Ayama waited by his bedside, feeling so lonely. His pale lids were closed, and she could see the blue veins stretched across his blank face. Everyone had told her he was sleeping, that he needed rest, and that it wasn't her fault. She knew better.

It was her fault. The monster, the thing inside her had controlled her for those few short moments, and she had let it. Ayama hadn't said anything to anyone, and she was beginning to sense that her parents and Kaname knew. They knew something, yet they wouldn't talk.

Why?

Hiroshi was hurt. It was her fault. He hadn't opened his eyes in two days. To top things off, the Council wanted to see her and her parents. Her parents, suddenly very anxious, didn't deny them, but promised they would come after Kaname's and Ayama's engagement ball, which they had hastily scheduled for the next day.

"Hiroshi," she began in a desperate whisper, "things are terrible. I need you."

The Chairman and Yagari had raised hell once they discovered the Council had intruded. Kaname was ruffled by it too, Ayama could tell. He had been pacing in his room for hours, muttering to himself and staring out at the window. She also noticed that his terribly enthrallingly eyes were beginning to wander. She noticed they were wandering over the young guardian named Yuuki Cross. And Zero, the other guardian, seemed even more snappy and agitated than ever, but he continued to appear wherever she was. Ayama didn't know whether to feel glad or annoyed about it.

Tensions were tangible, and Ayama felt enervated all the time. She was forced to drink the tablets now that Hiroshi was gone. They tasted tasteless, like diluted blood. Ayama's human mind also said that it tasted like watered down orange juice. She clung to that thought, savoring the humanity in it, the saneness of it, despite the insanity of its source.

Every single moment at Cross Academy, every single moment with the Night Class, and every single moment with Kaname Kuran was draining her of what she knew to be her human self. She hated it, despised it. Ayama missed the beauty of being human, the realism and fragileness of it.

"Hiroshi, if you wake up, I promise to runaway with you. We can runaway together and live elsewhere. Somewhere nice, somewhere the sun warms and flowers bloom. Please, oh, please." She dropped her forehead against his hand. There was a dead stillness, aggravating her.
"HIROSHI! You fool! You-you imbecile! Would you wake up?! Please! PLEASE!" She grabbed the lamp at his bedside and threw it against the wall. It crashed loudly, leaving a dent in the wall, and was no more.

Jumping up just as Akemi and Chiyo, her parents, scrambled in, she shouted in their faces, "Why do you not tell me anything?! Why?!" The thing inside her rippled through her veins for a moment, and she knew by the suddenly frightened expressions of her parents that they saw it.

Chiyo grasped her husband's arm as she replied calmly, regaining her composure, "Ayama, do not talk to us in such a manner."

Akemi nodded and placed his hand over his wife's. "Child, what is there to say? Your vampire abilities are uncontrollable. You have never experienced life as a vampire and this is a new beginning for you." Glancing at Ayama's mother, he said, "I-I am afraid we were wrong to submit you to Cross Academy so early. We…merely thought it would be best if you could find a way to reconcile the world you once knew and the world you now belong to."

"Yes. We thought Cross Academy was the place to do so, but we were wrong. We are sorry, Ayama." Chiyo moved to hug her daughter, rubbing her back in a way that was supposed to comfort her.

But Ayama was far from comforted. She couldn't explain it, but her vampire abilities were perfectly controlled. It was as if…as if her pureblood abilities were not, as if vampire and pureblood powers were separate within her. She and Yagari had talked about the possibility the other day, though it made no sense to either of them.

Suddenly, Kaname entered, his intimidating air fogging up the room. Ayama tried not to show how displeased she was with his presence and stepped away from her mother.

"Yes, Kaname-sama?" she murmured.

He smiled thinly at her, and she sensed he was uncomfortable. For some reason, she almost smiled at the thought. She knew Hiroshi was making him shift in his boots.

"Ayama, may I have a word with you?"

Chiyo and Akemi kissed their daughter's cheeks and swept out of the room. Ayama knew almost immediately that they would discuss the engagement ball.

Knowing it would irk Kaname, she sat on Hiroshi's bed, placing her hand over his. Something flashed across Kaname's face, so quick Ayama almost didn't catch it, but he quickly recovered and occupied her seat from before.

He kept his eyes on her, not once sneaking a glimpse of the comatose Hiroshi. "I am…hesitant to bring this subject up, but I know I must." He turned his eyes to the floor for a second, then continued with, "Ayama, do you harbor feelings for….." He stopped and seemed almost disgusted to say his name, "Hiroshi?"

She didn't even bat an eyelash. "Yes."

Kaname seemed startled at first. She realized he wasn't expecting such a quick answer, but she also knew he wouldn't expect her next question.

"And do you hold feelings for Yuuki Cross?"

His jaw clenched, and he locked eyes with Ayama. She could see something in them, something wrong, like the thing inside her, except different. "Since you have given me a direct answer, I assume it is only fair that I return it." He instantly confirmed, "Yes. I do."

"Then let us break off this engagement! It is foolish!"

"It is a duty," he growled, then, suddenly, his expression changed. Rising, he looked toward the door expectantly.

Knowing her abilities not to be as in tune and refined as his, Ayama surmised that someone was about to enter.

And Zero did. Glaring at Kaname fiercely, he announced, "Wakahisa, come with me. Yagari has something to say to you."

Without even glancing at Kaname to see if he was finished, she exited, following the silvery haired boy. Walking silently, she knew why she had immediately told Kaname yes, that she had feelings for Hiroshi. But she fought with it, denied it to herself. It was wrong, she understood, and for more reasons than her parents had told her. But they never seemed to tell her anything anyway.

Everything was all wrong.