Hi!
Before we get to it, I have to say a special thanks to AlphaRyoko, who is sweet enough to beta these stories. If she didn't, you would all get loads of unedited garbage to read. So she needs to be recognized. Thank you, AlphaRyoko!
Thanks also to those people who review, including the people who yell at me. I donn't think I've ever been scolded so soundly for more chapters. It really does get me to write. So thank you.
Here goes... hope you enjoy.
EQAB 11
In dark silence, no one can see your pain. No one can make the bad things go away.
When Yuki was young, a very young child, he had a fear of dark places. He didn't know where it came from. Most kids have that at some point, right? But Akito made it worse. The first time that the young clan head had asked to see Yuki, his mother had been so proud. She had dressed him so beautifully. She had combed his hair until it shone. She had always taught him the best manners, and had spent the morning reminding him how to act.
"Don't fidget, Yuki," she said. "Remember to pour his drink first, and don't chew your fingernails!" Yes, her pride knew no bounds. She would spend hours telling him how he was the Rat of the Sohma clan... he was the top. He had responsibilities. He liked to watch her brush her hair at night. She would talk to him about how special he was. When he would stop listening, hypnotized by the sound of the brush bristles, she would smack his leg with her brush. But if he behaved, she would brush his hair. That was maybe the only time that she really seemed to give him any of her time. He treasured it.
Akito had been odd already at that age. He had been overly polite when Yuki arrived, thanking Yuki's mother. She didn't see the glint in his eye at seeing Yuki. Maybe she was too tall. Yuki had been 5 and Akito had been ten. It's funny. Akito had really been a little kid, but to Yuki, he always seemed so much older. They would take tea together. It was quiet, and deadly. Though Akito was young, his rooms and demeanor spoke of something ancient and wilting ... dead pretending to be alive like silk flowers. Yuki had chewed his nails a couple of times, but at Akito's harsh glance, had shoved his hands into his lap, ashamed.
"You're mine, you know," the quite boy had said, smiling. "You belong to me."
"Yes, Akito-sama," he had replied quietly.
"Do you know what that means?"
"No, Akito-sama," he whispered.
Akito had glared, setting his tea down with a harsh clink that echoed in the large dark room.
"Then why did you say 'yes Akito-sama'?" Akito cocked his head. "Are you stupid?" He glared. "I can't stand you if you're stupid. I thought the mouse was supposed to be smart."
"I... I..." Yuki was too busy trying to explain himself and not think about the dark corners of the room to notice that the older boy had moved to stand and stroke his hair. "I said it because my mother told me to always agree! I'm sorry!"
"Then she's stupid too. I thought as much." He sifted his slender pale fingers through Yuki's hair and they were as cold as ice... but there was some amount of comfort to the action because it was similar to the way his mother touched his hair. "You have such soft hair, Yuki... like a mouse's fur. I suppose that's why Haru's hair is coarse like a cow's."
"Haru?"
"Mm. He's the cow." Akito clicked his tongue, disapprovingly. "He's stupid too. I can't be bothered with him. It's a shame. He's supposed to be second in line, but he's useless. Shigure's the only one who's any fun."
Yuki stared. This was really the first time he had heard of any of the other Zodiac cousins that he could remember. He had gone to New Year's and seen them, but they never talked. They were always with their parents. Then he would have to sit in a room with a bunch of other kids until he fell asleep and his parents took him home. One time, he had worn a really pretty costume that his parents made him put in plastic afterwards, but he hardly remembered that.
"Is he the dog?"
"Hmmm? Yes. Never mind, Yuki-kun." He waved the subject off. "You're going to be my friend now, Yuki. You're meant to be at my side." He laughed, covering his mouth with his hand and looking at Yuki in amusement, but Yuki felt chills. "I can tell we're going to be the best of friends." He took Yuki's hand. "Come, let's walk in the garden and I'll show you my birds."
Akito had always been hot and cold. One had never known what to expect. That was part of his fear. One minute, he would be stroking Yuki's hair and telling him how important he was to Akito, and the next minute, he would slap the boy. They had taken more walks. And once, Akito had taken him near that place. It was dark, with bars on the window. You could hardly see in. The door was slightly open and Yuki had shied away from the shadows inside, even though Akito seemed not to mind.
"It's the cat's cage. Someday he'll be locked up here. He's a monster, like you are, but much worse. I haven't seen him as a monster yet, but someday I will." He laughed. "It will be so funny! When I take his bracelet."
Yuki stared into the room in horror. Locked... in there? And there were probably spiders. Yuki shuddered. Akito stood behind his shoulder, so close... making him squirm. "Do you want to go in?" he whispered?
Yuki shook his head and backed up, but he was stopped by Akito's hands on his arms.
"You're a monster too Yuki. You should be in a cage too, but you're not because I take care of you. Go inside. You can see how it is if you were not in my favor."
Yuki shook his head hurriedly. "I understand. I do... Akito-sama. Please don't make me go." Yuki was sure now that he could see into that dark space... spiders and monsters and everything scary.
Hands closed around his thin arms, like claws. "I'll do what I please."
Suddenly he was plunging into that darkness face first. He screamed, and then felt the dirt on his hands and under his fingernails. He hated getting dirty. His mother would yell at him. The door shut behind him with a deafening THUD and there was no light but a tiny sliver coming in through the window way above... but even that light was scary because he could see the glint of a spider web in the space.
"No! Please! Akito! Please!" he yelled and he could hear Akito's laugh outside... and it was so dark, and no one knew. He could be in here forever and no one would know. Yuki yelled and cried. Akito left him in there. He was nearly hysterical when Hatori finally found him later. He had refused to go to Akito's the next time. That's when his mother had started hitting him, calling him a useless son, disrespectful.
After that, Akito had often locked him in dark places for long periods of time, to the point that the mention of Akito's name would send Yuki into a nervous fit. He needed a night-light and his parents' shame knew no bounds.
It had started with the darkness, dark rooms and harsh words. The beatings had come later, when Yuki had started refusing to go see Akito when he called. He would run away and hide. He had tried to tell his parents that Akito was hurting him. But even when they saw the evidence of it themselves, they would simply tell Yuki that it was his own fault for not obeying. They expected so much from him. After all, he was the rat.
He was nothing but a badge for their egos. His older brother was no better. He turned away... didn't even listen. He and Yuki had never gotten along. Ayame was more interested in his friendship with Hatori and Shigure than he was with his little brother. So the beatings continued. All Yuki could do was hide the evidence... from those he knew and from himself. He hid it from his friends. But Akito took them too... and the one time, he had told Kyou... Kyou had betrayed him.
Now years later... when he should be over childish fears, Yuki sat, silent in the darkness of the room he had spent many a tortuous night in, remembering. Right after school, Akito had taken him here and told him to sit down and wait for him. Yuki tried not to imagine the spiders and bugs crawling around in the place. The dust was no good for his lungs either. He was trying very hard to just keep calm. He was curled in on himself.
There were objects in the room. It wasn't empty. Old relics and toys were stored here. He only ever caught a glimpse of them when the door was open. Those alone scared him. Somewhere in the back of the room, he knew there was an oil painting of the previous god, Hatori's father. Yuki always felt that the dark man was watching him. His eyes were dark and sunken in, and. Yuki shuddered. Even in the pitch black, he could see those eyes. For some reason, Yuki always felt that they were watching him... the mouse. He didn't like that painting. When he was a child, he was sure the man was just waiting for the right time to come out of the painting and get him.
Even now, Yuki couldn't stop the horrid visions of that man coming to life. Staring down at him, expecting things of him, threatening punishment. That wasn't all. There was a hobbyhorse with glass eyes. One was broken. There was a bronze statue of a satyr. Now it was smaller than Yuki, but when he was a child, it was huge. These objects, sitting with him silently in the room, watching... waiting.
Yuki jerked as something crawled over his hand. He barely stifled a whimper as he shook his hand and stood up. He was afraid to move though. The room was full of objects. It wouldn't be so bad if he could feel his way around them, but he was loath to touch them... for fear of a hand reaching out in the dark... an icy hand grabbing his wrist. It had been so long. What if Akito slipped in without him knowing it? Waiting for him to cry out.
'This is stupid,' he thought, trying to scold himself for being afraid. He was too damn old for this... but his body didn't stop trembling and breathing was becoming difficult. Kyou would never be afraid. He would yell belligerently, and kick the door in. Yuki dared not. He did smile though, imagining Kyou getting angry and throwing things. He would claw right through that painting, that is, if he dared go against Akito.
Somehow, Yuki believed that Kyou could... if he wanted to. Kyou was always a hair's breadth from losing it any time he encountered Akito. Yuki wasn't sure if it was the power Akito held as their god... or if it was merely Kyou's deep wish to one day be accepted, that kept him from lashing out. Yuki hated that. Kyou never acted. Kyou was completely open and honest. He said what he pleased and he still managed to get attention. It pissed the rat off no end. Every day, he gave everything he had to keep apart from everyone, but to maintain his image. He was, after all, the rat... the prince. As long as he was that, he never had to worry about getting hurt. It was the only power he had over Akito. He would keep Akito from taking hold... keep Akito from finding ways to manipulate him.
But Tohru had changed that. She seemed such a delicate creature, whom a breath might have withered. Akito should be able to shatter her instantly, like fine blown glass... and yet he had bowed down to her. She was so much stronger than any of them had suspected.
Yuki fell back against the wall and slid down, burying head in his hands. Now, he was here for that stupid cat. How on earth had Kyou become a weapon against him?
He had tried to convince himself that it was because of Tohru... that Tohru would be so sad if Kyou was broken. But it didn't work. All he could remember was Kyou's cold, lifeless body in his arms, his blood gushing out of that awful wound. Now, he was injured, quiet and withdrawn. Yuki couldn't live that way. He needed Kyou's energy. He needed that constant belligerent tug for attention... because even if they hated each other, Kyou needed him. Kyou needed to fight him. He needed Yuki to be there.
It felt so good to be needed... not as the prince, but as someone... as a living breathing creature and not a figurehead. Kyou needed him. Tohru needed him. At least, he would like to think so. She was so fragile, yet so strong. Kyou and Yuki both needed to protect her and somehow, that made him more human. As long as there was this struggle, this pull, Yuki felt like he could go on..
And now, his need to protect had extended to Kyou... because they were family. Kyou was closer than any other family member had been. Only Haru came close. But there was Kyou's passion, his need. Yuki knew that somehow Tohru had made the three of them a family. Yuki had felt more at ease with them than any other time in his life. That's why he was here. There was no getting around it.
The door opened and Yuki saw a wispy figure slide in, the silk of his yukata brushing against the door before it shut. Yuki flinched as the light ghosted over the objects in the room, casting terrifying shadows that retreated from the soft evening light, but reached out for him again to blanket him in the darkness when the door closed again.
He could hear the whisper of fabric against itself before he felt cold fingers ghosting over his face and he couldn't help but shudder as those long nails scraped dangerously along his sensitive skin. He only prayed he would not have to explain away any scars. Akito rarely left visible reminders of his cruelty. Hatori was the one exception.
"Yuki..." his voice was soft. Yuki could smell the oils he had bathed in. "Your skin is as cold as ice. You're trembling!" A gasp. "Don't you see how I hate to punish you like this. But you must learn to behave Yuki, you must." So much pity was in that voice. The feel of silk on his hands and Akito's smaller body covered his own, the older boy settling in Yuki's lap, his head resting on Yuki's shoulder. "You ran away for so long." The fingers of the other hand slid around Yuki's shoulder and into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Can't you see I just want you back where you belong?"
Yuki felt a pang of guilt. Akito seemed thinner since he had last visited him. It was hard to tell to look at him. His beautiful kimonos hid his growing malnutrition well. But now, as Yuki's hands automatically slid up to keep his god from falling off his lap, he could feel the sharp, unhealthy jut of Akito's too thin hips, and his ribs as they brushed along his arm. It was also strange that Akito was smaller now. Yuki had noticed it before, but it was especially potent with the older boy so fragile in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Akito-sama," he said honestly, even if he was shaking as he said it. Akito seemed calm and gentle now, but that was why he was so frightening.
"My little mouse." Akito's breath was mixing with his own it was so close. It smelled of Jasmine and a faint trace of medicine. "So beautiful. You've grown. Your beauty has only grown while you've been away."
Then Yuki felt the press of a soft kiss against his lips. His skin crawled as memories came back of last time, but he did not fight back. When a small tongue pushed it's way into his mouth, he only gripped the young god tighter. It wasn't the kiss itself he disliked but rather the person bestowing it. It made him sick to his stomach, this utter dominance that Akito had over him. This man, since before he was a man, had demanded Yuki's love, and every time, Yuki hated it more. He was not a toy. He was not an object.
Yuki shivered and Akito must have mistaken it for excitement, for his lips pressed harder, and his hands grew more aggressive. They gripped Yuki's neck, almost too tightly and the young mouse thought he would faint, from disgust and shame.
Akito moved to take a tender earlobe between his teeth, nibbling, causing Yuki to moan in a mix of frustration, submission and excitement. Akito smiled, and Yuki could hear it in his breath as he whispered.
"You know what I want, Yuki. You know I love you, don't you?" Akito's voice shook with restrained anger when he said this. "You belong by my side. You have stayed away for far too long, and I allowed it because I am not unkind. But what I own, will always come back to me."
Akito's mouth latched onto Yuki's neck and he began to suck. Yuki whimpered. He did not want this man to mark him. When finally, Akito's hand wandered too low, Yuki jerked away, grabbing those thin, bird-like wrists in his own. He had had enough.
"Do you dare defy me?" Akito snarled, pulling his hand away and slapping the taller boy soundly.
Yuki took the blow in silence. He couldn't do this. He knew what Akito wanted and he could not allow it. He was no longer a small child. He was stronger than Akito, if not in spirit, in strength.
"N... no, Akito."
The smaller man stilled from struggling and the silence was so thick, Yuki's lungs strained for air in the blackness.
Then all hell broke loose.
With a horrifying, rage filled scream, Akito clawed at Yuki's face, trying to hit or scratch whatever he could reach.
"You never love me!" He cried, fighting. Yuki let of Akito's other hand and covered his face as the blows reigned down on him. "You love everyone else...even that stupid ugly girl, but you won't love me! You're supposed to be my own! You're supposed to be mine and only mine and you're supposed to love me!"
Akito scrambled off of Yuki and the sound of objects being hit and thrown were clear. Yuki got up and fumbled, trying to find the door so he could let in some light. He was deathly afraid that Akito was going to hurt himself in this rage. His hands found purchase where he was sure the doorknob would be and he threw it open, turning back to find Akito. He just barely ducked as a lamp was hurled at him. It shattered into pieces against the wall.
Akito was lying in a pile of junk he had knocked over. His face was contorted, ugly with rage.
"Akito, please stop!" Yuki pleaded, dodging another object hurled at him. Akito's predecessor stared down at the proceedings from his canvas and Yuki could swear he saw the same anger reflected in his eyes, as in Akito's.
Akito had nothing else to throw, and he feebly attempted to get up, getting caught in his yukata as he did. Yuki caught him and he struggled.
"You traitor," he said, but it lacked the rage from before. "You love that stupid girl, who loves that horrid monster. I know that's why you're here... for those monsters." He pulled away, jerking out of Yuki's grasp. His look was pure venom as he backed away. "I'll make them pay for taking you away from me! I'll make them pay! If you don't give me what I want!"
With that, he shoved Yuki back and he stumbled into the furniture, bringing down racks and sheets as he went. The swiftly disappearing evening light crept into the room, and Yuki tried desperately to breathe. His lungs hurt so much. He hurt. There were scratches all over his face and arms and he was sure he had some bruises that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. He clutched his chest painfully, but he could tell that the small attack was already subsiding.
A figure appeared in the door and for a minute, Yuki was afraid he had come back.
"You really made him angry."
A calm voice cut through the dark and Yuki moved to get up.
"Kureno."
He reached down to take Yuki's hand and help him up. He led the smaller boy to a chair and sat him down, producing a washrag and a first aid kit. He gave the washcloth to Yuki and Yuki used it to wipe the blood off his arms and face. Kureno was withdrawn and unsmiling as he took out band-aids and gauze.
"He keeps the bracelet in a jewelry box on his nightstand. If you want to take it back."
Yuki's eyes widened, but he shook his head. "I can't... I don't want to be anywhere near that man's bedroom."
"I wasn't implying you do that," Kureno said quietly, "but you could sneak in. The box is locked, but the key is in the nightstand drawer."
Yuki thought this over quietly, while Kureno bandaged his wounds. "He would be very angry."
"Yes," Kureno said, hiding nothing. "But Shigure and I could handle him after it was done."
"Why?" Yuki was a bit confused. Kureno had shown nothing but complete obedience and loyalty toward Akito. "Why are you trying to help?"
Kureno's eyes flashed with something raw and painful and he stared into Yuki's eyes intensely, making the younger boy swallow reflexively.
"I am sorry Yuki. You are the mouse, and I know that you are higher than I. But I do not want Akito to love you."
~ ~ ~
Kyou sighed, leaning against the cold tile of the bathroom and enjoying its effect on his heated skin. Reaching up, he flushed the toilet and crawled over to the bathtub, drawing a small bath. He felt absolutely disgusting, lying around all day. He hated being dirty... and though he wasn't crazy about water, he knew the bath would do him good. He was just thankful he was able to move around on his own again.
Crawling into the bath, Kyou let out another sigh, sinking into the warm water. He fingered his stitches, rubbing the itch out of them, but trying not to scratch. He had already gotten them bleeding again and was severely scolded. Hatori had made the cat promise not to make it worse, relying on Kyou's sense of honesty not to break it. The scars were still raw and harsh. One was about two inches in diameter and ran up below his right ribs. The other was quite a bit smaller and marred the lower side of his back. Fortunately, he was healing quite quickly. He always had. It was still excruciating to move around if he wasn't careful. He couldn't bend over. He couldn't really use his right arm for too much, because it agitated the scarred muscles in his side.
He had finally given in and taken some Tylenol this morning when he could no longer bear the pain. But at least he was off the hard stuff. He had always hated things like drugs and painkillers. It was just a way of lying to yourself. But with the Tylenol, he could still feel the pain; it just wasn't quite so immobilizing. He needed to be able to move.
Toweling off and slipping on some loose sweats, he hobbled his way down to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he rested most of his weight on the door while he peered in trying to find something to eat.
"AAAAAuuugggghhh! Kyou kun!" Kyou looked over to see Tohru dropping the basket of laundry and rushing over to him, fluttering around him afraid to touch him. "What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting! I'm sorry! I was out doing laundry. I checked on you earlier but you were asleep! You should have called! Maybe I should get a pager! I'm so sorry."
Watching her movements, he batted a hand out, catlike and caught her shoulder, stilling her movement. She stared up at him with those big, innocent brown eyes and he batted her on the head.
"You shouldn't worry so much. You'll have a stroke. It's obvious I'm fine. You don't need to worry so much," he said, flustered. It was always so hard to speak to her... like she thought the world of him, of everyone. That was hard to bear.
The blush he was sporting was shades lighter than Tohru's blush and something in his heart fluttered at that thought. "Hai.... Demo, Kyou-kun! You should sit down. I can get you something to eat."
"That's okay." He stared into the fridge, again, sighing. "We're out of milk." Then scrunched his face up when he realized his mistake and Tohru went into another bout of apologizing.
"I'm so sorry, Kyou-kun, I was going to go to the store, but Shigure-kun is with his editor still and Sohma-kun is late, and I didn't want to leave you, but I have to go to work soon and..."
"It's not a big deal," Kyou interrupted and Tohru smiled warmly at him, making him feel self-conscious again.
"You look better today, Kyou-kun."
"Yeah well," he rubbed the back of his head with his good arm. "I probably smell better too." He looked up and attempted a sort of smile. Raising his hand and slipping his fingers into the hair by her ear, he warmed when she leaned into the touch. "I do feel better... thanks to you."
"Kyou-kun..."
Kyou turned, his face heated as he grabbed some orange juice instead and moved to the table to sit down gingerly.
"Where is that stupid rat anyway? Student council? Or has he finally been eaten alive by that fan club of his?"
Tohru clenched her little fists, "Um...well he's not doing anything suspicious!"
Kyou looked at her strangely. "The fact that you say not suspicious is suspicious. Is he okay? He's not sick is he?" Not that it really concerned him, however Tohru didn't seem flighty and worried as she often did when the rat had an attack, so he was sure Yuki was okay.
Tohru smiled.
"What?"
...
"What? Spit it out!"
"Kyou-kun, you do care about him don't you?"
Kyou flushed with anger. Yes he was certain it was anger. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I don't care. I don't give a shit about that shitty mouse."
Tohru didn't look like she was buying it, so he swigged his orange juice angrily, to add to his look of frustration.
She advanced on him like some sort of horror fic character. Put Pollyanna in "The Ring" and there was Tohru. So wholesomely good it was scary. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.
"He likes you too, Kyou-kun. You'll see. Soon. He cares very much about you."
Kyou felt a bit trapped.
"Well, I h-hate him anyway," he stammered.
"Oh, Kyou, why?" Tohru looked so sad for a minute. Kyou looked away, unable to meet those honest brown eyes. "Because I have to. Don't you understand Tohru?"
Her hand trailed up to brush his bangs out of his eyes and he looked at her.
"No, Kyou. I don't understand. I don't at all." She didn't look angry with him, rather he felt almost like she was trying to absorb all his pain. She ran a tiny thumb over his cheek before whispering. "I have to go to work. Please be careful."
Kyou swallowed. "It's okay. I don't need a babysitter."
Tohru smiled. "I'll get some milk on my way home."
"Tohru!"
She turned around, as she slipped her shoes on.
"Be careful okay?"
Tohru smiled beautifully again and nodded, squeaking assent. Again, Kyou felt that warm feeling. It fell away though, with her fading presence and he let his hands fall into his head.
"I don't understand anymore either."
He finished his juice, grabbed some onigiri and made his painful, slow way up the stairs again. The bag on his bed was half packed already and he made quick work, putting the rest of what he would need in there. His side was screaming with pain and he took more Tylenol to dull it. He packed that, figuring no one else would need it. But it took him almost fifteen painful minutes to figure out that there was no way he could carry the pack.
Frustrated, he hit the wall with his good hand, sending jarring pain down his side. This was stupid! He had to get away, but he was already feeling the pain, and he was afraid he wouldn't make it to where he wanted to go. He knew he needed help, but being the cat, he had very few people he could turn to. Yuki might, but he wasn't around. Shigure was too lazy. Shishou would refuse, and demand that he come stay at the dojo. But Kyou wouldn't do that. He didn't want to expose the people he loved to this. He couldn't bear it. Already, he could feel the approaching storm. He could sense it coming.
Picking up the phone, he dialed the one number that might work.
"Hello, Kagura? I need your help."
~ ~ ~
There, is that better? For me, that's some pretty fast writing. I know it's pathetic, compared to some of these speed authors out there. But I'm getting better right?
The next chapter will take longer because I'm going to focus on some of my other stories for a while.
Thank you for reading, lovely lovely people. I love you even when you yell at me... maybe especially when you yell at me.
Before we get to it, I have to say a special thanks to AlphaRyoko, who is sweet enough to beta these stories. If she didn't, you would all get loads of unedited garbage to read. So she needs to be recognized. Thank you, AlphaRyoko!
Thanks also to those people who review, including the people who yell at me. I donn't think I've ever been scolded so soundly for more chapters. It really does get me to write. So thank you.
Here goes... hope you enjoy.
EQAB 11
In dark silence, no one can see your pain. No one can make the bad things go away.
When Yuki was young, a very young child, he had a fear of dark places. He didn't know where it came from. Most kids have that at some point, right? But Akito made it worse. The first time that the young clan head had asked to see Yuki, his mother had been so proud. She had dressed him so beautifully. She had combed his hair until it shone. She had always taught him the best manners, and had spent the morning reminding him how to act.
"Don't fidget, Yuki," she said. "Remember to pour his drink first, and don't chew your fingernails!" Yes, her pride knew no bounds. She would spend hours telling him how he was the Rat of the Sohma clan... he was the top. He had responsibilities. He liked to watch her brush her hair at night. She would talk to him about how special he was. When he would stop listening, hypnotized by the sound of the brush bristles, she would smack his leg with her brush. But if he behaved, she would brush his hair. That was maybe the only time that she really seemed to give him any of her time. He treasured it.
Akito had been odd already at that age. He had been overly polite when Yuki arrived, thanking Yuki's mother. She didn't see the glint in his eye at seeing Yuki. Maybe she was too tall. Yuki had been 5 and Akito had been ten. It's funny. Akito had really been a little kid, but to Yuki, he always seemed so much older. They would take tea together. It was quiet, and deadly. Though Akito was young, his rooms and demeanor spoke of something ancient and wilting ... dead pretending to be alive like silk flowers. Yuki had chewed his nails a couple of times, but at Akito's harsh glance, had shoved his hands into his lap, ashamed.
"You're mine, you know," the quite boy had said, smiling. "You belong to me."
"Yes, Akito-sama," he had replied quietly.
"Do you know what that means?"
"No, Akito-sama," he whispered.
Akito had glared, setting his tea down with a harsh clink that echoed in the large dark room.
"Then why did you say 'yes Akito-sama'?" Akito cocked his head. "Are you stupid?" He glared. "I can't stand you if you're stupid. I thought the mouse was supposed to be smart."
"I... I..." Yuki was too busy trying to explain himself and not think about the dark corners of the room to notice that the older boy had moved to stand and stroke his hair. "I said it because my mother told me to always agree! I'm sorry!"
"Then she's stupid too. I thought as much." He sifted his slender pale fingers through Yuki's hair and they were as cold as ice... but there was some amount of comfort to the action because it was similar to the way his mother touched his hair. "You have such soft hair, Yuki... like a mouse's fur. I suppose that's why Haru's hair is coarse like a cow's."
"Haru?"
"Mm. He's the cow." Akito clicked his tongue, disapprovingly. "He's stupid too. I can't be bothered with him. It's a shame. He's supposed to be second in line, but he's useless. Shigure's the only one who's any fun."
Yuki stared. This was really the first time he had heard of any of the other Zodiac cousins that he could remember. He had gone to New Year's and seen them, but they never talked. They were always with their parents. Then he would have to sit in a room with a bunch of other kids until he fell asleep and his parents took him home. One time, he had worn a really pretty costume that his parents made him put in plastic afterwards, but he hardly remembered that.
"Is he the dog?"
"Hmmm? Yes. Never mind, Yuki-kun." He waved the subject off. "You're going to be my friend now, Yuki. You're meant to be at my side." He laughed, covering his mouth with his hand and looking at Yuki in amusement, but Yuki felt chills. "I can tell we're going to be the best of friends." He took Yuki's hand. "Come, let's walk in the garden and I'll show you my birds."
Akito had always been hot and cold. One had never known what to expect. That was part of his fear. One minute, he would be stroking Yuki's hair and telling him how important he was to Akito, and the next minute, he would slap the boy. They had taken more walks. And once, Akito had taken him near that place. It was dark, with bars on the window. You could hardly see in. The door was slightly open and Yuki had shied away from the shadows inside, even though Akito seemed not to mind.
"It's the cat's cage. Someday he'll be locked up here. He's a monster, like you are, but much worse. I haven't seen him as a monster yet, but someday I will." He laughed. "It will be so funny! When I take his bracelet."
Yuki stared into the room in horror. Locked... in there? And there were probably spiders. Yuki shuddered. Akito stood behind his shoulder, so close... making him squirm. "Do you want to go in?" he whispered?
Yuki shook his head and backed up, but he was stopped by Akito's hands on his arms.
"You're a monster too Yuki. You should be in a cage too, but you're not because I take care of you. Go inside. You can see how it is if you were not in my favor."
Yuki shook his head hurriedly. "I understand. I do... Akito-sama. Please don't make me go." Yuki was sure now that he could see into that dark space... spiders and monsters and everything scary.
Hands closed around his thin arms, like claws. "I'll do what I please."
Suddenly he was plunging into that darkness face first. He screamed, and then felt the dirt on his hands and under his fingernails. He hated getting dirty. His mother would yell at him. The door shut behind him with a deafening THUD and there was no light but a tiny sliver coming in through the window way above... but even that light was scary because he could see the glint of a spider web in the space.
"No! Please! Akito! Please!" he yelled and he could hear Akito's laugh outside... and it was so dark, and no one knew. He could be in here forever and no one would know. Yuki yelled and cried. Akito left him in there. He was nearly hysterical when Hatori finally found him later. He had refused to go to Akito's the next time. That's when his mother had started hitting him, calling him a useless son, disrespectful.
After that, Akito had often locked him in dark places for long periods of time, to the point that the mention of Akito's name would send Yuki into a nervous fit. He needed a night-light and his parents' shame knew no bounds.
It had started with the darkness, dark rooms and harsh words. The beatings had come later, when Yuki had started refusing to go see Akito when he called. He would run away and hide. He had tried to tell his parents that Akito was hurting him. But even when they saw the evidence of it themselves, they would simply tell Yuki that it was his own fault for not obeying. They expected so much from him. After all, he was the rat.
He was nothing but a badge for their egos. His older brother was no better. He turned away... didn't even listen. He and Yuki had never gotten along. Ayame was more interested in his friendship with Hatori and Shigure than he was with his little brother. So the beatings continued. All Yuki could do was hide the evidence... from those he knew and from himself. He hid it from his friends. But Akito took them too... and the one time, he had told Kyou... Kyou had betrayed him.
Now years later... when he should be over childish fears, Yuki sat, silent in the darkness of the room he had spent many a tortuous night in, remembering. Right after school, Akito had taken him here and told him to sit down and wait for him. Yuki tried not to imagine the spiders and bugs crawling around in the place. The dust was no good for his lungs either. He was trying very hard to just keep calm. He was curled in on himself.
There were objects in the room. It wasn't empty. Old relics and toys were stored here. He only ever caught a glimpse of them when the door was open. Those alone scared him. Somewhere in the back of the room, he knew there was an oil painting of the previous god, Hatori's father. Yuki always felt that the dark man was watching him. His eyes were dark and sunken in, and. Yuki shuddered. Even in the pitch black, he could see those eyes. For some reason, Yuki always felt that they were watching him... the mouse. He didn't like that painting. When he was a child, he was sure the man was just waiting for the right time to come out of the painting and get him.
Even now, Yuki couldn't stop the horrid visions of that man coming to life. Staring down at him, expecting things of him, threatening punishment. That wasn't all. There was a hobbyhorse with glass eyes. One was broken. There was a bronze statue of a satyr. Now it was smaller than Yuki, but when he was a child, it was huge. These objects, sitting with him silently in the room, watching... waiting.
Yuki jerked as something crawled over his hand. He barely stifled a whimper as he shook his hand and stood up. He was afraid to move though. The room was full of objects. It wouldn't be so bad if he could feel his way around them, but he was loath to touch them... for fear of a hand reaching out in the dark... an icy hand grabbing his wrist. It had been so long. What if Akito slipped in without him knowing it? Waiting for him to cry out.
'This is stupid,' he thought, trying to scold himself for being afraid. He was too damn old for this... but his body didn't stop trembling and breathing was becoming difficult. Kyou would never be afraid. He would yell belligerently, and kick the door in. Yuki dared not. He did smile though, imagining Kyou getting angry and throwing things. He would claw right through that painting, that is, if he dared go against Akito.
Somehow, Yuki believed that Kyou could... if he wanted to. Kyou was always a hair's breadth from losing it any time he encountered Akito. Yuki wasn't sure if it was the power Akito held as their god... or if it was merely Kyou's deep wish to one day be accepted, that kept him from lashing out. Yuki hated that. Kyou never acted. Kyou was completely open and honest. He said what he pleased and he still managed to get attention. It pissed the rat off no end. Every day, he gave everything he had to keep apart from everyone, but to maintain his image. He was, after all, the rat... the prince. As long as he was that, he never had to worry about getting hurt. It was the only power he had over Akito. He would keep Akito from taking hold... keep Akito from finding ways to manipulate him.
But Tohru had changed that. She seemed such a delicate creature, whom a breath might have withered. Akito should be able to shatter her instantly, like fine blown glass... and yet he had bowed down to her. She was so much stronger than any of them had suspected.
Yuki fell back against the wall and slid down, burying head in his hands. Now, he was here for that stupid cat. How on earth had Kyou become a weapon against him?
He had tried to convince himself that it was because of Tohru... that Tohru would be so sad if Kyou was broken. But it didn't work. All he could remember was Kyou's cold, lifeless body in his arms, his blood gushing out of that awful wound. Now, he was injured, quiet and withdrawn. Yuki couldn't live that way. He needed Kyou's energy. He needed that constant belligerent tug for attention... because even if they hated each other, Kyou needed him. Kyou needed to fight him. He needed Yuki to be there.
It felt so good to be needed... not as the prince, but as someone... as a living breathing creature and not a figurehead. Kyou needed him. Tohru needed him. At least, he would like to think so. She was so fragile, yet so strong. Kyou and Yuki both needed to protect her and somehow, that made him more human. As long as there was this struggle, this pull, Yuki felt like he could go on..
And now, his need to protect had extended to Kyou... because they were family. Kyou was closer than any other family member had been. Only Haru came close. But there was Kyou's passion, his need. Yuki knew that somehow Tohru had made the three of them a family. Yuki had felt more at ease with them than any other time in his life. That's why he was here. There was no getting around it.
The door opened and Yuki saw a wispy figure slide in, the silk of his yukata brushing against the door before it shut. Yuki flinched as the light ghosted over the objects in the room, casting terrifying shadows that retreated from the soft evening light, but reached out for him again to blanket him in the darkness when the door closed again.
He could hear the whisper of fabric against itself before he felt cold fingers ghosting over his face and he couldn't help but shudder as those long nails scraped dangerously along his sensitive skin. He only prayed he would not have to explain away any scars. Akito rarely left visible reminders of his cruelty. Hatori was the one exception.
"Yuki..." his voice was soft. Yuki could smell the oils he had bathed in. "Your skin is as cold as ice. You're trembling!" A gasp. "Don't you see how I hate to punish you like this. But you must learn to behave Yuki, you must." So much pity was in that voice. The feel of silk on his hands and Akito's smaller body covered his own, the older boy settling in Yuki's lap, his head resting on Yuki's shoulder. "You ran away for so long." The fingers of the other hand slid around Yuki's shoulder and into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Can't you see I just want you back where you belong?"
Yuki felt a pang of guilt. Akito seemed thinner since he had last visited him. It was hard to tell to look at him. His beautiful kimonos hid his growing malnutrition well. But now, as Yuki's hands automatically slid up to keep his god from falling off his lap, he could feel the sharp, unhealthy jut of Akito's too thin hips, and his ribs as they brushed along his arm. It was also strange that Akito was smaller now. Yuki had noticed it before, but it was especially potent with the older boy so fragile in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Akito-sama," he said honestly, even if he was shaking as he said it. Akito seemed calm and gentle now, but that was why he was so frightening.
"My little mouse." Akito's breath was mixing with his own it was so close. It smelled of Jasmine and a faint trace of medicine. "So beautiful. You've grown. Your beauty has only grown while you've been away."
Then Yuki felt the press of a soft kiss against his lips. His skin crawled as memories came back of last time, but he did not fight back. When a small tongue pushed it's way into his mouth, he only gripped the young god tighter. It wasn't the kiss itself he disliked but rather the person bestowing it. It made him sick to his stomach, this utter dominance that Akito had over him. This man, since before he was a man, had demanded Yuki's love, and every time, Yuki hated it more. He was not a toy. He was not an object.
Yuki shivered and Akito must have mistaken it for excitement, for his lips pressed harder, and his hands grew more aggressive. They gripped Yuki's neck, almost too tightly and the young mouse thought he would faint, from disgust and shame.
Akito moved to take a tender earlobe between his teeth, nibbling, causing Yuki to moan in a mix of frustration, submission and excitement. Akito smiled, and Yuki could hear it in his breath as he whispered.
"You know what I want, Yuki. You know I love you, don't you?" Akito's voice shook with restrained anger when he said this. "You belong by my side. You have stayed away for far too long, and I allowed it because I am not unkind. But what I own, will always come back to me."
Akito's mouth latched onto Yuki's neck and he began to suck. Yuki whimpered. He did not want this man to mark him. When finally, Akito's hand wandered too low, Yuki jerked away, grabbing those thin, bird-like wrists in his own. He had had enough.
"Do you dare defy me?" Akito snarled, pulling his hand away and slapping the taller boy soundly.
Yuki took the blow in silence. He couldn't do this. He knew what Akito wanted and he could not allow it. He was no longer a small child. He was stronger than Akito, if not in spirit, in strength.
"N... no, Akito."
The smaller man stilled from struggling and the silence was so thick, Yuki's lungs strained for air in the blackness.
Then all hell broke loose.
With a horrifying, rage filled scream, Akito clawed at Yuki's face, trying to hit or scratch whatever he could reach.
"You never love me!" He cried, fighting. Yuki let of Akito's other hand and covered his face as the blows reigned down on him. "You love everyone else...even that stupid ugly girl, but you won't love me! You're supposed to be my own! You're supposed to be mine and only mine and you're supposed to love me!"
Akito scrambled off of Yuki and the sound of objects being hit and thrown were clear. Yuki got up and fumbled, trying to find the door so he could let in some light. He was deathly afraid that Akito was going to hurt himself in this rage. His hands found purchase where he was sure the doorknob would be and he threw it open, turning back to find Akito. He just barely ducked as a lamp was hurled at him. It shattered into pieces against the wall.
Akito was lying in a pile of junk he had knocked over. His face was contorted, ugly with rage.
"Akito, please stop!" Yuki pleaded, dodging another object hurled at him. Akito's predecessor stared down at the proceedings from his canvas and Yuki could swear he saw the same anger reflected in his eyes, as in Akito's.
Akito had nothing else to throw, and he feebly attempted to get up, getting caught in his yukata as he did. Yuki caught him and he struggled.
"You traitor," he said, but it lacked the rage from before. "You love that stupid girl, who loves that horrid monster. I know that's why you're here... for those monsters." He pulled away, jerking out of Yuki's grasp. His look was pure venom as he backed away. "I'll make them pay for taking you away from me! I'll make them pay! If you don't give me what I want!"
With that, he shoved Yuki back and he stumbled into the furniture, bringing down racks and sheets as he went. The swiftly disappearing evening light crept into the room, and Yuki tried desperately to breathe. His lungs hurt so much. He hurt. There were scratches all over his face and arms and he was sure he had some bruises that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. He clutched his chest painfully, but he could tell that the small attack was already subsiding.
A figure appeared in the door and for a minute, Yuki was afraid he had come back.
"You really made him angry."
A calm voice cut through the dark and Yuki moved to get up.
"Kureno."
He reached down to take Yuki's hand and help him up. He led the smaller boy to a chair and sat him down, producing a washrag and a first aid kit. He gave the washcloth to Yuki and Yuki used it to wipe the blood off his arms and face. Kureno was withdrawn and unsmiling as he took out band-aids and gauze.
"He keeps the bracelet in a jewelry box on his nightstand. If you want to take it back."
Yuki's eyes widened, but he shook his head. "I can't... I don't want to be anywhere near that man's bedroom."
"I wasn't implying you do that," Kureno said quietly, "but you could sneak in. The box is locked, but the key is in the nightstand drawer."
Yuki thought this over quietly, while Kureno bandaged his wounds. "He would be very angry."
"Yes," Kureno said, hiding nothing. "But Shigure and I could handle him after it was done."
"Why?" Yuki was a bit confused. Kureno had shown nothing but complete obedience and loyalty toward Akito. "Why are you trying to help?"
Kureno's eyes flashed with something raw and painful and he stared into Yuki's eyes intensely, making the younger boy swallow reflexively.
"I am sorry Yuki. You are the mouse, and I know that you are higher than I. But I do not want Akito to love you."
~ ~ ~
Kyou sighed, leaning against the cold tile of the bathroom and enjoying its effect on his heated skin. Reaching up, he flushed the toilet and crawled over to the bathtub, drawing a small bath. He felt absolutely disgusting, lying around all day. He hated being dirty... and though he wasn't crazy about water, he knew the bath would do him good. He was just thankful he was able to move around on his own again.
Crawling into the bath, Kyou let out another sigh, sinking into the warm water. He fingered his stitches, rubbing the itch out of them, but trying not to scratch. He had already gotten them bleeding again and was severely scolded. Hatori had made the cat promise not to make it worse, relying on Kyou's sense of honesty not to break it. The scars were still raw and harsh. One was about two inches in diameter and ran up below his right ribs. The other was quite a bit smaller and marred the lower side of his back. Fortunately, he was healing quite quickly. He always had. It was still excruciating to move around if he wasn't careful. He couldn't bend over. He couldn't really use his right arm for too much, because it agitated the scarred muscles in his side.
He had finally given in and taken some Tylenol this morning when he could no longer bear the pain. But at least he was off the hard stuff. He had always hated things like drugs and painkillers. It was just a way of lying to yourself. But with the Tylenol, he could still feel the pain; it just wasn't quite so immobilizing. He needed to be able to move.
Toweling off and slipping on some loose sweats, he hobbled his way down to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he rested most of his weight on the door while he peered in trying to find something to eat.
"AAAAAuuugggghhh! Kyou kun!" Kyou looked over to see Tohru dropping the basket of laundry and rushing over to him, fluttering around him afraid to touch him. "What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting! I'm sorry! I was out doing laundry. I checked on you earlier but you were asleep! You should have called! Maybe I should get a pager! I'm so sorry."
Watching her movements, he batted a hand out, catlike and caught her shoulder, stilling her movement. She stared up at him with those big, innocent brown eyes and he batted her on the head.
"You shouldn't worry so much. You'll have a stroke. It's obvious I'm fine. You don't need to worry so much," he said, flustered. It was always so hard to speak to her... like she thought the world of him, of everyone. That was hard to bear.
The blush he was sporting was shades lighter than Tohru's blush and something in his heart fluttered at that thought. "Hai.... Demo, Kyou-kun! You should sit down. I can get you something to eat."
"That's okay." He stared into the fridge, again, sighing. "We're out of milk." Then scrunched his face up when he realized his mistake and Tohru went into another bout of apologizing.
"I'm so sorry, Kyou-kun, I was going to go to the store, but Shigure-kun is with his editor still and Sohma-kun is late, and I didn't want to leave you, but I have to go to work soon and..."
"It's not a big deal," Kyou interrupted and Tohru smiled warmly at him, making him feel self-conscious again.
"You look better today, Kyou-kun."
"Yeah well," he rubbed the back of his head with his good arm. "I probably smell better too." He looked up and attempted a sort of smile. Raising his hand and slipping his fingers into the hair by her ear, he warmed when she leaned into the touch. "I do feel better... thanks to you."
"Kyou-kun..."
Kyou turned, his face heated as he grabbed some orange juice instead and moved to the table to sit down gingerly.
"Where is that stupid rat anyway? Student council? Or has he finally been eaten alive by that fan club of his?"
Tohru clenched her little fists, "Um...well he's not doing anything suspicious!"
Kyou looked at her strangely. "The fact that you say not suspicious is suspicious. Is he okay? He's not sick is he?" Not that it really concerned him, however Tohru didn't seem flighty and worried as she often did when the rat had an attack, so he was sure Yuki was okay.
Tohru smiled.
"What?"
...
"What? Spit it out!"
"Kyou-kun, you do care about him don't you?"
Kyou flushed with anger. Yes he was certain it was anger. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I don't care. I don't give a shit about that shitty mouse."
Tohru didn't look like she was buying it, so he swigged his orange juice angrily, to add to his look of frustration.
She advanced on him like some sort of horror fic character. Put Pollyanna in "The Ring" and there was Tohru. So wholesomely good it was scary. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.
"He likes you too, Kyou-kun. You'll see. Soon. He cares very much about you."
Kyou felt a bit trapped.
"Well, I h-hate him anyway," he stammered.
"Oh, Kyou, why?" Tohru looked so sad for a minute. Kyou looked away, unable to meet those honest brown eyes. "Because I have to. Don't you understand Tohru?"
Her hand trailed up to brush his bangs out of his eyes and he looked at her.
"No, Kyou. I don't understand. I don't at all." She didn't look angry with him, rather he felt almost like she was trying to absorb all his pain. She ran a tiny thumb over his cheek before whispering. "I have to go to work. Please be careful."
Kyou swallowed. "It's okay. I don't need a babysitter."
Tohru smiled. "I'll get some milk on my way home."
"Tohru!"
She turned around, as she slipped her shoes on.
"Be careful okay?"
Tohru smiled beautifully again and nodded, squeaking assent. Again, Kyou felt that warm feeling. It fell away though, with her fading presence and he let his hands fall into his head.
"I don't understand anymore either."
He finished his juice, grabbed some onigiri and made his painful, slow way up the stairs again. The bag on his bed was half packed already and he made quick work, putting the rest of what he would need in there. His side was screaming with pain and he took more Tylenol to dull it. He packed that, figuring no one else would need it. But it took him almost fifteen painful minutes to figure out that there was no way he could carry the pack.
Frustrated, he hit the wall with his good hand, sending jarring pain down his side. This was stupid! He had to get away, but he was already feeling the pain, and he was afraid he wouldn't make it to where he wanted to go. He knew he needed help, but being the cat, he had very few people he could turn to. Yuki might, but he wasn't around. Shigure was too lazy. Shishou would refuse, and demand that he come stay at the dojo. But Kyou wouldn't do that. He didn't want to expose the people he loved to this. He couldn't bear it. Already, he could feel the approaching storm. He could sense it coming.
Picking up the phone, he dialed the one number that might work.
"Hello, Kagura? I need your help."
~ ~ ~
There, is that better? For me, that's some pretty fast writing. I know it's pathetic, compared to some of these speed authors out there. But I'm getting better right?
The next chapter will take longer because I'm going to focus on some of my other stories for a while.
Thank you for reading, lovely lovely people. I love you even when you yell at me... maybe especially when you yell at me.