Author's Notes: Okay, time to play catch-up on what happened to Zel-kun!
Summary: After living in seclusion for three years, the only thing that Zelgadis wants is to continue his life in such solitude. But the nightmares that have been plaguing him for months became too painful to ignore, and he finds himself traveling the familiar path to Seyruun once again...
Chapter One
'puzzles'
And sing to me when you're sinking
And you know I'm wide awake and watching for you.
LetterKills
Three years after Dark Star...
- -
Silence…
The forest was eerily quiet, as if they were the only living creatures that treaded upon the dirt and moss grounds. He was constantly stepping on twigs and dried leaves, but no sound resonated from his actions. Only his hoarse, ragged breathing rang in his ears, dappled with fright and uncertainty as he cautiously followed the graceful form before him.
Solitude…
He couldn't sense any other presence deep within the woods, and the feeling of such isolation was starting to put him on edge. How long had it been since they left that tiny village? It had still been daylight when they started their trek into the forest, but now he could barely see five feet ahead of him.
Darkness…
Black shadows fell upon the forest grounds, so twisted and gnarled that they formed the shapes of feral beasts, ready to pounce on him as he wove his way through the sea of trees. Even the sky appeared grotesque, harboring a moon that was like a gash in the heavens rather than a beautiful silver crescent.
Why had they gone into the forest in the first place? He couldn't seem to remember.
A sudden dark mist started to roll in, and he had to squint through its hazy veils to keep his companion in sight. He traipsed closer to her as she slowed to a stop, her slender form cocooned within the walls of the black fog, her eyes wide and fearful as she took in her surroundings. He tried to swat it away as he felt it claim him, his skin and eyes burning with irritation at its touch. She must have shared the feeling – she was clawing viciously at her flesh, desperately trying to relieve herself of the prickly sensation.
"Like bugs under my skin," she whispered, settling her frightened blue eyes on his stricken face. He swallowed nervously and reached a hand out to her, but she jerked away before he could even make contact. Her fingernails tore into her flesh, marring her lightly tanned skin with streams of crimson.
"What's happening?" Her eyes were darting from side to side now, the raven fog continuing to envelop her with its gaseous binds. Her hands moved to cover her ears. "It's calling my name."
Again he reached for her. Again she jerked away.
Her eyes suddenly turned brutal and harsh as she glared at him, shards of ice embedded within those sapphire depths. "How could you do this to me?"
He drew away from her, feeling the cutting pain from her accusation strike him deeply. Never had she looked at him that way before, with eyes that had always held warmth and compassion for him. What had he done? Could he ever fix it? Did she want him to?
A string of gurgles and coughs erupted, racking her slender frame with agonizing spasms. She fell to her hands and knees, a trickle of blood trailing down her chin. "No! I won't do it!"
Who was she talking to?
From the murky shadows a sword appeared, and she immediately grabbed for it. The motion seemed so natural for her, but he knew it wasn't. She detested weapons. But then why was she wielding it with such determination?
"This is love," she whispered, her voice rattled with trepidation.
She plunged the gleaming blade straight into her heart.
"NO!"
Death…
It ripped her apart.
- -
Zelgadis rocketed into a sitting position in his tiny cot, his chest heaving uncontrollably with the need for air. His fingers were clenching the flannel sheets so tightly that his knuckles turned a sickly pallid color, and he had to gradually coax himself to control his ragged breathing and release his taut grip. The soft material pooled around his waist as he laid his palms flat against the mattress, and his eyes closed in relief with the realization that what he had envisioned was nothing but a dream.
A bad dream…
Still struggling to compose himself, he slowly opened his eyes and allowed his bleary gaze to roam around the cramped attic that was his bedroom, finally settling on its lone window. The thin strip of golden light spilling through its slightly parted curtains indicated that it was morning, and with a quiet grunt, Zelgadis flipped the sheets away from him and stepped onto the dusty floor. He slowly strode over to the window and threw the curtains apart, allowing the balmy sunshine to wash over his skin and flood the room in a tangerine glow.
Another nightmare…
Exhaling shakily, Zelgadis made his way to the wooden chest at the foot of the cot – albeit unsteadily – and raised the lid to pull out a clean set of clothing. After donning a pair of black trousers and charcoal traveling boots, he pulled on a thin beige button down shirt, leaving the top few buttons undone and rolling the sleeves up to his elbows.
He caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror across the room, and stopped in his actions to let his eyes trace over his reflection: hair the color of dark chocolate with the texture of silk, lightly tanned human flesh,wide sky blue eyes that were no longer mere slits. This was the true Zelgadis Greywords, the man he'd longed to become once again for so many years.
So why, after attaining his dream, was he having nightmares about a girl from his past that meant nothing to him?
Nothing.
…Nothing? I would've died for her back then. I almost did. Is that nothing?
A sharp rap on the door promptly averted his attention, saving him from the submergence into the thoughts he knew he wasn't ready to contend with yet.
"Yes?" His voice was rough and gravelly, almost alien to even himself, but the person asking for admission apparently thought nothing of it as the door swung open rather violently with a determined push.
A slender, but busty middle-aged woman stood in the doorway, wiping her hands on her cloth apron as she regarded him with twinkling brown eyes. "Zel, honey, your breakfast is ready," she chirped, blithely grinning at him while she continued to clean her hands. Her face held a warm rosy sheen to it, evidence of her time spent over a hot stove.
Zelgadis bowed his head in appreciative thanks, but his voice was apologetic when he spoke. "Thank you, Kara-san. However, I'm not incredibly hungry this morning. Would it be terribly insulting to ask only for a piece of toast?"
"Yes, yes it would," Kara was immediately on guard, bustling into the room with an outstretched hand. "I hope you're not sick." She laid her hand on Zelgadis's forehead before he had the chance to react, her face screwed up with worry. "I'd hate for you to come down with something now, when Luo seems to have an important task for you."
Zelgadis quickly ducked his head away from her motherly hand, eyes narrowing. "Task? What task?"
The woman huffed and perched her hands on her hips, clearly frustrated at the rejection of her coddling. "There won't be any task at all if you're sick," she firmly stated. "I love my husband, but I won't let allow him to put your health in danger."
"I'm not sick, Kara-san," he sighed. He hated her motherly instincts – he was twenty-three years old, for Cepheid's sake. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, as well as making his own decisions. "Now, what task?"
Kara tucked a stray lock of her graying hair behind her ear, an impish smile playing across her wise features. "He'll tell you all about it, dear. After you eat your breakfast."
Zelgadis opened his mouth to oppose, but Kara quickly silenced him with a hard glare. "Are you arguing with me, young man? We've done a lot for you; the least you can do is humor an old lady and eat your breakfast."
His taut features slowly relaxed into an almost amused expression. Her forcefulness reminded him so very much of Lina at times, and he allowed one corner of his mouth to quirk upwards in a half-smile. "You're not old, Kara-san. And thank you for fixing me breakfast – I'm sure it'll be wonderful like always."
An appreciative smile immediately lit up her face once again, and Zelgadis gave her a swift kiss on the cheek before making his way to the door. He could hear her happily humming under her breath as she flurried about the room to perform her cleaning duties. Before he exited the room, though, he turned to address her one last time.
"And Kara-san…I really do appreciate all you and Luo-san have done for me."
Kara looked up from her current position by the cot, but didn't stop her actions of making the bed. "I know, dear. And we love having you here," she winked. "You're practically part of the family."
Zelgadis gave her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, which seemed to have taken on a hollow look in response to her comment. "Yes. Family, indeed," he nearly whispered as he turned and strode from the room.
Kara watched his seemingly dismal retreat, a frown creasing her brow. What had she said this time? She clucked her tongue disapprovingly as she finished making his bed before turning her attention to the wooden chest. She had never ventured in there before, for the lid had always been shut. But now her dark eyes scanned the mess of clothing inside, and she sighed as she knelt down to fold the tangled apparel.
Men. Always messy in one way or another.
A pile of neatly folded clothes soon began to build as Kara worked her way through the various garments, but she scrunched her nose in disgust when her hands grabbed hold of a beige traveling outfit. It was stained with blood and grime, the trim of the cape almost black from dirt. It was dappled with several holes, and she could tell there were many more underneath poorly-done stitching jobs. The only piece that seemed to be intact was the cowl, and she knew Zelgadis had no reason to wear such a thing anymore.
She debated throwing away the entire outfit, but was able to suppress the urge. It would have been horribly invasive, even for her. She shook her head and folded the attire, nonetheless, but set them aside from the original pile. Perhaps she could do a better mending job.
The trunk was nearly empty now, save for a few delicates, but her brows immediately drew together when she lifted an undershirt to reveal a brown leather canteen. The fact that he owned one didn't surprise her in the least – she knew he used to travel a lot, after all, and one could hardly journey for months on end without a decent supply of drinking water. Rather, it was the piece of jewelry adorning it that fueled her curiosity to inspect further.
"What have we, here?" Kara mumbled, an eyebrow raised. She gingerly held the light pink band between her fingertips, the star-embedded sapphire gem twinkling underneath the sunlight protruding into the room. There were two letters carved into the center of the five-pointed star: 'A.S.'
She gently placed the bracelet back where she found it, but instead of turning back to her business of folding clothes, she let her hands glide over the leather-bound notebook that rested beneath the canteen. Perfectly aware of her horrible tendencies to snoop, and yet not minding them in the least, she picked up the notebook and laid it across her lap.
Turning over the front cover, she scanned the carefully written words on the first page: 'Property of Zelgadis Greywords.' Further probing of the notebook revealed journal entries – which she found herself resisting the urge to read – and studied the random drawings scattered throughout, instead. They were quite well-drawn, though not colored, and contained great detail. She flipped through the drawings of various males indifferently, but rather focused her attention upon the drawings of the girls.
A petite girl with long hair and a mischievous grin. A more physically developed woman with long straight hair and a mage's rod. Another well developed girl with ringlets and a rather scandalous outfit. A girl with long straight hair wearing the royal seal of – what Kara believed to be – Femille. A woman with thick hair that fell below her waist, wearing the robes of a priestess that didn't quite fully conceal a tail.
Kara pursed her lips in concentration. None of the women drawn wore the bracelet.
She shook her head absently and returned the notebook, deciding to finish her task of folding Zelgadis's clothes before she got too carried away. But a single question nagged at her mind throughout the entire day.
Who the heck is A.S.?
- -
Zelgadis finished his eggs and bacon to appease Kara, though he felt his stomach churn in resistance. No matter what he did, he just couldn't lose the image of an innocent princess being devoured by the poisonous mist that had crept into so many of his dreams lately. He pushed himself away from the table and picked up his empty plate to go wash it in the sink. Usually Kara had no problem doing his dishes, but she seemed to be taking an awfully long time cleaning his room.
Overachiever.
He laughed softly to himself as he rinsed off his plate and placed it in the dish rack to dry before exiting the kitchen to find the man of the house.
Luo Glaon was a hulk of a man, reaching almost six-foot-seven and bulging with muscles earned from decades of training. So when Zelgadis peered through the window of the living room to glance at the back yard, it was incredibly hard to not see the giant out by Kara's flower garden.
He quietly stepped out the back door and made his way across the lush greenery, stopping just slightly behind Luo's massive form.
Luo didn't even turn around. "Zelgadis-san."
Zelgadis bowed respectively, even whilst knowing that the action couldn't be seen. "Luo-san, I was told you wanted to speak with me."
"Hmm." Luo only nodded, and Zelgadis didn't speak further, knowing not to interrupt the Great Sage's train of thought. He would speak to him when he was ready.
Moments of silence drifted through the air before Luo spoke again, his back still turned to the ex-chimera. "How have you been sleeping lately?"
The question startled Zelgadis, though he knew he should've been used to such queries by now. Throughout his decades of researching white magic, it was only natural for Luo to develop somewhat of a prophetic sense. Nevertheless, Zelgadis's eyes widened as he stammered a bit before releasing a coherent answer. "Just fine." Maybe the Sage wouldn't notice.
"You lie."
Dammit.
Zelgadis stared intently at the back of Luo's graying head, almost as if he were trying to read the older man's thoughts. "Everyone gets nightmares."
"But not like the ones you and I have been having."
Zelgadis gulped. If Luo had been having strange dreams as well, than there was a possibility that…
"Yet another threat is rising," Luo spoke softly, all the while gazing out at the blue horizon. "We never have time to rest in this wretched world."
Zelgadis remained silent as Luo finally craned his neck to look at him, his grim features somehow appearing grotesque beneath the golden glow of the sun. Luo Glaon could have, at one time, been labeled as handsome. But decades of journeying and fighting had woven themselves into his features, enhancing the haggardness of his face and the sallow of his skin. His right eye seemed to even be going through the troublesome ordeal of cataracts, where his left eye had been shut permanently for years from a scar that slashed right down the middle of his eyelid. He was, however, far from losing his game, and Zelgadis was sure to never underestimate him because of that.
"I can sense a change in your aura," his deep voice rumbled softly, reminding Zelgadis of the sound of a thunderstorm far off in the distance. "You've drawn into yourself once again, just the way you were when you sought my help over two years ago."
Zelgadis lowered his eyes. "My dreams…they include somebody I know." He tried to speak with as much indifference as he could muster; he didn't want to give Luo the wrong impression. No one could control what they dreamt.
"Ah," Luo gave a slow nod. "That pretty young thing with the deep blue eyes. Yes, I see her, too."
The familiar creepy sensation of Luo's sixth sense crawled up Zelgadis's spine once again (how much did this guy know?), but he nodded nonetheless.
Finally, Luo turned to fully face him. "There are no coincidences, Zelgadis."
"…I know."
"She could be in danger."
"…Maybe."
Luo stood, almost majestically, with his good eye boring into Zelgadis's bland expression. "Will you go to her?"
Zelgadis shifted uncomfortably. The subject of the princess always managed to make him squirm in the slightest, mostly because his other traveling companions had the annoying habit of creating an imaginary romantic link between the two of them. "Why should I? It has nothing to do with me."
"It has everything to do with you if you are receiving the visions," Luo gently scolded.
The ex-chimera tried a different approach. "I don't know if I'm physically ready."
Luo didn't move; he just continued to stare at Zelgadis, his powerful arms folded across his bulging chest. "Zelgadis-san. Nearly three years ago, you were a chimera, a ghastly being with skin made of crude stone and a heart that you forced into numbness."
Zelgadis did not blanch at his words.
"You had traveled so far and for so long to find your cure, only to be met with brutal disappointment at your every attempt. You even went as far as to find the Clair Bible, the ancient knowledge of the Water Dragon King. And yet, it was not you who were allowed access to its vast knowledge, but rather your companion."
Zelgadis clenched his fists at the memory of being so close to finding the answer, only to have Lina snatch the chance instead. At least it was to save the world.
"After the defeat of Dark Star, you continued on your search once again to even greater lengths. You decided to search for your great-grandfather's colleagues, for Rezo the Red Priest was only one of five. First, you gained word of Shazaard the Great, another Sage who had worked with Rezo and me on numerous accounts, and you sought him out in the Desert of Destruction. Alas, Shazaard knew nothing about your cure, for his focus was on black magic and the creation of magical items."
"But he knew about the curse. He was there when Rezo studied it in the first place," Zelgadis cut in, albeit impatiently. Was it really necessary for Luo to lecture him on his own life story?
"Yes, as was I. Rezo came across the curse on one of our journeys. However, he knew of the serious results that it would cause, and he wanted to make certain that there was someone with the ability to counteract it. I was younger than the Red Priest, but I'd devoted my entire life to the research of white magic and was more than qualified to perform the task. For that reason, he entrusted me with this duty."
The ex-chimera briefly recalled the immense relief that had flooded his stone-cold heart when Shazaard Lugandi had relayed that story to him. But it was a bittersweet feeling, for it had been the greatest hope he had encompassed thus far, which also meant it would have been the greatest disappointment if the information had turned out to be another false lead.
Luo wasn't done speaking yet. "Rezo and I had made a deal. If he were to ever cast that spell, I had to be present. Up until two years ago, I thought he had kept his word. However, when you appeared on my doorstep one afternoon, I was forced to open my eyes to the truth. Rezo had broken our pact and betrayed me."
"Betrayed you?"
Luo continued on, ignoring the ex-chimera's sarcastic remark. "I had not practiced the cure in years, and Rezo's magic was incredibly strong. But within a day I was able to erase the golem from within you. Another day passed, and I was able to cleanse your soul of the demon that had plagued it. You became human."
One would think that the memory would have brought a thankful smile to Zelgadis's expression, but he portrayed a look of disgust instead. True, he had regained his human form, but the consequences…
"Alas, you were a weakling," Luo read his mind. "After discovering how diminished your strength, speed, and magical skills had truly become, you asked for my assistance once more. You remembered that along with studying white magic, I was also a fierce trainer of the art of the sword. And under my mentoring and guidance, you trained intensively for the past two and a half years to regain the skills you once had as a chimera."
Zelgadis lifted one hand before him as his listened to the Great Sage's words, his hardened glare tracing over the scars and calluses that marred his skin. Yes, he had trained every single day under Luo Glaon's rule, something that very few people could say about themselves. There were days when he thought he would die from the sheer exhaustion of his mentor's rigorous training, and he couldn't remember how many times he had thrown up or fainted from fatigue. But his hard work and perseverance had paid off, for what he had accomplished within two and a half years was something that most others would have acquired within ten.
The Sage began to move then, circling slowly around Zelgadis like a vulture. "Once again, you now have the speed and magical skills of a demon, and the strength and endurance of a golem. You are ready to venture out into the world," he concluded with an air of confidence and finality.
Zelgadis clenched his hand into a tight fist. "It's no simple matter to reunite with them."
"Your friends?" Luo clarified. "You have not spoken to them since the battle with Dark Star."
"Exactly."
"You fear they may be angry."
"Not really," Zelgadis objected, dropping his arm. "But yes, they will berate me for not keeping in touch."
"But their accusations would be correct, would they not?"
"That's not the point," Zelgadis argued. "I had always planned to seek them out once I returned to my human self. But…" That look of revulsion overcame his features once again. "I was too ashamed of my weakened state. If they did not laugh at my freakish chimeric appearance before, then surely they would have mocked me for my pathetic feebleness that replaced it. And I didn't need that to distract me from my training."
Luo rested a beefy hand on his pupil's shoulder in an act of consolation. "Zelgadis-san, I understood your desire to hide away at the beginning, and that is why I never pressed you for information about your friends, or urged you to contact them. But you have risen to, if not succeeded above, the level that you were once at."
"…Yes."
"Your friends have always stood beside you, and even aided you at times during your quest to be cured. But now, it is one of them who might need your help."
"…"
"So I'll ask you again, will you go to her, or will you abandon her?"
Zelgadis stared up into the gaunt face of his mentor, an internal struggle waging within his heart. Lina and Gourry would be easy to handle, should he cross paths with the duo. A full-course meal would earn their forgiveness on just about anything.
But…what about Amelia?
The last thing he wanted to do was lead the princess to believe he shared the same feelings that she had for him, and if he suddenly showed up in Seyruun, there was a great possibility of that happening. On the other hand, he had no idea if she still even possessed said feelings. She had been rather young, and besides, they hadn't even contacted each other in over two years.
She had tried, of course. She had written him countless letters while he researched for his cure in Zefielia, but must have lost track of him once he traveled into the Desert of Destruction in search for Shazaard the Great. Various lines from her letters ran through his head, pricking his heart with unwanted guilt.
"Zelgadis-san, how have you been? You know you're welcome in Seyruun anytime!"
"Zelgadis-san, where are you now? None of us have heard from you in such a long time!"
"Zelgadis-san, why aren't you responding to any of my letters? Are you okay? Please write back! It's horribly rude to make a friend worry like this!"
Her last letter sounded so urgent that he finally caved in almost six months later and wrote to her once he reached Luo's small town in Elmekia, but he kept it curt and impersonal, and gave no indication of his whereabouts. It simply said that he was doing just fine, and that he would be unable to talk for a little while.
But, a little while turned into six months, and then a year, and then two…
Why should he feel any obligation to her, anyway? She had plenty of soldiers and bodyguards to protect her. Lina and Gourry probably stopped by Seyruun all the time to visit. And of course Crown Prince Philionel would throw himself in danger's way to protect his precious daughter. So if he wasn't even needed, why should he bother taking the time and effort to go to her when he could remain with the Glaon couple and continue his training?
Her horror-stricken face flashed through his mind; a gleaming blade sticking out from her chest, black mist tearing at her flesh, her sapphire eyes glaring at him.
'How could you do this to me?'
Zelgadis swallowed thickly, gazing out at the same horizon that his mentor's attention had been so fixated upon earlier, knowing that his heart had made the decision ever since he first had that wretched nightmare. He found himself repeating words that he had spoken years ago.
"To think that we'd meet again like this," he sighed. "Such is destiny."
So after supper, Zelgadis packed his belongings and gracefully swung himself onto one of Luo's horses, and with one last wave to the couple that had housed him for over two years, he was off.
Kara held back the tears that were slowly building like watery walls, and she tossed her long braid over her shoulder. While she was a bit disappointed that he had taken the notebook and bracelet along with him (she would have loved more ample time to investigate them), she was thankful that he did leave something behind.
Now she could officially throw away that God-awful beige apparel.
Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers.