Tis the Season to be Gabby
By
JerseyGirlinOxford
A/N: A special prompt was added for Xylia's Most Wonderful Time of the Year Challenge on BabeSquad. I have to do my part to get more chapters of Where's Your Balls.
Part Two
Ranger picked up Gabby when he saw Lester pull up in the black SUV. "That's not a nice thing to say, Gabby." Gabby scrunched up her little face.
"Is Jesus a bad word? How can Jesus be a bad word when tomorrow is his burseday?" she asked. The nurse made her obligatory check of the car seat before Steph got out of the wheelchair.
"It's not that Jesus is a bad word," she explained, "it's just that you should only say it when you are praying or talking about Jesus."
"How come?" Ranger opened the back door for Gabby. She immediately climbed in the back to look for the cookies. The nurse took the baby, and Ranger helped Stephanie out of the wheelchair. Gabby handed her the cookies. "Here Mommy…Ella and me made you some Christmist cookies."
"Thank you, Sweet Pea." She knew Gabby wouldn't be satisfied until she ate one…like she would have been able to wait till they got home anyway. Steph moaned after taking a bite. "These are soooo good, Gabby. Santa is really going to love these!" Gabby's face lit up.
"We got lots more at home. We made some for the Merrily Men 'cause they were sad that Daddy is gonna make them eat dead reindeer asses for Christmist dinner!" Gabby hopped onto her booster seat. Lester's shoulders shook as he tried not to laugh. Ram had made the comment that he would rather eat the ass out of a dead reindeer than the healthy crap that Ranger set out for the on-duty staff's Christmas dinner. He didn't realize that Gabby was standing right behind him until she promised him Christmist cookies. Finally, someone else was in trouble and not him.
Ranger's jaw tightened and a large vein distended on his temple. Stephanie took the baby from the nurse's arms and thanked her. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. She didn't want to touch that comment with a ten foot pole. Ranger's healthy Christmas buffet was nothing but cardboard-tasting crap. If it wasn't for Ella sneaking in a few tasty items, it would have almost been like a punishment for working on Christmas. "But why is Jesus a bad word?" Steph buckled in the baby and then Gabby. Ranger helped her get situated before he got in the passenger seat.
"It's just not nice to use Jesus' name in vain. It's…uh….it's a sin." Gabby offered her another cookie.
"Okay Mommy." She took one for herself. "Can my baby brudder have a cookie?"
"No Sweet Pea. He's too little. He just drinks milk right now," Steph explained. Gabby smiled.
"Was there really a pig in your room?" Both Steph and Ranger frowned as they looked at Gabby. "Some lady was mad a 'cause the hosable polimy said no kids could go upstairs a 'cause of the pig birus. She was mad and said it was a stupid-ass polimy a 'cause her kids gots vaximated. Is that why I had to stay with Ella a 'cause you gots a pig in your room?"
"Gabby," Ranger sighed, "what did we tell you about using that word?" Gabby scrunched her little face in confusion.
"What word, Daddy?" Ranger rubbed his face with his hands. "Pig birus?"
"You know which word…ass." Gabby put her hands on her hips and huffed in frustration.
"No…" she insisted talking to Ranger like she was explaining something to a two year old, "you telled me ass and dumb ass was bad words….you never telled me stupid ass was a bad word, Daddy! Duh!" He really, really hated that word now. Mofo was starting to sound a hell of a lot better.
"Okay," Steph interjected. "How about this….anything with the word ass in it counts as a bad word. Does that work for the Manoso family?" Gabby and Ranger nodded in unison.
"That's 'cause we gots to teach my baby brudder not to say bad words….right Daddy?" Ranger turned to face his daughter and smiled. It was so hard to be angry with her. "I love you, Daddy." Real hard!
"There are special times…when you are older …to use bad words like when something bad happens, or someone gets hurt. But you're not old enough to use those words, and it's not nice. Now, we'll get Mommy and the baby home so we can decorate the Christmas tree."
"Yea! Christmist tree! I love you, Daddy!" Gabby applauded then shared another cookie with Steph.
"So what are your plans for tonight, Lester? Does Kym have to work?" Stephanie changed the subject. Lester nodded.
"She's covering part of a shift tonight and has to work 3-11 tomorrow. I'm just going to watch some movies till she gets off work, then she's coming over for a late dinner," Lester told them.
"Are you gonna watch Sandy Claws Is Cummin' ?" Lester's eyes widened, and he slowly turned his head to the side to take a peek at Ranger. The truth was that he did plan to watch that movie…then later reenact the scene where Sandy Claws sits on Santa's face and tells him what she wants for Christmas with Kym. Ranger just stared back with that damn blank face, and his arms crossed.
"Santos," Ranger began, "we do have an employee assistance program that you might want to take advantage of to help you with your porn addiction." If Lester wasn't driving his family, and it wasn't Christmas, and he wasn't on Cloud 9 from the birth of his son, Lester's favorite body part would be in major jeopardy for once again exposing his little girl to porn.
"I don't have a porn addiction!" Lester insisted. "I just can't help myself sometimes." Thank God the Rangeman building was in site. The building had been lit up like Clark Griswold's house in Christmas Vacation.
"What the hell?" Ranger muttered. They must have done this after he and Steph left for the hospital.
"Yea! Christmist lights!" Gabby exclaimed. "And you said a bad word, Daddy. Don't forget Diego is here…duh!"
"Wow," Steph added. "You guys have been busy while we were gone." It really did look nice. So much for keeping a low profile. The crew on the International Space Station was probably radioing into Houston Control to find out what that glare was at that very moment. Steph could tell Ranger was really struggling to stay calm.
"That looks pretty, Daddy. My baby brudder likes it too." The magic of Gabby soothed the Grinch once again. Lester pushed the remote to open the gates as he pulled inside.
"Yes, Gabby. It does look pretty. Santa definitely won't miss this place tonight," Ranger agreed. Neither will commercial aircraft or UFOs, he added to himself. It had been a long day, and all Ranger wanted to do was get his family inside. He still had to get the tree decorated, and after Gabby went to sleep, get the presents set up and under the tree.
While Ella got dinner ready and Ranger went down to 5 to catch up, Stephanie decided to give the baby a bath and changed into a cute little Christmas onesie that she bought. Of course Gabby watched her like a hawk. "Ewe Mommy…what's that?" She pointed to the black and blue belly button.
"That's Little Carlos' belly button. It's going to fall off soon, and it will look like your belly button. Don't worry. It won't hurt." Steph knew it was coming but continued to undress him.
"How come he gots a boo-boo on his penis?"
"When baby boys are born, they have to have a circumcision. He's going to be okay."
"Did Daddy gets a circus decision, too?" Steph nodded. "How come?"
"It's just something we do." Gabby continued to stare at her little brother.
"Diego gots something wrong with his balls, Mommy. He's aposta gots 2 balls, but he only gots one lumpy one," Gabby observed. Stephanie bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing out loud. This was all Ranger needed to hear….someone criticizing his son's equipment.
"Don't worry, Gabby. He's still a baby. Things…uh…will change as he gets older. Can you get me his blanket?"
"I gots something special for Diego!" She watched as her feets that gots lights in them bounded out of the room. Steph knew she was getting her Snoopy blanket. Gabby loved to share with everyone. And for the past two months, sharing with her baby brudder was all she talked about. Steph was right. Gabby ran back in the room with her little Snoopy blanket. "Here Mommy, he can have this."
"Thank you, Sweet Pea." She swaddled Little Carlos and they headed back into the living room. Ranger had the tree all set up. He just needed to string up the lights so he and Gabby could put on the decorations. They heard the front door open and close, then Ranger appeared.
"Hi Daddy! Diego gots a lumpy ball," Gabby informed him. "And he gots a band-aid on his circus decision." Ranger shot Stephanie a questioning look with an eye brow raised.
"Babe," he sighed.
"Gabby helped me change Little Carlos. She doesn't like his belly button either." Stephanie eased on to the couch. She was looking forward to a quiet night. Some of the Merry Men would be in and out, and tomorrow they would have company. Ranger's mother, her parents, Grandma Mazur, Tank, Lula, and TJ would be coming for dinner. Albert was just getting over the Swine Flu so Ranger put his foot down that they couldn't come. She wasn't going to argue over that one either. They decided they would have a nice Christmas dinner after the holidays when everyone could be together.
"Can we decorate the tree now, Daddy?" Ranger scooped her up and she smacked on his lips. He rubbed his nose on hers, causing her to giggle. Even though now he had a son, it could never replace the relationship he had with his little girl.
"Let me get the lights on first. Next, we'll eat dinner. Then….we can decorate the tree. How does that sound?" Gabby bobbed her head up and down.
"Word!" Then, she flashed a gang sign. Ranger closed his eyes and counted to ten. He was wrong. Duh was starting to sound a lot better. He put her back on her feet. "You take care of Mommy while I put these lights on."
"Okay, Daddy." She curled up on the couch next to Stephanie and her brother. Stephanie put the TV on to watch the Christmas cartoon specials. Ranger began to check the bulbs on the light strands. Once he was satisfied everything was in working order, he grabbed the step ladder so he could reach the top of their ten foot tree.
Little Carlos began to fuss. "What's wrong with him, Mommy?" Gabby's eyes were like saucers.
"I think he's just hungry. Could you grab me a cloth diaper from that bag?" Stephanie pointed to the diaper bag on the floor by the kitchen.
"Okay Mommy." While Gabby was getting the diaper, Stephanie opened her shirt and undid the cup to the nursing bra. She positioned Little Carlos over her breast, and he began to feed. She looked up when she heard her daughter gasp. "Mommy…why is Diego kissin' your booby?" Steph was already prepared for this answer. No matter how discreet she could be, there was no way she could hide this from Gabby.
"Remember when I told you that he only can drink milk?" Gabby nodded. She heard a pause in the rustling of the pine needles so she knew Ranger was listening. "Well my breasts are making special milk so he can grow big and healthy. Once he gets a little older, he will drink from a bottle and then start to eat baby food." It looked as if a light bulb went on over her head as she took in this information.
"Is that why Daddy is big and healfy? Cause he kisses your boobies all the time?" There was a yell…no…a growl…followed by a crash and a thud. Ranger had been listening to the conversation while he leaned over towards the tree a little too far. He lost his balance with the booby comment.
Gabby gasped as she brought her little hands to her mouth. "Mommy…is it time to say a bad word now? Or take Jesus' veins? Daddy falled on the Christmist tree!" Stephanie and Gabby heard Ranger cursing up a storm.
"I don't think so Sweet Pea," Stephanie replied. "I think Daddy is saying enough bad words for all of us. Can you hand me that phone?" Gabby ran to get the cordless phone from the kitchen.
"Here you go, Mommy." Stephanie called the Control Room.
"Hey Junior. Can you send someone up here? Ranger's stuck in the Christmas tree….thanks." She put the phone on the coffee table as she draped the diaper over her shoulder and covered her nursing son. "Are you okay?" she asked Ranger.
A single grunt and another expletive told her that he was. Lester and Woody were at the door a few minutes later, and Gabby ran to let them inside. "Daddy falled on the Christmist tree, Uncle Lester!" He picked her up and carried her over to where Ranger was stuck in the branches. Somehow, the back of Ranger's belt got caught on a large branch that was preventing him from getting up. Before Woody freed him, Gabby squirmed out of Lester's arms.
"Wait! I gots to take a picture!" She ran to get their Kodak Easyshare camera.
"No Gabby!" Ranger called after her…his voice muffled by the pine needle branches. "You don't need to take a picture of Daddy!" Christ...that would be all he needed. They already had the Coolio/Sid Vicious as the Joker pictures, next to Lester inside Mayor McCheese, which was next to Tank in the pink drag outfit. Flash bulb….too late. He would just have to erase that one later.
"Okay…now you can help Daddy up," Gabby instructed. Woody cut the branch with his pocket knife, and Lester helped him up. "Are you okay Daddy? You said a lot of bad words before." He patted the top of her head.
"I'm okay." He looked ruefully down at the broken tree. One whole side was flat. Woody and Lester helped him get it back in the stand and stabilized.
"Oh!" Gabby whined. "Daddy breaked the Christmist tree! Now Santa's not going to come here!" The bottom lip quivered, and the tears fell. Ranger wanted to crawl into the hole in the tree.
"Nah, Princess," Lester told her as he knelt down beside her. "Once you get the lights and decorations on the tree, Santa won't know the difference."
"Yeah," Woody piped in. "Santa wouldn't dare not come to Ranger's house on Christmas Eve. Besides…the building's lit up like Yankee Stadium…he can't miss it." Woody and Lester turned the tree so the offensive side wouldn't show. "See? Looks better already." Gabby wiped the rest of the tears from her eyes.
"We'll help your Daddy get the lights on, and it will be as good as new," Lester added.
"Are you sure Santa won't be mad?" Lester smiled and shook his head.
"No way, Princess. What…are you kiddin' me? Santa won't be mad. This is the most wonderful time of the year. How could he be mad when you made all those special Christmist cookies for him? That's what Santa really wants. He's a fat man, Princess. Fat men eat a lot of cookies," Lester explained. This brought that heart-melting smile to Gabby's face. Lester just saved himself from a major beating, Ranger said to himself. As much as he screwed up around Gabby, he always came through for her in the end.
Woody and Lester helped Ranger finish putting on the lights when Ella arrived with dinner. "Guess what Ella?" Gabby yelled as she ran over to her. Here it comes, Ranger thought, she's going to tell her all about how he fell and got stuck in the tree. "You don't gots to cook for my baby brudder 'cause he drinks booby milk!" The sensation of fingernails on a chalkboard once again wracked his body. Yep…mofo, shit, and penis were sounding a whole lot better now. Fo shizzle.
TBC……..