You have no idea

Mello,

Do you have any idea?
Do you have any idea, any possible notion of what it's like?
Let me tell you.

Imagine yourself in my situation. It may be difficult, but please, for my sake?:

Imagine that you're scared to go to sleep, because when you wake up the person beside you won't be there?
Imagine you're scared to stay awake, because you don't want to have to deal with the fact that the person beside you calls out someone else's name in his sleep.
Imagine that you pray to a God that you don't believe in that the person beside you will stay beside you forever.
Imagine that you know, one day, that you will have to realise that the person beside you is only beside you for his convenience.

That's how it is, Mello.
And it's killing me.

Kira is gone. L is dead. Near is L.
All facts. The last two you can't seem to comprehend. I can't comprehend that, sure L was a hero, and all of us will miss him, but did he matter that much?
Well, from your dreams, he evidently does.

I'll miss you, Mel.

Like hell. I'll miss you more than I've missed anybody, ever. More than my mother, more than L. More than everyone. Because even if everything we did was fake to you, it wasn't for me. You hate it when people use your emotions against you, but you feel at complete liberty to toy with mine? So I'm going Mello. If you ever considered the notion of loving me, please don't look for me. The most you'll find is a body in the gutter.

Because that is all that I'm worth now, another body. Just a useless being, to be used and manipulated to bend to your will and then discard. I'm no-one special, and I'm sure you will find someone else. Because you always will carry on, no matter what happens.

And I hope you have a great life.

I'll leave you with the only thing left to give, after my heart, soul and body.
You can have my name, Mel. I hope you remember it.

So thank you for everything.

All my love.

Mail Jeevas.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey! Any suggestions for a future chapter? As in, pairing wise? Reviews appreciated.

x