Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

Summary: "Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

Thank you guys for your reviews and to anyone who may have recently started ready, it's so nice to have people read my stories and I hope you all understand how nice it is to hear from you all!

*

*

*

Ten Feet Under

Chapter Six

Once a year on Bobbie's birthday they went out for a meal. He always complained, said he wanted his wife to cook for him and have the children stay at their grandparents. Emily instead insisted on paying for a meal. She didn't have much money; though Bobbie's job paid quite well, he usually took care of the bills. The amount of sick days Emily took it was a surprise she hadn't been sacked, let alone made any money.

"Happy birthday," Emily smiled, her fake smile plastered across her face.

There was a grin he used every year as they raised their glasses to his birthday, a grin that said he wanted sex. Most of the time she could keep him away, not shower for a couple of days to ward him off or put onions and garlic in the dinner to ensure their breath's stunk, sometimes even contemplated brushing her teeth with garlic butter just to avoid the unthinkable. On his birthday, she couldn't say no. She couldn't push him away and even if she did stink of garlic he'd have made himself so drunk that it wouldn't have mattered either way.

"They asleep?" he asked when Emily entered the kitchen.

As usual it was up to Emily to put the children to bed. The four pints Bobbie had at the restaurant weren't enough, he was chugging down another couple of pints, not caring that he was growing drunker by the second. There was a split second where Emily watched her husband, really saw him. She wondered if he was happy in their life, happy that he got to have sex once a month if he was lucky, twice in one week if it was a good one. The fact he had to drink until inebriation made her wonder if his happiness was as much of a front as hers and if he actually loved her enough to be able to have sex with her unaided.

"I love you."

Bobbie's words were small, passionate. He wasn't sitting anymore, Emily hadn't even noticed him move from his seat until she could feel his breath against her cheek. The rough, chubby fingers of her husband were resting on the side's of her, sliding her mouth closer as he breathed against her lips. Alcohol and tobacco, the disgusting mix of smells evaporating against her senses until she felt sickness in the pit of her stomach. She'd had sex with someone else. It was different now. Everything was different.

"Mmm," she tried to reply, the words she'd practiced so many times unable to fall from her lips.

They had always been a lie, she'd never loved him, not really. Why was it so hard to say them now? She couldn't understand why it was so difficult to use a phrase that had lost all meaning. The smell turned to taste, lips colliding in a one sided passion.

"Wait," Emily tried to push him away.

There was never any waiting with Bobbie, once she let him kiss her that was it, no going back. He kissed her again, gentle, soft kisses running up and down her neck. In any other world it would have been romantic, sexy. They were moving through the house, he was guiding her towards the bedroom, pushing her down against the bed until he was lay on top of her. The kisses moved to her collar bone, sending a shockwave down her spine. But it wasn't his touch that did it.

"Naomi," Emily mumbled, silencing herself with a quick, sharp bite of the lip. She drew blood, she could taste it in her mouth. She'd slipped up. Thankfully Bobbie didn't hear, didn't seem to pay attention to what she was saying.

The repeated kisses against her collarbone reminded her of Naomi's touch, the soft female kisses running along from her shoulder to her vocal cords. Two hands, ten fingers were running under her top, sliding up her waist, her hips until they were resting gently on her breasts. The material of her bra being tugged away quite roughly. The fingers were rough, but the more Emily thought about it, the harder it was to ignore the fantasy running through her brain. Naomi's fingers, Naomi's lips retracing the same steps.

"Emily, Emily," Bobbie screamed out, rocking back and forth against her, pushing himself closer to oblivion as she dreamt of Naomi's lips exploring the same place her husband was annihilating with rough, hard passion. Her body exploded in an orgasm, her first with her husband, her first since the only time she'd had sex with Naomi as a teenager.

The room grew silent. Bobbie's smelly, masculine body sliding off her and landed with a thump on the mattress beside her. He was warn out, was usually warn out after just one lot, was almost asleep within seconds as his breathing became steady.

*

Cold water. It was a punishment, the cold, harsh spray of the shower hitting her skin. Emily had hoped for a hot shower to wash away the dirt she felt on her body. It wasn't Bobbie's kisses, or the juices he'd left between her legs, it was the distinct smell and feel of Naomi's fingers having taken over from her husband's. It should have been wrong, it shouldn't have been the thing to give her ultimate pleasure, but it did.

If she could have cried, she would have done. The stream of water confused her, made her believe that maybe she was crying under the shower's blasts. It was impossible. Tears hadn't fallen from her eyes in far too long. She didn't cry anymore, couldn't cry even if she tried to. Everything was so confusing. She hadn't felt such confusion for a decade, hadn't even thought about anything that wasn't her sorry excuse for a life, for the past ten years.

There were a number of times when Emily's sexuality was confusing. There'd be a person on the street who had blonde hair, or a weird fashion sense and she'd feel weird about her life. But the thought of it was too much and she'd end up on the car park, her ability to control her feelings even more diminished. Until she had processed the thought and logically locked it in a crevice in her mind, away from the part of her brain that admitted truths.

Now the thoughts were illogically trying to process themselves in her brain, forcing themselves to find a place that was right. But there was no longer a box for homosexual feelings, no longer a place for them to live. The little crevice of her brain was overflowing and for once there were thoughts in her head she'd tried to deny were there. It was harder to house them than she'd ever thought it would be, harder to acknowledge their existence. Her heart was supposed to be the one overflowing; family, friends and Naomi, all seemed to care. But her head was the thing that was exploding, growing too big for the small space it was in.

*

The last thing that was supposed to happen was seeing Naomi again, being in the same small space as the girl that made Emily feel like her head was about to blow off. But it happened. The blonde had requested they'd meet and though it seemed strange to suggest it, Emily had asked her to meet her on the top floor of the car park. It was like a second home, a place she felt comfortable, where she knew it was her territory and not Naomi's.

"Nice place," Naomi chuckled, looking out across the city streets.

Emily shrugged, "It's quiet."

It was always quiet. So quiet that nobody knew she'd been stood there for the last hour staring down at the newly placed footpath below. It was a difficult day. Made harder by Naomi's need for her to see her. The car park was deserted, only two cars sat in the centre, barely parked at odd angles; car doors still open.

"We need to talk about us Emily," Naomi whispered, her pale fingers clutching the barrier between the car park and the space between buildings.

There was something powerful about being stood in the place Emily wanted to commit suicide in, something powerful about having Naomi stood beside her in the exact same spot, but having no idea what could happen, or what nearly did so many times.

"There's nothing to discuss," Emily assured her.

In her mind there wasn't. Everything that could possibly need discussing had been analysed in her head, brushed aside quickly and forced into the tiny spaces left inside of her brain. It was like spring cleaning, a brief shower had given her time to organise it all; to put everything into boxes even though each box was now labelled 'needs sorting' rather than being carefully organised.

"I can't do this anymore Emily," Naomi continued. "I can't ignore what I'm feeling."

"And what are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"I'm feeling like I'm living a lie, cheating on the only person who needs me right now. But I can't stop."

"You can do anything you want to," Emily sighed, her fingers digging into the wall until her fingers were growing painfully white.

"I want to kiss you right now."

She didn't know why she did it, didn't know what had happened that had caused her body to take control. The fingers that were recently digging into the hard wall were now digging into Naomi's cheeks, their lips colliding in a kiss so rough that Emily wondered if she'd hurt the girl she'd once loved.

"Don't," Naomi snapped, pulling back. "She wants me to marry her, my girlfriend; says it'd make her happy and I want to make her happy."

The revelation knocked her for six, made her feel shaky though the kiss with Naomi had already sent her body into uncontrollable shakes. Emily couldn't quite grasp what Naomi was saying, knew it was something she should really think about and understand, but she didn't seem to be able to.

"You're getting married?"

"I don't know," Naomi admitted. "This thing with us, I don't know what is happening Emily but I need to know if it's ever going to go anywhere. If there's a chance, if you are thinking about leaving your husband then I will break up with her."

"For me?"

Naomi rolled her eyes, "No, for me. I love her but I realise now I'm with her because I feel I have to be. We've been through so much and she relies on me."

Despite not being able to grasp an understanding of what was going on with her thoughts, Emily knew that Naomi was giving her a choice. A choice between being with her, being a lesbian and being straight. She'd been there before, been scrutinised for making the decision she thought was right when all along she made the wrong one. She was being given a second chance, the opportunity to revoke her past mistakes and bring herself happiness. The only problem was that things had changed. She had children for a start. They were innocent in everything, even Bobbie, he didn't know, it wasn't his fault.

"I can't leave him," Emily told her. "I can't just drop everything because you ask, I have children."

"They'll understand," Naomi tried. "You're not happy, even I can see that."

"I am," she snapped, felt the need to defend her life, regardless of how bad it really was. "I can't do it Naomi, I just can't."

A choice meant one or the other, not both. It was a strange thing to let happen, but Emily again reached out and pulled Naomi in for a kiss, felt the blonde's tongue react and massage her own in response. If Naomi didn't pull away, Emily suspected they would have had sex, again; made a mistake, again.

The deep blue eyes were staring at her with regret and sorrow, "You're a fucking joke Emily."

It was true.

"There's no future with you is there?"

Emily shook her head.

"What is the fucking point?" Naomi snapped, shaking her head and backing away.

Emily didn't move until she could hear Naomi's car engine begin to grow louder. She turned, her fingers still clutching the barrier, clinging on with comfort like a child with a teddy bear. She caught Naomi's eye, their vision locked together. The blonde pressed down on the accelerator and was turning the wheel, slowly moving away from her. With a final glance Emily stared at Naomi and whispered one final thing.

"I'm sorry."

*

*

*

This story isn't very long, is actually working towards it's end, only got another few chapters left. Please review!