As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 15)

Disclaimer: Would someone ever really sue me over this? I think not.

Yuki felt himself coming to from a distance. He could hear the thunder outside, crashing so loud, that it felt like it was happening inside his skull instead of outside, but the buzz of broken whispering and the feel of a hand... a human hand, shaking his sleeve. As he cracked an eye open, he could see the gray wood of a very old ceiling staring down at him... dripping in places, but thankfully not on him. Though he was wet to the core anyway. It was obvious that his attack had deprived him of enough air to make him faint. He could tell by the telltale tingling of his face and eyes that denoted a lack of oxygen. Gathering his strength, he took deep breaths and tried to force air into his reluctant lungs.

"... My fault."

Yuki concentrated hard on hearing what that voice was saying. It was broken and scared, and quite obviously Kyou's, thoughYuki felt uncomfortable at his cousin's vulnerability. It was something he was not used to. Like Tohru crying, he didn't know quite how to handle it.

"You can't... you... you'll die, and they'll say it was my fault, just like mama."

The voice was barely a choked whisper and Yuki forced his eyes to open, reaching out for Kyou, to assure him that he was quite alive, when a curdled scream made him jerk away in surprise. His eyes shot open fast, even as a wave of dizziness threatened to overtake him again. He forced himself to look at his cousin.

Kyou was doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach as his pupils began to slit and his skin seemed to crawl with something underneath. Yuki caught that vile smell again and he realized in horror that because of the sporadic rain, Kyou was changing back and forth constantly.

Kyou rose and stumbled toward the door, clutching his stomach. Yuki summoned all of his energy and rolled over, getting to his feet. A wave of dizziness threatened to knock him out, but he fought it for all he was worth.

"Kyou! Come back!"

Slipping the bracelet off his wrist and onto his hand, he ran after the boy, who had thrown the door open and stumbled out into the night. Increasing his pace, he launched himself into Kyou's lower half, tackling him to the ground, at the bottom of the redhead's ankles, before reaching for his arm. Kyou's scream was already that of a monster, his skin convulsing as the change tried to take place and he jerked away, trying to run from Yuki. It was wet and he was slippery as he scrambled to get away. Yuki grabbed a leg and held tight.

"Is running away all we do?" He yelled, over the rumble of thunder, wincing as Kyou screamed and pushed at his arm.

"Is that all we do?"

"I've had enough!"

Then softly, with so much sadness cracking his voice, even though he tried to sound strong. "I've had enough of doing that."

Yuki looked up at the half-monster lying in the mud, and clutched the barely human hand to his chest, ignoring the sting as it bothered his open wound.

Kyou lay, limp, his form heaving for breath, but he was pliant now and Yuki held his wrist tight, slipping the beads over a limp hand, and watching in fascination as the skin smoothed, calming and slowly becoming the usual slightly tan hue. The effect traveled from that wrist and up, where Yuki could see Kyou's spine, receding and curving back in to that of a human, until all that was left, was a naked, broken boy, lying in the mud. Yuki clasped the limp hand to him, his whole body shaking with cold and adrenaline.

Kyou looked up at him with exhausted, wondering eyes, his mouth opening and closing a few times before his scratchy throat gave him sound. In a shaky, awed voice, the Sohma mouse heard:

"Yuki..."

The stumbled back into the cabin, barely supporting each other and Yuki dropped Kyou unceremoniously onto the tatami mat. The cat was half senseless and lay in a naked heap. Yuki shucked off his own wet clothing and rifled through Kyou's duffle for a pair of underwear at least. He was too wet for anything else. He did find a small bath-towel and took advantage of it, wiping most of the water off. He was shivering uncontrollably, but he managed to quickly run the towel over Kyou's inert form, before grabbing the quilt that was folded beside, he pulled it over both of them. He pulled Kyou's body until it was lying properly on the bed and gathered the boy in his arms.

Yuki shivered violently in the cold air. He had never done well with cold and this was no exception. He felt as if he would rattle apart and he pulled Kyou closer to him, soaking in the heat of another body. At this point he was so cold it could have been anyone. It could have been his moron brother even, and he would not have cared. However, it did not escape him, how something inside him burned with relief at having his cousin safe and sound in his arms. He was not simply clutching at Kyou because he was cold. He was done running away as well. It helped that the cat radiated heat. He didn't seem feverish, but perhaps because of the transformation, or perhaps because Kyou was that kind of person, Yuki found that his shivering was slowly subsiding in the wake of his cousin's warmth.

It wasn't until he had stopped shaking, that he felt the hot damp of Kyou's tears against his arm. His cousin made no sound, but his breathing was ragged and soggy. His hand was weakly touching at the gash in Yuki's shoulder. Yuki pulled him closer.

"It's okay, Kyou," he said, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. "It's over now. You can let go. It's just us."

Kyou clenched his teeth and fought valiantly with his emotions, but when Yuki began to rub his back soothingly, he lost all control. Burying his head in Yuki's chest, he let a jagged sob escape him, shaking his whole body with its force. He clutched Yuki's arms, disturbing bruises Yuki hadn't noticed yet.

"I..."

Yuki gave him some time to take a breath and calm down.

"I'm sorry Yuki," he said, shaking his head back and forth as his whole body convulsed with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry."

Yuki continued to rub his back, tears erupting unbidden from his own eyes. He felt like a taught piano wire was unwinding from around his heart, and the awful release of so much pressure made him feel a little sick inside. Even if the apology did not refer to his betrayal so long ago, Yuki felt somehow, that this small act of contrition could absolute everything because he had been in the wrong as well.

He curled protectively around his cousin and cried with him silently. He was sorry. He was sorry he had been so cold... that he had been unsympathetic to Kyou's pain. He was sorry that he wasn't a good enough person to forgive him before, and he wondered if Tohru hadn't come along, and showed him the way, if he ever would have. He was so sorry. He could have been a better person. But he hadn't seen. He didn't realize it until now. He clutched tighter, for his own comfort as much as Kyou's. Suddenly, it was perfectly clear to him... how precious this all was.

"It's okay, Kyou. It's over," he said, whispering it in Kyou's ear as he shook. It was over... not just the influence of the evil cat, but much more. Whatever weight had pressed them to hate each other Yuki could feel slipping away like so much liquid in his hands, and they were family... not just in word, but also in spirit. Things would change. It would be hard, but it would change.

Of that, Yuki was sure.

Eventually, Kyou could no longer fight his exhaustion and he passed out, gradually loosening in Yuki's arms, still jerking occasionally to a reflexive sob. Yuki pulled him as close as he dared, needing the cat's heat to keep warm. He was still chilled to the bone and the feel of Kyou's warm skin against the cool of his was too tempting to pass up. It had been quite a while since he had held someone so close. Akito used to hold him like this and before it became demanding and something Yuki didn't want, he had enjoyed it. It was more contact than he was ever afforded at home. Since Akito's aggression, he had really had no desire to touch or be touched, generally shying away from even slight contact. He hated anyone putting his or her hands on him without his permission. Haru was about the only person who was allowed to touch him freely.

It wasn't until Tohru had come that he had started touching someone in small gestures of affection. He had even kissed her a few times... light, fleeting things. He had fancied being her boyfriend for a while... but with the curse it was near impossible. And Tohru was somehow untouchable in her innocence. He felt that she didn't deserve to be teased like that, when a real relationship was near impossible.

Now, the feel of warm skin against his was comfortable and needed. Not only was he slowly warming up, lying with this human radiator in his arms... but Kyou's need, his vulnerability... made Yuki feel strong in a way he had never felt. He felt he had finally found himself. He was strong enough to go against Akito. He was worth something, besides just being the rat of the Sohma clan. For the first time, he had faced his own challenge and succeeded.

Even though he worked hard, everyone always passed his success off as it being because he was the rat. They expected things to be easy for him. The horrible truth to it was that it was. It was always easy. He never felt like he could do anything himself. It was easy to beat Kyou. It was easy to get amazing grades, and be class president, and be idolized. And yet nothing like it had ever made him feel so empty and worthless inside.

But he had defied Akito... Akito, who was their god. That had not been easy. Not only was it bad fortune to go against the head of the clan, but also for Yuki, it was a personal challenge. He was the Mouse. He of all people, served the god first and foremost... was supposed to be his right hand.

And Yuki was desperately afraid of the man. He hated himself for always being weak, for never being able to overcome this fear. So it was no surprise, that as tired as he was, his heart thrummed with a powerful feeling. For once, he had not run away. He had taken a step he never would have thought possible.

Kyou, his rival and his reason, was resting safely in his arms. The bracelet was back where it belonged and though the storm raged outside, banging at the windows and dripping all around them, throwing everything into chaos, Yuki felt in control.

When Kyou woke, he felt dead and heavy. His body was telling him that it was still raining. In fact, if the feeling of lethargy within him was any indication, it was raining hard. He couldn't tell what time of day it was, it was so dark. At first, he had felt that heavy misery and he was sure he was trapped again, halfway between human and monster, slowly losing himself... but as he drifted to consciousness, he felt strangely grounded. He felt human. With that thought, came the thought that his bracelet was once again pressed firmly against the flesh of his wrist. That didn't fit and with that realization, he began to remember, half nightmarish memories of the night before.

Oh god. Ye had tried to kill Yuki. He had...

A choking, half-asleep moan escaped him as he realized what he had done. The moan must have been a signal though, for there was a shift behind him and he was pulled more tightly into a hold that could only be described as an embrace. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself tucked quite securely in the crook of his cousin's wiry pale arms. His legs were entwined with Yuki's and his arm rested on Yuki's softly undulating chest. Kyou stifled an urge to run his fingers down that soft skin; half asleep that he was, and he realized that Yuki's hold on him was equally as intimate and not just a little possessive.

Panicking momentarily, he tried to pull out of the embrace, intent on getting as far away from it as he could since he couldn't properly ever remember one, but it seemed the embracer had other ideas. They tightened around him and pulled him closer, an sleepy voice moaning:

"Cold."

Kyou stopped, forcing himself to relax. Yuki had obviously not even woken up yet. But he was shivering a bit in the morning air. He had always been a little sensitive to the cold, with all his health problems. After all he had done, the least Kyou could do, would be to lend some body heat until he woke up. Reigning in his panic, he forced himself to relax, almost balking as Yuki made a sweet sound of contentment and nuzzled his hair.

He stared at his cousin. Yuki was beautiful, by any standard. But Kyou had always acknowledged his beauty. Hell, the whole school was in love with his feminine looking cousin. He wasn't about to deny it. Instead, he spent most of his time, making fun of it, knowing that it irked the boy no end. It was one of Kyou's fonder hobbies.

But now, Kyou saw something less black and white, and he hated that. He couldn't help but to realize that whatever had happened, Yuki had made a sacrifice. He had gotten the bracelet from Akito, the person he was most afraid of. He had run into the woods in the middle of the night, to face a monster. He had saved Kyou, again, and though it rather pissed the cat off that he was so weak, he needed Yuki's help, and he suddenly realized how Haru must have felt when Yuki acknowledged him as something more than the stupid cow. Yuki was better. He deserved it all. Kyou couldn't possibly ever measure up.

Kyou felt the pressure building in his chest again as emotions threatened to consume him. He had almost killed his cousin. Yuki had come to help him and he had almost killed him. He didn't deserve to be helped. He knew now why Akito wanted to cage him. He was a monster. He couldn't be allowed to continue... to endanger people. He never wanted... slowly, and quite reluctantly, Kyou slid carefully out of his cousin's grasp. As good as it felt, this couldn't be.

"I'm very disappointed in you two," Hatori said sternly, to the two girls one who stared quietly at her lap, the other who wrung her hands nervously. "You should have told me the minute you knew he was trying to go by himself. Yuki's health is delicate. Now Shigure is out there, trying to find him. Do you realize what could happen if he didn't make it to that cabin?"

Both girls were silent. There was no arguing in this. There was nothing to argue with. They merely sat under Hatori's hard gaze, waiting for their punishment.

The silence was broken by a scratching at the door. Hatori went quickly to open it, letting a very wet dog inside, who proceeded to shake water all over him and the floor. Tohru and Kagura soon followed, Tohru bringing a towel to rub Shigure dry.

"Did you?" Kagura asked tentatively. "Did you hear anything?"

Shigure nosed Tohru's neck, making her giggle. "Not to worry, my little ones. Yuki is not dead on the path, therefore he made it safely. So I'm told."

"Thank goodness."

Hatori also breathed a sigh of relief. He cleared his throat loudly though, when Shigure started nosing lower, clearly heading for Tohru's breasts. Taking the dog by the scruff and ignoring the yelp of pain, he dragged the dog into the kitchen.

"You two go to bed," he shot at the two girls, immediately bringing guilty looks to their faces again. "Consider yourselves lucky that nothing bad happened."

They nodded and disappeared. Shigure chuckled.

"Hatori, you're so stern."

"As for you, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Shigure jumped up, putting his paws on Hatori's chest and licking his neck. "Why, Ha-san, you're jealous."

"Please, Shigure... you smell like wet dog." He pushed the dog down, grabbing his cup of tea and heading out. "I'm going upstairs. If you want to do that, do it when you change back." With that he left.

Shigure licked his chops and waited, whining a little. Hatori seemed all serious, but he could be such a tease.

Yuki surveyed his work critically. Tuna fish salad wasn't a problem for anyone else, but he had trouble making toast. Cooking. It was the one thing Kyou could do so much better than he, and yet it never seemed to come up as something to compete in. Kyou always simply passed it off as survival, since Shihan was about as proficient as Yuki at food.

However Kyou had barely spoken since the morning. Yuki had woken up cold, and realized the body that had been there keeping him warm all night was gone. On the positive side, his wounds had been dressed. He wrinkled his nose in self-disgust. He had slept through it. Someday, sleeping like the dead was going to get him in trouble.

He had found Kyou sitting by the window, watching the torrents of rain pour against it, twisting his bracelet. Yuki had called his name, but the boy hadn't said a word. He decided to leave it for a while and let Kyou think. Apparently, the cat had a lot of thinking to do, for he said nothing. The only sound was the thunder and the constant rain against the windows.

Annoyingly, there was nothing to do. The storm would last for days. It was dangerous to go out now, and even when the wind had lessened, neither of them had the gear to handle going the few miles back to Shigure's house. The path outside was treacherous at the moment and the speed at which various objects hit the windows, blown there by the wind, it would be suicide to leave the little house.

So Yuki had started cleaning. He had started with their wet clothes and ended up in the kitchen, finding the food, and realizing that he was quite hungry. Even he couldn't screw up tuna, mayonnaise and onion... he hoped.

He knew then, that Kyou would be equally as hungry, if not more so, and Yuki was going mad from the silence. If they were going to spend the next day or two together, it was time to get some things sorted out.

So he ventured into the only other room there was and walked up behind his cousin, wondering what was so damn interesting out that window. Kyou was balled up on the small table against it, leaning on the wall, arms crossed over his legs, simply staring.

"If you're hungry, I made some food. It's probably not the best, but it's food anyhow."

Kyou simply shook his head, not even bothering to raise it from his legs. Yuki's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This fatalistic attitude of yours isn't doing anyone any good..."

"Shut up! Stupid mouse!" Kyou raised his head, turning to face the mouse and his eyes flared with anger for the first time, though it was muted, and Yuki felt some hope. "I know that!" Kyou glared at him, before setting his head back down.

"But..."

His voice was small and lost and Yuki could see reflections of himself in that small, unsure voice. Kyou had never let Yuki see this side of him before. Carefully, Yuki crawled on the small table beside his cousin and slid an arm carefully around those bony, hunched shoulders. Kyou stiffened in his arms for a moment before relaxing, sighing softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Kyou was silent for a moment before unwinding and resting his head in Yuki's lap, plucking at the sweatpants he had put on. Yuki felt himself stiffen at first as well. This was territory, far too new for both of them. He tentatively slipped his fingers into the soft orange hair. He had always wondered. Sure enough, it was soft and thick and velvety, like a cat's fur. Kyou's head warmed his fingers, and the cat relaxed even more and Yuki felt that what he was doing couldn't be any more right.

"Yuki?"

"What is it?"

"I...I really am a monster, aren't I?"

Yuki sighed. How many times had he asked himself that question? How many times had Akito called him that, saying he could never have someone, never have friends. Had he told Kyou just as much, maybe more?

"No, Kyou. No more than any one of us."

"Why are you here? Why did you come? And don't give me the cock and bull "Tohru would be sad" excuse. We've used it too much already."

Yuki smiled. "Even if it's true?"

"I did smell blood that night. I remember now. I've seen your chest... and your feet. You had already gone to Akito, before we knew about the storm."

In a normal, cat versus rat situation, Yuki would tell his cousin how surprised that the fur-ball was smart enough to figure that out. Now though...

"You're right," he admitted. "Akito told me he would give the bracelet back if I started seeing him again."

"You make him sound like an abusive husband."

Yuki didn't reply, staring at the rain instead.

"You shouldn't have done it," Kyou said softly. "It wasn't worth it."

"Stop it!" Yuki bit back. "Isn't that my decision to make?"

"Yuki..."

"No! Baka-neko!" Yuki cried out. "Do you know what it's like? To hold someone in your arms, and watch their life's blood gushing out onto your hands, and pray with each breath he takes, that it won't be the last?" Yuki's voice shook with emotion and he just didn't care. "To realize that the person you're most connected to almost wasn't there anymore, and all both of you have ever done, is fight and belittle each other? That if he were gone, the last thing you told him, was what a waste of space he was?"

The silence was thick, but not uncomfortable. Yuki carefully brought himself under control, taking deep breaths, not realizing that his hand was still buried in Kyou's soft hair, stroking it almost frantically. Kyou sought Yuki's other hand and rested his hand on the top of it, not quite holding it, but connected anyway.

"Maybe. Maybe I do." Kyou stared at that hand, curling his fingers around the slim thing and squeezing. "I thought I killed you last night." Kyou trembled at the thought. "I just... I just wanted to beat you in a fight, damn it! I never wanted..."

Yuki turned his hand over and lent Kyou some support through that touch.

"And it was like I woke from this horrible, horrible dream, only it hadn't really ended. And you were so pale, and I swore that you weren't breathing, and I thought 'my god, I've killed my family.' Not the Sohmas, or the rat, but you and Tohru and me, and that stupid dog."

"We need each other." Yuki stated simply. Kyou's head nodded ascent in his lap.

"I'm sorry Yuki. I almost ruined everything. No wonder Akito wants to lock me up."

Yuki smacked Kyou's head good and proper.

"Ow! Fuck, Yuki!"

"Stupid cat," Yuki said, but he was smiling. "You think you could actually beat me? Please. Give me more credit than that. Evil cat or not, I can still kick your ass."

Kyou rubbed his head, looking up at his cousin, his savior.

"For once, Yuki, I hope you're right."