NEWNESS

Misa's POV
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Raito,

I guess it's just blind hope and faith that push me to send this to you. I know that the chances are you'll never read it. Once you see it's from me, you'll laugh, throw it in the waste paper bin and forget about it. Until you hear the news, that is. Maybe then you'll regret it, regret not hearing my last words to you, regret passing me off. I doubt it, but maybe.

There are just some things that I think need to be said. And I don't know when I'm ever going to have the same amount of ridiculous courage to say them ever again, you being who you are and what you mean to me. But I'll take the chance while it presents itself.

You changed my life, Raito Yagami, as I'm sure you know. I've always looked up to Kira, and when I found out that you were him, a perfect human being, I couldn't help but being overjoyed. I knew right then and there that you had to be mine. It couldn't be any other way, as far as I was concerned.

I remember the first time I met you, how angry you got at me. I passed it off, giggling foolishly at you. I think that's probably how your intense dislike, maybe even hatred, of me started. I remember then, all those years ago, how I thought you were the saviour that I had prayed for. You were the god that I thought had deserted me.

I loved you Raito. I still do. But I've grown a lot over the past years, since those days. To you I may still seem the ditzy blonde that you've always viewed me as, the idiot, the fool, to be laughed at. But I have grown, and I'm not as idiotic as you think. I know that you don't love me, and that you never have. I also know that this doesn't matter a tiny bit to me.

From the very beginning, I've been doing what you told me, always following your orders. It was fine with me, I thought that what we were doing was for the greater good, and inspiring more people like me. I thought that we could actually create a utopia using something we know nothing about. I thought it would all work out perfectly.

But it's been going downhill since L died.

I'm not implying that I miss the freak, or that I ever had any emotional attachment to him, but to be honest when you said that we'd create a new world together, I didn't think that it'd involve running from some of the cleverest minds out there. I didn't realise, idiot as I was, that there would be people opposed to our idea.

That got me thinking. I know that you may think that it's impossible, I don't have the mental capacity to think about anything meaningful and not related to make up and clothes, but this honestly got me thinking. What could they see wrong with our, your, dream?

And gradually I started to realise what was wrong.

What we're doing is not right, Raito, never was. We're killing people and calling ourselves innocent, like we're doing the world some good. Think about all those people that you killed that were on executioner's row. What if one of them had been innocent? What about all those people for the less serious crimes? So someone robs a bank, what if he robbed it to feed his wife and children? How would they survive without him? How would they deal with the grief?

And then I realised that if Kira could be killing innocent people, he could be putting people in the same situation that I was in. That is to say, parentless and alone, and frightened.

I wouldn't wish that upon the most evil of killers, let alone any of their family who may not have done anything wrong.

So I had to decide, Raito. You mean the world to me, but I cannot bear to think that the world we are trying to create makes people unhappy to the point of suicide. You know that it has happened. You know that it will happen again. And I realised that I would rather die than let that happen.

So that is what I will do.

You know that I could never be unfaithful to you in any sense. You banked on that, it was the only reason that you trusted me.

You didn't realise I'd grow a conscience.

So I won't betray you, Raito-kun, not now and not from the grave. I'm taking the easy way out- I cannot decide between my love and my morals so I decide upon neither.

I can't carry on this way. I really hope you understand.

But somehow, I feel that the sweet, caring, family-loving school boy I first met has died along with countless criminals.

So here's to you, Yagami Raito.

I'll see you were God and Satan do not dare to tread.

Purgatory is where we're destined forever.

Yours, now and always,

Misa Amane.