I awoke with a bad headache and a serious case of the jitters. My Edward Nightmares, as I liked to call them, were particularly bad last night and they had left me shivering and cold. I took two aspirin and hoped that the shaking would stop.
I stopped at a coffee shop before taking a walk around Seattle. It had been ages since I'd been, but the good thing about it was, there was no place in this entire city that could possibly remind me of Edward. I kept my phone on, just in case Carlisle called. The walk helped clear my thoughts and it lightened my mood.
It was only when I made it to the Olympic Sculpture Park that my phone started ringing, but it wasn't Carlisle. I clicked the Talk button uncertainly.
"Hello?" my voice answered nervously.
"Bella? Hello. Sorry, this is Mr. Black – Jacob…from the Publishing office, remember?"
"Jacob?" I was startled. How did he get my number? Why was he calling? What the hell?
"Yeah, um…I know you're probably wondering how I got your number…Tanya at the front desk looked it up for me. It seems like you're a client of the firm now. Congratulations," his voice rumbled and I bit my lip, unsure what to say.
"Thanks…But…why are you…calling me?" I hoped I didn't sound like a jerk or anything, but I couldn't help but wonder why this complete stranger…well not exactly a complete stranger, was calling me.
"Yes, well, I don't know if you realized it yesterday, but I found myself instantly fascinated by you. You are a very interesting woman, Ms. Swan – yes I found out you're not married – "
"Hey, look buddy, I don't know if you're aware of this," I replied angrily, cutting him off, "but you're behaving like a total stalker here and I don't think you have any right to look up my personal information. In fact, I don't even know how you came up with that information, I thought there was a confidentiality clause or something attached to that kind of office. Anyways, to make it quite clear, if you try calling me again, I'm getting my number changed and you're getting reported to the police!" He was really starting to piss me off and I didn't like it.
"Woah, woah, woah! Calm down, there Bella! It's alright, I'm not a stalker…Yes, I got Tanya to look up your information for me and she was only willing to do that because I can be very persuasive and I'm a top client at the firm…but I have to tell you that I just wanted to ask you out. That's why I'm calling. Please, I'm sorry for the way I've handled this whole situation. If you can give me just one chance, I'm sure that I can make you see that I'm not some perv or stalker."
I sighed. It was true, he was very persuasive. The way his voice sounded over the phone made it hard for me to picture him as a stalker or a pervert…I did want to give him a chance…I wondered if part of me, though, was making it extra difficult to trust my feelings about any men, simply because of the fact that my first husband died and then the man I had fallen in love with just after that had left me…It was as if Edward was still affecting me even now, after he had removed himself from my life.
Jacob had seemed like a nice person back at the office. I wasn't about to lie and say I wasn't attracted to him on some level…he was very handsome…but that was a purely physical reaction. He was the complete opposite of Edward, dark skinned and deep voiced, he had a completely different manner. He certainly was less brooding, and certainly more light spirited, ready to poke fun and have a good time…I had to stop myself though, and take a step back.
It worried me that I was comparing Jacob to Edward, as if making a pro con based of Edward as the model…Why did Edward have to change everything and every way that I looked at men now? Even as I passed guys on the street today as I walked I found myself picking out Edward-like characteristics – bronze-ish hair, that straight noise, green eyes…tall lean figure…It was so frustrating!
I realized that there was no way I could ever fall in love again, like I had with Edward, but I could at least, as Alice…and even Edward…suggested and find someone who could be good to me…Could Jacob be that kind of person? I didn't know, but I was prepared to try and find out. So I decided, then and there, that, on principle in order to break out of this Edward slump I was in, I was going to give relationships a try.
"Alright, Jacob," I found myself answering, "I'll give you one more chance. I'm here in Seattle till the end of the weekend, so whenever you're free, let me know." I heard a sigh of relief on the other end before Jacob responded.
"Thank you, Bella! You don't know how happy you've made me. How bout we try dinner tonight, if that's okay? I don't know if I can wait any longer till I can see you. Does that sound alright?"
"Sure," I replied, my voice free of the trepidation that I felt. I had to force myself to do this, if only to help myself move on. That's it.
"Where are you staying? I can pick you up at seven?" he asked eagerly. I instantly thought of a panting, excited little puppy, seeking approval.
I told him my address at the hotel and assured him that seven was fine and yes, I did like bar and grill. After he ended the call with a happy, See you tonight!, I slipped my phone back into my pocket and hugged myself. I was worried about how tonight would go, but I was sure that this was the only way for me to get over Edward. If I could show myself that not everyone was like Edward, then I could get my trust back and stop falling back into this debilitating Edward-withdrawal that had me sobbing and miserable from sun up to sun up. This was the way to get back on track. I just hopped that Jacob didn't take things to fast or else I'd wind up in an even worse place than I was before.
................................
"Bella?"
"Edward?"
"Don't go with him."
"Who? Edward…I can't see you, please…come here, let me see you!"
"Shhhh, baby, I'm right here. Always. Just, please, baby, don't go with him."
"Jacob? I – he's just an acquaintance, Edward…He doesn't mean anything. Please, hold me Edward."
"I can't –"
"Why Edward, why? Don't you love me?"
"I love you, Bella. I love you. And no one can take that away!"
"No one."
"Not even that dog, baby. You can't see him, you can't see him like I can…I see. I know what he wants to do with you, baby, and I can't let that happen!"
"Nothing's going to happen, Edward, it's never going to happen. I only want you…Please, just come here."
"Don't cry, sweetheart…I don't want you to cry. I am here. Can't you feel me? Know that I'm here to protect you. I'm watching over you, Bella. I will always be watching over you."
"Then why did you leeeaaavvvvveeeee?!"
"Shhh, shhh, Bella, don't cry. I'm here, I'm here."
"Noooo, nooo, you left me – you left – I can't see you anymore…Edward…I love you!"
"Bella…"
"Edward! Come back to me! Come back!"
"Be safe, love. Please, just be safe. I'll always love you."
"Love you, please, come baaack….!"
"EDWARD!" I gasped, sitting straight up in bed. I felt the wetness on my cheeks and I knew I had been crying in my sleep. I could remember everything crystal clear, but the image of Edward was fading like shadows in the sun…I could barely hold onto his emerald eyes, now.
I had come back from my walk to take a nap, knowing that since I got little sleep last night, I'd need to be able to stay awake enough to function on my evening out with Jacob tonight. Unfortunately, instead of getting the proper nap that I'd hoped for, I had a vivid dream of Edward being with me, here in the hotel room, begging me not to go. I felt an anger blaze in me at the thought of that. He'd been the one to leave, not me. He had forced me into this life of loneliness, hoping for me to find someone and now he wanted me to stop from moving on? That was unfair and I could barely stand to think of it.
Granted, this was my dream Edward, not the real, well, ghost, Edward, so I shouldn't really be blaming him. Still, the Edward of my dreams tonight had been more real than any of my other dreams of him. He'd sounded so close to the original that I could almost swear that my imagination had been practicing. But I knew that it couldn't really be him. He was back in Forks, invisible as he ever was before I ever stepped through that door into his house.
My phone buzzed and I looked over to realize I had a new text message. I quickly grabbed it and found that I had one missed call from Alice. The text was from Jake, saying that he was on his way. I snapped my head around to look at the clock and was shocked to find that it was 6:40 already. I hadn't even gotten dressed!
Hurriedly, I flipped open my suitcase and looked for the least objectionable outfit. It's not like I'd planned on going out to dinner with anyone when I'd packed, so the closest thing to nice that I had in there was a pair of black slacks and a crème colored blouse. I was about to pull these items out when I noticed a black bag just underneath the slacks. I frowned, not sure what exactly that was. I hadn't packed it.
Pulling it out of the suitcase, I peered in and then gave a huge roll of my eyes. Alice. I pulled out the midnight blue satin with sheer black silk overlay frock with cap sleeves (A/N pic on my profile, yeah!). It was beautiful and it suited me. A win for Alice, again. I'd have to remember to thank her when I got back…or when I called her after this "date."
After quickly slipping the dress on, I reached into the bag again and pulled out the accompanying make-up that Alice prescribed for the dress and a silver headband that Alice apparently wanted to adorn my dark brown tresses. I wondered, after I had quickly applied the make-up and brushed my hair before placing the head band on, what I would wear on my feet. I looked in my suitcase for answers, and low and behold, Alice had the answer for that too. Underneath the black bag had been a pair of silver heels, simple, yet elegant, and, thankfully, not too high. I slipped them on just as I heard a knock at my door. I marveled at the comfort of the shoes as I made my way over to the door.
I looked through the peephole and there Jacob stood, dressed in a crisp, white button down shirt and navy slacks. He looked very nice.
"My, my, Bella, you look stunning!" he exclaimed in his deep voice. I blushed, as I always do when I receive any sort of comment on how I look. I had always been self-conscious about my looks. I had always been in the belief that I was plain Jane, with no outstanding features. Alice, however, with her skills in fashion, had pulled something off tonight and I could believe Jacobs words – to a certain extent.
"Thanks. You look really good, yourself," I replied. "Just hang on, a sec. I need to get my purse." I left him at the door and went, once again, to my suitcase of answers. Alice had packed me a matching purse of midnight blue that was beautiful, yet not ostentatious. I quickly picked up my phone and the compact Alice had supplied and stuffed them both in my purse along with my wallet.
I walked back to the doorway where Jacob stood waiting. I gave him a small smile and he took my arm gently, leading me to his car – a sleek Jaguar. I was a bit shocked, to say the least, but he just chuckled at me before opening the passenger-side door and ushering me in. The leather seats were smooth and flawless and felt extremely comfortable. I was still marveling at them as Jacob opened his door and slid in beside me.
"You have a beautiful car," I mumbled, running my hand over the seat. He gave me a broad grin and patted the steering wheel.
"Yeah, this baby cost a pretty penny, but she was worth it. I love this car. It does everything and it's always nice to let people know that you mean business before they even see you." I frowned slightly at the comment, but let it go as he threw the car into reverse and backed out of the spot.
"Where are we going?" I asked. He shot me another smile and shook his head.
"I don't think so. This is our night, Bells, and I'm going to show you what it means to have a night on the town with Jacob Black. After tonight, you'll never doubt me again."
"So, I guess bar and grill wasn't what you had decided on…"I trailed off. He snorted and I looked out the window quickly to hide my blush of embarrassment.
"Of course not, Bells. You deserve much better than that. Plus, it looks like you planned on a much more elegant evening yourself. You're certainly overdressed for bar and grill," he pointed out and I blushed deeper, realizing that I was a bit fancy considering I had thought we were going to a more casual restaurant.
"I don't blame you, Bells. I always expect a more refined setting for when I dine, and that's the bottom line. I'm glad to see you prefer the finer things in life as well. That's something we both have in common."
"Um…not really. This is just…just a dress my friend packed for me…I usually don't have the money to eat out and…really I like to cook my own food…" I corrected, unsure now of how this evening was to go.
"Oh, I see," was all Jacob added. In that instant, I wondered whether or not Jacob was at all interested in me outside of my physical beauty…not that I had much of that. I had pointedly mentioned my love of cooking and he hadn't said a word or asked me further about what I liked and did with my life. My thoughts so far of this night out were growing less and less hopeful for a repeat.
"So, Jacob, you're an author?" I asked tentatively. Perhaps if we started a common road of conversation, then we could become more familiar with each other.
"Yes, I write books on Economy and how to manage money. I know a thing or two about that, ha ha!" he chuckled at his own joke. I laughed half-heartedly, not reassured, for there was nothing I felt I could reply to that.
"Oh," was my intelligent response.
"Yes, after all that I've been through, I feel people need to hear what I have to say. It is vital to the survival of the upper class of America! If you don't know how to manage your money, you'll never be able to live securely and happily. That's the bottom line."
"And what, exactly, have you been through?" I wondered, looking over at him.
"Oh, well, Bella, I was broke at one point, if you can believe it! I had gambled all my money away and I was living, holed up as it were, in my old man's broken down old shack! I was miserable!"
"Really," I replied dreamily, not even paying attention. I zoned out as he went on and on about how he had scrambled his way to the top, working his way through the dog-eat-dog world of politics and upper class society. He talked all through dinner to and I could barely stand to keep up with him. I spent most of the evening nodding my head and "Mmm-hmmm"ing and whatever it took to make him think that I was interested.
"So Bella, tell me about yourself."
"What was that?" I hadn't heard exactly what he'd asked, but I knew he'd asked a question.
"I asked you to tell me about yourself," he repeated, giving me a warm smile.
"Oh." I was shocked that he was actually interested in hearing anything I had to say. "Well…I am a widow…I just moved to Forks, Washington not too long ago, much to the annoyance of my mother and step-father, and I work at a small-town bookstore. I like to cook…and my best friend is a fashion designer. She gave me this dress…" I trailed off. He had spent the whole evening talking about himself and here I was, summing up my life in a matter of sentences.
"Really, you live in Forks! What a coincidence! That's where my father lives! Billy Black? Have you met him?" he asked eagerly.
"Um, no, I don't think I have met him," I replied, shaking my head. He still looked happy.
"Well, now I have a real excuse for going up there, my very dear friend and authoress lives up there. What a small world." He was beaming and it lit up his face, making his already handsome face that much better looking.
"Yes, well, I guess." I was simply praying for this night to be over soon. Apparently Jacob finally picked up on my unhappiness, for he frowned and reached out to grab my hand that was lying on the table. It was so small compared to his and his palm was warm, much warmer than I was expecting.
"Bella," he said quietly, his voice much huskier than it had been, "I know I must seem like such an egotistical jerk right now, but, please, understand that I…I don't date often and…I guess I'm just extremely nervous…especially since you're such a beautiful, intriguing young woman…I haven't met anyone like you and I really, really would like to get to know you better…I suppose you're probably hoping we never see each other again, but…I suppose I should tell you why I am so nervous tonight…"
His eyes got this sad, defeated look and I felt a tug on my heart. He looked so broken now that I was almost surprised that this was the same Jacob who had picked me up this evening and had called me earlier today.
"Jacob…" I trailed off, unsure of what to do.
"No, really, it's important that you know the real me – not this pompous loser who's been bragging all night long about how rich and famous he is…I expect, perhaps, since you've lost someone you love that you'll understand better than anyone. Usually I don't feel comfortable with letting people in and telling them about the real story of my life…it's too painful. But I think you're worth it." He gave me a small smile, but I could see tears starting to form in his eyes. I felt extremely bad, now, for writing him off so quickly as a stuck-up pig.
"Do you…would you like to take a walk with me?" he offered. "I promise I'll get you home at an early enough hour. I just would like more privacy for what I'm about to tell you." I nodded and he quickly stood up, keeping a firm hold of my hand and laying a crisp check on the table. He led me out of the restaurant and out into the crisp night air.
"Here." He shrugged off his coat and placed it around my shoulders, for the elegant wrap that Alice had left me wasn't warm enough.
"Thanks." I pulled the coat closer about me, relishing in the warmth of it. It smelled good, too, and I wondered whether it was his smell or just my imagination.
"Let's walk this way," he suggested and we started off to the left, following the sidewalk.
"Where should I begin?" Jacob mused, frowning. "I know. I'll have to start at the beginning. Well, when I was eighteen, I fell in love…I'm sure you know what that feels like?"
"Yes," I replied, my heart constricting as I thought fleetingly of Edward.
"Well, I fell in love with this girl from Forks, I was still living there, broke and without a job. I couldn't afford college and I was living with my dad. Sue…that was her name…was a family friend…older than me, but warm and inviting. We were thrown together quite a bit, since Dad was always having football parties and such at our house…We talked a lot and she really helped me work out my problems…She helped me get back on my feet, getting me a job at her brother's mechanics shop.
"I loved being with her, and after a couple months, I started thinking about what it would be like to be with her…you know…in a relationship. I knew that it would seem wrong to my Dad, because she was at least twenty years older than me, and it would seem wrong to her family as well and to anyone who knew us…but at the time I didn't care. I just wanted…her.
"So one night, while my dad was having one of his parties, I asked her to take a walk with me along the beach outside our home. She agreed and we went. Once I had her alone, I confessed my feelings to her and…well…I kissed her." Here Jacob smiled, as if remembering that time. He looked as if he were picturing her again and I could see that there definitely was love there.
"Sue was, well, surprised to say the least. She wasn't too hot about the idea of me falling in love with her like that, but eventually she admitted that she had feelings for me too…I was so – happy. I was full of joy at the thought that this could possibly be happening, that I was finally finding happiness! We kissed a little after that and every day we'd try to meet each other somewhere. We both thought it would a good idea to keep things secret for the time being, seeing as our relationship was…well…unorthodox.
"I tell you, Bella, I never dreamed of how happy I could be, just simply being with her. It was like I was flying and I constantly had a smile on my face! She made me so happy and I knew I made her happy as well. I felt like there was nothing that could stop me. That is…until Christmas. I had bought her a ring, I was going to propose to her. I knew that it might seem rather soon, but all I wanted then was to spend the rest of my life with her. It just felt right. And I wasn't going to give her up.
"We had planned to meet on Christmas Eve, at our spot on the beach. I got their early and I could help myself from just…smiling. I knew that this was it. This was the point where my life was going to change for the better. But when she got there…I knew something was wrong. She looked…sad. Like there was something eating at her. I asked her what the matter was and she just looked at me.
"I kissed her, but it wasn't the same…she pulled away from me and told me the words that broke my heart. She said she couldn't see me anymore, that it wouldn't be right. I cried. Honestly, Bella, I cried – I was so upset. I asked her why, why couldn't we be together when we were so right for each other. We were so happy! We barely ever fought. And then she broke me further…she told me…she told me –" Jacob broke off and looked away. I could see that there were tears in his eyes, threatening to fall and he didn't want me to see them. I gripped his hand more tightly and rubbed his shoulder. He turned back and gave me a grateful smile, wiping at his eyes with his free hand.
"Sorry…just thinking about that time of my life still breaks me…I can barely stand to get the words out."
"It's okay," I assured him, squeezing his hand. "Take your time." I knew now that I definitely had judged him too quickly. I was afraid to hear what was next in his story.
"Well…She told me that she had met someone…a long time ago, before we ever started our relationship…but he had moved away and they had merely been keeping a long distance relationship. She wasn't even sure if he was coming back. They talked sometimes, on the phone, but after she met me, he'd been calling more often. He had talked about coming back…He was a businessman, traveling around. She wasn't sure if she still wanted him, since she'd fallen for me, but then, he'd come back the night before Christmas Eve, surprising her, and he proposed…Can you believe that! He was gone for more than two years and he just came back and the first day he was back he proposed to her! And you know what? She said yes! She agreed! After all that we had been through together. We had fallen in love, we were so close, closer than they had ever been and she still agreed to marry him!
"She left me, Bella. Left me in the cold. They got married outside of Forks. She moved away with him and I haven't seen her since…It took me ages to get over her."
"Oh, Jacob. I'm so sorry!" I soothed, burying my face in his chest and hugging him. He hugged me back.
"Everything I told you about fighting my way up in the business world was true. I fought because I felt like it was the only way I could attract a woman and keep her…if I had money…And now I've been living alone with all my money for years now. Writing books, trying to make up for something I can never get back…I am ashamed of myself for how I've behaved tonight. You deserve much better than me."
I pulled back and looked up into Jacob's dark, tortured face. I looked and I saw someone who shared something in common with me. A longing for someone we couldn't have, no matter how hard we tried. I knew then, that I would be seeing Jacob Black again, and now, after having bared his soul to me, I would have to bare mine to him…to an extent. It was all I could give him and I knew that he would never treat me again like he had before. We were on equal playing ground now and that was something I could live with.
Soooooo….That's it for now. I decided, based on the reviews I got, that the best way to do this was to let the story flow naturally. I tried to fit as much of the Jacob stuff I could in this chapter, and there might be one or two after that. Of course, I put a little Edward in there for you guys, not a lot, but some, since I know there was popular demand for him. I know it probably won't be enough to satisfy, that's all I got for now. Don't worry, Edward will return soon, but just not right now.
Thanks again for all your reviews, guys. They were extremely helpful and heartening. I enjoyed the feedback. Please feel free to keep letting me know your thoughts and ideas about the ensuing plot of the story. I always appreciate it.
That's all for now. Cheers!
Playlist:
I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab For Cutie
Split Screen Sadness – John Meyer
Alone, Together – The Strokes
Those To Come – The Shins
Needles and Pins – The Ramones