Truth And Deception
(Chapter Eleven: Fighting For A Future)
It was around two o'clock in the morning when Olivia woke him up for round two. This time he was slow and sweet and passionate with her. Drawing out one long, but very strong orgasm from his wife with the steady, even pace of his thrusts.
Afterward Olivia curled up against her husband and stared up at him over his chest as they talked for hours. Elliot combed his fingers through her dark hair and placed soft kisses against her forehead as he trailed his fingers up and down her bare back. Elliot cherished every second with her and feared losing her.
Olivia yawned as she stared up into his eyes.
"Tell me what you are thinking baby," he said softly meeting her gaze with his.
"I was thinking about the future."
Elliot smiled at her. "What about our future?"
"I was thinking that if I….."
"Don't use that word."
"What?"
"If, Liv. Never say if. We are going to beat this. And we are going to live and amazing life together and grow old together." She could see the tears and behind Elliot's eyes. "I can't lose you. I wont."
He brushed a strand of bangs from her eyes and kissed her again.
"I love you Olivia."
"I love you, too."
"When we beat this…" he urged her to continue her statement.
"When we beat this….I want to have a baby, Elliot. Assuming I still can. Sometimes the Chemotherapy leaves women infertile."
"Honey when we make it through this, I promise you I will give you a baby. And if we can't have one of our own, then I will buy you one if I have to. We will have a baby."
Olivia smiled at the thought of their child and what he or she would look like. She kissed Elliot's chest softly.
"I love you so much Elliot," she whispered softly.
"I love you, too angel." He cupped his hand against the side of her face and kissed her lips gently. "You should get some rest. It's almost five o'clock and we have to get up in a few hours for your first Chemo session."
"Yeah," she mumbled quietly.
"What is that?" He asked shifting her to look into her eyes again.
"Nothing, I guess I'm just a little afraid."
"It's going to be okay baby. I am going to be right there with you the entire time. We do this for a few days and have your surgery then move on and finally get to start our lives together. To start our forever. Olivia, I want to make all of your dreams come true."
"I know you do Elliot. And I know that you are trying to stay positive and help me think positively. But I cannot help but wonder if maybe you are being just a little too naive about this transplant. I mean even with Cragen being a match, there is still a really big chance that this wont work."
"I know that baby. But Olivia nothing will ever work out for you if you don't have faith."
He watched her as a tear rolled off her cheek.
"It is just so hard to believe….to keep believing, unconditionally when things like this happen."
"I know sweetheart. But you can't give up. Sometimes your faith is all you have. But as long as you have it, Olivia you are never alone."
"It amazes me how strong you are sometimes. You get that from religion?"
"Some of it. A lot of it. I was raised a Catholic. And although I have not been to church in forever and kind of went against their beliefs not only when I got divorced but also when I remarried, my religion is still a big part of who I am. But I get most of my strength from my family, my children and my wife." Elliot traced his fingertip down her jaw line and raised her chin to kiss her lips.
Olivia curled into him again and laid her head against his chest to hear his heart pounding in her ear.
"I want to go with you," she said softly.
"Go where baby?"
"I want to go to church with you."
"You do?"
"Yes. Why, is that a shock to you?"
"I just never thought of you as a religious person."
"Well, maybe I am counting on my husband to be a good influence and conform me."
Elliot laughed and kissed her again.
"Go to sleep."
Olivia smiled and he pulled her tight against him as she closed her eyes. With in moments they were asleep once more.
EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO
Just over a week later Olivia checked in to the hospital for her surgery. Elliot walked in beside her holding tight to her hand, both were more scared and nervous than they had ever been about anything. Tonight was check in and early tomorrow morning the actual procedure.
A nurse showed Olivia to her room, where she sat down her bag and tried to make herself at home. She would be here for a least a couple of days, so she might as well get comfortable with the place. Afterward she and Elliot walked down the hall to visit Cragen. The donation procedure was done with a local anesthesia and he would be able to check out in the morning. The doctors just wanted to keep him for overnight for observation to make sure that everything was okay.
He was sitting up in his bed flipping through channels when Olivia knocked then opened his hospital room door.
"We thought maybe you'd like some visitors," she said softly as she looked at him.
"Sure, come on in."
They walked in as Olivia sat down a vase of mixed flowers they had gotten for him with a get well balloon. She turned and walked over to sit on the foot of his bed.
"How did it go?" She asked softly.
"It went well. It was all over in about an hour."
"Did it hurt?"
"No. I mean I am a little sore. But not bad." Cragen reached out for her hand and she laid hers into it. He studied the worried look on her face. "I talked to the doctor. He said that sometimes they will take a little extra during the collection and freeze it, incase you should need more later. I had them do that."
Elliot stood across the room and watched as a tear fell from her cheek.
"I don't know how I will ever repay you. There is no way for me to thank you enough for what you are doing."
"You don't have to repay me Olivia." He was quiet for a moment as he stared into her brown eyes. "I will tell you what you can do. You can get better. And when you are strong again I want you to promise me that we will get to know each other better. Like a father and daughter. I have not been there Olivia, all this time. But I want to be there now. From now on."
She smiled. All of her life, as a little girl growing up she had always what it would be like to have a father. And now here he was in front of her telling her that he wanted her, too.
"I'd like that," she whispered softly.
"I was thinking maybe we could pick one night every week and that could be our night. We could just spend time together. Maybe go to dinner and talk. You can tell me of all of the things I missed out on in your life, catch me up."
"Maybe," she said. "I am up for us having a dinner night, I and just not so sure that my childhood is the best topic of conversation."
"We can talk about anything you want."
She smiled again.
Cragen brushed a piece of her hair from her eyes and cupped his hand against her forehead.
"Try not to worry, sweetheart. Worrying will only make you crazy. The doctors here are very good and know what they are doing. We are doing everything we can and if we need to do it again we will. We will keep doing it until it works. We will not give up on you Olivia," he said motioning to Elliot and himself. He moved his hand to hold hers again. "You should get some rest."
She looked up at him as he squeezed his hand.
"Yeah," she said softly.
"I will see you tomorrow, honey."
She leaned in and hugged him as he kissed her cheek.
"Okay. Good night."
"Good night, Olivia."
Elliot waved to him as they stepped back out into the hallway and closed the door behind them. She exhaled deeply and stared straight ahead of them.
Elliot stepped in front of her and brushed her bangs from her eyes as he kissed her forehead.
"Are you hungry?" He asked.
"I could eat."
"Let's find something," he said as he slipped his hand into hers again.
"But I am not supposed to leave the hospital."
"Well, I could treat you to a romantic dinner in the cafeteria."
Olivia smiled.
"Are you asking me out, Elliot Stabler?"
"As a matter of fact I am Olivia Stabler."
"Just what would my husband think?"
Elliot just stared at her for a moment. "He thinks….he knows, he is a very lucky guy to have a love like yours."
She forced a smile to keep from crying, then pulled herself into his chest.
"I love you so much," she said softly. "You are everything to me. And I could never imagine my life without you in it."
"I guess we both finally found out what is was like to find that person you were meant to be with. And I don't ever want to have to find out what it feels like to be forced to let you go."
"Neither do I," she replied as he held her tight in his arms.
Elliot kissed her forehead.
"Lets go have some dinner."
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The next morning Elliot paced the waiting room nervously waiting for Olivia to get out of surgery. Cragen sat across the room watching him as he waited as well. Finally the doctor entered the room.
"How did it go?" Elliot blurted out as he approached the man.
"Wonderfully. She is resting comfortably in her room now. She will probably be out for the next few hours and wont want to do much for the next few days except sleep. It will take her a little while to get her energy back. I will need to see her several times over the next six weeks or so for routine tests and check ups. We wont know for a while if it is going to work, but I am hoping to see her feeling better here pretty soon. You can go on back and see her, but try to let her rest as much as she can. Her body needs it to repair the cell loss from the Chemotherapy." The doctor lead them down the hall to her room and let them in.
Elliot moved immediately to stand beside his wife and kiss her forehead softly.
"I love you , angel. I am right here beside you and I will be right here when you wake up."
Cragen brushed his thumb over her cheek softly as he looked down at her. Olivia was so pale and her skin felt cool and clammy. He prayed everything would be okay. He took a seat at a small table across the room and just watched her as she slept, waiting for something, anything to let them know she would be okay.
Elliot pulled a chair next to her bed and leaned his head against the bedrail as he held her hand in his. Nearly twelve hours passed before she finally fluttered her eyes open to look into his.
"Hey you," he whispered softly.
"Hi," she replied almost breathlessly. "How did it go?"
"The doctor said it went really well. It will be a few more days before you can go home and he will need to see you several times a week for the next month or so."
He smiled at her and Olivia smiled back.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too baby."
Elliot leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.