Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, but Christmas is less than 3 months away... *nudge nudge*wink wink*

Summary: "Know you didn't bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down, Barely surviving has become my purpose, Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." (Lyrics by Blyss/Lifehouse - Storm)

So the thought of leaving this any longer when it's been written for over 12 hours, I just had to post it now. Thank you everyone for your reviews throughout this story. This has got to have been the hardest, riskiest story I've written. It's been a challenge and it's been a tough one. This is the final chapter.

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes which may be distressing, I apologise.

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Ten Feet Under

Chapter Nine

The hospital corridor was near enough deserted until several people appeared, were almost running down it with shock and confused faces. Emily stood up, watched as Bobbie moved away from the group, he stopped. It was like a showdown, she expected music and for Bobbie to reach into his pocket and pull out a gun like the old western films.

"What happened?" he questioned, the moment they reached her, his arms moving around her to provide little comfort.

"The car," she stuttered, "It, I was and it, I was outside trying to and they think Lucas pressed the handbrake."

"Calm down," Bobbie smiled, rubbing her shaking arms.

She didn't deserve his comforting touch, didn't deserve the concerned looks from her parents and sister. It was only a matter of time before Katie would tell them about Naomi, or Emily herself would find the courage to tell them what she was doing outside the registry office.

"Is Lucas okay?"

Emily nodded. She couldn't believe her daughter was safe, not a scratch on her, the small child now sleeping in her pram at the side of the corridor. Lucas hadn't been so lucky; he'd cracked his head on the steering wheel, possible internal injuries. They hadn't let her see him.

"Mr and Mrs Coleman?" a female doctor announced, a sad and concerning look on her face.

"How is he?" Bobbie asked, taking over the role that Emily knew should have been second nature, but had never been quite so embedded.

"Your son is very lucky, he's got a mild concussion but mostly it's a case of cuts and bruises. We'll keep him in overnight, but he should be able to go home tomorrow."

"Thank you," Bobbie grinned, "Can we see him?"

They were led into a small room, the doctor insisted on just the two of them, but when she'd left Jenna, Rob and Katie joined them. The room was filled with family, a family who cared about the car accident involving her son, a family who didn't notice the fact that Emily was permanently on the edge. It felt upside-down, she wished they'd care enough about her for just one moment. Wished they'd notice that whilst her son was lay in a hospital bed, she was breaking inside into a million pieces, beyond repair.

"Mummy?" her little boy gasped, waking up from a slumber, his eyes wide with shock and confusion. Emily moved to her son, brushed his hair from his bruised head. He'd called for her first. She didn't deserve that, had never been a good enough mother to deserve to be the first person he thought about.

"I'm so sorry," she cried out, her voice cracking with the onset of tears. As usual she pushed them away, kept them underneath the surface.

"How could you be so irresponsible?" Jenna finally asked, her pursed lips looking like she'd been holding back longer than she wanted.

"It was an accident," Bobbie assured her. "Just a horrible accident."

"In which my daughter left her children alone in the car," Jenna snapped, her eyes turning to slits as she glared at Emily.

An argument was the last thing Emily wanted. She deserved everything they were throwing at her, but she didn't want to deal with it now, wanting to delay it until her son wasn't in the room.

"She was just talking to the blonde woman," Lucas inputted, a small smile to Emily as though he was saving her.

"Naomi?" Katie gasped, "You were talking to fucking Naomi?"

"No," Emily tried. "It's not like that."

"Who's Naomi?" Bobbie asked, looking between the two twins.

"Naomi Campbell?" Jenna asked, her face growing pale. "You cannot be serious, Katie, what is going on? Emily?"

"She's been fucking her, that's what," Katie snapped, not being careful to reveal the truth, the look on her face quite spiteful as she informed Bobbie of the infidelity.

"What?" he asked, confused, hurt.

It wasn't supposed to end that way, he was never supposed to find out. When Naomi told her there was no chance, she'd hoped to return to her life, put the stupid affair behind her and move on. Probably would have let Bobbie get her pregnant again, just to give their lives 'more meaning', pretend that she actually had an investment in their future. It had been a selfish thought and when Bobbie looked at her, with a look of sheer sorrow and pain, she knew that he actually cared about her and had never really deserved anything she'd put him through.

"I," she tried, her voice growing difficult. "I'm sorry."

Nobody jumped in to defend her, nobody seemed to care to give her any support and she knew it was her own stupid fault. The four faces staring at her all looking completely shocked and surprised by the events, her son looked completely confused, didn't seem to know what was going on. There were so many things she should have done, so many things she could have tried to say, instead she gave her son a hug, kissed him lightly on the cheek and apologised again, before leaving the room.

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Under all other circumstances Emily would have gone to the multi-storey and passed the time with thoughts as she stared down at the ground below. It was on the other side of town, felt too far away to go to with no car. Instead she opted for the hospital roof, the entrance labelled staff only so she knew she wouldn't be disturbed. The cool, fresh air hit her instantly, a relief to her body which was burning up with regret and guilt. Unfortunately she wasn't alone, had not been alone for quite some time as her sister's hands pushed her shoulders with aggression.

"What the fuck are you doing Emily?"

"Taking a break," she sighed.

"From fucking up your entire life?" Katie snapped.

"No, that was you," Emily tried.

"I didn't do the deed, I just reported it. You fucked up."

Emily turned to face the hospital grounds, resting her hands on the concrete wall, "I was dealing with it fine before you jumped in."

"I was trying to protect you,"

Protection. It was a funny thing. Emily had spent the last eight years protecting her kids, unsuccessfully as it seemed after the accident. Jenna had spent the last ten years trying to protect Emily, to odd results.

"From what?"

Katie's voice was coming out with a mixture of anger and frustration, "Yourself, homophobes, anyone."

It was too hard to listen to Katie talking like she always had, acting like the protective older sister who was supposed to stop the bad people from hurting the little sister, who was always the weakest, never as strong.

Emily's voice was growing angry, ten years of frustrations exploding, "Who the fuck asked you to?"

"Ems," Katie whispered, cowering, not expecting Emily to shout so loud.

She wasn't done, knew she'd never really ever be done getting her anger off her chest, "No, you fucking fucked up my life."

Katie shook her head, "You gave in, this is your fault."

They'd never had a proper fight, they'd had little ones that consisted of hair pulling and arguing, but never really hit each other, or pushed each other with meaning. Emily could feel all the fights she'd ever wanted to have building up and she let loose, her hands digging into Katie's shoulders as she pushed her to the floor.

"You fucking bitch, you don't even understand do you? I want to jump off this fucking roof right now because of you, because of this."

The expression of anger on Katie's face turned to confusion, a look that worried Emily because she knew it could be her downfall, could stop her from jumping if she really thought about why Katie looked so sad.

"You have a good life," Katie snapped, "What the fuck would you want to kill yourself for?"

Emily's voice grew quiet, "Because it's not a good life, it's a lie, everything is a fucking lie. I'm gay, I am completely homosexual and you made me believe I would be happier being straight. Well I'm not."

Katie's eyes were growing wet, tears began to stream down her cheeks, "I was just trying to protect you."

"No," Emily screamed, reaching a volume she didn't think possible, "You were trying to protect yourself. Didn't want to associate with a gay person, didn't think your reputation would handle having a fucking gay sister."

"Ems, it's not like that," Katie sobbed, reaching out to touch her, but Emily pushed her away.

"What is it like then? What the fuck is it like? Tell me, you fucking tell me."

Katie couldn't quite speak, "I, I…"

There weren't really any words to be said. No matter how much her sister tried to deny everything, Emily could tell she felt guilty. She ignored it, had to not think about Katie's emotions, instead only thought of what was inside her own head.

"You can't, you can't fucking do it. You fucking tell me or I'll throw myself off right now, I will, don't think I fucking won't because I've been trying to do it for years. Now I've got nothing, so why not eh? Nobody's gonna miss me, nobody's going to miss the gay one, the one that lied to her husband, the one that had sex with a woman, the one that was trying to stop Naomi from marrying her fiancée who has cancer, while her son was playing in the car and nearly fucking killed himself. Go on, tell me what it's not like because I'm about to actually fucking kill myself here, unless you can tell me what it's like."

She sounded insane. It was obvious. If she'd been watching herself from a distance she would have happily called the police, an ambulance even. She needed help, she'd always needed help. Was never quite right anymore, had been a danger to herself and everyone around her for years.

Katie was looking sad, but she'd composed herself some, her voice was calmer, "I can't do that Ems, but I don't want you to kill yourself, you're fucking deranged."

She was deranged, it wouldn't have taken much to admit it, except that she couldn't. If she admitted she wasn't sane, she would have had to let her sister in, would have had to allow her twin to see the person she had become and that was harder to do than to pretend it was all in Katie's head.

"No, no I'm not. For the first time I see everything clearly. I'm gay and nobody loves me because of it, nobody wants me to be the person I am. Before I was so fucking alone, but at least I had people around me you know, people were there. Now they're not and I am alone, so what's the point? What is the fucking point of existing?"

Katie looked worried, extremely worried, "Ems, don't do this."

"Give me a bloody good reason not to."

It was wrong to put it on Katie, had always been wrong to make it seem like Katie was the only one who had done it to her. Her whole family had let her down, allowed her to fall into a life that wasn't even a fraction of the one she had at college. It wasn't fair to ask Katie to give her a reason not to jump when she knew full well she wouldn't be able to give her a good enough one.

"For me, for your kids, for mum and dad, they'll be devastated," Katie sobbed, tears flowing freely again.

"You've always hated me Katie, never been good enough have I?" Emily stated, her voice calm, controlled. "You're the best, the more beautiful, the one who looks better in all the clothes, the one who fucking treats me like I'm some doormat. My kids are better off without me, who need a gay mum to fuck up their lives anymore? I nearly killed my son after all. And as for mum and dad, they let you do it to me Katie, they let you walk all over me and they watched you every step of the way. They happily sat by and agreed with you when you bullied me into thinking it was wrong to be who I was and that I'd be happier if I slept with a man."

"Then what about Naomi?"

Naomi. She was a reason. She was the only reason she knew would have stopped her from going one step further than she'd ever gone before. But Naomi had knocked her down, was probably on the way to her fucking honeymoon and for the first time Emily couldn't see any future, couldn't see that things could be okay knowing she was there. It wasn't enough.

"No," Emily shook her head, "Not anymore."

The concrete wall was behind her, her fingers were holding onto it. All it would take was for her to turn around, to pull herself up until her feet were resting on it. She turned, her nails digging into the wall, her hands growing white from the tightness of her grip.

"Don't do it Emily," Katie was sobbing, crying uncontrollably.

Emily's head was shaking from side to side, she didn't even feel like she was in her body anymore, felt more like she was watching from the outside. A spectator in a sport, begging her body to stop, to climb down from the wall she was now stood on and to give her twin sister a hug. There were a million reasons why doing it in front of Katie was the wrong thing to do, it would effectively ruin her sister's life, would take away the only good pieces of existence she had left. Jenna, Rob, Bobbie, her children, maybe even Naomi would be effected. Emily had spent years thinking nobody cared, believing that nobody loved her enough in life. She wondered if they would love her more in death, suspected maybe it'd open their eyes to the pain she'd lived through. Katie's eyes were locked onto Emily's; brown on brown, the same pair of eyes they'd both inherited from their family line. Emily hadn't cried in years, almost ten. But as she stared at her sister, watched Katie's face contort with so much anguish, regret, sorrow and too much guilt, droplets reached her dry eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

The air hit her as she lay backwards into the wind, letting gravity take it's course. She closed her eyes, held her arms to her chest, felt free as she floated about in the air. It was almost over, her life had almost ceased to exist and though for a split second she regretted never saying goodbye to her parents, to the people who gave her life in the first place; regretted never giving Katie one final hug, regretted never telling her that despite the anger she felt she still loved her so very much. And then it was over, her life gone and she felt free at last.

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For the record, I cried when I wrote it. I didn't see any other option. I'm sorry.

Thanks again for reading, for the comments...and please tell me how you felt about the end of this story, I really want to know how it felt for you, whether you thought it was right, whether you're sad, angry, etc. Please review, this is your last chance for this story.