This is a sequel to The Night of Farewell oneshot,
but can be read as a stand alone.
DISCLAIMER: Bleach is not mine in any shape, way or form.
Also, I apologize if any character is OOC. I really try my best to make them like how they really are.
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The Night of Forgetting
By tangibleHELL
As I sat in the, now lonely, 3rd Devision office I finished off the last paper work which had accumulated after Ichimaru's betrayal. It was a heavy burden to take on both Taicho and Fukutaicho positions and duties, but it was necessary for me to do so. As I got up from my seat at the desk I heard a faint sound from the door. When I looked up I found none other than my friend Hisagi Shuhei leaning up against the doorframe. His arms were crossed and a faint, wry smile was on his face. I had also noted he was holding a glass bottle - filled - in his right hand and two drinking bowls in his left. I nodded for him to come in but he jerked his head back a bit. I creased my eyebrows slightly and titled my head at him.
"Not in here, man. Let's get go outside. I wanna' get wasted under the setting sun," Shuhei finished with a dry chuckle. I relaxed my brow while I smiled and nodded in agreement. I wasn't one to usually drown myself in alcohol, but I wanted to forget Ichimaru any way possible. I wanted to drive all the twisted things he had did to me out of my head. I wanted to drive the thought that he had done those things out of amusement and not out of... No, I would not even say that word to myself. It was beyond absurd to even consider he had feelings for me. I should not even want him to after all the beatings and raping he had forced onto me.
I trembled slightly at the thought as I placed the papers, documents, and files on the desk Ichimaru had once sat at trying to get me to eat the disgusting dried persimmon he loved so very much. I paused at the memory of Ichimaru and cursed inwardly at myself for thinking so kindly of him. I turned and followed Shuhei, he and I both arguing and complaining of the hardships of taking on both roles.
Shuhei's Taicho, Tousen Kaname, also had gone with Aizen Sosuke to betray all of Soul Society. Hisagi was a close friend of mine ever since a field lesson for Performing Konso had gone wrong when some large Hollows had attacked. Me, Abarai Renji and Hinamori Momo had gone back after seeing his two friends killed and tried our best to help. It was not until Taicho Aizen and Fukutaicho Ichimaru came that we were saved.
I remember that day, my heart pounding and head in chaos only to look up and see a God with silver hair spear the Hollow dead - I thought quietly to myself.
I shook my head at the thought. Not a God, a demon. Hisagi was in front of me boasting about how he got Taicho Kyoraku to give up one of his better bottles of sake telling him it was for a date he finally got. I laughed to show I was listening and interested in his words. As we sat down on the wooden deck outside the sun reflected into the sky fading it's colors; gold to orange to scarlet to violet to blue than the blue was beginning to become speckled with the glint of stars and a faint half-moon. After Shuhei and I sat we faced each other. His back was to the sunset and mine was to the corridor we just came out of. Shuhei handed me one of the drinking bowls and than poured me and himself a drink from the freshly opened sake bottle. I sipped slowly and patiently, as Shuhei downed his and had poured himself another before I was even on my fourth sip.
"C'mon, Izuru-kun! Drink it already! Don't be such a bitch 'bout it!"
"Wha-?" I looked up at Shuhei with a bit of distaste, but it left my face before he could have seen it. He had known nothing of the way Ichimaru had treated me and he only meant it as a friendly jab. I nodded with a smile and downed it. I winced at the strong sake flavor and Shuhei chuckled a little. He than poured me another and than drank his and poured himself another. I looked down at my drink, paused, than drank it all. When Shuhei reached over to pour me another I tried to pull away, but Shuhei grabbed my wrist sternly, not forcefully, before I could.
"Hey - steady! I almost got it all over your hakama, Izuru-kun," Shuhei held my wrist and part of my right hand with his left as he poured the sake from his right. I knew I was blushing from the heat on my cheeks, but Shuhei only laughed and said something of getting red from drinking. He wouldn't think it to be the skin- on- skin contact since we were both men. I further cursed inwardly at myself for reacting to Shuhei's gentle warmness and as soon as he let go I jerked my hand from his. He appeared to be hurt, but I simply dismissed it as something else.
"Uh, hey, S-Shuehi-kun? We, ah, should get Renji-kun over here, too." I said trying to think of a way to make the setting less... intimate. Shuhei looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. Our eyes locked and I say no humor in his black eyes. I ignored the curiosity to look at his three vertical scars and the blue stripe and '69' tattoos.
"I really that bad you gotta' have other people come over and be with us? It can't be just us two hangin' out?" Shuhei seemed to trail off with both his eyes and his thoughts. But than a moment later he jerked back and caught my eyes again. "I thought we could talk 'bout our frustrations and have a drink while we had a bit of freedom from work."
"Fru-frustrations?" I repeated, knowing he meant nothing personal or sexual by it. He and Tousen were along a friendship route while Ichimaru and I were along a more master and slave route.
"Yeah, like 'bout our Taicho's fucking betrayal! 'Bout all the duties forced on us! 'Bout all the fucking paperwork we gotta' fucking do! 'Bout ever - fucking - thing, dammit!" Shuhei was more just getting it off of his chest than yelling at me I noted and so I calmed myself so I wouldn't react negatively. Though I was feeling an urge to compete for some odd reason.
"Shu-kun..." I saw Shuhei was getting rather flustered with anger and probably a little bitterness as well. I pressed my lips and lowered my head. I was wanting to retort how Ichimaru had did a thousand fold to me compared to what Tousen had did to Shuhei. But I resisted, not wanting a fight to spark. That was the last thing I needed.
"Shit... Damn, man, I just don't know what to fucking think!" Shuhei was scratching at the back of his head. He looked as if he were trying to sort his thoughts out so I kept quiet and just waited. "I mean, I-I followed Tousen and believed in him as both a Taicho and a good person adn he goes and pulls this shit! I bet that Aizen twisted Tousen around his finger!"
"Shuhei-kun, please... settle down a bit," I pleaded softly when I realized his anger was mounting. In the back of my mind I vaguely thought that I was now glad it was just him and myself. When I tried to pat his arm to comfort him he jerked away. I frowned but pulled away.
"what did 'ya say?"
"Wha-what?" I looked up only to meet an intense look in Shuhei's face.
"You just said 'I don't have shit on you.' What the hell you sayin'?"
"I didn't..! I, um," My eyes slowly widen when I realized I had said what I was thinking when I had pulled away from Shuhei.
"Whaddya' mean by that, huh?" Shuhei's voice was getting hoarse and more street-like.
"I-I didn't mean anything! I just- the sake! I drank too much a-and..!"
"No way, you meant what you said, Izuru! Tell me what you meant!"
"I..." I paused and the silence dragged out for a minute as Shuhei waited for my reply. As punk and rebellious as he looked, he could actually be very calm and patient when he needed to be. I shut my eyes and spoke."Ichi... maru did-stuff! And T-Tousen was just a friend to you..! And... Ichimaru was..!" I knew I was babbling and making little sense. Shuhei tilted his head at me, questioning my words in silence. He narrowed his eyes when I glanced at him.
"Whaddya' mean 'Ichimaru did stuff'?"
"I-I didn't say it like, um, ah..!" I was beginning to regret even letting myself babble. Shuhei was smart. Too smart. I shouldn't have given a piece of the puzzle to a puzzle master.
"I-zu-ru! Answer me!" Shuhei was leaning in towards me almost undoing his crossed legs. The next time he spoke it was with a stern tone. "What. Did. Ichimaru. Do?"
I stiffened at his words unwillingly. My brows cringed and my eyes darted between my black hakama and the beige wood beneath me. Without noticing it Shuhei had gotten on his knees and was closer to me. He placed his left hand on my right shoulder. I went rigid. I tried to control my chaotic thoughts and sudden swarm of emotions.
Why couldn't I keep myself calm now? I had kept Ichimaru's and my relationship a secret for years now. Why am I panicking? Oh, the sake! Of course, that's why!- I thought franticly. I was trying to calm myself as quick as possible. But Shuhei questioned me again about what Ichimaru had done, breaking into my thoughts. I looked up at him, not into his eyes, just darting between his scars and tattoos on his cheeks. Shuhei was uncomfortably - or was that comfortably? - close to my face with his own. His eyes questioned without words but also beamed concern now. Than he gaped his mouth a small bit and widened his eyes. And than I realized why.
"Izuru-kun"
"I just-I..!" I felt the unwelcomed warmth of tears rollong down both my cheeks. My eyes jolted open and I fell back onto my left elbow trying to put space between us. My right hand worked to wipe away the tears. It was no good though. They just kept coming. My throat was dry and it was hard to speak."I... I'm so-ah-rry! So sorry!"
"Izuru-kun, what in all the gods' names did that malicious bastard do to you to make you like this?"
"I can't-hic-tell you! I... I don't..! I - I can't!" I stammered as I shook my head. Shuhei grabbed me by the shoulders and now stilling me to a sobbing mess. I was so deeply shamed and embarrassed I even felt my heart being clamped down with pain. I didn't want to have Shuhei see me like this. I didn't want him to see I really was nothing more than a 'bitch'.
"Shh, shhh..! It's fine. Ichimaru ain't here so he can't do shit to 'ya. You don't gotta' worry. Sh!" Shuhei's grip loosened and slid around me to form a tight hug. He rested his chin on top of my head. "It's cool, Izuru-kun."
"I-hic-I'm so pathetic..!"
"No, no! Ichimaru is the pathetic one, not you!"
"He..! He!" I couldn't believe myself. I was crying my eyes out into Shuhei's chest. I defended Ichimaru from Momo's attack after we found Aizen's 'body' and even when I had found out that Ichimaru really was a traitor I had stayed calm through it all. And now I was freaking out over it.
Oh, gods, I protected Ichimaru! He beat me and I-I! And against Momo, too! - I began to tremble at my inner thoughts and rocked in Shuhei's grasp. I had unconsciously buried my head into the base Shuhei's neck. I had gone beyond a sobbing mess, I was a weeping disaster!
"Shh, it'll be cool. Just get the cryin' out. Take your time, man. Shh..." Shuhei rocked with me trying to calm and comfort me. I grabbed his shoulders at the seams.
"I... With Ichimaru..! We..!" I was unable to finish off the sentence coherently. Every time I got close my voice gave out and more tears came. Shuhei hushed me some more and held me tight. Out of the blur of tears and lashes I watched the sky as it went from the remaining reds and purples and slowly gave way to the deep blue sky with little white glints and a half - moon. My crying was replaced by muffled gasps and whimpers as the rocking stopped. My hands moved closer to my face but stopped and grasped onto the soft collar of his black kimono top.
"You a 'lil better gettin' all that out?"
"Sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry..." I couldn't help it. I could think of nothing else to say. What could I say that would lessen the shame and sting in my heart? So merely opted to apologize, praying deep down he did not hate me beneath his cool and collected exterior.
"It's all fine. I told you so, Izuru-kun. Just relax, a'right?" Shuhei was rubbing my back tenderly as he spoke. I nodded slightly to his words and snuggled closer to the warmth next to me..