The bitter/sourness begins. ;_;

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Chapter 4:

Damage Report

When Kira reached the main building he walked in and politely asked Isane Kotetsu to let Unohana know he was available to speak with her now. For some reason Isane gave Kira a slightly forlorn smile but bowed and went to get her Taicho. Kira occasionally would incline his head or say 'hello' to someone as they walked by and happily greeted him as they passed. After a few minutes Isane came back and bowed slightly to Kira before standing straight and speaking.

"Unohana-taicho is ready to speak with you. She is in a room and would like for you to accompany her in there in order to speak. She is with Yamamoto-sotaicho so she wishes not to be rude and leave him alone."

"It's ok. I'll follow you than." Kira was relieved that Yamamoto was there. That would mean that he wouldn't get scolded most likely, and Unohana sounded like she was in a good mood to Kira, so he simply assumed she just wanted to verify that he had in fact ordered more shinten this time. Isane gave another sad smile with her brows pinching together slightly this time, but she just bowed her head and started to lead Kira to where Unohana was. Isane was quiet the whole time she lead Kira down the halls to a room that seemed to be just another patient room. Isane stopped and turned to Kira who also stopped.

"This is the room, Kira-fukutaicho." With having said that she turned and knocked twice on the door. "Kira-fukutaicho is here, Taicho."

"Thank you. You may leave Isane-san." Unohana's sweet voice was slightly muffled through the wooden shoji door. Isane turned and bowed before walking off. Kira watched her for a moment and than turned to the door at Unohana's voice through the door. "Kira-san, please, come in."

Kira stood straight and slid the shoji door aside. The room seemed vast due to how empty it was. All that was in there was the bed, Unohana and Yamamoto. Unohana bowed slightly and Kira responded and bowed deeper. She motioned him to sit on the bed with her delicate hand. Something began to eat away at Kira. This was far too intimate to have to do with shinten orders. Kira swallowed and than went and sat on the bed. To his left Unohana sat next to him as Yamamoto remained standing a few feet away to his right. Kira was becoming increasingly worried about the situation. He began to wonder if he was being investigated for treason since Ichimaru, his former Taicho, had betrayed them. But Unohana was being very kind and Yamamoto didn't seem mad or vicious in any particular way. In fact Kira noticed he seemed oddly sad, or perhaps disappointed. Kira licked his lower lip and than bit it lightly as his eyes found there way to Unohana's lap as she softly touched his shoulder. After a few moments of silence, Unohana finally spoke up in a quiet voice.

"Kira-san... Recently it was brought to Yamamoto- Sotaicho's and my attention that Ichimaru... hurt you. Badly." Kira jerked his eyes up to Unohana as his eyebrows creased. He fisted his hands and quickly looked down, starring at the smooth floor. Unohana looked at Yamamoto whom also noted Kira's reaction. He inclined his head to Unohana and she closed her eyes sighed. "Kira-san... Please, if he did hurt you, it isn't your fault. Please, tell us the truth. We would like to help you to recover any means possible, whether it's wounds, scars, or just someone to talk to about it." She paused for Kira to respond but he did no such thing. His face only became more and more blank and distant with every word Unohana said. His heart was beating so harshly he wondered if the two would hear it themselves. He slowly pulled his balled up fists to his lap as his shoulders were beginning to curve over with such shame and disgust for himself. Unohana began to slowly move her hand from Kira's shoulder to softly rub his back. Kira flinched but didn't move from the touch. "Kira-san..? Kira?"

"He... he never did any-anything to me..."

"Please, Kira-san. Do not lie to us. We only wish to help you."

"And I said he didn't do anything!" Kira spat out as he closed his eyes. His breathing was quickened and he sat as straight as he could. His thoughts were spinning and becoming more and more chaotic. Unohana moved closer but that only seemed to push Kira further away as he leaned aside from her. She stopped trying to get near and pulled back.

"Kira Izuru. We are trying to help you. Do not dare to show us disrespect." Ymamoto's voice jerked Kira's face up to meet his leering eyes. But as soon as he had Kira's attention his stare softened and his voice was more fair. "We are not condemning you. We have been informed that Ichimaru beat you and may have done other things. Tell us so we can help you through this." But Kira said nothing, he only gaped his mouth and slowly shook his head. His eyebrows raised and creased before he spoke.

"Ichimaru... he..." Kira lowered his head and closed his eyes and made his voice more stern. "He was n-nothing more than my Taicho. Who ever told you this was wasting your time, S-Sir."

'Kyoraku-taicho..! It has to be Kyoraku! I bet he only talked to me so he could tell all the other captains! The son a bitch..!'- Kira's thoughts reflected on the morning and how Kyoraku had taken him out for breakfast to talk to him about Ichimaru. Kira felt cornered at first, but began to trust Kyoraku so he had told him about him and Ichimaru and how Hisagi and him only slept together because of loneliness, not because they were dating. He had explained to him that Ichimaru asked him out one time and they started to see each other more and more while Kira was finishing up his schooling at the Academy. When Ichimaru became a Taicho Kira put in a transfer from the 4th to be at his side and be both his Fukutaicho and his lover, only to soon become Ichimaru's toy which he beat and raped. Kira was thoroughly ashamed that his first time having sex was unwilling. Ichimaru said he had been fed up with not receiving anything other than oral and beat Kira until he was subdued and than he... And now Kira was easily aroused by others' touches and even more by the image of Ichimaru in his head. Kira was ready to let his mind snap and not care what happened afterwards.

'Why am I so damn naive? Why did Ichimaru use me..? Why did Shuhei-kun and Kyoraku-taicho use me..? Gods I'm so pathetic... I can't tell Yamamoto-Sotaicho about this! He'd be disgusted that I'm gay! I'd loose my position of Fukutaicho! I can't let that happen... I can't..!'

"Kira-san, do not be so worried. We will not let anyone know. No one will think ill of you." Kira barked out a bitter laugh. Kira's eyes opened wide and he gasped when he realized what he'd done. He quickly apologized to Unohana and inclined his head. He shrunk slightly and began to just dart his eyes about, any place other than Unohana and especially Yamamoto. Unohana rubbed his back again. Yamamoto sighed and closed his eyes again.

"Kira-fukutaicho... You are very brave and I compliment you on being able to keep your Division together after Ichimaru's betrayal." Kira swallowed with a dry throat and slowly looked at Yamamoto. He stopped at his long, leather-bond beard. "However, if you let this continue to eat at you like this, you will fail not only yourself, but your Squad as well. You do not wish for that, do you..?"

"I wi-will not f-fail them!" Kira shook his head and tightened his fists till he felt his nails start to make his flesh burn slightly. Though breathes Kira sternly spoke to Yamamoto. "I. Am. Fine!"

"I told you not to show disrespect, boy."

"But y-you two are no-not listening! I'm f-fine!" Kira's emotions suddenly caught up to him and he choked out a gasp and screwed his eyes shut so the tears would be blocked out. His voice became shakey as he slowly shook his head. "I'm fine! I'm fine..!"

"Kira-san... What did Ichimaru do to you..?"

"I... H-he never hur-hurt me. Ok? I'm fine, re-really." Kira glanced to Unohana with a smile so badly forced Unohana knew he was lying to her. She loooked up at Yamamoto again. He shook his head and than opened his small, leering eyes.

"Kira-fukutaicho." Yamamoto's voice softened as his long brows raised slightly. "Why did you not say anything to anyone until now, Kira-fukutaicho? Why did you not say anything to me?"

"He didn't..! He..!" Kira gasped again and could no longer hide the sobs and a tear rolled down his right cheek. He tensed before he continued. "I co-couldn't..." Kira had his eyes shut and shook his head. His words stammered with effort and sobs. "He... He told m-me that I-I was h... his lo... his... And I... it w-was always my fa-fault I got hu-hurt..." Kira's nails bit into the palms of his hands as he tried desperately not to run out of the door not 20 feet in front of himself. Blood pearled and slowly rolled down leaving thin lines. Unohana saw this and felt concerned.

"It's ok, Kira-san... Please, do not hurt yourself so." Unohana's words penetrated into Kira's chaotic mind as she rubbed his back more. "We only wish to help and make sure you are alright. You can let it out. Why did Ichimaru do this to you?"

"Be-because... I was s-so stupid... a-and I-Ichimaru di-didn't like th-that..." Kira sobbed more and tried to cover his face with his hands, but Unohana took them and held them in her own hands as she used healing kido to heal the small nail bites on the palms.

"Kira-san, you are not 'stupid'. You have always been exceptionally smart in nearly every aspect. You should have known better than to let him fill your head with such nonsense..."

"I am stu-stupid. I th-thought he...Lov... I am s-stupid..." Kira shook his head again. "I was so... s-so lonely... My par-parents were g-gone and... and my frie-friends al-always made f-fun of me... Be-because I..." Kira glanced uncomfortably at Yamamoto than screwed his eyes shut and continued in a soft tone. "... l-like guys... and I-I don't like a-any girls... I try. But I ca-can't..!"

"Sh. It's alright Kira-san. We are old enough to understand gender is not what is important." Unohana pulled Kira closer to herself and he let her, but he did hold onto her. He just simply leaned into her as she pulled him near. He silently trembled as the silent sobs grew. "But how could you believe Ichimaru loved you when he hurt you? Do you think he had Aizen use his zanpakuto's ability to blind you into thinking Ichimaru loved you and you him?"

"No... Ichi-Ichimaru was... really...hic... really nice the fir-first few y-years... He'd buy gifts...hic... and t-take me out... and o-other stuff..." Kira tensed slightly as his voice grew distant. "Always s-so sweet... and ge-gentle. Hic... I ne-never thought he'd t-turn out li-like that. H-he came to th-the office a-and was s-so mad one d-day..." Kira swallowed against a dry throat once again. He opened his tearful eyes and looked up at Unohana. "He said i-it was my fa-fault and he... he..!" Kira snapped his eyes shut and choked out a harsh gasp. Unohana wrapped her arms around him and Kira laid his head into the groove of her slender neck. Kira grabbed at the Taicho haori and gripped tightly as his bodied began to rack up with harsher sobs. Yamamoto closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. Unohana tightened her grip on Kira as the sobs made him jerk slightly. She lowered her mouth to his ear and spoke so softly only he could hear.

"Did Ichimaru rape you..?" Kira nodded violently. Unohana closed her eyes and her smile faltered into a slight frown. She lightly kissed above his ear and than returned to it to ask another question. "Did he beat you?" Kira nodded again and the sobs choked and he started to cry. She pressed him closer. She sighed softly before continuing. "Did he ever draw blood when he beat you?" Kira nodded once more and burried his head far enough so she could no longer see his face as he wept. She let him and just rested her chin over his head as she gave Yamamoto a soft nod and than closed her eyes and lightly rocked Kira. Yamamoto shook his head as he slowly made his way to the two. When he got close enough he reached out and placed a thin, boney hand over Kira's back. Kira must have assumed it to be Unohana since he did not respond.

"Will you let Unohana-taicho examine you and help any way she can..?"

"They... they're a-all... s-scars now..." Kira's voice was muffled and racked with sobs.

"I can help to reduce the scars, Kira-san. Some we may be even able to remove completely with skin graphing or transplants..." Unohana petted Kira's head softly to calm him. Kira shook his head and slowed his crying. When he pulled away Unohana let her arms move so that her hands rested on his shoulder as Ymamoto removed his hand and stepped back. Kira looked Unohana in the eyes with a sense of pain and determination.

"No. Please, I just..! I-I want to b-be left alone!" Kira gasped and cried more as he dug his face deeper. He felt more bitter and ashamed than he had ever felt before. He wanted to stop crying, but the tears and sobs only came more and harsher. He wanted to cut on his flesh once more like he had done so many nights before only to heal them the morning after so no one would ask questions. He wanted to snap at the two above him. He wanted to yell at them and tell them it was none of their business. That they hadn't been there and didn't have to remember being bound with kido and beaten with Ichimaru's zanpakuto. They didn't have to remember the feeling of being abandoned by the only person in both the spirit and living worlds that you...

~It's all sooo depressing, isn't it..?~ Asked an old man's drawn out voice silently. It was wavering, but rich and deep.

'Leave me the Hell alone, Wabisuke! I am not in the mood to deal with your fucking mind games!'

~I wonder what people would think if they knew how you really were. So depressing. ~

'Leave!'

~ Poor Izuru... But if they knew the truth... So depressing...~ Wabisuke chuckled hoarsely.

'Shut up, Wabisuke!'

~If they knew that even now you would go with him and be his willing and longing sex slave..? So depressing this situation is... ~

'Shut up! Shut up!'

"Kira-san..? Please, let us help?" Kira jerked a bit at Unohana's words. He had become distracted by his Zanpakuto spirit. It was constantly mocking him and playing games with his head. It would constantly remind him that he actually enjoyed what Ichimaru had did to him regardless how shamed he felt afterwards. Kira would cry and curse himself after until Ichimaru would get him and bind and beat and rape him and give him that absurd and disgusting high he felt. He often hoped that Ichimaru would admit that he did that to Kira because he knew that Kira got off on it... But no such luck. Ichimaru would never even apologize for anything. He never did. Kira had heard that he apologize to Matsumoto.

'The bitch. She didn't deserve the apology... She didn't need it like I did... The one thing I wanted and he didn't even give to me..! The fucking jerk! And why the fuck did every one have to act like they fucking cared? They just want to make sure I'm fit to work.'

~That's right... They only care about their precious Division, not you...~

'The bastards! I was doing fine until Shuuhei! The bastard had to get me to drink and talk! And Kyoraku..! It was his fault, too!'

~Yes... It was wrong of them to talk so sweetly and give you such false reassurances... So depressing, Izuru-chan...~

'Why do they push me to talk about this..?'

~They do not care about you. They never have.~

"Kira Izuru, do not ignore us!" Kira jumped and jerked his head up to look up at a very concerned Unohana. She had placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away slightly. He cursed himself for not paying attention. The sobs had stalled to harsh breathes, now out of bitterness and hate.

"Please, ju-just let me g-go now..?" Kira was trying not to let the bitterness lace his words.

"No. We need to discus this. You need to talk to someone who can help you." Kira looked at Unohana and she cupped his face. He didn't care about not showing his bitterness than. He gave her a sour look which she hadn't seen before and she pulled her hands away slightly. Kira closed his eyes and a wry smile edged at the corner of his lips.

~Tell them what your lover did to you... Show them all the marks of his ownership and dedication to you... Show them what despair looks like, Izuru-chan...~

"You want to hear all the fucked up, crazy shit Ichimaru did..? You want to see all the pretty little scars he whipped and burned into my flesh..?" Kira opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Yamamoto. He lost the smile and gave Yamamoto a bitter, depressed look. "Fine."

~Show them your despair, Izuru-chan...~