I hope the last chapter (and this one) is as sour/bitter as I hoped it to be.

And no, I do not believe Kira-sama to be weak, not by any means at all.

In my eyes, he is, and always will be, fit to top (be a seme).

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Chapter 5:

Failure

It was rather late by the time Unohana was finally finishing up on her thorough examination on Kira's scarred body. He was lying on the bed in the empty patient room alone with Unohana. Unohana sent Yamamoto out to another place in order to assure that Kira would allow her to view all his body to be sure not to miss anything in case it need to be healed over or reset. Kira was naked and laid uneasily back, jerking if she ventured somewhere Kira considered personal. Not personal as in his privates per say, but personal as in a memory of Ichimaru having marked that area for a very specific reason. She had found that nearly all of Kira's bones had been brokened and healed either through kido, or worse still, naturally without having been set properly. When she asked if it was during vacations in which he had let the bones heal naturally he barked out a laugh.

"No... I had to work all the time."

"Kira-san you received vacatio-" Kira chuckled and than spoke before she could finish off her sentence.

"A vacation in the books, but not to me. I worked more grueling hours after the office closed." Kira's face saddened and his words came out more deprived. "I was constantly in the role of Ichimaru Gin's Fukutaicho. I was constantly under his control. Under his fingers..." Kira trailed off as his eyes closed shut.

Unohana swallowed and continued to survey his upper left thigh muscle and bones, using her fingers to feel the flesh and her reiatsu to feel along the raggedly healed bone. Even in her experience she had never seen such a disturbing sight before her. Kira's inner thighs were marred and scared with scars at least an inch thick and overlaying and rather rough to the touch from his knees up to his sac and they even covered some of the bottom of it. There were also scars across Kira's bottom. Right up to below his waist. They mostly appeared to be the results of whippings but there were some which were simply unidentifiable. Unohana was becoming disgusted that she had such a coworker at any time in her life. She vaguely wondered if Aizen was much different from Ichimaru.

She continued to work on Kira's left leg, pulling down his thigh to his knee. She noted to herself that his patella had been poorly reconstructed from what appeared to be a very bad shattering of it. Kira began to show more of his true self, now too depressed and infuriated to care what sort of impression he made on his former Taicho anymore. His heart was wrenched and bleeding out and no one seemed to care what he wanted or really needed. They only cared about getting him stable enough to do the work so the 3rd wouldn't be without and Taicho and Fukutaicho. They didn't care how humiliating this was for him to lay nude and be rubbed down and prodded at in order to be told how broken and damaged he was in the end. He wanted to turn over and cry. He wanted to screw his eyes shut and scream until his throat went dry and gave out. He wanted to beat something to pieces. He wanted to beat someone to a bloody mess and have them crying out all the tears he tried not to shed. He wanted... something.

Finally Unohana released Kira's left foot and stood up. She smiled a tired, desperate smile as she looked Kira in the eyes. Kira could see the pity in her eyes. He despised being pitied by others. He didn't want anyone to know so no one would pity him and make him feel the shame that swelled in his gut and the back of his throat. Unohana sighed as she turned and picked up Kira's uniform and than turned back and handed it to him before turning around again. "You may get dressed again. I am finished with the examination. I believe you can leave tonight. But..." She slightly flexed her fingers, a gesture perhaps of wanting to ball up her hands, but she did no such thing. Kira had his hakama on already and was pulling his black kimono top over his shoulders as she continued on. "I would be happy to properly set your badly mended bones and lessen your scars on you inner thighs. Please at least consider it. And you are to take the next three days off, Kira-san. So please take care, and come here if you need anything."

"Thanks, Unohana..." Kira paused and than said Taicho as an after thought. She turned back to him and he was fully dressed now, finishing tying his white sash at the front and than smoothing the top out with his hands. Unohana smiled more charmingly and Kira could only must a faint, rather pathetically forced smile back at her. He gave up on it soon after returning to his somber and depressed face. "I can just leave, right..? I don't really have to face Yamamoto-Sotaicho..?"

"No, you do not have to do anything you do not want to do right now. I will inform him of anything I think he should know about, but you needn't be present."

'Yeah, so you two can talk about how pathetic I am and discus who's going to replace me... Fuck you guys.'

"Thank you, Unohana-taicho..." murmured Kira under his breath, refusing to let his inner thoughts come out. "I can go out on my own, right? If... if someone s-sees you with me..."

"I do not have to escort you out. You are not under arrest. We only care for you and your well-being."

'What a load of shit, you pity-spewing bitch...'

"I'll leave than, Unohana-taicho." Kira said as he bowed and than strode out of the room with his dignity and pride dragging bloodied and mangled on the floor behind himself. He was well-mannered and polite to all those he passed. He had played this game of mental numbing enough to know all the rules and steps. Say 'thank you' for receiving pity, smile a calm smile and stand tall with your chin up and shoulders squared off and back. Let people whisper and gossip; they did it more if you stepped in and tried to stop it anyway. He made it to the main entrance and made his way to the doors. As he came out the Heavens poured their unneeded pity in the form of ice cold rain. It was pitch black out except some lit lanterns along walkways and the streak of lightening that would make every thing go pure white for a fraction of a second. The air slowly rumbled with thunder as well. Kira felt the freezing wind and only smiled faintly. He would walk in this to numb his body physically before returning home and adding onto the grotesque list Unohana just mentally made of his body.

"Izuru-kun..?" Kira's eyes widened at the familar voice. His heart pooled with bitterness and hatred and a deep ting of sourness beyond any other. He swallowed and turned to his right slowly. Hisagi was there not seven feet from where he was. Kira also bitterly noted he had Abarai Renji and Matsumoto Rangiku standing behind him, both with that worry-covered pity in their faces as they all were drenched and stared wide-eyed at Kira. Kira's smile slowly faded into a vengeful scowl. He stared down Hisagi. He knew than it must have been him whom had ruined and defiled him so harshly. Kira's body no longer held organs and bones and blood. No. It harbored nothing but pure, untainted hatred and a deep spreading darkness that would have scared Kira himself, had he had not been so wrapped up in stabbing Hisagi with his ever growing face of hate. Hisagi finally worked a shakey smile and worked his feet forward. "I-Izuru..? I... I know you're mad, bu-"

Before Hisagi finished he was one the floor of the fine hardwood. He let out a surprised gasp and than felt the harsh and very tangible feel of knuckles meeting his left cheek, right next to the '69' tattoo as Kira yelled out harshly. "You had-" Hisagi's head whip-lashed to the right and he grunted at the unexpected pain. "-no fucking right!" Than another fist connected to the right side of his face and his head flung left. "You ruined me, you bastard!" Kira was straddled over Hisagi's waist and punching him using both hands, one after another spewing curses and making the man he hated most bleed out of his mouth and nose.

When the initial shock of Kira's hate-filled reiatsu and his lashing out at Hisagi passed Abarai startled and than ran over, and Matsumoto followed with a loud gasp. Abari grabbed Kira and pulled him back off of Hisagi as Kira kicked and began spewing hate-fueled words at Abarai. The drenched redhead couldn't get what Kira meant by calling him a user and cursing and saying Hisagi had ruined him. Abarai truely had no idea why Kira was here at the 4th other than Hisagi had said he was getting help for some injury and Matsumoto and him wanted to join to greet their friend and help him home. "Izuru-kun! Calm the fuck down, man! What the Hell is your problem!? We came to help you home!"

"What the fuck do I look like, a fucking handicap!?" Kira got his footing and swung a hard, angry fist at Abarai who ducked back and took a few steps away with his hands raised out in front of his chest. Kira was hunched slightly and sneered a deep growl as he breathed in and out. He stopped and let the scene sink in further; he had just beat Hiasgi's face to a bloody mess and he was being worried over by Matsumoto as she glanced at Kira with great distaste and Abarai was a few feet away with a very confused and now rage-tinted face looking at Kira. But something finally felt right in Kira. Kira didn't care. He reacted and let out what he was truly feeling for the first time in his life. He was dementedly proud of himself. Abarai slowly lowered his hands when he felt safe enough to do so and took a step towards Kira, but stopped short.

"Hey, look, man, I honestly don't know what happened to you a-"

"The fuck you don't! I bet Shuuhei went and told everyone what happened!" Kira let a very dark and rather eerie smile stretch on his lips as he chuckled wryly. "Fuck you." Kira stepped back a few steps and slowly shook his head. "Fuck all of you..!" Kira used shunpo to disappear from their view. He pushed himself to use shunpo as best he could to get away as fast as he could. Kira lightly leaped from building to building for a short while until he stopped on the second level of a large three story building. He looked around trying to see through hate-blurred eyes and the drowning rain. The building was nice and the railing was fine and delicate as was the two shoji doors to the building not too far from the heavily panting Kira. Than it hit him. He was in the Squad 13 barracks. As Kira panted heavily he looked around slowly, letting the cold rain numb his body. His mind slowly reeled and a softer and much more concerned look swept over him. He just hurt his one of his few friends he had left. He began to panic inside and his heart swelled with his shameful thoughts. He was going to be striped of his ranking and punished officially, he was sure of it. And it would get around that he was mentally-and physically-fucked up so no one would want to be his friend. Not Hisagi. Not Abarai. Not Matsumoto. Espacially not Hinamori, their relationship was all ready on the rocks since he stuck up for Ichimaru against her. He was going to be alone. All alone.

~You have always been alone, Izuru-chan...~

'I'm ruined... Completely ruined!'

~Poor little Iruru-chan...~ Wabisuke chuckled unkindly at Kira's pain.

"Shut up!" Kira screamed aloud as he fisted his hands to his face and screwed his eyes shut.

"Who's there!?" Kira gasped when he realized he wasn't alone and turned to the person behind him. Kira's eyes were wide and his face had blood washing down his face from the rain. In front of him was a surprised Kyoraku with his katana drawn, but steadily lowering it once he saw whom it was and giving a look of concern. Ukitake Jushiro was not too far off behind him, pulling his black kimono top and white Taicho haori up back over his shoulder as he came out in the rain after Kyoraku. "Kira-fukutaicho? What are you doing out here..?" He looked over Kira's hands and the blood that was being washed away and than at Kira's worried and very frightened face that had hints of red running down his chin dripping off with the pouring rain. "Did someone attack you?"

"What's going on, Shunsui-kun?" Ukitake came up next to Kyoraku on his right with a look of concern as well. Kyoraku sheathed his katana as he gestured to Kira, never having taken his eyes from Kira's wide eyes. Ukitake looked over and his eyes fractionally opened wider at the site. "Kira-fukutaicho, are you alright?" Ukitake moved closer to Kira slightly and Kira started feeling light headed as his thoughts turned from chaos to a simple thought.

"He ruined me..." With that Kira's blurred sight went blacker than the night sky around him and all he could make out was Ukitake calling out his name as his numbed body fell down.

~So depressing.~