Equally Cursed and Blessed

by Caer

As long as Kyou can remember, he and Yuki have been enemies, but there's more to it than that. Dark secrets lurk in the past of every Sohma and one horrible act by the accursed head of the clan will set off the beginning of finding all the answers

17. EQAB16

Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed

Author: Caer

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst

Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, HaruxMomiji

Status: Work in progress (part 16)

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.

Note: Replies to various comments are at the bottom. Thank you all again, for being so kind and so patient. I'm not crazy about this chapter. It's a bit slow, but I don't want to suddenly rush this relationship. They're coming together gradually, and I think you'll be happy with the result. I'm not sure how long this fic will be, but I'm guessing that it won't go past 25 chapters. We still have quite a bit to cover, besides Yuki and Kyou's burgeoning relationship.

Onward ho!

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I can't believe you put salt in the tuna fish salad."

"Well how was I supposed to know you stupid cat?"

"Have you ever actually tasted salt in tuna-fish salad before you damn rat?"

"You're the one who eats fish all the damn time! There was nothing else."

"I like fish!"

Yuki and Kyou glared at each other from across the table. Kyou was the first to buckle, dropping his head to the table.

"You… You make me tired."

That wasn't exactly true. Usually Kyou would have plenty of energy to continue the argument. But the pouring rain was sapping all his strength. He stared at his salty tuna fish listlessly, poking at it with his chopsticks.

Yuki watched him, eating his own tuna fish defiantly. It wasn't that salty… at least he wasn't going to admit it. He kept his voice cool and indifferent.

"If you're that picky, then you can make dinner."

Kyou shook his head, still hidden in his arms on the table.

"I don't get it. How on earth did you and Shigure survive before Tohru got there?"

Yuki shrugged. "We ate a lot of burnt food."

Yuki was surprised when Kyou's shoulders began to shake. It only lasted a moment, but when Kyou raised his head, there was obvious amusement in those red eyes. He snorted, trying to hide his laughter as he picked up his chopsticks and took a bite of the salty fish. "You're worse than Shish… Kazuma." Kyou amended, completely surprised at the slip up. He never called Kazuma by that title except when they were alone or with Tohru. Kyou silently berated himself. Yuki was now staring at him, his gray eyes unreadable.

"He could never make anything right." Kyou said quietly, ducking his head when Yuki continued to stare at him. Kyou hated that gaze. It made him feel so picked apart. He always felt like Yuki was looking at him in disdain before, which would spark his anger and make him start a fight usually. Yuki's gaze was uncomfortable in the quiet. Now though, it didn't feel quite so hostile. Or maybe Kyou had just always taken it as such.

He felt bare to that gaze. He didn't like it. It scared him that Yuki seemed to be able to see the very inside of him. Because he knew what was inside of him. Inside of him was horrible and rotting and putrid.

Needing to break the quiet somehow, Kyou got up, sighing as the fatigue from the dreary weather tried to drag him down. "I'm going to start a fire."

He walked out, leaving a very contemplative Mouse in his wake.

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Tohru stared out the window. Though Shigure and Hatori had tried to assuage her fears, she couldn't help but wonder how Kyou and Yuki were faring. Half of her problem was her overactive imagination. Once she had convinced herself that they weren't freezing to death, she would see them drowning. If she was assured they weren't going to drown, she could see them tearing each other to pieces. If they weren't going to kill each other, they might be buried alive in a horrible mudslide, like her poor tent so many years ago.

She could hear Kagura in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. A few minutes later, the girl came to stand beside her.

"Did we do the right thing Tohru?"

Tohru just smiled and led Kagura to the bed, crawling in and pulling Kagura with her. They lay in bed face to face and Tohru stroked Kagura's hair. Kagura sighed and looked dejected. She felt so lost. Tohru didn't feel much different, but she stroked the soft brown hair comfortingly.

"My mother used to tell me that the heart spoke in funny ways. There was a little boy at my elementary school. He was in my class. I was probably five. He would pick on me every day. He would pull my hair. He would hide my lunchbox. He would call me names and pick on my clothes. I told my mother that he was awful. He made me cry." She would smile and say… "Tohru-kun. That's just how little boys are. He does that because he likes you." I would tell her that he couldn't, he was so terrible. Then she said "if he's so terrible, why don't you tell a teacher?""

Tohru looked at Kagura seriously. "I didn't know why. If I had told on him, he would have gotten in trouble. He probably would have left me alone. Even after that, I didn't tell on him. He continued to pick on me. Then one day, he had to move. I never saw him again. But his memory will always bee deep with me. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers me." Tohru smiled. "Sometimes, I wonder how he looks now, or where he might be. Does he look out the window and ever remember that little girl in pink that he used to make fun of?"

Kagura smiled and took Tohru's hand.

"I used to try to tell myself that I loved Kyou. Deep inside, I knew that I was feeling guilt for what I did to him. But I convinced myself that I loved him. But until you came along… Kazuma and Yuki were the only ones he ever paid attention to. That's why I think Yuki is the only one who can help Kyou."

Tohru nodded. "I think… that Yuki needs help too. That's why they have to do this together.

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Yuki sat next to the fireplace, soaking in as much warmth as the fire would provide. His back was blistering hot, but his front was still cold. He couldn't quite find a happy medium, but he found that lying on the floor a few feet in front of the fireplace and turning periodically was okay… even if he felt like one of those rotisserie ducks on the roast. Fortunately Kyou had a full shelf of books, most of which Yuki had not read. So he had grabbed one and started. Besides a small oil lamp, the fire was the only light. It was completely dark outside now and Yuki's eyes were beginning to bother him.

He was brought from his reading by the door opening. A very wet Kyou entered the small cabin. He was wearing Yuki's raincoat from last night. Yuki watched as he removed the coat and boots he wore, leaving them at the door. His hair was wet in the front. It hung in dark clumps over his pale forehead. He was shivering. Yuki moved, gesturing for Kyou to sit by the fire as well. Observing the cat's grimace as he lowered himself to the floor in front of the fire.

"The valley is a river." Kyou said tiredly. "The whole path is covered in water. We're not going anywhere. At least tonight."

"Better to try in the daylight." Yuki said, watching as Kyou's shivering slowly subsided in the warmth of the fire. "I'm surprised you got here in the first place, with that wound. Two days ago, you could barely walk."

Kyou shrugged, lifting up his shirt, fingering at his wound. The scar was ugly, but to Yuki's relief seemed to look a sight better than it had the last time. He watched in fascination as Kyou's fingers trailed over his well defined abs indifferently. The skin looked so warm there. Yuki shivered a bit.

"The cat seems to heal pretty fast, I guess." Kyou looked at Yuki's shoulder, a hint of guilt in his eyes. "What about you? Your shoulder isn't infected is it?"

Yuki shook his head. "It hurts like hell, but that's just because I have to use my arm."

Kyou rose and walked to the small kitchen, grabbing the first aid kit and returning with it. He sat down in front of Yuki and opened it up.

"Take off your shirt. I'll change the bandages and make sure."

Yuki almost refused, but he realized that Kyou was doing this to help assuage his own guilt, as much as help. Besides, he wasn't going to want to undress later when the fire went out. At least he was relatively warm right now, if only on one side. He pulled Kyou's red hoodie off, grimacing in pain as he moved his injured shoulder to do it. Kyou helped him take it the rest of the way off his head, when he couldn't raise his arm further. Kyou removed the bandages deftly. His fingers were warm against Yuki's still chilled skin and he wondered incredulously how the boy could have just come out of the rain and still be warm. Kyou's hands were rough yet gentle. Though he abused the bandages, his touch on Yuki's skin was light and careful.

Yuki winced as Kyou began to clean the wound and put peroxide on the jagged teeth marks in his shoulder. Kyou was exceedingly careful, but it didn't stop the painful wound from hurting. Much to Yuki's dismay it began to bleed again as well and Kyou was forced to put pressure on it, having no choice but to hold his arm around Yuki's back while he held a cloth to the front of Yuki's shoulder. They were inches apart, and once the pain began to subside, Yuki noticed this. Again, he noticed Kyou's intense warmth. He also noted the haunted look in Kyou's eyes as he put all of his focus into stopping the wound from bleeding. Once it had, Kyou wrapped the wound tightly.

"You're pretty prepared here." Yuki said, grateful as Kyou helped him slip the sweatshirt back on. Once his head came through the neckhole, he found himself eye to eye with Kyou again. They stared at each other. Kyou swallowed visibly.

"Yeah well," Kyou said quietly. "Just in case I lost. You didn't actually expect me to stick around and live in a cage the rest of my life did you?"

Yuki hadn't really. Even if Kyou hadn't done anything, Yuki knew that Kazuma would. It was one of the reasons, Yuki hated Kyou. He hated that Kyou was the monster, and yet he got a father that loved him anyway… while Yuki was stuck with true parents who only used him because he was the mouse.

"It was where I was going to hide after graduation, until I could get away. Now though, I suppose you'll tell Akito. If you don't, Shigure will."

"No." Yuki said flatly. "I wouldn't. But Akito would know anyway."

Kyou looked down, sighing.

"Yeah. I know. My only chance is to beat you."

"Huh. Like that could ever happen."

Kyou's eyes flared with anger, but there was hope in them.

"Shut the hell up Kuso nezumi! I'll kick your ass!"

Yuki smiled gently, startling his cousin.

"You don't know how glad I am to hear that."

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Shigure gasped, straining one last time as he reached his climax, before relaxing and sinking between Hatori's legs. The doctor was already panting, finished beneath him. His head was turned to the side, eyes closed as he tried to find breath. Shigure winced.

"Ow. I think I pulled a hip muscle." He slowly released Hatori's legs, which were hooked in the crook of his arms and Hatori relaxed, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"You shouldn't try to last so long." He said quietly. "We're not as young as we used to be. I don't mind if you come sooner."

"Mou… but Aya-chan complains when I come too soon."

"You two were always exchanging bragging rights about that. Frankly, it's a chore waiting sometimes."

"So who's better in bed Ha-kun?"

Hatori sighed. "That's not fair."

Shigure chuckled. He played with the hair on Hatori's forehead. He enjoyed seeing Hatori raw and relaxed like this. It was a rare sight.

"You should come see me more often. You need the stress relief."

"I wouldn't exactly label my recent visits as stress-free.." Hatori replied dryly. "Though there are some benefits."

Shigure chuckled. "It's been exciting since Tohru came ne? She's started something quite extraordinary."

Hatori's brow furrowed as he agreed with a grunt. "But will we survive the side effects? We're meddling in dangerous waters by keeping her here."

Shigure nodded and rolled to Hatori's side, staring up at the ceiling.

"She's our only hope, Ha-san. I just hope that she's strong enough."

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"Hit me."

Yuki sighed and dealt two more cards. Kyou looked at them, his eyebrow twitching. Predictably, he was not skilled at a poker face. Yuki eyed him, bored. He yawned for extra effect and delighted when Kyou's eyebrow twitched yet again. There was just something so satisfying about teasing the redhead. Kyou swore and slapped his cards down.

"Damnit, I fold!"

Yuki turned his cards over, displaying not much of a hand at all. Kyou's eyes widened and he slumped, putting his head on the table.

"I can't believe I had a better hand and I still lost."

Yuki smiled and ruffled the red hair, causing Kyou to stiffen, his eyes widening at the gentle and unexpected gesture.

"Stupid cat. You need to learn to hide your emotions more."

"Easy for you to say." Kyou watched Yuki get up and go to put the cards away, his head still tingling from Yuki's touch. He raised his head in concern when Yuki stopped and began to cough.

"Yuki?" Yuki dropped to one knee as he held his chest. "Oi, Yuki." Kyou dragged his tired body up and went to Yuki's side. Yuki held his chest.

"It's okay. It's just a little attack."

Kyou watched him warily. "It's too cold here. You're going to get sick."

"I'll be fine." Yuki focused on his breathing, but he was unable to hide his shivers in the cold air of the cabin. Kyou snorted.

"Stupid rat. You don't have to hide everything."

Kyou helped Yuki to lay on the futon, pulling the blanket over them both and grimacing as he disturbed his wounds. They were both a mess.

"As soon as it stops raining, you're going home." He stated.

Yuki's eyes were half closed as he tried to control his breathing and wait out the attack. "You… have to come with… me."

Kyou's eyes dropped, his hand going automatically to the beads around his wrist. Cold, strong fingers closed around his hand and the bracelet. Startled, he looked up and into determined gray eyes. Yuki's gaze was hard and Kyou found that he was unable to look away.

"I'm not going back without you." His breathing was still eratic and Kyou wondered if he imagined the slight desperation in the weak voice, or if it was just due to the attack. Kyou swallowed and nodded, wondering why he felt a deep-seated contentment bubbling within his chest, almost as potent as when Tohru had come for him when he transformed. He wanted to go back. He wanted to see her again. He wanted them all to be together again. And if he was going to beat Yuki, he needed him healthy. Yes. That was the reason he was worried.

"When the rain stops, we'll go," he agreed. "Both of us."

Yuki nodded and returned his focus to concentrating on getting enough air into his lungs. His grip stayed around Kyou's hand though and he seemed to practically shiver his way closer to Kyou, who wasn't sure whether he should move away or stay put. He chose the latter, unable to resist the feeling of Yuki's cool skin as it countered the slight fever still within him. The rain still raged outside, and the drowsiness overtook Kyou easily. Though his nerves were taut with hoping that Yuki didn't have a full-out attack. He was focused on the rat's breathing, only succumbing to sleep when Yuki's breathing calmed.

Yuki felt his shivering subside, with Kyou so close. He finally opened his eyes and settled them on his sleeping cousin. Kyou's face was so relaxed this way. There was no anger. His face was still pale and gaunt from his past convalescence. The monster had healed his wounds, but Yuki wondered what it had done to Kyou's mind. These two nights of sleep were most likely the first nights of peace the boy had gotten, with the torrential rains continuing outside.

Then again, Kyou had always been strong. Even with all the hatred and oppression from his own family, Kyou fought valiantly. Though, to Yuki, it often seemed like swimming desperately against the current… useless. That had always angered him so much… how his cousin could fight a losing battle so defiantly, no matter how painful. Yuki knew that he knew Kyou better than anyone except perhaps Kazuma.

Yuki reached out and touched the soft red hair. He buried his fingers in it and almost pulled away when Kyou's chest rumbled and he inclined his head into the touch unconsciously. Yuki stared in fascination as his fingers sifted through his cousin's soft hair. He felt detached, because this couldn't be reality. This kind of thing didn't happen between the rat and the cat. And yet, Yuki couldn't stop touching his warm, tangible cousin. Yuki gently touched Kyou's cheek and trailed his fingers down his neck. Kyou didn't open his eyes, but continued to sleep, mouth half open. Yuki found his mind wandering into territory where it didn't belong. He moved his hands to Kyou's lips, before stopping them, hand poised. His mind was screaming 'too far too far', but he stayed on that precipice far longer than he should, before turning away in mild horror.

Suddenly, things were becoming complicated and simple all at once, and Yuki didn't like it because it changed everything, and the mouse suddenly felt with every fiber of his being what he wanted now. He realized what he had been doing all along, was running away from something himself. Though he doubted Kyou would understand. However, when he tried to pull his other hand from Kyou's, the sleeping boy grunted in displeasure and threw an arm clumsily over Yuki's waist, moving closer.

And Yuki despaired, for things were even more complicated than ever, yet so simple.

He spent the rest of the night in disbelieving wakefulness.

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Whooooooooo! Yay another chapter, if a slightly boring one. Anyway, in reply to reviews:

Lithey: You're so awsome! That you're still reading this, just cranks my clock, since you're such a kick ass writer yourself. If only I had more access to give you snuggles. Thank you so much! I will continue to worship you in the GTO fandom.

kashuneko: You are absolutely right about what you said. But you're not quite right about what I'm trying to do and not do. First of all, Triste and I started this story for fun. We didn't go into it, wanting to write a totally realistic and serious story. We're not trying to promote "Yaoi-ism" as you say. We just both had pairings we wanted to explore, and it was all Yaoi. There is some underlying hetero in the story here and there. However, the argument you can put to real life doesn't quite apply here. We're talking about generations and generations of family members who can barely touch the opposite sex. That's bound to encourage more homosexuality between family members. So it's not that unbelievable that they'd turn to same sex pairings for comfort. Hana doesn't want sex with Tohru. She want's love. On Hana and Tohru's part, I want a pure loving relationship. I have a very hard time even thinking of Tohru having sex ever. She's soooo pure. As for Kureno? You know what? Sex is a huge part of life, and these are guys... and I myself am a huge pervert. If you notice, most of this story hasn't been about sex, it's been about finding love. But sex is a part of it. You'll just have to deal with that if you want to read this fic. Momiji is a teenage boy. And if you notice, in the manga, he isn't exactly innocent. Teenage boys want sex. Of course he wan't sex. But he wants love too. I understand your complaints, and you're mostly right, however like I said, I'm writing this story for fun, and this is how it happened. I will therefore rely on your "willing suspension of disbelief" to carry you through. Thanks for the in depth critique though!

Lucca: These long reviews make me particularly happy. Believe me, I am not unhappy at all. For you to put so much thought and heart into a review for my little fic makes me just melt inside. Thank you so much. You know, at first, I was going to just give Tohru some other romance to pull her a bit out of the picture, and then I decided that I really like the complexity of keeping her love for them and their love for her. She's one of the few girl anime characters that I like. I love her silliness and her wisdom and I like keeping her as a love interest for everyone, but in a pure and chaste way. And um... kidnapping is fine. Just keep me fed and bring me sex slaves occasionally and I will be yours! hugs

Additional thanks to Koko-chan1, Black Mirror, Wolfkun, Larania Drake,xxkurenaixx, Pyro Dragon 117, Shado Cat17, Yuen-chan, yamatoforever(always so kind to review!), Yueh Kitsune, Denisse, Ikari Shinji-kun, V-chan, Katy North, XuXa the stoic, babymar-mar, Hi-chan (your English is so good!), InsaneBlackHeart(death threats do help. Thanks. ), SlySilverWolf, xiaoj, and yaoifangirl hugs

You guys all make my little heart pound with joy. I'm so glad that you're hanging with me. You all rock.