Potoperson: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cella: (runs in brandishing baseball bat) What is it?! Did some one break in?! WHO DO I HAVE TO HIT WITH A BAT!?!!!!
Potoperson: Nobody! I'm screaming because THERE'S A NEW ED, EDD, AND EDDY MOVIE!!!!
Cella: WHAT!? You're kidding!
Potoperson: You bet I'm not!
Cella: I was going to watch all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies but that totally makes my schedule instead!
Potoperson: gasp
Cella: I know
Potoperson: So watch Ed, Edd, and Eddy's Big Picture Show Sunday at 7:00pm (Or 6:00 if you're in the central time zone like me)
Cella: Cartoon Network should pay you for advertising for them.
Potoperson: I know, right? I don't own Ed, Edd, and Eddy or all the other miscellaneous things I reference here but I do own a TV and am gonna watch that movie! Thanks to good ole Jhon what's his face for reviewing. You rock. Now on with the show!!!!
Warning: Potoperson is not very good at writing ultimate battle scenes.
Chapter 17- Final Destination: MADNESS!
(No one was harmed in the making of this chapter, not even all the stunt doubles)
Eddy was perched up in a tree, dressed in his super cool camo battle outfit. (This pretty much consisted of his normal clothes splattered in mud with twigs sticking out and mud battle lines drawn under his eyes) He looked through the night vision goggles. Everyone was in position holding whatever make-shift weapons they could scrounge up, they were waiting for his part of the plan. Suddenly Double D broke away from his spot and jogged over to the base of Eddy's tree. "What're you doing sock head? We're about to start the plan!" he hissed.
"I know. I just wanted to wish you good luck and…well make a suggestion." He said.
Eddy raised an eyebrow. "What kind of 'suggestion'?" he asked suspiciously.
"Well…I'm sure that a certain blonde haired cheer leader will look up to you after this is all over. And I'm sure you'll try to be macho about it knowing you…."
"What're you trying to say?!"
Double D cringed at the volume that at this point he should've been used to and said, "All I'm saying is that after this is over, assuming we don't die of course, it would be an opportune time to maybe ask her out."
Eddy stared at him then shouted, "What kind of stupid suggestion is that!?" Double D, along with everyone else shushed him. Fortunately none of the guards seemed to notice.
"All I'm saying Eddy," he said in a much quieter tone, "is that if you save somebody's life then it'll probably put them in a good mood, a perfect time to ask important questions."
Eddy narrowed his eyes at him. "And what makes you the resident expert?"
Double D shrugged, "My father gives me unneeded advice from time to time, what can I say?" He turned and returned to his spot calling over his shoulder, "Good luck Eddy. Don't mess up, agreed?"
Eddy rolled his eyes. What was with him? It wasn't like he was planning on asking anybody, let alone Nazz, on a date or anything. Then again, the night before he did have a dream about it. He and Nazz went to the prom and went through one of those sequences where they lead a random disco dance number to The Hustle, and Kevin was in the corner wearing a dunce cap and… he shook his head alleviating the dreamy state he was in. Wake up Eddy, wake up he told himself, Double D was right about one thing: He couldn't mess up. He gazed over the slingshot in his hand. "You've made plenty of crazy things happen so far." He whispered, "Don't fail me now."
He shuffled through his brief case that he'd originally brought to split up Ed and May. "Can of worms...no….mildewy socks...no….aha! Here it is!" He whipped out two squares of his mom's home made Banana Bread. Now something you must understand is that Eddy's mom would always make him Banana bread whenever he left home without her. Eddy always called them "Banana Bricks" and normally found clever ways of disposing of them before he got home but this time he decided to put him in the "Ed + May break up" Briefcase, you know, just incase he wanted to knock them both unconscious or something.
He loaded the first brick into the slingshot and aimed it very carefully towards the first guard. He let it fly and it conked him successfully on the noggin and the guard wobbled and sank to the ground unconscious. The other guard ran over to his cataleptic companion and knelt beside him. (If you've heard of the word cataleptic or ever used it in a sentence you have just been awarded 140,000 micropoints) One down, one to go. Feeling more confident he loaded his slingshot, shot abruptly and watched it go over his head, over the mouth of the cave and hit so far off its mark you'd think he was blindfolded and sleep walking.
Eddy wanted to punch himself in the gut for missing so horridly when suddenly from where it hit the mountain rocks fell, sliding down and burying the other guard. He gave a short whistle: the signal to move out. They slowly moved towards the mouth of the cave, passing the pile of rubble and slipping unseen into the cave and ducking behind some crates. Eddy whispered, "Ok here's the plan: since Double D has an unlimited supply of bobby pins he'll go and pick the lock on the cage. When I say go Ed, Jimmy, and Johnny…" "AHEM!" "…and Plank and Coco will start a distraction and lead the guards away to where me, Kevin and Rolf (and by that I mean Kevin and Rolf) will knock them unconscious."
"And if you three...well two…can't knock every guard unconscious?" Double D. inquired.
"What else do you want us to do?"
"…So when the guards leave I run in to pick the lock?"
"Exactly."
At that moment several things happened. One was that up in the cage May saw Ed's fuzzy head and started squealing "OHMIGOSH!!!!! ED!!!!!!! GRAVY GUY!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!! ED!!!!!" etc, etc and pointing towards the group. Two was that Ed saw her, stood and waved back. Three was that everybody and their grandma turned, saw them and began to slowly advance in their direction. Four was that the alarms began shrieking and finally five: Eddy muttered this to his posse "New plan: we improvise and hope for the best"
Double D grinned uncharacteristically and put a hand to the brim of his hat. "Improvisation is my specialty." Before they could ask him what he was talking about he ripped off his hat and revealed the Indiana Jones style hat. Everyone stared at him until Eddy spoke their thoughts aloud. "What the HECK was that suppose to do?!" Double D. rolled his eyes and leapt over the crates shouting back (in his manly gruff voice), "Never mind, just follow my lead!" All of the boys exchanged awed, freaked out, and baffled expressions. They decided they wouldn't ask and leapt over the crates and ran into the crowd of guards screaming.
Ed put his head down and torpedoed forward, knocking guards out of the way left and right. Rolf brandished a wooden war hammer that he'd quickly widdled before they'd entered the cave and started swinging like a mad man. Everyone did what they could to fight off the onslaught of guards. May was still shrieking from above, but had now changed her shrieks to battle cries of "YEAAH!!! PUNCH 'EM IN THE EYYYYE!!!"
Sarah shoved May and shouted, "HEY! Isn't some body going to let US out!?" Several of them looked up as if they were going to help, but then were confronted with somebody else and couldn't. "Looks like we're on our own here." Nazz said, "They're going to need our help, so we have to act fast."
Everyone glanced around frantically. Because of the girls' prior escape plan, they were returned to the cage and so they wouldn't be able to escape again they put the cage on a crane and hoisted it into the air. "We could pick the lock again." Nazz offered.
"Are you kidding me? We must be fifteen feet in the air!" Sara exclaimed.
"Oh-no!" Marilyn's sudden cry brought everyone's attention to the ground. The boys were surrounded by a group of thugs below the cage. They gawked at the scene. They couldn't have been defeated that fast, could they? Everyone's attention turned to the door of the cage, the same idea forming in all of their heads. "Fifteen feet's not so bad…if you have a soft spot to land." Nazz said pulling a bobby pin from her hair.
Below the boys had already been surrounded by thugs. They held whatever weapon they had at their disposal in front of them in a futile attempt to seem brave. "Now what dork?' Kevin muttered to Eddy, "We're surrounded and it hasn't been five minuets!" Eddy shrugged. "Maybe a miracle will fall from the sky?"
Suddenly shrieked battle cries chorused above them and all of the girls fell on top of the surrounding guards, knocking them to the ground. The boys stared at them in awe as they got off of the KO'd guards. "Hi boys." Nazz said brightly with her dazzling Nazz smile, "We thought you could use some help down here." Most of the boys just made a "duh" sound at this, but Ed sprang forward shouting, "FUZZY BUNNY!!!!" May ran forward as well with a squealed, "GRAVY GUY!!!" They were about to hold their long awaited reunion of fluff and stuff but suddenly a fresh wave of adults was rushing towards them.
"Now that we have the girls, shouldn't we run?" Double D asked.
Eddy shook his head, "and ruin a perfectly good climax? No way. These guys are kidnappers. If we don't stop them they might kidnap someone else."
"That's magnanimous of you…and by magnanimous I mean completely out of character."
"What? I can't be nice every once in a while? Besides," He loaded a tomato in his sling shot, "These punks messed with the wrong bunch of teens."
Everyone agreed and formed their final, unrehearsed battle position and charged forward with a terrific cry.
The battle began.
Now you must understand; it was never the intention of these adults to fight these kids. I mean, what kind of weirdos do you think they are? They only meant to meet them for the final leg of the plan. But when they began attacking them like maniacs they began to try to use force to gather them up, and these kids were not easy to try to gather. When those kids fight they fight.
Eddy continuously shot miscellaneous objects at people from his Chaos 32 Model slingshot from stink bombs, to rocks, to slinkies, to rubber duckies, to little tins of sneezing powder(Yes, Eddy did own sneezing powder), but they kept on coming, and his arms were really starting to ache. His out put of objects was slowly decreasing…
Nazz noticed Eddy's plight and scanned the floor for something that would help. She spotted the abandoned crane that held up the cage (keys included) and ran over to it. She turned the keys and tried to remember back to the time her grandpa let her drive his old pick up truck in the back of his farm. Funny, the only memory she had of that venture was accidentally hitting a pole… She hit the gas anyway and the crane lunged forward. "Eddy, get out of the way!" She screamed.
Eddy looked up, saw the crane racing toward him and dove out of the way. The thugs that had cornered Eddy were now running for their lives. As she passed him she slowed briefly and called to him, "Want a lift?" Eddy took the opportunity to clamber into the moving vehicle. Once he was in she sped up again and started chasing people up and down the cave.
Double D was doing a good job of defending himself….wait that was a terrible choice of words. I should have said that Double D was doing a kick butt job of kicking kidnapper butt. He had all of the best moves. What was really surprising is the fact that he and Sara made an excellent team. Her insane, boar-like aggression paired with his mad action hero skills proved extremely useful on the field of battle.
Kevin was not having as much luck. He was being chased by a guy with a crow bar. This was extremely irritating to him. I mean come on; this is Kevin we're talking about. Even Double D was doing better than he was! He suddenly came to a dead end between a wall and two towering stacks of crates and stopped, flipping around. The man approached slowly. "Now come on now Kevin," he said, "I'm not going to hurt you I'm just going to…" suddenly there was a thwack, and the man slumped to the ground unconscious.
Kevin looked up to see who he had to thank only to find Jimmy standing with a (repaired) Mr. Fluffy Tail, grinning. "A stuffed animal applied to the right spot on the side of the head will knock anyone unconscious." He said in a matter-of-fact tone. (He should know considering he'd had stuffed animals fall on top of him from his shelf plenty of times.) Kevin smiled wryly and tussled his hair. "You did all right."
Just then he heard Marilyn shriek "KEVIN WATCH OUT!" Out of no where a man fell down from the scaffolding and landed at their feet. They looked up to see Marilyn leaning over the railing. "Hehehe, sorry about that…" she said sheepishly, "I-" Her eyes suddenly went wide. "LOOK OUT!" She leapt over the side flipping twice and landing gracefully in front of them. She knocked down a thug they hadn't seen so fast with such ninja skills even Naruto wouldn't have believed it! (OOOOH!!)
Kevin stared at her, mouth agape. "Uh…how'd you do that?" he asked.
Marilyn shrugged. "Gymnastics…tae kwan doe…and I watch a lot of anime."
"AAHHH!!! MAMA!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!" Marilyn flipped around and charged in another direction. "Coming Rolf!"
Kevin sighed and jogged off into the fray. Great, just great. Everybody was tougher than he was…
Johnny stood still when people started approaching him. "What's the matter kid?" Someone asked, "Aren't you gonna fight?"
Johnny smirked widely, "I'm not going to…but Plank might!"
They flipped around to see a hunk of wood standing up on a crate. They looked back to Johnny with a raised eye brow. "If we beat the hunk of wood will you com quietly?" Johnny nodded and they all charged the wood.
(The following scene is far too complicated and awesome to describe. If I were to go into ant detail about the following fight your eyes would melt right out of the socket. Long story short Plank owned all of them with some assistance from Coco.)
The battle was winding down. By some miracle they were finally beginning to win. (Obviously because I'm a sucker for underdogs) Just when the going got good there was a loud whistle and all eyes turned to the back wall where a figure emerged from the shadows. "Well, well, well. I should have figured this much from this group."
Everyone gasped as they stared back at their principle.
Potoperson: YAYZ! I'm Done!
Cella: The party's oveeeer.
Potoperson: Not yet my dear Cellophane. Next chapter, next chapter.
Cella: Why you….
Potoperson: Oh look! Almost time for the Ed, Edd, and Eddy movie.
Cella: WOO! Let's hit the popcorn!
Potoperson: Review! Bye! DON'T START THE MOVIE WITHOUT ME CELLA!