Well, Hello :) Hope this speeds things along. I'm still in the process of finishing the 3rd and 4th chapter, but because of the chaos that is my life, i cant update as often as id like. i wish i could so that my story could unfold at a faster pace but time isnt on my side at the moment. In fact i think Time is sending me daggers in the form of unrealistic deadlines for very costing term papers. ugh. Education. help me god. . . Also I'd like to thank Young...you know why... anyways, Read and Review please :)

ENJOY?

But I guess in the end, losing myself was the least of my worries.

Dealing with these constant qualms would have to wait til later. Right now there were more important things to address. The thickness of the air furthered my heavy breathing. I was moments away from acting upon my gut and yet everything around me still felt off. I usually had a sense of trust In the course of actions I made on impulse. Not this time. Everything was wrong. My chances seemed wafer thin from here. And then it just hit. An Epiphany that was trying to make itself known had finally broken through. Realization or whatever else it was shook me entirely. I couldn't deal with the truth this time.

I had nothing to go by and yet it's as if the forces of the world know it and continue to throw barrier after barrier pushing me to my limits. And, well, after a while, I wonder how I prevail.

Not only how, but why.

I don't exactly view myself as a fighter. I never have been. I get hurt. I bleed and bruise like any mere mortal would. I falter when it's just too unbearable to take and I just runaway. Though, with everything I've been through, I've always endured.

How I managed to escape this being on more than one occasion, I am at a loss to know. Yet deep down and I mean really deep down, I somehow knew he was simply playing with me as if I were his sick play toy. I was disgusted with the thought so of course I would never willingly think about it. Furthering myself on that notion only weakened my hope to somehow come out of this Alive.

Stuck here in Forks, I knew this was where it would end.

See! There I go again thinking too much. Negativity gets me no where.

No, no, this isn't the end. I can still get out. I've done it before.

My mind ran away with itself sometimes. And right now, standing in front of this door, this feeble plank of wood that stood barrier between me and the unknown, the only thing that mattered was my drive. My will to carry on no matter what was trying to put me down. It's not as cliché and full of crap when you're actually in the situation. So I did what I needed to. I cleared my mind and saw only one fundamental objective in sight. My life. I had to keep thinking I would survive. After losing everything you'd think there was nothing left to live for. But I had to. I had to keep living for my parents. Charlie and Renee. They didn't deserve any of this. I would not let their deaths be for nothing. They tried to protect me after all.

It all came back to me in one of those flashing moments I tried so hard to block out.

Flashback
The sound of clinking silverware and the low murmur of the TV playing in the background epitomized our average family dinner. Charlie was usually the first to polish off his plate, while Renee and I tended to take our time to actually chew it rather than inhale. Staring intently at the baseball game on the TV, my father didn't seem to notice my mother jump up in excitement when the timer on the oven went off. Bless Renee for her relentless enthusiasm at trying to perfect her horrible baking skills. The woman could put together a mean spicy lasagna, but when it came to baking it was hopeless. Her baking wasn't hazardous. It was edible, most of the time…

"Now, I know it looks a little bit different than the picture on the box, but trust me, I followed the directions. Ta da!" My mother had prattled as she placed the supposed "cake" onto the center of the table. It was hard to guess what it resembled. Charlie and I just knew it hardly looked like what the box had promised.

"A little?" my father pressed with a slight grin breaking away from containment. I let out a giggle at his poor restraint. Renee's dessert reveal was always enough to distract Charlie away from the TV. We were passed being disappointed about the failure that was "Dessert" every night. Instead we simply laughed at her persistent attempts. And well, it was hard to not tease. It was a must after all of the crazy recipes she had presented to us in the past. Of course, proud Renee never let her lousy presentations or our lack of enthusiasm dim her hopes at one day baking something we'd feast on rather than throw away after dinner. Apart from knowing her messy schemes would never improve, we still managed to encourage her after every failed dish.

Laughing at my mother's poor attempt at serving bunt cake was almost enough to drown out the loud crash we heard coming from the front room.

"What the hell was that?" Charlie exclaimed as he stood up sharply knocking his chair to the floor. Faster than I've ever seen him, He ran into the kitchen and grabbed one of his many hidden guns that was under the sink. "Renee, get on phone. Bella stay here." He yelled back to us. Chief Charlie Swan had a wide variety of pistols stashed away in the house. It often made me uncomfortable to realize my house was fully loaded thanks to my gun collecting father. But I guess in this situation I should be rather grateful for all the weapons. My mother then grabbed my arm and tried pulling me back toward the kitchen. I had no idea what was going on, and I somehow knew tonight was unlike any other.

The pit of my stomach began to throb with an ache I had never known before. I could feel something stirring deep inside me. Some sort of urge to act upon. It was the strangest thing, yet all I could do was trust it.

So with that I ripped my arm free from my mother and ran to the front room. I heard her call my name but I wasn't listening. If only I had listened instead of racing toward a scene that would forever be imprinted in my head…

Blurs of red and cries of pain embodied what took place in front of me. Everything I focused in on was more horrific than the previous, from the shredded furniture to the struggling man facing an invincible force. My father's attempts were futile. I could see that. And yet I still couldn't hold back the shock that flooded my senses when the fight ended in mere seconds with a broken man heaped in the corner. With every part of me I mustered the strength to avert my eyes away from the lifeless body. And to my horror, my eyes landed on the most menacing yet most incredibly divine being I've ever seen. That face was something meant to be adored, to be worshiped. And yet, I was utterly terrified by those dreadful red eyes.

I was lost. I couldn't grasp what stood before me. Standing there motionless wasn't something I willingly did. I just couldn't move. I should have. Fingers gripped my wrist, tugging me back, away from this horrid sight. If anything mattered, surely my mother did. I began to move my feet backwards, fleeing from the butcher before me. I pushed my mother back, far away as possible, but she wouldn't let me. She held me to her in a motherly manner as we entered the kitchen, protecting me like a mother would. The crunching noise coming from beneath my feet brought me out of my senseless stupor. I looked down only to see the broken pieces of our phone. In my reckless attempt at aiding my father I had unintentionally caused my mother to drop the phone. No one was coming to help us.

My mother forcing me back…trying to block me from his view…

No. I had to stop reliving that night.

Dread consumes me when I think about the fading of their eyes. Mere lifeless orbs staring back at me fog my mind. Life used to emanate so easily out of them. And now they're gone. Just gone. I wiped my clammy forehead with the back of my hand before I reached for the door knob. I'll admit it, I was scared.

I was practically in the middle of nowhere, and had no idea how to get out of here. The rain only made my sense of direction worse. Where could I go? I immediately thought back south would be the smartest thing. But then what? Keep running for the rest of my life? Just thinking about the possibility that I would never fully be at peace boiled my blood. I was royally fucking pissed. My anxiety and fear switched gears to full forcing rage. No one had the right to chase me from where I wanted to be. I hated the fact that this red eyed being had so much power over me. I had no idea who he was or even what he was and that fucking sucked. I was ultimately helpless, we both knew that, yet I continued to fight against it. I would always fight against it as long as I was alive.

With that sense of conviction, I took in a huge breath as I swung the door open and sprinted to my car. I was drenched the moment I stepped under the rain. The icy water felt like daggers on my face as I pushed onward to my car. I got in and started it in a heartbeat. Within seconds I was on the main high way. The rain was relentless yet I pushed down further on the pedal. My heart pumped harder and harder as I continued to try and catch my breath. It felt like I was gonna cough up a lung, there was just not enough air. My shivering body didn't help my struggling breath. The shivers were pointless since I wasn't cold. I was too numb. When everything started to get blurry, I caught on that I was crying. Sobbing actually. The violent shakes rolled off my body too easily. I was dangerously emotional right now. I tried looking down at the speedometer with my blurry vision. Despite my current predicament I chuckled to myself thinking about the irony of the speed I was going.
All back when I was safe and happy in the haven that was Phoenix, I used to drive like a grandma. I obeyed traffic laws more than I obeyed my parents. Call me boring, but I just didn't like the fierce jolting feeling that made your grip on the steering wheel hurt your hands. I liked remaining in control at a slower pace.

But right now laws didn't matter. Escaping by any means necessary definitely mattered. And even though I didn't think too much of myself to begin with, I was hoping that maybe my life mattered too. Though driving down this winding road in the pouring rain at 90 mph wasn't exactly life preserving. I was a mess.

Why the fuck did I decide to reminisce at the worst possible moment?

Sobbing like a baby wasn't apart of any escape plan I knew. But they just kept coming. So I kept driving. Everything was obscured by darkness leaving me with the console as my only source of light. I couldn't make out anything for the darkness just hung there as the rain pelted on. With my eyes trained on the road I began to calm a bit. But just as I was gaining control over my breathing, He was there.

Standing there, oblivious to the buckets of water falling on him, in the middle of road.

Right then its as if everything stood still for a moment. Time didn't exist and I was able to grasp what was about to unfold.

There was a moment where I simply drifted away from myself. And then I was back, registering everything in my memory, all the way up to this exact moment.

I could remember a pulse. This distinct rhythmic pulse. The pulse of the car drowned out the anxiety rising in me as I pushed my foot farther down on the pedal.

The rain didn't matter. The slick road didn't matter. The speedometer wasn't even worth a second glance. Nothing mattered. Not even me. Because this was it. He was here, finally.

No more running from here on out. I didn't need to if I was dead.
Clearly I had options, yet here I was choosing the worst possible option. I was giving up. There isn't much I'm missing anyways. There's no avoiding it. Everything I worked for, all the pain I suffered these passed months, meaningless. I was throwing it away. No family to need me here. No friends to beg me to stay. It's like I didn't exist. I was only a part of the world of my hunter. My death was all that mattered, not my life.

He knew all too well that he had me right where he wanted me. I could see it play out in my head. My car would crumble against his brute form with me still inside. Processing the collision seemed to start time again. The brake was pointless. It was too late. And he was too extraordinary.

The impact wasn't something I felt, but something I was aware of. I just couldn't feel my body as it became contorted in unnatural positions. My body was beyond repair and I could tell.

I reveled in the numbing sensation that crashed over my body. I couldn't feel myself dying and I was grateful for that. Everything around me sort of zoned out in that moment. There was no sound and darkness was all I could see.

I can't see pain but through my past eyes a vision I don't want to see clearly suffocates me. It was all slowly slipping away, my life was seeping out, drifting farther and farther away from me. Nothing made sense and it was okay.

Because in the end, There is no concrete ending,

Just fading piano keys,

and guitar strings

sending you on your way.