I left the prop room, leaving behind the beautiful spinet to collect dust once more in its lonely corner. I could hear Yamato announcing that they were going to start again and if everyone was ready, but this was more like background noise as I walked. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what was going on in Yamato's mind. Why would he suddenly want to kiss me, of all people? I'm sure Yamato could easily get any girl in our school, so why me? Unless... oh, no matter how hard I thought about it, none of the reasons made sense!
Walking out to the dance floor, my eyes scanning the crowd. At first, my thoughts had been to find Taichi, but now... now I think it is best to keep what happened to myself and question Yamato about it later. Wait... maybe I could tell Miyako, have her act as a translator for Yamato. No, wait, bad idea. As much as I love Miyako, she's not the best secret keeped in the world. Defiantly not telling Taichi what happened. Sora... I wasn't so sure. She could keep a secret, but I'm not sure if she could keep it a secret from Taichi, after all, they'd been best friends for as long as I could remember. Takeru didn't know enough sign language to actually be a good translator, and I don't think I would actually have him translate, as Yamato was his brother.
No. I don't think I could actually talk to Yamato about it at all. I would keep it to myself, and if, by chance, Yamato decided he wanted to talk about it, he could come and find me. In all honesty, I had no way to actually talk to Yamato alone, unless I wrote him a note, which would be lame and junior high-ish rather than high school-ish.
Okay, I've made my conclusion. I won't even think about it... Okay, as good as that sounds, I don't think I could actually do that. With a sigh, I pushed my way through the crowd, heading towards the door. Maybe some fresh air would help clear my head of these thoughts and I could think correctly, more straightly. Yeah, fresh air would be nice.
I opened the door and stepped out into the cool air. I was glad I'd kept my jacket on, it was cold out here! Colder than I thought it would be, at least. The lights in the parking lot were on, making it impossible to see if it was could or clear because you couldn't see past the lights. I wanted to see the stars, so I walked along the building, going around back to the soccer field. No lights were back there and the darkness made the world seem peaceful. Many people don't like the dark, as the fear what might be hiding in it. I don't. I like the dark, as it allows you to know what is out there. The slightest noise made in the dark can be heard for miles, as everything else is silent. That way, you can hear the things in the dark, so you've no reason to fear it. But this is just me.
Heading towards the center of the field, I looked up. Stars shone brightly in the night sky, twinkling happily. I smiled and closed my eyes for a bit, letting the gentle breeze blow over me, cooling me and numbing my thoughts, allowing all things to float away on the wind. I pulled my MP3 from my pocket and put my headphones in and turned on my MP3. Soon Cold As You by Taylor Swift was playing in my headphones, and I mouthed along, enjoying the song. Though it wasn't a happy song, it still soothed me, help me think a bit clearer.
I closed my eyes and, to my disappointment, I saw Yamato, his face close to mine, his eyes half closed. The look I saw just before he pulled back and left. No! Bad Hikari! You're out here to quit thinking about him, not to fantasize about him. Get it right. God, I still couldn't think straight. I'll admit, he was gorgeous, yet he held this air of mystery around him with that look in his eyes, the one of sadness and loss, so distant. But just because he would make other girls faint with one of his stupid... sexy smiles, didn't mean I was going to be one of those! I didn't faint over boys, heck, I'd never really felt anything towards anyone until Yamato looked me in the eyes. Maybe I was getting sick? That was a common thing for me, being sick I mean.
Or maybe, as much as I hated to admit it, maybe I was actually getting a crush on him. I sat bolt up at that thought. Miyako! She would be able to tell me if I was actually getting a crush on Yamato or if I was sick. She'd had a crush before. Okay, many crushes before. Okay... the more I thought of this, the more I was deciding against it. Miyako got a crush as ever cute guy she saw, no matter who they were. So, who else could I ask? Sora. Sora would be able to help me, she was good at the love thing, being level headed and such.
Standing, I headed back towards the doors, needing to find Sora. She would be able to help me, more defiantly. As I rounded the corner to the doors, I saw Sora and Taichi, both looking around. Taichi yelled my name, but I had no way of answering. Thinking, I grabbed my cell phone and turned on my ringers, allowing Yuuhi No Yakusoku to fill the night air, getting them to look over.
"Hikari!" Taichi called and waved as I jogged up, putting my cell phone away. "We've been looking for you. Don't just run off like that!"
"You scared Taichi to death," Sora said with a smile and a wink. "Where were you?"
I was in the soccer field, looking up at the stars. Hey, Sora, I need to talk to you alone. I signed, looking over to Taichi. Taichi understood and went back inside, the music from inside getting three times as loud once the door opened, then muffling again when the door closed behind Taichi.
"What is it, Hikari?" Sora asked as she sat on the cold concret in front of the school.
I was wondering if you knew what it was like to have a crush. There. I'd said it. Now all I needed was my answer.
"Crush or love? They are different things," Sora said, with a small, almost knowing, smile.
Both. I decided and turned to listen to what Sora had to say on the subject.
"Well, first things first. A crush can become love, but love cannot become a crush, because love is stronger than a crush," Sora explained, staring out into the parking lot as she spoke. "When you have a crush, you might act differently around them. You might blush at things that they say and even hold every compliment they give you at heart. Now, as I explain love, it might seem like a crush is stronger, but it's not. A crush is what you like about them. When you are in love, it's about what you like and don't like, it is that person as a whole, not just what you like about them, like their shampoo or something. It's deeper than that. The person you are in love with could make you angrier then anything in the world, or happier, really. It all depends. When you are away, you think of the person you love, but only when there is nothing else upon your mind. When you have a crush, you think constantly about them, thought sometimes that isn't true. It can take a while to define whether you are really in love or having just a crush."
I nodded, taking in the information I had just recieved. Thank you. It means a lot to me, really. Now I guess we have to wait. I signed, then stood and stretched. Sora stood as well.
"Wait for what?" Sora questioned as we started back towards the door, to the warmth of the school and possible a nice coke.
To see if it's love, or merely a crush. I answered, a smile upon my face. I could handle it if I had a crush on Yamato, no problem. After all, crushes go away after a while, that much I knew was true from Miyako.
"Alright. Tell me when you know," Sora said. I knew she wasn't going to ask who, but I had a feeling she already had a good guess. Sora was good at that kind of thing, whether I wanted her to be or not.
I'm going to get a drink. After Sora nodded, I slipped away to get something nice to drink. Hopefully something cold, because even though we just came in from the cold, I had gotten hot rather quickly.
The table had punch on it, but I didn't trust the punch, she I went around the table to the coolers of soda. Reaching in, I got a coke and checked it over. It seemed safe enough and if it wasn't, I knew Taichi would watch over me. I popped the top and took a big gulp, glad the the refreshment that soothed my throat. Looking towards the stage, I saw Yamato and his band playing there hearts out, enjoying the whole of it. That's what I loved about music. The singers were compassionate about what they did, singing with there every breath and over all, enjoying it.
My eyes focused on Yamato as he sang, as Kyo had taken over the guitar, leaving Hisao to the bass instead of keyboarding. It amazed me that they could all change instruments like that, as they had all learned all the instruments. I hadn't even completely learned the piano, only memorised three songs. Yamato sang with both hands clasped over the microphone and his eyes were closed. He was singing with all his heart, all his soul, and I don't think a single person realized it. He was belting out the lyrics to something that meant something to him, and everyone just dance to it in their slutty version of dancing. But what he was singing meant so much more than just this dance to him, I could tell my the way he completely concentration on the music, and nothing else.
The words. I watched Yamato as I listened to them, needing to hear what he was singing. "What it meant to me. Will eventually. Be a memory. Of a time when I tried so hard." As he sang, I listened, and to my surprise, as if he noticed me staring, he opened his eyes, looking straight at me. We locked eyes as he sang some more, and I listened without him explaining. "This wounds, they will not heal." What wounds? I wondered how much of his past he has kept hidden, from Takeru, Taichi, and even himself. Maybe one day, I would know, but for now, I'll just listen.
A/N: The song, so you know, was In The End by Linkin Park. I do not own that song and never will, though I do believe its philosophy.