Wordslinger's note- I don't have anything to say. Oh, except that my hand REALLY hurts from all this typing.
Mello's Mind
Hehehe, I stole that thing where the girls are always narrating on what's going on. Is it weird that I talk to people I don't even know? Who's reading this? How are they getting a hold of this information? And if I think 'man, that girl's knockers are big,' are they going to know? Because you know, I would NEVER do something like that. You pervert. I walked down the hallway. 'Walked' is a slightly incorrect term, what I did could be more accurately described as 'sliding.'
Since I didn't want to go to Professor Blackwell's class, and since I HAD to, I had Matt bring me there. In a totally straight way, I held on to the back of his pants and he pulled me all the way to his room. Now, I was expecting something big to happen, because there was a whole lot of little kids crowded around the door, but I never expected anything as big as what was about to happen.
When we had arrived at the door, I had to push my way through all the little kids, it was just a gigantic little-kid massacre. Little tweens were flying left and right, and I was bitten on the leg many many times, but I somehow managed to get through. Inside the room were the three official heads of the Wammy Orphanage; Watari, L, and Roger. They were talking very secretively to what looked to be like three other police officers. More cops were examining the room, snapping photographs and discussing among themselves. As me and Matt made our way towards L, Roger, and Watari, I had a feeling that I already knew what had happened. It all started with the simple thought of Where's Professor Blackwell?
"What's going on?" I asked as I joined the group. L and Roger looked at Watari anxiously, Watari closed his eyes and nodded.
"They're of the higher rank, they have a right to know," Watari said in his calm, raspy voice.
"The person known to you as Professor Blackwell was murdered last night," a blond policewoman informed us emotionlessly.
"That's terrible," I gave a little emotion to my voice. Yes, it was shocking and sad, but Professor Blackwell had almost no impact on my life. "Do you have any idea of who the perpetrator was?"
"Unfortunately at the time, no. I'm sorry to say that the outlook on the Wammy Orphanage situation isn't great. Unbeknownst to you, but this orphanage has the highest security protection that has been created, so the likelihood that it is a resident of the orphanage is very high," the policewoman stated.
"What were the conditions to his death?" Matt asked beside me. I could tell that he was very much intrigued.
"Although we have no autopsy to confirm it, the cause of death was most likely of asphyxiation due to an unidentified weapon. There was also blunt force trauma to the back of the head, but it's not likely to be fatal."
"And have you found the weapon that caused the trauma?" I demanded.
"We found a hair sample and blood that matches the victim on a nearby coffee mug that belonged to the vic." The slightly smaller policeman explained to us. I was glad he used technical terms and none of the baby-language crap.
"Any trace evidence?" I asked. I could tell that Roger was getting annoyed with our presence, and was probably waiting for an opportunity to shoo us away.
"Just a few hairs and a partial print on the coffee cup. Whoever did this wasn't perfect, but they were close," the policeman answered. I decided that I liked this policeman, because he wasn't telling us to get out of there, or even treating us like kids.
"Thank you, officer. You have been a great help to this investigation," L spoke. Upon the policeman looking very clueless L then spoke as if he was trying to explain quantum physics to a bunch of six-year olds. "Obviously if this were any other crime, the Orphanage would have been involved with the investigation. Since the Orphanage is directly involved with the crime, we believe that we should conduct our own investigation and the police will simply arrest the culprit we come up with and use the evidence that we gather in court."
The cops looked shocked and appalled, it was as if we had just insulted them.
"Young sir, you realize that you are interfering with the investigation and that we now have every right to arrest you," the policewoman blurted out.
"I'm sure that after a long talk between Watari and the Head of the Police will find that the resolution will be in our favor," L stated as he appeared to be fascinated in something else. He looked over at Watari who in turn, nodded.
The policemen and woman that were talking to us called over someone who appeared to be in charge. As the policewoman argued with him, we read their expressions and knew that we had won. After about a minute and a half of arguing, the man in charge rounded up all of his force and directed them to leave. All of the cops immediately dropped what they were doing and just left the room. It became quite as the room became empty.
"Are we really going to find the criminal all by ourselves? Without the force and information of the police?" Matt asked when nobody said anything.
"Of course," L said as if it was nothing new. Knowing l, he's probably done this a million times. "We have better technology and information than the police also, our attendants are much more capable than the police. We should have the murderer in no time."
"And if the criminal turns out to be one of us? What if they flee before we get the chance to capture them?" Roger asked stupidly.
"If the culprit escapes or leaves the town before we can get to them, then it's much easier to prove their guilt," L answered. "Until then, we shall arrange it so nobody is allowed to leave the grounds, and none of the villagers are allowed to leave the village."
"Well, I think I'll go organize the troops and prep them for examining the scene," I said quickly before Roger could ask anymore dumb questions. I grabbed Matt by his precious hair and fled the scene. After I pulled him out of the door, the mob of kiddies attacked us. I cleared my throat for the yelling that was about to procede.
"Hey Tykes! You are all about to embark on your first examination of the scene of the crime. I need you all to go wash your hands, pin up your grubby little hair, put on some gloves and bring all the stupid little gadgets you have for data. GO!" Almost instantly, the group of kids disbanded, leaving behind Fran, Joan, Lena, Near, and BB. They had been so lost inside of the crowd that I hadn't even seen them.
"Oh hey guys, how's it going?" I asked happily. Even though Old Blackwell was murdered, I was in a pleasant mood, just perfect for a murder case.
"Oh nothing much, we just heard that Professor Blackwell was murdered. But other than that, not much has happened today," Joan answered in a casual manner. "OH! SWEET JEHEEBAS! I forgot all about the new kids!" and she took off running. We all ran after her and eventually ran to the room next to hers.
We all crashed through inside to see two very shocked looking girls. One was older and roughly a little younger than me, she looked Indian with her dark wavy black hair and tan complexion. Ew gosh, I just said 'complexion' that is SO unmanly. Hang on, I am going to scratch my butt to prove my manliness. I scratched my butt. There, now that you know that I am a loud, sexist, hairy man we can get back to describing the new girls.
The other girl looked like Marilyn Monroe. Or at least a younger version of her, much younger. She was in about her midteens and had incredibly curly platinum blonde hair. From the look on her face I could tell that she was quite sure of herself. I have a hidden talent like that.
"Hi! I'm Joan, and these are the greatest people in this orphanage!" she said in her Barbie voice. She even tossed her hair to the side as she smiled, I just wanted to gag. To restrain myself, I made farting noises as she said this. The older girl giggled at this. I'm pretty good at this whole welcoming-party thing.
"What are your names?" Joan asked after hitting me upside the head for the farting noises. The two girls looked at each other nervously as if they were telepathically communicating. Then the younger one answered first.
"I would like to be called 'Fern,' and my sister would prefer to be called 'Iris.' We would prefer not disclose our true names seeing as how you guys don't," she had a very self-confident voice to match her attitude.
"How do you know our names are fake? The only person who introduced themselves was Joan! And her name doesn't even sound stupid unreal," I sounded a little stupid with my voice.
"As you were running over here, we heard you yell (ahem) 'Hey Lena, your butt looks pretty good when it's running away from me!' Then the person whom we can deduce was Lena, yelled 'eat my shorts, Mello!'" I started grinning as I started liking her more and more. It is going to be so much fun pranking on this chick, she is in way over her head.
"You forgot the part where I said 'I'd be glad to eat your shorts off'" I grinned and 'Iris' giggled again. This time I took it further and winked at her, I was so happy I was about to piss myself.
"Actually, L told us all about you guys while he was giving us a tour of the Orphanage. Then he rushed us into this room when we discovered the cadaver," 'Iris' explained. You know, I'm too tired of putting her name in quotes so let's just call her Iris.
"I see, so where does this put us?" Matt asked.
"I don't think they care!" I whisper/yelled behind my hand.
"It's true, we really don't care, you can either join us or just continue with your ordinary life," Fern said.
"Well 'Fern,' (I made little air quotes when I said her name) you are proposed with the following situations; Join us, or get lost in the sea of little kids. Here, I'll give you a demonstration, Fran please go next door and bring in a little kid," I instructed Fran and she left the room. A few seconds later, Fran returned with a snarling little toddler under her arm, he appeared to be rabid.
"This," I waved to the creature that was now drooling on Near's arm. "Is your future, gaining diseases and learning a new bizarre language that only other toddlers can understand. What do you say?" Fern was about to answer for both of them, but then I saw something just horrible. "Near, what the HELL did it just do to you?"
I saw the little beastie standing next to Near, who's pants were down revealing his boxers. Near got pants'd by the little kid. After pushing away the little monster, Near pulled his pants back on, and then there was an unfamiliar giggle that danced across the room. The giggling turned into a roar of laughter, and I turned to see Fern rolling on the bed laughing, her 'sister' looked embarrassed by the uncontrollable laughter her sister was exhibiting. What do you know, Fern's got a funny side. She might be useful on pranking other people. I started hatching elaborate plans in which Fern would be glad to help with, and when I thought up one with Professor Blackwell, I remembered about his untimely end. I cleared my throat to get everyone's attention, but Fern continued to laugh.
"Iris, please collect your sister and bring her along with us, we have a crime scene to inspect. As you may have realized, the professor was murdered sometime last night and right now, the Orphanage is in charge of the investigation. Shake a leg people," I called to the two sisters as we exited the room without them.
As we walked down the hallway, not waiting for them to catch up with us, I thought about the new girls. I probably SHOULD have been thinking about the professor's murderer, but hey, I'm a teenager.
"Hey, Joan, what do you know about Fern and Iris?" Matt asked.
"I don't know anything! Of course L didn't tell me anything, why would you guess anything like that?" she nervously asked.
"Joan, if you don't tell us about them, then I'm taking all those clothes that you don't want anybody to see and hanging them all over the cafeteria," Fran threatened her.
"Fran, I KNOW you aren't talking about those pieces of clothes. Because if you were, then I would have to warn you that I will expose your little collection of Beanie Babies, or better yet, I'll give them to the little gremlins!" Joan growled back.
"Joan, lay off on Fran. She was just kidding, you don't have to go and jeopardize her stuffed animals," Lena mediated.
"I was NOT kidding, I really will take her undergarments and toss them in the cafeteria! Stay out of this Lena," Fran warned.
"Yah, stay out of this Lena, unless you want your iPod to go back to Barbie Girl!" Joan got all up in Lena's face when she said this.
"That was you? You Asshole!" Lena screamed as she started to run towards their room. Fran and Joan started to yell at each other. I leaned over to Matt,"
"Do you think we should stop them?" I whispered.
"In just a second, I want to see Joan's underwear" he whispered back. I snickered and waited until Lena returned with a handful of lingerie and a few Beanie Babies in the other hand. Then before the other girls could see what she had, I got in between them to stop them from yelling at each other.
"Ladies, ladies, can we put away the claws?" I asked. Then Lena caught sight of us and started running silently down another hall. Joan and Fran forgave each other and we started to continue down the hallway towards the classroom. In apology, Joan told us what she knew about the new girls.
"L wouldn't tell me their real names, so the most I can tell you is that Iris is seventeen and Fern is fourteen. They came from The United States, and of course, that they are not actually related. Other than that, he didn't tell me much, so you can stop hating me now," Joan explained to us.
"You know, we really should get back to the classroom. I think we are in charge of directing the children around," Near suggested.
"Yah, you guys go ahead, I've got something to do," I told them as I headed in the direction Lena went. I wanted to see what she was up to. As I left the others, I immediately headed for the cafeteria. Lena is smart, but she's not creative when she's mad like this. She's probably at the cafeteria.
Sure enough, Lena was in the cafeteria, flinging lacy underwear all about the cafeteria, and there were Beanie Babies sitting at the table as if they were having a tea party. I silently snuck behind her as she was trying to hang a particularly sexy bikini on the light fixture above. I crept behind her and covered her eyes.
"If Joan and Fran have secret items, then what about you?" I disguised my voice. "What secret things do YOU ha-" I didn't get to finish. She grabbed my arms and pulled me over her and slammed me down. My head was killing me as I looked up to see her laughing at me from above.
"Don't ever attack me from the back, and for your information, I don't have anything embarrassing," as she said this she flung down the bikini she was fixing onto the light fixture onto my face. I was way to dizzy and nauseous to throw back, so I just groaned and wiped it off my face. Lena sat down on the table next to where I was lying in pain.
"So, what's up?" she finally asked.
"I think I just had a concussion. And if you think I'M in pain, wait until Fran and Joan see this, they are going to kill you," I warned her.
"Yah, I have to say I'm a little afraid of that, but I think if I skip town for a little bit, it might calm down and stuff," she laughed at her own joke. This Lena is so different, she's almost…pleasant! It's freaking me out, that's for sure.
"If you skip town, it'll make you look suspicious and the will probably arrest you for murdering the professor," I advised her.
"Oh, speaking of that, are we REALLY going to conduct his murder investigation? Shouldn't the police handle that, and aren't you the least bit sad?"
"Sure, it's bad news and it would probably be better if he wasn't dead, but I'm not too distressed about it. In fact, it's more of an advantage for attending this school, that way I can get better experience in criminal activity."
"This place is SO weird," Lena muttered under her breath. I threw the underwear at her head.
"You know, I think it would be even better if we put the panties ON the Beanie Babies, don't you think that would make them angry and laugh at the same time?" I thought out loud. Lena started grinning madly, and I knew my idea was a hit. So we gave the Beanie Babies cups of tea, and then dressed them. It was by far one of the stupidest pranks ever, but I was really enjoying it.
After we had successfully decorated the cafeteria, I figured that it would be best if Lena was not in the building when Fran and Joan discovered their worst secrets. So we quickly ducked into the crime scene, explained that Lena and I were going into town to question people, and raced out of the building. It was near dinner time and it wouldn't be long until people took a break from finding evidence to going and eating dinner.
"So what are we really going to do for at least two hours?" Lena asked as she shivered.
"You really should wear warmer close and stuff, we're in England, not Majorca. And I think I'll just give you a tour of town or something. Hey, you haven't picked out your candy, right? Perfect, that will give us something to do," I said quickly as I pulled her along the street.
I brought her to the candy shoppe, whoever had decided to build one here was a business genius. The Orphanage practically lives on sugar, every single little kid has their own individual favorite candy.
"Okay, you know how the Wammy house is filled with crack-heads? Well this is basically where we gte our drugs. What's your favorite candy?" I asked as I brought her, the little bells tinkled as we opened the door. A flood of warm air with the smell of chocolate came crashing against us, it was like begin thrust into heaven.
Lena looked like she herself had just taken in opium through her blood stream.
"This place is heavenly. Whoever lives here must be God," she rambled. I thought she was about to start drooling, she looked comatose.
"Isn't it? I would do anything to live here, even marry the owner, except she's already hitched. Now, let's pick out your favorite candy, whatever you pick out with be your signature candy, you will dream about, you will eat it almost every day, and when you don't, you will walk miles to get some," I said as the shop keeper came out from the back.
"He's only exaggerating, take your time," Emily the owner said. Emily was a good friend of mine, she always made sure that my chocolate bars were in stock, and she was easy to talk to.
"Hey Em, don't give the new girl any foolish lines, this candy will decide her future," I greeted her. Emily rolled her eyes and beamed at Lena.
"Do you have any fudge?" Lena asked.
"Yes, and we have many flavors too. Is fudge your favorite? I took me forever to learn how to master cooking it," Emily laughed.
"Yah, my neighbor's mother used to always make it for us whenever we visited, my mother tried to make some of her own, but it just wasn't great," Lena smiled. She came over to me and tugged my sleeve, then she whispered into my ear. "I think I'm going to go with fudge."
"Hey Ems, Lena wants to look at the many flavors of fudge that you have. Also, can I buy a few bars before I go?" I called to her. Emily showed her to a case where there were bricks of many different colors of fudge, I could almost see Lena's eyes light up. While Emily went to the back to get me a package of Belgium chocolate bars, I studied Lena. The first thing I noticed was her posture, for being very short, she held herself up very high and delicately. She's a dancer! I'd bet anything that she dances! Then I noted the way she let her hair fall out of place when turning her head to look at some more fudge. From my past experience, this meant that she was either very tolerant of annoying things (which I KNOW is not true) or she knew that I was watching her. I made a face at her, and saw the corner of her mouth twitch.
"How did you know?" she asked, while still looking at the showcase.
"Your hair, it's following out of your hood and poofing. It's one of the most annoying feelings, but you didn't correct that, that means you were too busy focusing on something else. Now have you made your decision?" I asked.
"I think so," she said as Emily returned holding my chocolate. "I would like two blocks of the chocolate fudge, please," she ordered. Emily got out her fudge and wrapped it up in a candy-caned striped paper and brought everything over to the antique register.
"That will be eight pounds and fifty pence," she told me and I paid for everything. "Thank you!" she called as we exited the shop.
"Thanks for paying for the candy," Lena muttered shyly.
"Ha! Don't thank me, next time you're paying," I told her. I noticed that she was shivering even more, this made me feel slightly bad.
"Stop shivering like that, it may make me do something kind and caring, like give you my coat."
"Oh I would NEVER do something like that, it would be like asking you to commit suicide," she teased. I still ended up giving her my jacket, but warned her not to tell anyone or I might tell them that she robbed me.
When we made it back to the orphanage, it was around 10 o'clock, but Joan, Fran, Matt, BB, and Near were waiting for us at the front doors. "I don't think you're going to make it through the night," I whispered to Lena as we approached them.
"We've been expecting you," Fran and Joan told us when we reached them. Quicker than I could warn Lena, Fran snuck up behind Lena and Chloroformed her. I thought they weren't going to do anything to me, but then all of a sudden, Matt got me too.
I woke up the next day in my room, quickly I ran to the mirror to see if my hair was different, but out of mercy, they had left it alone. It wasn;t until I opened up my drawers that I realized they had hit me where it had hurt, all my chocolate was gone, and all of my leather clothes were replaced with pink sweaters and loose-fitting clothes that I knew would not be held up even with a belt. I wondered the terrible revenge they had placed on Lena and shuddered. I quickly ran to their room to make sure she was still alive. What I saw was even worse, her hair was a mixture of silver and purple.