The Night of Fantasies

Chapter 1:

Identifying Love and Than Lust

I couldn't help but feel a ting of guilt and perhaps even... disappointment. I had never had so many conflicting thoughts before. I loved Shuuhei. But now I had a strange yearning for Yumichika. On top of that I kept having these absurd dreams of Ichimaru always over me crying or mournful saying something I couldn't hear. It was driving me nearly insane. On top of that I couldn't possibly cheat on the man I love and who'd been helping me to focus and get my grounding these past few months. But ever since Yumichika had kissed me at the onsen, I've had an uncharacteristic longing to touch him again. I didn't speak a word of the incedent to Shuuhei, seeing as how we were getting into a good pace and going out regularly with our friends and to the poem lectures together. I didn't want to ruin that. I couldn't ruin that. I was sitting with Shuuhei at the 9th during our lunches and we were eating some Yakitori* while sitting out on the wooden porch to the side of his office. I sat with my legs tucked under myself like I usually do and he sat to my left with his legs lazily crossed. He was gorging on the chicken as I ate more slowly taking in the nice crystal blue skies and perfect white clouds up high into the sky. It seemed there were more of them to appreciate especially when Shuuhei was near me. I still couldn't smile like he wanted me to, but he also understood. I still held some unnatural feelings for Ichimaru and I had admitted so to Shuu. He said he didn't understand, but he'd give me time to adjust without Ichimaru's presence and get use to his. I most definitely welcomed such. As I chewed and than swallowed some more of the meat Shuuhei spoke softly.

"Do you wanna' go out later on tonight? Ikkaku-kun and Iba-kun want to go out for drinks. Thought you'd like to join me." Shuu looked over at me while he took another large bite. I looked at him and than I looked down. Iba would be fine, and maybe even Ikkaku, but... wouldn't Yumichika be there than? That'd be far too unpleasant. Me, there with Shuuhei, sitting near Yumichika, the man who'd near confessed his love for me and than kissed me only to be rejected in the end. Yeah, that'd go over oh-so-smoothly. I sighed at the discomfort I felt over taking me. Than I felt Shuuhei's strong right hand grip my left shoulder firmly before becoming a soft and inviting touch moving to my lower back and rubbing lightly in circles there. "Or not..?"

"Huh?" I looked up at Shuuhei's hurt words. Than I realized he had a look of concern in his face. I must have caved in slightly thinking of the situation. I looked away out of shame. "Oh! Uh... um, n-no!" Than I looked at him to see disappointment. "Ah! I meant, no, like no, I'll go! I-I don't mind! I just. I'm not sure about drinking. That's all! I still remember what happened the last time I drank for hours on end. I wound up in your place vomiting every where."

"And having make up sex on the floor in the morning."

"Sh-Shuuhei!"

"What? It's true!"

"That... That isn't the point!" Than I thought about what he said for a moment. "And it wasn't 'make up,' just... plain sex." I cringed at my own words. Was I really saying that aloud?

"Ahahaha..! No, not plain, not by any means. It was hot, passionate, heart-racing, fun-loving hanky panky."

" 'Han-hanky panky'..? What..?" Than I looked away from his unwavering stare into my eyes. "Don't say it like that!" Shuu laughed again and I couldn't help but smile if only a little tight one. "You're horrible!"

"No, I'm not so bad if you chose me. Right..?"

"Right... But still, don't say it like that. It sounds... raunchy." Once again Shuuhei laughed as he pulled me into a one armed hug and squeezed me tight. I smiled again and took another bite of my yakitori.

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The bar we went to was noisy and over all too crowded, but Shuuhei and the others didn't seem to mind. Iba and Ikkaku were there, but, luckily, no Yumichika. I opened up a bit and had some sake since I needn't be too in control. Though Ikkaku was laughing and grinning like always I couldn't help but feel like he'd give me a glance with a bit of distaste every now and than. He probably was upset I didn't give into Yumichika, since they were so close. But I wasn't about to cheat on Shuu. At least, that's what I kept telling myself anytime I thought of Yumi and got a small pang of hurt swelling in myself. The other three kept joking, laughing, drinking and hollering. I smiled and laughed at the jokes as well, but I didn't dare drink as much as them. I had learned my lesson after getting so sick that night. We were having a great time for the most part, especially after I had a few drinks in me and could ignore the discomfiting glances from Ikkaku. After awhile the guys had all drunk themselves into a stupor and I was starting to get a good buzz off the sake. They were talking about being a Taicho and what it'd mean to have entire division under them. Well, at least talking about how they would treat their subordinates. Shuuhei said he'd make them work hard and respect traditions as well as uphold justice. Iba said he'd never make them work past four p.m. that way they could all go out and drink together and something about wearing glasses like in our Men's Association gatherings. I sort of thought about that and giggled slightly as I leaned into Shuu's shoulder. I noticed the others gave an odd look but I ignored it in favor of the warmth and hard muscles my head was resting on.

"Hey, we should do this more often..!" I said nonchalantly before taking another sip of my sake. Shuuhei wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed slightly.

"Sounds goo 'ta meh!" Shuuhei leaned over and kissed me on my temple sloppily as the other two agreed drunkly. I closed my eyes and took in the slowly quieting bar. It was still chattering and the clanking of dishes and bottles, but over all it had quieted down greatly from a few hours before hand. I heard some rummaging only to open my eyes and see Komamura standing behind a near passed out Iba. I sat straight and inclined my head when he graced his golden eyes over to mine for a moment. It was one thing for my friends to know and another for a Taicho I barely knew to find out about Shuu and I. He sighed and mumbled something to Iba before taking his arm over his shoulders and helping him up. He inclined his head before turning to leave. "See you 'round, Iba-san!"

"I'll find 'ya and we can go out again tomorrow, man!" Ikkaku happily yelled out before turning back to the table and taking a huge slug of his sake bottle. I smiled care freely as I began to feel a wash of tiredness. I leaned back into Shuuhei's warmth again and he welcomed me eagerly with kisses pressed to my temple. I laughed a bit before I opened my eyes and saw Ikkaku eyeing us with a face of distaste. I swallowed and turned my face to bury it into Shuuhei's chest. My chest was tightening and pulling as I thought of the pained reiatsu Yumi had given off that last time I had interacted with him solely. We had seen each other off and on from time to time, but we never looked eye to eye or talked to each other. Shuuhei didn't know either. He just assumed I disliked him for something. I didn't though. I felt bad. But he shouldn't have kissed me without talking and finding out what was what first. I pressed a chaste kiss to Shuuhei's neck and heard a grunt from Ikkaku. " 'Ya two real fuckin' close, huh?"

"Yep. We've been going strong for a while now. Right, 'Zuru-chan?"

" 'Chan'..?" I pulled back slightly and scowled him. Well, at least I meant to. But by the kiss and squeezed I received I'd say it failed. I sighed and looked to Ikkaku and nodded as a light heat brushed over my cheeks. "...Yeah..."

"Huh. Yumi's had the hots for 'ya for awhile, 'ya know that?"

"Ah, we-well..."

"What? Really? He likes you..?"

"Ye-yeah..." I swallowed and lowered my head. "He... He kissed me a few months back. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner..."

"Are you kiddin'!??" I jumped at his enthusiastic words. He had an odd spark of passion... or maybe lust... in his eyes as he looked to me. "That's great! See..? You think so poorly of yourself and you got guys wanting you all over!"

"Shuu... Quiet down..!" I tugged on his shihakusho and he lowed his face to me with a mock concern.

"Ohh, right, sorry. But, I mean, a guy who obsesses over beauty likes you, Izuru! That's gotta' make 'ya feel all warm inside."

"M-Maybe..?"

"Maybe we could try him out in bed with us." Shuuhei's calm and ever soft words almost got by me until they hit when I saw Ikkaku's dead pan face. We boh paused before turning our attention to Shuuhei with utter disbelief.

"What did you say!??"

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*Yakitori - Japanese chicken on bamboo skewers usually grilled with a BBQ sauce. They can range from the heart of a chicken to just the white meat (referred to as "Free Range").