Chapter 14: Let Go

Viktor and Hermione stayed up late, drinking wine and talking. Bit by bit, Hermione managed to tell her story, this strange attraction to Severus which both fascinated and scared her. After she was finished, Viktor took a large slug from the bottle.

'I don't see the exact nature of your problem. Is it him or is it the feeling itself?'

Hermione sighed.

'It's a little of both. I haven't felt this way about anyone else, and it is strange that it's exactly him. He was my professor for six years. He was always mean to me and I suppose I irritated him to no end.'

Viktor chuckled.

'Well, people change all the time. You've grown up, so has he. You don't have Voldemort's shadow hanging over you. Which bothers you more—the fact that you are attracted to him or the possibility that he doesn't feel that way about you?'

Hermione had chewed her lip raw, so she absently nibbled on her hair.

'I'm not sure I want him to feel anything about me. If it's one-sided, maybe it will go away by itself. Merlin, I'm so messed up. I hate this.'

Viktor removed her hair from her mouth and earned a glare.

'Do you think he might reciprocate?'

'How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm clueless when it comes to boys. You had to invite me to the Yule Ball before I realized you were interested in me.'

'He is hardly a boy, but I have to agree about you being clueless. Look, don't stress too much over it, because you can't really do anything about it. You are attracted to the man and that is that. Maybe it will go away, maybe he likes you too and you can live happily ever after or at least shag like rabid nifflers for a while. End of story.'

Hermione swatted him on the shoulder.

'You make it sound very simple. And you lifted way too much vocabulary from Ron and Harry.'

'It is simple. People just make it complicated inside their heads.' Viktor yawned and blinked at the clock.

'It's two in the morning, Hermione. We can talk again, but you should get some sleep first.'

Hermione pouted and grabbed the bottle.

'I can't sleep because of that stupid Wielding exercise he made me do. Channel life-force into yourself, he said. Enhances all body systems, he said. Now I can't even sleep to get him out of my mind!'

Viktor sighed and stood up on wobbly legs.

'You might be running on turbo drive but I'm dead tired, so I'm going to bed. Try to get some sleep, please!'

Hermione wrapped herself in the thick blanket and stared morosely at the wine. Even after a full bottle, she wasn't feeling even a bit woozy. Another blasted side effect of the extra life force coursing through her system. She put the bottle away and dutifully tried to sleep, but with no success. Finally she admitted defeat and threw back the covers. The least she could do was finish some of her homework.

Severus woke up and instantly regretted it. The sun was already up and the meagre light filtering through the curtains stabbed his eyes. He groped blindly around the floor by his bed and finally grabbed the blessed bottle. Thanking himself for the forethought, he downed the hangover potion, instantly feeling better. He sat up in bed and looked around. Yes, the bottle of brandy was empty. His liver wouldn't thank him for last night's fiasco. He rubbed his face and stood up. His brain still felt fuzzy. Staying up all night drinking himself to unconsciousness had not been a very good idea, but it had been the quickest ad easiest way to get Hermione out of his head.

A quick shower and two cups of coffee later, he felt alert enough to pull out a book and read up on the ulcer cure he was trying to improve. By noon, he had a list of possible ingredient substitutions. His mind kept straying to Hermione, but he pushed back the thought and focused on the potion. Midway through the brewing process however, he realized with horror that instead of mint leaves he was about to add lavender. His eyelids were drooping and he wasn't fit to brew in such sleep-deprived and distracted condition. With a resigned sigh, he put a stasis charm on the cauldron, reduced the heat and cleared the table. He turned towards the door to ward it, when his eyes riveted on a strange cloak hanging on the nail. Hermione had left in a hurry the previous day; it was probably hers. Slowly he walked over to the cloak and picked it up. Then hesitantly he brought it to his nose and inhaled. Merlin, must she smell so divine? Against his better judgment, he carried the cloak back to bed and hugged it to his chest while he gave up and contemplated the mystery that was Hermione Granger. He had never regarded her as more than a bright, if annoying student. After she saved his life and they said their farewells at Hogwarts, he hadn't expected to run across her for at least several years. Then he found that flower in the Shrieking Shack and some part of him knew that their paths would cross sooner than he thought. However their current situation was beyond anything he could have imagined.

He sniffed the cloak again and unconsciously rubbed his cheek against the soft wool, thinking about his life. His early childhood had taught him about love—love made people weak and caused them pain. His mother's love for his father had cost her her magic, her happiness and eventually, her life. He still remembered her dressing his cuts and bruises, after his father expressed his rage about Severus' first bursts of involuntary magic. Her own lip was bleeding and her left eye was black-and-blue, yet she kept telling him, 'He loves us, Severus, he just doesn't understand. Daddy loves us, try not to do magic in front of him and everything will be okay.' So he tried and tried, but it was never good enough. A drop of porridge on the table, a shirt not ironed properly—the smallest things caused Tobias Snape to descend with fists upon his wife and son. The only thing that made his life better was when he met Lily. She had been vibrant, full of life and she had liked him, despite his obvious flaws. He would stay awake at night and dream that she was his sister. That awful Petunia did not deserve her anyway. However, young as he was, he was actually happy that he didn't have any real siblings; that would only mean more victims to his father. Later, in Hogwarts, he would see happy couples snogging and holding hands, but when he closed his eyes, all he saw was his father's raised fist and his mother's ruined face, so unlike the happy looking coupe on their wedding photo. People changed. He couldn't risk it. Romance was for fools. Anyway, every person he had dared to love in any way, his mother, his Lily and Dumbledore, had died a violent death, a death that was fully or partially his fault. He thought that he had sealed his heart. Now Hermione Granger, the former bane of his existence, was slowly but steadily worming her way into his life. His every instinct screamed to hide, to retreat, to strike back, to spare them both the pain that would surely follow. Love equals pain. Yet her cloak was so soft and it smelled so good and he was so tired...Lost in his warring emotions, Severus fell into fretful sleep, still clutching Hermione's cloak for dear life.

At some point, Hermione returned to bed and managed to doze off for a few hours. When she woke up, it was past noon. Dragging herself out of bed, she found a very grumpy and hung-over Viktor cooking breakfast and nursing a headache. She sat contritely at the table and fiddled with the edge of her dressing robe.

'Sorry about last night.'

Viktor managed a pained smile.

'It's fine, that's what friends are for. Are you still high on life force?'

Hermione giggled.

'I think it's starting to wear off. I even managed to sleep.'

'Then the scent of coffee won't kill you. Make yourself useful and make some.'

Hermione complied and soon they were sipping hot coffee and Viktor was stuffing himself with fried eggs and yogurt. Hermione still didn't feel hungry.

'I was too busy wallowing in self-pity and you never got to tell me about your date last night,' she said.

Viktor choked on a piece of egg and went bright red.

'Well…she is a childhood friend actually, but we haven't seen each other in fifteen years. She has come here to study Herbology. We went out to see a movie and catch up and well, you could see for yourself.'

Hermione chuckled and patted his shoulder.

'No need to be embarrassed. I'm happy for you. Are you going to see her again?'

'Yes, but I will limit the snogging to my room.'

'Do remember a silencing charm, Viktor dear. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to catch up on my reading.'

Viktor rolled his eyes.

It was late afternoon when Hermione finished her essay and closed "Magical Plants of the Balkans" with a heavy thud. Her eyes strayed to the locked and charmed drawer where she kept the other books. She couldn't let the discomfort get in the way of her work. She had promised to help and she knew that there was a lot more to learn that the simple exercises Severus had shown her. Nevertheless she shuddered as she said his name in her mind. Maybe it would have been wiser to keep addressing each other formally…Hermione pursed her lips and un-warded the drawer, extracting the books and her notes. She reviewed the Arithmantic equations and started listing the different variables that could be missing. Not all of them seemed terribly important, but sometimes even the smallest thing could have tremendous influence. She needed to check every possibility and Hermione Granger famous for her thoroughness.

Two hours later the light was fading and Hermione looked up from her parchment. She realized that her fingers were cramped and her stomach was demanding food. She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. A lone apple and a minuscule piece of cheese met her sight. With a deep sigh she grabbed her bag and headed for the front door. She reached for her cloak, but it was missing from its usual place. Hermione frowned and returned to her room. No cloak. Of course, she could wear her Muggle coat, but the cloak was much warmer. When had she worn it last? Yesterday…she closed her eyes and collapsed on the bed as she realized that her cloak was still hanging on a nail in Severus' cottage. Okay…deep breaths…Muggle coat it is. The store is not so far away. I will use a warming charm. There. Then she bit her lip. It was six o'clock, hardly a late hour for a visit. She could pop over, get her cloak and apologize for her sudden departure on the previous day. Her senses were back to normal. She wouldn't do anything stupid. Apologize, get her cloak, arrange a time for their next meeting. Yes. Summoning her Gryffindor courage, she concentrated and Disapparated.

She appeared under the fig tree. It was an easy anchor with its distinct shape. It was getting dark, so she hurried over to the cottage and knocked. The door remained closed. She knocked again.

'Severus?'

Still no answer. Maybe he was away. She thumped on the door in frustration and it opened. Confused, she raised her wand and drew it along the frame. It wasn't warded or even locked. Suddenly, fear gripped her throat. New life or not, it was very unlikely that Severus had left his door unwarded. There were still people out there who would want to hurt him. She gripped her wand tightly and peeked through the crack. It was too dark inside and she could only see vague shapes.

'Lumos!' the tip of her wand glowed and she pointed it towards the table. There was a potion under a shimmering stasis field and neatly arranged ingredients. No sign of struggle, which calmed her down somewhat. She looked back at the door, but her cloak was missing from the nail. Was it possible that he had decided to bring it to her? No, he didn't know where she lived. She pointed her wand to the back of the room and exhaled with relief.

He was sleeping, sprawled on his stomach with arms tucked under the pillow. His hair obscured his face, but she could make out a nose and slightly parted lips. Her eyes fixed on something brown and woolly sticking out from under his body. Bloody mother of Merlin, is that my cloak? She gasped in surprise and her wand clattered on the floor. The light went out.

There was a flurry of movement from the bed and his voice snapped.

'Who is there? Reveal yourself!'

Hermione cringed and went into full student mode, 'It's me, Professor Snape. I forgot my cloak here and came to get it. Your door was unwarded and I was worried that something happened to you. I'm sorry, Professor.'

Severus relaxed and was about to light the lamps and give Hermione a stern talking to. The life expectancy of those who crept up on Severus Snape while he slept was very, very low. Then he froze. She had come for her cloak, the cloak that was currently snuggled to him like a teddy bear. He closed his eyes. Had she seen? He had thought this level of mortification was unreachable without the aid of the Marauders, but apparently he was wrong. Maybe she hadn't seen it. So he coughed and said, 'Please, turn around for a moment, I need to get dressed.'

'Yes, Professor,' she said in a small voice.

He illuminated the room and blinked against the lights. Quickly he grabbed the infernal cloak and arranged it on a chair. He struggled into his trousers and shrugged on a shirt. When the last buttons were fastened, he looked at Hermione. Her head was bowed and her back tense. No doubt she expected him to be very angry at her; perhaps he should have been. However, the honest concern in her voice when she said she was worried made it impossible. He knew her well enough already; she wouldn't be sneaking into his cottage to do mischief.

'You may turn around, Hermione.' Her shoulders instantly relaxed at his mode of address. She turned around and looked at him, her face flaming red and her eyes shining.

'I'm not mad at you, girl! Stop looking at me like I will hex you and stop with the "Professor" and "sir" nonsense. I appreciate your concern, but you could get hurt creeping on me like that.'

'I didn't mean to! The door was unlocked, the cottage was dark, and you didn't answer. I thought someone had attacked you!

Merlin, she is genuinely upset. He walked up to her and after a moment's hesitation put a hand on her shoulder.

'I think we have ascertained that is not the case. I believe you were looking for your cloak?'

She first glanced at the bed and then Severus knew she had seen him; never mind that the stupid thing was probably still warm from the contact with his body. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable question. She was quiet, though, and he risked a glance. Hermione had picked up the cloak from the chair and her fingers stroked the wrinkled fabric. A small smile was playing on her lips, not mocking or condescending, merely pleased. She looked at him and blushed again.

'I'm sorry for causing such a fuss for nothing, Severus. If I hadn't needed to go out for food, I wouldn't have noticed it missing. I'll be going now.'

She wrapped herself in the heavy wool and only because he was watching closely, he saw her bend her head and sniff the fabric. Severus made a quick decision; he cleared his throat and she looked up.

'If I understand correctly, you have nothing to eat at home; would you like to stay for dinner?'

She stared at him for a few seconds and he was starting to think that he had severely misjudged the situation. Then she smiled that dazzling smile of hers.

'That would be lovely. Do you mind if I pop back to my place to get my notes? I made a list of variables that we might be missing and I wanted you to look them over.'

'Go ahead.' He nodded.

She closed the door behind her and a few minutes later he heard the crack of Apparition. Then he slowly walked into the small bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. His reflection glared at him from the mirror. I hope you know what you are doing, old fool. He shook his head. It's only dinner. Can't leave the poor girl to starve. He went to the pantry and started rummaging. He could throw something together before she returned.

Hermione kept her eyes closed when she arrived home. She waited until she heard Viktor's amused voice.

'I'm alone, you can look now.' She opened her eyes and grinned sheepishly.

'I just wanted to make sure.'

'You didn't leave a note, I was worried.'

'You and your notes! I'm sorry; I only meant to be out for half an hour. Anyway, I'm leaving again.'

'Where are you going, hmm? You look flustered and there is a very silly grin on your face. What's going on?' Viktor was practically jumping up and down with curiosity.

'Well, I had forgotten my cloak with Severus and I went to get it. He invited me to stay for dinner and I want to show him my notes.'

Viktor's eyebrows wriggled like a pair of fuzzy caterpillars.

'Well, well. You don't seem so conflicted about your feelings anymore.'

Hermione waved him off.

'Oh, it's just dinner.'

'Sure, pull the other one.'

She scowled. Definitely too much vocabulary from the boys, and perceptive on top of that.

'Look, I have a reason to think that he is…interested. I need to see where this is going, okay?'

'Okay, I understand. Go on, have fun and tell me all about it later.'

Hermione smiled with gratitude and dashed into her room to grab her notes. A glance at the mirror stopped her short. I'm not dressed for dinner even with the local bum! A quick rummage through her wardrobe replaced her worn jeans and shabby sweater with the soft woollen dress she had worn the previous day. Hurrying to the living room she almost pumped into Viktor, who was holding a bottle.

'It's polite to bring something when you visit. Take this, it's your favourite.' Mercifully, he did not comment on her changed clothing. Hermione grabbed the bottle of wine, gave him a quick peck on the cheek and Disapparated.

A/N: Ths chapter's title belongs to Frou Frou