Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

Summary: "Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

Thank you all for your reviews, I always appreciate them, every last one. Even the honest ones, haha. I agree, that text that Naomi sent was a little stupid rather, I'm not sure what else to say on the matter. It's difficult to fix it now that it's done and this chapter will probably make that text message just as stupid. So let's forget about the text and move on, lol.

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Ten Feet Under

Chapter Five

Every once in a while Emily would have Sunday lunch with her parents, Katie and James. It was a formality that she barely cared for and usually tried to avoid at all costs. It was near enough impossible to say no to her parents, who were desperate to see their grandchildren. The only positive was that Bobbie sometimes worked on Sunday's and usually made a effort to do so when Sunday lunch at the Fitch's was organised.

"How are things with Bobbie?" Jenna asked, the rest of the family awaiting her reply just as keenly.

The answer to the question was a complicated one. Emily could have informed them about her mistake with Naomi, could have told them that she was confused and that she might have been lying to herself for ten years. But instead she just shook her head.

"Fine. Sorry he couldn't make it, he had to work."

"He's always working," Rob noted, taking a bite of the food. "Fantastic meal love."

"Yeah it's fucking amazing mum," Katie added, slurring her words slightly.

There was a usual routine that never seemed to change. It was a dead end and Emily wondered if the rest of her family noticed it. They'd arrive early to share a couple of drinks and by the time they were at the table Katie would be noticeably off her face. Sometimes Emily suspected her dearest sister had smoked a crafty spliff before arriving, which made her feel a little better about her inability to join in family time.

"Who you fucking this week K?" James asked, provoking a response from the parents.

"Don't be so vile," Jenna reprimanded.

"I'd rather not have the visual of my daughter, doing that," Rob muttered, rubbing his temples with a pained look.

The day wasn't too dark for Emily, but she recognised that it wasn't a good day either. Sometimes she was just stuck in a limbo where life was life and things neither excited nor worried her.

"Do you have to swear in front of the kids?" Emily muttered, pushing her food around her plate with little enthusiasm.

Once the meal was over Katie and James got into an argument as usual, a discussion about the treatment of women was usually the cause when James talked about his latest squeeze. Emily found it pretty ironic since Katie treated men as badly as their darling baby brother treated women. The kids were happy playing together with their grandparents. Emily watched her siblings for a few minutes before escaping to her old bedroom. She lay back against her bed trying to ignore all the thoughts in her head when her phone buzzed.

'Emily, I know what we did was wrong. I'm sorry for the message after, I know it was wrong. But I can't stop thinking about you. Call me, N x.'

There were a number of times since the night with Naomi where Emily wanted to call her, wanted to tell her about her desire to run away with her, escaping her shadow of a life. But she didn't have the energy or the courage to take a step like that, to change her life so easily, even though it was all she could think about. Emily glanced around her old bedroom, puzzled by how much it hadn't changed since she'd left it for university. She climbed off the bed and knelt beside it where she found the box she'd hidden from her family for years, except James who always seemed to find it wherever she tried to hide it.

"Such a long time ago," she whispered, rubbing a hand over the wooden lid and pulling at the lock.

It was easy to remember the code, after all this time it was still planted firmly in her brain. She opened the box and looked carefully at the photographs and magazines from her teenage years. A number of the photos were of a girl she recognised, but couldn't remember. They were of her. The happy her who had accepted that she was gay. For a moment she wondered if the person she had become could get away with being known as Emily Fitch because they were too dissimilar. She tipped the rest of the box out onto her bed and reached down to pick up an old packet of cigarettes she'd long since forgotten about. Everything else fit back into the box nicely and she returned it to it's rightful place, with her former self, before lighting up a cigarette and sitting on Katie's bed so she could smoke out of the window.

"Fuck," she groaned, breathing in the tobacco slowly, letting the legal drug travel through her body and relax her mood.

At college she didn't smoke. She didn't even know why she had kept a packet of cigarettes, except for maybe turning them into spliffs. But for the first time she felt reliant on the smoke travelling through her to settle what was left of her nerves. Katie and James were still arguing downstairs and she could hear her dad shouting at Lucas for something he'd done. In any other world her family would be a dysfunctional family, in her world, they were a curse. She'd not smoked a spliff in almost ten years, but as she sucked in the smoke, she found herself wishing that the cigarette was filled with more than just tobacco.

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Monday morning. The start of a new week, but with as little possibility as the ones before. Monday's and Friday's were usually the worst days. She hated the thought of returning to work and she hated the thought of a weekend at home. The car park roof was windier than usual, rain was pouring down, soaking Emily's clothes. She didn't care. For once she was thoughtless, all of the things that usually travelled through her head had taken a holiday and given her a break from the constant droning.

"Hello?" Emily whispered into her phone after retrieving the vibrating object from her pocket.

"Emily, it's Naomi."

"Oh."

"I need to see you, I need to speak to you," Naomi's voice was quiet and broken.

There were a million reasons not to meet Naomi, not to go back to a place where her head wasn't in control. She'd made a mistake and regretted it every waking hour, but the thought of not seeing Naomi again hurt just as much.

"Thank you for seeing me," Naomi greeted, her face anguished and red.

Emily shrugged, "I can't stay for long. I'm late for work."

"I know this is complicated," Naomi admitted, stirring a cup of coffee that had lost it's heat long ago. "I feel so bad for putting you in this situation with your husband."

It was complicated and though Emily wished to tell her she understood, she knew that Naomi couldn't say the same. Their lives were very different to the one's they'd led in college. Naomi had walked away from their relationship then and Emily had moved forward, realised that she needed to be with someone who wasn't a woman; who wasn't Naomi.

"I don't want to be here, I shouldn't be here," Naomi sighed, something catching in her throat. "I really thought I was over this, over you."

"You don't even know me," Emily informed her, knowing she was telling it to herself just as much as Naomi.

"I know, which is why this whole thing is so much more confusing. You're like a stranger and not just because of the years, I don't even recognise the girl I used to know."

There were things Emily was supposed to say, words that a wife and mother should tell someone who seemed to want to break up the family, that it was wrong, that it shouldn't and can't happen. The words, however, got lodged in her throat the moment she tried to speak them.

"I know that something is there, something's always been there," Naomi admitted.

Emily forced herself to speak the words she didn't even know were true, "Not for me."

"I'm not asking you to want me Emily," Naomi assured her. "I just needed to tell you that I can't do this as much you can't."

"And we had to meet to discuss this?" Emily questioned, letting her eyes roll upwards.

Naomi wasn't looking at her anymore, wasn't even there in the room, listening to the conversation. She looked like she'd barely slept, her face so twisted with something she thought looked like resentment and fear.

"I needed a friend," the blonde admitted.

"We stopped being friends a long time ago Naomi," Emily stated, wondering where exactly that had happened when they'd just stopped spending time together. There was no definite end.

"My girlfriend is sick, she has been for a while," Naomi continued, her eyes now glistening with tears. It was like she didn't seem to care that Emily didn't want to be there and forced her to listen. "She had a cancer a few years ago, I was there for her and we got through it, together. She goes for tests every so often and her latest ones weren't good. I have to be there for her."

The flood of tears appearing in front of her made Emily feel uncomfortable. Tears scared her and not because she didn't feel like crying every single day, but she'd stopped herself so many times that it felt wrong for anyone to let them fall. Every instinct was telling her to touch Naomi's hand, to reach out and comfort her in the way that she so obviously needed. Instead she sat back and watched.

"Are you okay?"

"No," Naomi sobbed louder.

"They're pretty good with cancer these days I hear," Emily muttered, trying hard to maintain herself.

"I'm not crying because she's sick," Naomi sighed, "I'm crying because right now she's at the hospital having tests done and I'm here with you."

Emily interrupted before Naomi could finish, "I'm sure you'll be there when you need to be."

"No, I'm here with you and all I can think about is being with you Emily, touching your face, kissing your lips. She's fucking sick and all I can think about is cheating on her."

It was like a light switched on and everything Naomi was saying was changing Emily's reaction, forcing her to move from her seat, to wrap her arms around the blonde's body. She knew that it was the worst thing she could ever do. Naomi was vulnerable, upset and broken and within seconds Emily's fingers were sliding through her hair, holding her so close she could almost taste the tears that were still falling. There were many directions that she could go down; some were right and some were so, so wrong. But there were two people in control and though Emily tried to tell herself it was wrong to do it, Naomi's lips touched hers and they were kissing again; tongues massaging each other in their mouths.

"We can't do this," Emily sighed. "I'm not gay."

The call fell on deaf ears. Naomi's tears were running dry and Emily couldn't quite understand why. But they were walking out of the café, running down the street with such haste that she couldn't even find time to think. Another hotel room, another bed, another mistake that felt so wrong, but again was slowly rebuilding Emily's heart in a way she didn't think it ever would.

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I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews please?!