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A Crude Joke
by Adelie King

Chapter Four: Discovering the Truth

Major Samantha Carter had been using Jack's double for weeks with many satisfactory orgasms imagining it was really his. She'd used it in many possible places and in many creative ways.

The thought of Carter using it irritated Jack especially knowing the practicality that it was a replica of his dick and he envied it. He had to find out for sure and get that thing away from Sam quietly so this prank Frasier pulled wouldn't spread all over the base. He could just picture Hammond's reaction being the worst. O'Neill reasoned that if Janet did do this he had to get rid of the mold before she used it for anything else.

Once he found out, he knew he had to tell Carter which was the right thing to do. So he made plans to sneak into her house and find out also hoping to remove it from the premises.

While Carter was working late O'Neill had let himself into her house and searched for it. He finally found the dildo in her night stand and took it out. Jack turned it in all different directions closely examining it. It looked just like him and everything.

He had to be sure so he undid his pants and freed himself through the fly. Jack held his himself in one hand and the copy in the other comparing them. They were exactly alike. IT IS MY DICK!!! He immediately became outraged knowing that Janet took the mold anyway without his knowledge. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER!!!

O'Neill heard Carter unlocking the front door. He immediately tucked himself back in his pants and the dildo back in the nightstand. When he heard her footsteps he hid behind her curtains. Sam came inside and started undressing right in front of him.

Damn if she finds me I'm dead!!! Jack thought his life was over one moment but now started to believe he was getting lucky as Sam had peeled her solid tee off and was unclipping her bra. His eyes bugged out when her breasts were bared to him. WOW Holy Shit!! Jack smiled almost triumphantly wanting to have her so bad.

Carter took her pants and panties off and both O'Neill and his junior figured he was the luckiest man to have a look at a nude Samantha Carter. Damn she's hot!! She crawled up on the bed and reached into her nightstand drawer pulling out the dildo. His eyes grew, he swallowed and his cock started to ache as he saw her handling it. Jack covered the bottom half of his face his heart pounding loudly.

Jack knew he should say something but was so paralyzed couldn't. Then suddenly the her cell phone rang. Carter picked it up, "Hi Janet…Yes I'm using right now…"

O'Neill rolls his eyes and shakes his head listening in.

On the phone Janet giggled and said, "Uh Sam…there's something you need to know about that dildo."

"And what is that Janet?" Sam asked irritated.

"It's an exact copy of Colonel O'Neill's dick." She told her laughing, "I made a mold of him while he was asleep one night and copied it."

Carter's eyes grew with rage and she bawled, "WHAT!!!"

"You've been doing a replica of his cock and didn't know it…" Janet cackled hysterically on the line, "Neither does he…"

"YOU BITCH!!!" Sam bawled and hung up utterly irate and embarrassed hurling the dildo at her curtains.

"OUCH!!" And it hit Jack O'Neill smack dab right in the balls, "Carter! Watch It!!" He growled coming out from behind her curtains bent over in pain.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Carter demanded grabbing and shielding herself with her king size pillow.

He picked the dildo up and managed to maneuver over to the edge of her bed. "Trying to find out what you obviously did." O'Neill answered her sitting on the edge of her bed in pain and dropping it. "I was here comparing it before you came home to make sure it was me and when you came in I hid."

She picked it up again. "So is it yours Sir?!" Sam demanded holding the replica up in front of him.

"Damn right it is!" He told her, "The length, width, and head all down to the last vein exact to mine!" Jack held himself in pain. She looked at it and let it go disgusted letting fall on the bed.

"I hope you don't treat my real one with the same contempt." He cynically remarked, "I am really good with it." Jack boasted.

Carter got up and went into the bathroom getting her night robe. She came in and recalled, "The day you missed work and I checked on you when your pants were down. I bet Janet did it that night and she sedated you to do it."

"That's why I couldn't get up." Jack tried to stand still holding his groin, "And now I still can't…"

"Hold on a minute Sir…" She went into the kitchen and got him an ice pack out of the freezer. Then she brought it to him, "I'm so sorry Sir."

O'Neill put the ice on his groin and joked, "I finally get to have you naked and I can't get it up."

Sam smiled and laughed. Then she joked back, "Well I can use the other one until I can have it." He couldn't help a small chuckle.

Carter then started to pace and told him, "You know that joke was pretty inventive when you think about it." She walked around rubbing her head debating, "How am I ever going to top this one?"

"We could always make a mold of her tits and hang them all over the base…" Jack suggested in humor.

Carter bent over laughing at his suggestion and lowered to sit on the edge of the bed, "Not good enough…needs more humiliation to it…" They then sat thinking.

O'Neill pointed out, "Technically this has to stay between the three of us so we're the only ones that know."

"First we need to throw her off so she doesn't know it's coming…" Sam stated, "I stay mad she's winning isn't she."

He nodded, "Yep." Then his perverted mind thought up and he joked, "We could always make a copy of Hammond's for her." They die laughing and Carter falls off the bed onto the floor.

"You're bad Sir!" She was crying from laughter, "That's worse than it being yours."

"And General Hammond would probably murder all of us." O'Neill predicted. Then he advised her, "First we need to make out we find it as funny as she did to not arouse suspicion. So you'll need to surrender so she'll stop."

Sam suddenly thought of something clever making her rise to her feet again, "You know it's too bad we can't make her think something really backfired here."

"Like what?" Jack was immediately interested.

Carter turned her head and looked at him with this wicked grin on her face telling him, "Something Janet would never expect."