A/N – Here is the next chapter. For those of you wondering who Betsy is, that will be revealed. Also, this story is wrapping up, so I am extra interested in hearing what your thoughts are. Not just about each chapter, but the story as a whole. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 11 – Not Worth It
Johnny didn't know what to do. He couldn't seem to breathe. Lulu had just walked away. Not just from the table, but from him. She ran from him because she expected him to hurt her and he had unintentionally come through on those expectations.
"I have to go after her," Johnny said when he finally found his voice.
"No you don't," Betsy argued. "You've got me."
All of Johnny's emotions changed into one. Anger. He directed all of this anger at Betsy.
"You shut the hell up," Johnny yelled. "There was never anything between us. I only pretended to be interested in you so Jason and I could do business with your father. When that fell through, I didn't call you again. Trust me, when I'm interested in someone I pursue them. Just like I've been doing with Lulu. I've been trying to get her to trust me for a month. But now thanks to you and your stupidity that's all gone to hell."
"Calm down, Johnny," Matt advised.
"Calm down?" Johnny scoffed. "She walked out and you want me to calm down."
"I don't understand why that girl is so important," Betsy sighed.
"You need to go," Matt ordered.
Betsy rolled her eyes and walked away. Johnny fell back into his seat. He didn't know what to do. After everything he had been through to gain Lulu's trust again, it was all wiped away in less than five minutes. He hadn't even gotten to tell her he loved her.
"Be honest," Johnny muttered, looking at Matt. "Will she ever trust me again?"
"I don't know," Matt answered honestly. "I just don't know."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Lulu moped into her apartment. She didn't want Georgie to follow her, but her best friend would not be denied. Lulu knew Georgie was concerned, but she felt like being alone. She didn't want to talk about Johnny's betrayal or how much pain she was in.
"You don't have to stay," Lulu sighed. "I'll be fine. I don't need you watching me. I would honestly rather be alone."
"I'm not going to leave you alone," Georgie said adamantly. "You need to talk about what just happened."
"I don't have anything to say," Lulu replied. "Except for one thing. I have one thing to say to you."
"Okay," Georgie said cautiously.
"I told you so," Lulu screamed.
"What?" Georgie asked.
"I told you if I gave Johnny the chance to hurt me again he would do it," Lulu seethed. "I told you trusting him was a bad idea, but you wouldn't listen. 'Give him a chance, Lulu. He really cares about you, Lulu.' You convinced me to put my heart on the line again and look what happened."
"You're blaming me?" Georgie questioned. "I don't even have a response because of how ridiculous you sound."
"I told you to leave," Lulu snapped. "You wanted to stay, so this is what you get."
"Fine," Georgie smirked. "Yell at me if you want to. I just don't want you to hold it all in."
"What if I want to cry?" Lulu wondered, sinking into the couch while tears filled her eyes.
"That's okay too," Georgie responded, sitting next to her.
"I can't believe this," Lulu cried. "Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did I open myself up to him again?"
"You can't help who you fall in love with," Georgie soothed.
"Yes, you can," Lulu argued. "You just have to stop watching romantic movies and listening to love songs. Those kinds of things make you want to fall in love and if you want to fall in love it's more likely to happen."
"I don't think that's true," Georgie replied. "But even if it is, what kind of life is that? Guarding against love and happiness all the time?"
"A life that doesn't hurt as much as this one does," Lulu sobbed.
"You survived it the first time," Georgie reminded her. "You can do it again."
"I shouldn't have to," Lulu frowned. "I should have never given him another chance."
"I know you don't want to hear this," Georgie said slowly. "But do you think there may be a chance that this was a misunderstanding?"
"I don't think so," Lulu shook her head. "If there was an explanation he would have offered it, but he didn't. He was a deer caught in the headlights."
"You didn't give him too much time to explain," Georgie pointed out. "I'm not trying to defend him, but it just seems strange to me he would work so hard to get you back and still keep a secret from you. Especially one that could be so easily exposed."
"He's arrogant," Lulu replied. "I already forgave him once and he thought I would just look the other way about Betsy too."
"Even if that was the case," Georgie continued. "Did you look at Betsy? She didn't exactly look like his type. She's the exact opposite of you."
"What makes you think I'm his type?" Lulu countered.
"The way he looks at you," Georgie answered honestly.
"It's all an act," Lulu said sadly. "For all I know he did all this to get me in bed again."
"I don't believe that," Georgie responded. "And I don't think you do either."
"I believe that it's over," Lulu said tearfully. "For good. I'm not going to waste any more of my time on Johnny Zacchara."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Johnny took a long swig from his bottle of Jack Daniels. Technically, his second bottle. He had gone to the liquor store after leaving the Metro Court and then headed to his office. Matt sat in the corner waiting for him to speak, but he had nothing to say. What was he supposed to say? He lost Lulu again and his heart couldn't take it this time. All he wanted to do was drink until he couldn't feel the pain anymore. Or maybe until the liquor killed him. He didn't know which he would choose yet.
"You need to slow down," Matt advised. "Unless you're trying to kill yourself."
Johnny laughed darkly. It was ironic that his friend was giving voice to his thoughts. Death had to be better than the pain of losing Lulu, didn't it? Of course if he was dead he would really never see her again. Alive there was the small chance that he would catch a glimpse of her smile or hear a bit of her melodic laughter. He sat the bottle down on his desk.
"How long are you going to sit there?" Johnny wondered.
"At least until morning when you need help recovering from the horrible hangover you're giving yourself right now," Matt answered.
"Why did this happen to me?" Johnny asked.
"No one knows the answer to that," Matt said softly.
"Somebody has to," Johnny sighed. "Somebody has to be able to explain to me why I lost her again. I need an explanation."
"You believe in fate," Matt replied. "I think maybe it's time to accept that it's not meant to happen for you two."
"But I love her," Johnny said as tears filled his eyes. "I don't care about fate or what's meant to be. I love her. That's what I care about."
"I know you do," Matt sympathized. "But what are you going to do? Chase her for another month? What if she doesn't want to forgive you?"
Johnny didn't want to think about that. He squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.
"She has to," Johnny muttered. "I'll chase her forever."
"Really?" Matt wondered. "Even if she doesn't want you to?"
"I don't know," Johnny relented. "How do I let go?"
"If I knew I would tell you," Matt offered. "But I think you have to find a way. Or you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life."
"That's unavoidable," Johnny replied. "She changed my life. She changed me. I never wanted to fall in love before I met her, but now I don't know how to live without it."
"Maybe you don't have to," Matt suggested.
"There's never going to be someone else," Johnny stated.
"I know," Matt nodded. "But maybe it's not over with Lulu."
"You were pretty sure it was a few minutes ago," Johnny reminded him.
"That's because Lulu giving you another chance doesn't make sense to me," Matt responded. "But then I remembered that nothing about the two of you makes sense to me. You don't play by the rules of the world I grew up in. It's something different, something special."
"So what do you think I should do?" Johnny asked.
"I think you should give her some time," Matt answered. "Let her cool off and then you should try to talk to her. It might not work, but I think it's worth a try."
"It definitely is," Johnny replied. "She's all I want."
Johnny knew the next few days of giving Lulu space would be the hardest of his life, but he had to let her breathe if he was ever going to get her back. He needed her back. He needed to tell her he loved her and kiss her in a way that let her know his words were true. He had to get her back. He would get her back. No matter what he had to do or how long it took to make it happen.
Johnny was going to be with Lulu again.
