Title: Equally Cursed and Blessed
Author: Caer
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Yaoi, violence, angst
Pairings: Eventual YukixKyou, ShigurexHatori, and HaruxMomiji
Status: Work in progress (part 19)
Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim these characters.
Hey all. Sorry for the long wait. I had a horrible time with this chapter. Even now it seems rushed. Plus I was planning a big set to where Haru loses his temper and goes black, but it didn't come out of my fingers. Instead you get this. Still I hope you enjoy it. Thanks especially to those of you who reviewed and asked for more.
"She never let me get dirty," he said, picking the ash out of his nails.
"Who?" Kyou had asked, staring into the fire.
"My mother," Yuki replied, and the bitterness in his voice was unmistakable. "I always had to be clean and properly dressed, just in case 'he' wanted me to visit."
Kyou hadn't asked. He knew what "he" Yuki was talking about.
"If I got dirty, they would get so angry. If I hid... she would hit me."
It had taken a lot for Kyou to muster up his courage and speak.
"My mother never hit me," he said. "She barely ever touched me, except to check that my bracelet was still there. Even the day she..." he couldn't finish. He wanted to. Part of him wanted to talk about it so badly it hurt his chest. But he couldn't bring himself to show any more to Yuki.
A hand rested on his shoulder. Yuki didn't look at him, but for a moment, they sat there, communing with their pain together, silently.
Kyou started out of his reverie, realizing that he had zoned out again. How many times had his mind wondered back into the woods where he and Yuki had done something the Cat and the Rat would never do. They understood each other. However, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about things since he and Yuki had returned. Something had changed between himself and the rat. Kyou didn't know whether it was good or bad. All he knew was that every time he thought about their time together, he felt strange. Yuki had held him. Yuki had talked with him. Yuki had risked... too much.
Yuki was stupid.
But it didn't keep Kyou from thinking about it.
Things were changing. Mainly things were changing between Yuki and himself. There had been no fights, of course, because both of them were still injured. But there hadn't even been insults... or rather there had, but they hadn't been as wholly venomous as they used to be. Yuki had been almost... tender with him. He had been more open too. It made Kyou uncomfortable. He itched to react, but didn't know exactly how he felt about all of this. There was a tingle... that warm feeling that used to make him feel sick. Now he welcomed it, even if he was letting his guard down. However it was originally only around Tohru that he got this feeling. Somehow, Yuki had become a part of it.
He sat in his room, attempting to catch up on weeks worth of schoolwork. It wasn't too difficult, but it was immensely tedious. Yuki had helped him. Tohru had needed the help as well so it had worked out. The three of them had spent their afternoons studying. It was as close to happiness as Kyou had ever been since he came here. Kyou wasn't cleared to go to school yet, but Hatori had told him he could return next week. He was still weak enough that too much activity might make him transform So Kyou had been working like a madman, trying to get at least somewhat caught up. Even as the thought of graduation being the end teetered somewhere dangerously far from his conscious thought, he still had the drive of wanting to prove that he was not the "stupid cat" he was made out to be.
He had just finished 3 easy math assignments and decided to take a break and go to the bathroom. As he was returning to his room, the phone rang. Kyou ignored, it but a voice downstairs shouted up.
"Kyou! Can you answer that! It's my editor."
"Answer it yourself!" Kyou shouted down. Cripes, couldn't the man handle his own phone calls?
"But she'll yell at me! Please Kyou-kun?"
Kyou ignored it, but he had a harder time ignoring the phone. Shigure was obviously not going to answer.
Picking it up angrily, Kyou shouted into the receiver "He hasn't finished the damn book. Call back la.."
"My my." An oily voice came over the line and Kyou froze. He hadn't seen Akito since... he stilled, swallowing. "You certainly sound healthy, little kitten."
"No thanks to you," Kyou growled. "Don't call me that."
"I can call you whatever I please. You belong to me, remember? I suppose you feel you've won something." The voice spat. "I don't know how you got the beads back. Somehow I suspect that stupid girl had something to do with it."
"Leave her out of this, Akito." Kyou growled back.
"They didn't do it for you, you know."
Kyou tried not to listen, but that voice crept into his heart as usual.
"They just didn't want to live with your disgusting form. Really, you're so repulsive. I was cruel to force such a fate on them. That's why I'll forgive them. After all, who would want to live with something so disgusting."
Kyou tried to keep the shaking out of his voice. Really, he should be used to this by now. Why did it hurt so much?
"What do you want, Akito?"
A slight chuckle was the only sound that relayed how much the leader of the Sohmas was enjoying himself.
"I just called you to remind you about our deal. I hope you haven't forgotten... or has my little mouse managed to trick you into not fighting?"
"What? I haven't forgotten," Kyou swallowed. "But..."
"You're running out of time, cat. I've already planned the party. Yuki-kun will graduate and you'll be locked away forever. If you don't beat the mouse by then, I'll take the beads again and remind everyone what an evil creature you are. You will be locked up, and then everyone can stop pretending that you matter!"
The phone went dead and Kyou dropped the phone to his side.
The sound of a door closing below made him jump. Wiping his eyes, replacing the phone and looking at the clock, he saw that it was time for Tohru and Yuki to be home. He could hear them in the entryway, removing their shoes. Tohru said something and Yuki laughed quietly. They were coming up the stairs already.
"Kyou-kun! We brought the last of your homework!"
"Kyou!" Yuki said quietly. He sensed something... a darkness he had not felt for a while.
"Kyou-kun... is everything all right?" Tohru stepped forward hesitantly.
"Did something happen?" Yuki tried.
"No." Kyou said darkly. Yuki's eyes narrowed. The cat sucked at lying. However he didn't want to press it. They had been getting along so well. He felt he shouldn't scold Kyou in front of Tohru anymore.
"Kyou... would you like to finish up your homework?"
Kyou held out his hand and Tohru gave him the notes and assignments.
"I'll do it on my own," he turned and disappeared into his room.
Tohru squeaked at the sound of the door closing.
"Do... do you think he's mad at us?"
The door slammed shut and Yuki glared. Something had happened and he was going to get to the bottom of it.
"No way? Kyou is coming back to school?"
"Yup. He'll be back tomorrow! Yuki too."
"No way!"
"Yuki's such a hero! Kyou must be so grateful!"
"Um."
Momiji looked at Haru, who shrugged. These girls were all the same. Momiji smiled.
"So, you have to be careful okay? Don't tease Kyou too much!"
"Ha! Not likely." Uo threw her bag over her shoulder and turned to Hana. "That warning will last about ten minutes after he gets here."
The four of them left, walking to stand outside the gate.
"I'm a bit worried though. If Kyou can't keep his temper…"
"Tohru can keep him calm." Hana replied quietly as she walked beside them. "Tohru and Yuki will protect him."
The other three looked at her, surprised.
"That's an odd thing to say Hana."
"Is it?"
"Hm. Maybe not." Uo shrugged, "Anyway, we'll see you guys tomorrow."
"Bye bye!" Momiji waved.
"Should we wait for Yuki?"
Momiji's eyebrows furrowed. Always, Haru was after Yuki.
"Do what you want. I'm going home," he sighed.
Momiji slung his bag over his shoulder and started forlornly toward home. Haru watched him, perplexed. He was truly worried about the blond. Ever since the night at the window, Momiji had been on edge. For Momiji that wasn't usual. Of all the cousins, Momiji was the sunniest and most even mannered. That night he had seemed terrified. Haru had written it off as a bad dream but he wasn't sure now.
Haru resigned himself to not being able to see Yuki and hurried after the blond.
Momiji frowned as he heard footsteps and walked faster. Haru easily caught up with his longer stride. He looked at Momiji with concern. Momiji tried to ignore it.
"Are you all right, Momiji?"
Momiji sighed and kept walking.
Haru thought for a minute.
"Are you mad that I wanted to wait for Yuki?"
"Oh brilliant, Haru. How did you guess that?"
"Why are you so mad?"
Momiji stopped dropping his bag.
"Why shouldn't I be, Haru! You always pay attention to Yuki and when I tell you I like you you tell me I'm just a kid? I'm older than you! What part of that shouldn't I be mad at?"
Haru blinked, taken aback. Momiji never got this mad. Momiji was apparently surprised as well. His eyes began to water and he looked at the ground, hiding his eyes while he tried to collect himself.
"Never mind. I'm just tired."
Haru was silent for a while longer.
"I'm sorry."
Momiji sniffed and looked up. Haru's face was sincere and serious.
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
Momiji nodded and picked his backpack back up and nodded.
"I'm sorry I got angry."
Momiji was surprised when he was pulled into a strong embrace. Haru's gentle hands slid through his hair and he relaxed into the feeling of Haru holding him. He just held the smaller boy quietly for a while.
"I'm worried about you, Momiji. You've been strange lately. Will you tell me about it?"
Momiji pulled away and slung his bag back over his shoulder.
"I'm okay, Haru." he replied. He squeaked though as he was stopped again by Haru's wiry arms. Haru planted a light kiss on his forehead.
"I really am sorry." He looked hopeful and a little scared. Momiji did his best to smile sunnily at the boy.
"It's okay, really!" He grabbed Haru's hand. "Come on, if we get our homework done early, maybe we can watch a movie! Nothing scary though."
Haru followed along agreeably. Momiji shivered though as the wind laughed through his hair and he heard that voice again, whispering to him.
Tohru was in the kitchen, making salt fish and walnut salad when Kyou came down. She was quiet as she watched him get into the fridge and pull out the milk, drinking it from the carton. She approached him timidly. Since Yesterday, he had ignored them, hiding in his room as they left for school and hadn't made a sound since they had arrived home. For the first time in days, Yuki was showing his frustration and anger. Something had happened and now the boys seemed to be on edge the way they were before Kyou's accident.
"Kyou-kun... is there anything special you'd like for dinner tonight?"
"No." He put the milk back in the fridge and closed it a little too roughly, making Tohru jump.
"Oh... well, are you mad at something?"
"Don't worry about it!" Kyou snapped, making Tohru wring her hands together nervously. Kyou sighed, immediately feeling bad. "I mean... anything is fine. I don't care!"
He turned red. Damnit, that's not what he meant to do either.
"Tohru, I..."
"Kyou!"
Kyou's head snapped up and he was faced with Yuki, standing in the doorway, glaring at him.
"What do you want?" he screeched. Now he was really on edge. They were both bothering him and he didn't want to talk about it. Yuki wasn't going to let him go though. The mouse caught his eyes and he froze. Yuki was serious.
Yuki held the door open.
"Outside now."
Kyou looked at Tohru and back at Yuki before growling and walking out the door while Yuki followed. As soon as the door was shut, Yuki took the lead and led them down to the garden area.
"Where are we going?"
"Out of site. I don't want Honda-san to hear."
"Hmph. Good. I could use the fight." Though he didn't believe his own words.
When they arrived, Kyou looked at the ground and kicking at an errant rock. "What do you want? I have a lot of homework."
"Liar. You didn't have that much. Why are you treating Tohru so shamefully?"
"What? I'm not. I don't have to act fucking friendly when I don't feel like it!"
"Then why don't you feel like it? You've been acting like a perfect ass ever since yesterday."
"Shut up! What do you know."
"Just that you're being stupid again."
Kyou attacked angrily, punching twice and then spinning around to throw a high hook kick. Yuki dodged them quickly and blocked the next punch. Yuki grew alarmed. Kyou was really angry.
"What's wrong with you? You shouldn't even be trying to fight!"
"Fuck that! You're trying to trick me."
"What?"
Yuki was barely able to evade the next punch, but this time instead of just dodging, he slid sideways and took Kyou's feet out from under him, pressing his face to the ground.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're trying to keep me from fighting."
Yuki glared. "Did he? Do you honestly believe something that stupid?"
Kyou just growled and struggled under Yuki's grasp. "Let me the hell go then! Let me fight."
Yuki forced him further into the ground, pressing his face into the dirt.
"No! You're just going to get hurt."
Kyou made a noise like a hurt animal and struggled even more. "Let me go! I have no time!"
But Yuki wouldn't let up. Deftly, he flipped Kyou over onto his back and pinned the boy's wrists above his head roughly. he was now sitting securely on the boy, though Kyou bucked several times trying to throw Yuki off. Yuki let him struggle some of his anger out and Kyou finally gave in and went limp, looking to the side.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because…?" hesitation. "Because!" An answer? Kyou snarled and shook his head, as if he was trying to clear it. "I don't know all right?"
Yuki's intense gaze, made Kyou falter and he banged his own head against the ground, looking at the sky. "Fuck!"
He didn't know. He didn't know what he was supposed to do anymore. He didn't want to be a monster. He didn't want to be locked up, but he didn't want to fight Yuki either. Or maybe he did. He wanted to figure out why the hell this was driving him insane. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he looked upward, desperately trying to dry them.
Yuki's let go of Kyou's hands and put his hands on Kyou's shoulders instead. His gaze softened, sadness tingeing the edges.
"Did I do something to make you angry?" Yuki's voice softened and his voice sounded hurt. Kyou looked at anything but Yuki.
"No." Kyou's answer was soft and low. He half heartedly tried to push Yuki off him, but it wasn't enough.
"Then why are you striking out? Why are you fighting me? Do you hate me that much?"
Kyou said nothing.
"Do you hate me?" Yuki hated the tremble of his voice. He thought he knew the answer, but he couldn't be confident. Not yet.
"Yes," Kyou grated out with difficulty, but he was obviously trying too hard.
"I don't believe you." Yuki shook his cousin. "If you hate me, look me in the eyes and tell me so."
Defiantly, Kyou gazed into his cousin's eyes. "I…"
"I…"
Those purple eyes were a mix of hope and fear, and they were beautiful. Kyou beat the ground underneath him with a fist, letting his eyes slide down and away. He couldn't say it. He couldn't lie to himself anymore, let alone Yuki.
"Damnit Yuki."
Kyou seemed to sense what was going to happen as Yuki leaned closer. "No…" he whispered desperately. Trying to wiggle out from under his cousin.
"Shhhhh," Yuki cooed before leaning down and pressing his lips against his cousin's. He was prepared for Kyou's surprise as well as the muffled yelp and when Kyou tried to push him away, he only held tighter. He pressed his weight down on Kyou, trapping the redhead's slim angular body underneath his own, fitting them together entirely too well. Kyou clutched at Yuki's arms, "hmm"ing in protest as he tried vainly to push Yuki away, but Kyou was still dazed and the mouse had gravity on his side.
Yuki took one hand from Kyou's shirt and slid his hand up Kyou's sensitive neck, making the boy shudder, his arms relaxing now, clutching rather than pushing at the Mouse. Yuki slid a slender thumb over Kyou's chin, pulling it down to open the boy's mouth and slipping his tongue inside. Kyou whimpered, his body betraying him and going limp.
A fierce rush of desire, shook the gray-haired boy as Kyou gave in. The sense of power over Kyou was heady. Yuki pressed in tighter, tasting his cousin thoroughly. He felt the cat go still, and suddenly the surrounding wind and birds were the only sounds to grace the clearing as Yuki gently took what he wanted. When he pulled away, Kyou was breathless, his chest heaving in surprise. His eyes were glazed, maybe even frightened as he stared up at the sky, panting. Before his eyes began to track and eventually, meet Yuki's. Yuki let his forehead rest against that of the cat.
"Stupid cat," Yuki said, eyes closed, voice filled with sadness, confusion and resignation, even though a small sad smile touched his lips. Letting Kyou go, he traced a slender hand along the stunned cat's jaw. "I don't hate you either."
Getting up, stepped over Kyou and walked back to the house, leaving a very shocked Kyou lying on the ground in the grass. Yuki was gone, and Kyou was left, breathless and shocked. Yuki's lips had been soft, pliant, but demanding. The warmth from his touch lingered on Kyou's jaw as did his flavor.
Tohru let the curtain fall shut and hurried away from the window. She ran to the kitchen and began to chop vegetables for the night's dinner. When the door slid open, she peeked out to see a very forlorn Sohma trudge his way up the stairs slowly.
"Oh Sohma-kun," she whispered.
Dinner that night left Shigure and Tohru with two very lost looking boys. Yuki barely ate, a very cold and withdrawn look on his face. Kyou ate, but silently. There was a very lost look in his red eyes and of course, neither of them looked at the other. Shigure cheerfully tried to keep Tohru from dwelling on their sadness. Even she knew it wasn't the right time to talk to them. When they were done, Kyou climbed to the roof, while Yuki went directly to his room, shutting the door behind him.
Kyou lay looking up at the stars. They were bright tonight, clear and crisp against the sky. He only wished his emotions were as clear. The fact was, he wasn't very good with dealing with his emotions except through anger. What Yuki had done, had been exactly what he had been afraid of, though he hadn't realized it up until that point. He was never good with his feelings and this was no different. He was just terribly angry, and who else was there to blame it on than the mouse as he had always done? It had gone wrong though. Yuki was supposed to hate him again, and back off. He wasn't supposed to do that. Not the rat… never to the cat.
"God damn, shitty rat." But the words were so empty. How could he fight Yuki if he didn't hate him?
He would have pounded against the roof with his hands, but Tohru was probably already in bed, so he opted for hitting his one hand with the other fist repeatedly until his hands began to ring numbly. He gladly reveled in the stinging pain in his hands as it took away his turbulent thoughts for a bit. Dwelling on that a bit, he decided there was only one thing he could do.
Silently he climbed down and made his way down the hall to the phone. Dialing in the dark, a number he knew by heart he waited for someone to pick up. He heard a click and a tired voice answered. Kyou almost hung up. He hated asking things from his master.
"Shishou," he said hesitantly.
"Kyou… are you all right?" Kazuma's voice was thick with sleep and Kyou felt guilt tugging at him. But he needed help, and there was only one who would...
"I'm okay..." his voice was shaky. "I know it's late but…"
"That's fine. What's wrong Kyou?"
"Can I come and stay for a few days?"
"Of course. I'll come pick you up."
Lying in his room, Yuki could only make out one side of the cat's conversation on the phone. It was quiet and raw. Yuki could hear the uncertainty in Kyou's voice, and as the sound of the phone clicking home filled the hall, Yuki sighed and turned on his side, away from the sound, and Kyou's receding steps in the hallway. Yuki did not regret what he did. He was through with regret.