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A Crude Joke
by Adelie King
Chapter Three: Carter's Party
Janet Frasier packed the replica of Jack's thing into a box with tissue paper to cushion it. She also wrapped a big blue bow around the shaft of the dildo. Janet thought of putting a note from O'Neill to Carter as a joke but it wouldn't be funny if a court-martial resulted because of it. No…it would be much funnier if she found out after she used it later next April Fools.
She laughed and wrapped the ribbon around the fancy box and headed over to Colonel O'Neill's house. When she got there she put the gift with the rest of the presents on the dining table.
Everyone had arrived and for the last couple hours they were having a great time, especially Sam. Now the time came for her to open her gifts. All of them were gifts she loved. Then Janet Frasier's gift was up.
Carter saw Frasier giggling and she commented, "Why am I afraid to open this Janet?" She glared at her. Everyone watched with anticipation as Carter opened Frasier's gift.
She finally opened the present and saw the dildo in the box next to a vibrator. Sam's arms dropped and she glared at her, "Very funny Janet." She remarked un-amused taking the dildo out of the box for everyone to see.
The whole group laughed out loud the blue bow making them laugh even harder. Sam the added announcing in a joking manner, "And it comes with a vibrator." She held it up next and they laughed again.
"As tense as you've been over the years I felt strongly you needed it…" Janet teased and the group even laughed harder. Sam reacted with a cute grin rubbing her hand in her hair.
"It's still not as good as the real thing." Jack remarked cynically teasing her with a wag of his brows.
"But it's a good substitute." Frasier joked again and laughed with the rest of the group, "If you don't put it to good use. As your doctor I'll know." She reminded her.
"You're so going to pay for this one Janet." Sam shook her head glaring at her.
"And Colonel O'Neill too…" Janet told her, "He helped me with picking the right one out."
O'Neill immediately contradicted, "No I didn't Carter…I had nothing to do with this…" He swore, "I'm not stupid enough to be seen buying that at a porn shop."
"But it's an exact replica of one to make it more realistic." Frasier assured her and looked at Jack grinning at him.
O'Neill's expression changed his eyes widening at what she did. She didn't?! Then he swallowed as he recalled waking up with a priapism and feeling sluggish. His eyes wandered around at the realization of what Sam had. He turned his back to them rubbing his head in disbelief.
"You're so dead Janet." Sam promised her as the group excluding Jack laughed.
Jack swallowed and took a deep breath feeling his heart palpitating. He rubbed his hand down his sweaty face knowing he was going to have to get a look at it now but he didn't know how without them all finding out it in case it was a copy of his.
The present opening ended and it was almost time for Carter's chocolate birthday cake. As they headed into the kitchen O'Neill went over to the presents. His eyes scanned the room to make sure no one was watching before he opened the box. Then he quietly parted the papers out of the way to get a peak at it. Jack looked at the dildo doing a quick examination of it. His eyes grew recognizing it immediately. THAT BITCH!!! He swallowed and a glare went across his face. SHE DID IT ANYWAY!! Jack started breathing deeply clenching his fists. Then he began to strategize how he was going to get it away from Carter without her knowledge.
Daniel then called from the kitchen, "Come have some cake Jack."
"Coming…" Jack called, quickly recovered the box recomposing himself not to give anything away joining the others in the kitchen to avoid suspicion. The whole time he ate the cake in silence with a feeling of mortification internally which he covered well behaving normally as possible. Jack was also plotting the doc's demise.
At the end of the party all the guests including Carter had left. He sat on his sofa downing his third bottle of Guinness contemplating how to tell Sam before she made a fool out of herself. Either way he was going to suffer the humiliation.
That night Carter immediately used it. She screamed Jack's name when she came imagining it was him as she climaxed. If only she knew the truth. Sam looked at it and thought aloud, "I wonder if Jack's feels as good as this?"