his tear tracks, under his nose. It is what Merlin would have wanted, he was quite sure.
"Gaius. Gaius. I'm so sorry…"
"Shhhh, sire." Gaius spoke gently. He rinsed and rung out the cloth, handing it to Arthur.
Arthur shifted Merlin's insignificant weight and thought for a moment how, cradled as he was, Merlin looked like a messy, sleeping, child. Without another word, Arthur took the cloth and wiped Merlin's brow then began on the dried blood on his chin.
"There are women…that will do that Arthur…" Arthur looked up with such sorrow, his eyes would have broken stone "Women that will prepare…" a long pause "Merlin." Gaius was clearly struggling to keep his emotions in check. He had the advantage of age, experience, and having been with countless people and their families as death came.
"Sire, you need to rest."
Arthur just stared out at Gaius. Finally he spoke "What will they do?" his voice tiny and forlorn.
"One will wash and dry Merlin's clothing. The other will bathe and anoint him. Then Merlin will be dressed and given a coin for the ferryman. You have seen what happens next, he with be lain in state tomorrow—here I imagine." Gaius glanced around his rather humble rooms. "The pyre will be tomorrow night."
Gods, Gaius felt old and tired.
"My chambers." Arthur mumbled.
"Sire?"
"Please Gaius" the prince outright begged "Please, can I bring Merlin…" Arthur stopped, took a breath and corrected himself "Merlin's body. Might I bring Merlin's body to my chambers? For the rituals?"
Gaius looked worried but could not deny the grieving boy.
Feedback, pretty please. My goal with this fic was to make the reader feel. Let me know what you think! Two chapters left to go…