Tis the Season to be Gabby
By
JerseyGirlinOxford
Part Four
Despite an eventful Christmas Eve, Christmas morning was more subdued. Gabby awoke at Oh-Four-Thirty-Seven. Instead of her usual method of running into their bedroom, she drove her new Hummer and honked the horn. Ranger and Stephanie were both startled awake. "Come on, sleepin' heads! It's Christmist…Santa bringed us presents!" Ranger rubbed his face with both hands as he watched the tail lights of the Hummer fade as she rode back to the living room.
"I think I will feed them reindeer asses today," he muttered to Stephanie as flopped back in the bed laughing.
"Look who's complaining," Steph replied. "Your mother told me all about you being 10 times worse than Gabby on Christmas morning." Ranger smirked.
"I'll have to have a talk with Mama today. That information was classified." He leaned over and kissed her. "Merry Christmas, Babe." The horn from the Hummer blasted again.
"Hurry up! We'll miss Christmist!" Gabby's voice echoed through the apartment.
"She gets more like you every day," Steph said as she yawned and stretched. Ranger raised one eye brow. "She can be very demanding."
"Hmmm? I thought you liked it when I was demanding," he teased. "I'll remind you in 5 weeks and 6 days." This time, Steph raised both eye brows. "Yes…I'm counting."
An hour later, the living room was a sea of Christmas wrappings. Stephanie and Ranger began to straighten up and found Gabby sound asleep in the Christmas morning mess. Her little butt was up in the air, and she was snuggled with her Snoopy. "Now that looks tempting," Steph sighed. Ranger gently picked her up.
"Why don't both my girls go take a little nap?" Ranger suggested as he nudged Stephanie towards the bedroom. "I'll finish up in here, and then I can spend some time with my son."
"Wake me up if he gets too fussy," she agreed as she climbed back in bed. Ranger placed the sleeping Gabby next to her. He hurried back to clean, then relaxed in his favorite chair with his son in his arms. Ranger swallowed hard. He still had a touch of heartburn from the jerky from last night.
Ranger didn't realize that he had started to doze off until the phone rang. It was his mother. She was still coming but wanted to let him know that his father's sister, Augusta, insisted on coming along. Ranger's father had passed away a while back. Needless to say, Aunt Augusta, or Aunt Gussy, was not his favorite. Their mother, Abuela Rosa, tended to favor Ranger more than any of her other grandchildren. There was some animosity about this over the years, but Aunt Gussy refused to let it go. Reluctantly, Ranger agreed. It was Christmas after all, and they were celebrating the birth of their son. Maybe it was time to bring the family together and move forward. Yeah…and monkeys might fly out of his butt! Who was he trying to kid? Aunt Gussy always had a snide remark for everything. His mother told him that Aunt Gussy said this could be her last Christmas and wanted to see the new baby. Yeah…right! They wouldn't be that lucky. Aunt Gussy had been dying for the last five years.
Ranger decided it was time to face the music. He needed to get Steph up anyway. Thank God, Ella and Luis were around to help with dinner. They didn't have children of their own and were a part of the family. In addition to his mother and aunt, Steph's parents and grandmother, Tank, Lula, and TJ, and Lester were coming to an early dinner. With his beautiful son still in his arms, he headed to the bedroom to wake up his girls. He sat on the edge of the bed, and with one hand, brushed the hair off Stephanie's forehead. She began to stir. Gabby was snuggled into her side with an arm draped over her stomach.
Stephanie opened her eyes to see the warm brown ones of her husband. Their son was sleeping in his lap. "Have a good nap, Babe?" She nodded.
"Has he been good?" Ranger nodded. Now, Gabby began to stir. "Hi Sweet Pea." Gabby yawned.
"Hi Mommy!" She sat up when she saw Ranger and Little Carlos. "Hi Daddy! Hi Diego!" Ranger inwardly groaned. The idea of comparing his son to a cartoon character did not please him. Gabby played the DVDs for him, and he begrudgingly noticed the similarities. Whatever! His son probably had a bigger penis than that damn cartoon.
"I got a call from Mama this morning," he began. Steph's eyes widened.
"Is she not coming?"
"No…no…she's still coming. But…." Ranger trailed off.
"No," Stephanie groaned. She knew what Ranger was hesitating to say.
"Aunt Gussy is coming with her," Ranger told them.
"Oh!" Gabby whined. "I don't like Aunt Gutsy. She smells like a moff's ball!"
"Moth balls, Sweet Pea," Steph corrected.
"Aunt Gutsy always calls Daddy that stupid name…..Ree-kart-o. Daddy's name is Ran-ger. Duh!" Stephanie put an arm around her.
"Gabby…I need you to do a favor for me."
"A favor? I like favors!" Ranger and Steph smirked.
"I know Aunt Gussy isn't the most happy person in the world, but since it's Christmas, I want everyone to be nice to her. She's a very lonely person, and her kids are all grown up and too busy to visit with her."
"Her kids are like a demon's porn…right Daddy?" Ranger sighed.
"Demon spawn," Stephanie corrected her again. "But that's besides the point. Can you help us and try to make Aunt Gussy have a special Christmas?" Gabby nodded.
"Okay Mommy, I'll be nice to Aunt Gutsy. Maybe if I gived her some Christmist cookies, it would make her feel better!" Gabby offered. They would never get over her loving nature. She certainly didn't get it from either of them.
"That's my girl," Ranger told her.
"And, we can showed her Diego's lumpy ball and circus revision," she continued. "That should make her laugh, too." Ranger's jaw set tight. No one was going to laugh at his son's junk. Stephanie must have picked up on the fact that he was not pleased because she gave him a kiss.
"Can you help Gabby get washed up and dressed? I'll feed him then get ready myself." He nodded and handed over the baby.
"Come on, Gabby. Let's go get ready." He braced himself for the Gabby projectile that hurled herself at him.
"I love you, Daddy." She smacked on his lips. Damn! She was a secret weapon. No matter what she did or how mad he got….the power of the love he had for his daughter was more powerful than the Force. And…it turned him into Obi Wuss Kenobi.
It was finally time for the guests to arrive. Frank, Helen, and Grandma Mazur were the first to arrive with Tank, Lula, and TJ right behind them. Frank was thrilled with his first grandson. "You done good, Pumpkin," he told Steph as he took the baby from her arms.
"Thanks Daddy."
"Wait till you see that he gots a lumpy ball, Grampa!" Gabby interjected. "Do you gots a circus revision, too?" Both Gabby and Grandma Mazur waited for his answer with eyebrows raised.
"A what?" Frank asked with a frown. Ranger dropped his head and sighed. Steph held back a snort.
"She wants to know if you've been cut, Frank," Grandma Mazur explained. Frank paled. "Well? Have you? My daughter wouldn't tell me."
"Mother!" Helen cried. "This is Christmas. Please control yourself!"
"I don't know what's wrong with you people," Lula huffed. "We ain't cut nuthin' off Tank Junior. I didn't want him ending up like Morelli. I heard he only got a nub left." Before Gabby could comment on that, Stephanie intervened.
"Gabby? Why don't you show Grandma Mazur what Santa brought for you?" Gabby's face lit up, and she ran over to Grandma Mazur.
"Come on, Grammy Mazur!" She grabbed her hand. "Santa buyed me lots of presents." Helen went to help Ella in the kitchen. Steph and Lula fawned over their sons as Ranger and Tank looked on. Luis was working on a problem in the basement and would be up later for dinner. The control room buzzed Ranger to let him know that his family arrived. A few minutes later, Ranger's mother, Lourdes, and Aunt Gussy entered the apartment.
"Nannah!" Gabby squealed. "Um…Fleece Nahbidah!" Lourdes scooped Gabby into her arms and hugged her. "I love you, Nannah!"
"Te amo, Gabriella!" she replied. "Feliz Navidad." Ranger walked over to greet him mother.
"Feliz Navidad, Mama," he told her, and he gave her a hug and a kiss. "Hello Aunt Gussy." Aunt Gussy nodded as she thrust her coat at him.
"Here…put this away for me," she commanded. Ranger bit the inside of his mouth as he took the coat. Her eyes narrowed as Steph walked over with the baby. "Wow…you really put on a lot of weight this time. It's going to be harder to lose now that you are older."
"She just had the baby 2 days ago, Aunt Gussy," Ranger defended Steph.
"Yeah," Gabby added as she patted her rather rotund belly. "When are all those babies you gots in your belly gonna come outta your 'gina, Aunt Gutsy?"
"Augusta!" Lourdes interrupted, "you promised!" Ranger handed Gabby her coat.
"Gabby? Can you put this on our bed?" Gabby nodded as she wrapped her arms around the coat. She took a few sniffs.
"Ewe…this stinks like moss balls!" Before Gabby could expand on her thoughts, Ranger herded her towards the master bedroom.
"Mama…come see our son." Steph kissed Lourdes on the cheek.
"Congratulations, Estafina! Oh…he is beautiful. He looks so much like Gabriella!" she gushed.
"What did you name him Ricardo?" Aunt Gussy asked.
"We named him after his father of course. Ricardo Carlos Manoso, the 3rd," Stephanie replied with a smile. Gussy harrumphed.
"You should have named him after my father. No one yet has honored my father by naming their sons after him," Gussy complained.
"I wanted to honor my father, Aunt Gussy," Ranger explained. By this time, Gabby had rejoined them.
"You should have named him Jesus," Gussy insisted.
"Hay Seuss?" Gabby asked in confusion. "I don't want a baby brudder with a stupid name like Hay Seuss! His name is Diego. That's more better!" Stephanie couldn't hold back the snort this time and ignored the evil eye from Aunt Gussy.
"No Sweet Pea…that's Spanish for Jesus. Daddy's grandfather's name was Jesus," Stephanie told her. Gabby rolled her eyes.
"We can't call my baby brudder Jesus!" she insisted. "I'm not aposta to say Jesus unless I'm prayin', or it's a sin. I gots to call my baby brudder somethin', Aunt Gutsy! Duh!" For the first time, Ranger actually enjoyed hearing Gabby 'duh' someone else for a change.
"Damn White Girl!" Lula broke in. "You're right about this one. She does need to get laid. Maybe you should give her some of Gabby and Lester's porn movies." With another nasty look, Augusta waved them off.
"Ricardo….get me a drink," she told him as she stomped off to sit in the living room. Gabby rolled her eyes and looked at her mother.
"See? She did it again!" Ranger went to get Augusta her drink, when Lester arrived. "Uncle Lester!" She ran over to his waiting arms. "Merry Christmist!"
"Same to you, Princess. Did the real Santa come last night?" Gabby's head bobbed up and down, and she broke into her 200 watt grin.
"Uh huh. And Santa eated all his Christmist cookies and drinked his special milk," she told him. Lester remembered that nasty skim milk. Knowing Ranger, it was probably that lactose-free shit, too. Ranger returned and gave Augusta her drink. "I gived Santa Diego's booby milk a 'cause I want Santa to grow big and healfy." Both Lester and Ranger gagged. Stephanie covered her mouth to attempt to stifle the laughter. Tank roared.
"And you drank it!" Tank howled as he held his side. Lula smacked her lips.
"I don't know why you laughin'. When I was feedin' Tank Junior I would squirt a little in yo coffee every mornin'." Now Tank gagged.
"No…Santa drinked the booby milk, and his reindeers eated the Puppermony," Gabby insisted. Ranger frowned.
"What kind of jerky was that?" he asked her. Gabby smiled.
"Puppermony….like the doggies eat on TV," she told him cheerfully. "The reindeers like them more better than your ones, Daddy." Ranger put a hand to his chest as he headed for the bathroom. Breast milk and dog treats! Christ…no wonder he had such bad heartburn. He needed some Tums or Zantac bad!
Grandma Mazur walked behind Aunt Gussy and gave her the finger. Gabby giggled. "I can do that too, Grammy Mazur! Look! UGH!!!" Gabby gave Gussy the Lula double fingered special. Lula looked at Steph and smiled.
"She good," Lula said.
"Well! I never!" Gussy huffed. Grandma Mazur smirked.
"And that's your problem," Grandma Mazur told her. She handed her a Christmas present. "Here…I got this for my granddaughter, but it looks like you could use it more. It's the Herbert Horsecock special."
"Mother!" Helen and Ella were taking in the scene from the doorway to the kitchen. Ranger frowned again. It was a little insulting to think that Stephanie would need a vibrator being married to him.
"I'm not knockin' your Cuban Hottie. There's no doubt he's got a great package that I'd love to get my hands on, but I know the drill. You can't get any for 6 weeks. I thought this would hold you over," she explained to Stephanie.
"5 weeks and 6 days," Stephanie corrected. "He's counting." Gussy tossed the package onto the seat next to her as if it burned her. Gabby looked over at her father.
"Daddy? Did you gets another present from Santa?"
Ranger shook his head. "No, we opened all Santa's presents this morning. Remember?"
"Grammy Mazur says that you gots a great package that she wants to gets her hand on. Can I help? I like wrapping Christmist presents!"
"You people are disgusting and low class," Gussy announced. "I don't know why I even bothered to come here today." Lourdes had enough.
"Augusta! You promised me that you would behave if I brought you here. Maybe you should have spent Christmas with your own children since you feel that strongly," Lourdes scolded her.
"You mean Aunt Gutsy shoulda had Christmist with the Demon's porn?" Gabby asked. Then, Gabby remembered that her mother wanted everyone to be nice to Aunt Gutsy because she was lonely and no one liked her. She ran and got some of her cookies. "Here Aunt Gutsy…have some Christmist cookies and maybe people will like you." Gussy took the cookies and tossed them onto the coffee table. Gabby was crushed. Her lower lip began to quiver and the tears followed.
"Oh no she didn't!" Lula erupted. "Come on, Little Batgirl. I have to change TJ. I'll let you look at his penis again." She held out her hand, and Gabby took it.
"Okay," she sniffled as she wiped her eyes with the back of her other hand. Ranger cringed again. Stephanie walked over to Gussy.
"I asked Gabby to be nice to you. I am nice to you because you are Ranger's family. But if you treat my daughter like that again, I will break my foot off in your ass. I don't care if you are older than dirt." Lester had joined Frank on the couch and watched the show. Gussy looked flabbergasted. Stephanie had never spoken to her like that before. "I will give you one more chance. Either you stop acting like a bitch and join us for Christmas dinner, or you can leave now. I'll pay for a cab so Mama can stay. The choice is yours!" Gussy looked at all the angry eyes focused on her.
"I'll stay," she replied. "But this is the last time I'm coming here."
Lourdes mouthed, I'm sorry, to her son. Ella announced that dinner was ready. Ranger pulled Stephanie into a hug.
"I'm sorry, Babe. I should have said no. It's my fault I ruined Diego's first Christmas." He kissed her forehead.
"It's not your fault. And do you realize you called him Diego?" Shit! He called his son a cartoon character, his daughter was comforted by viewing a penis, he drank his son's booby milk, and ate dog treats….and no sex for five weeks and six days. Some Christmas…..HO Fucking HO!
While they were drinking coffee and eating dessert, Gabby was showing Grandma Mazur all her new toys. Luis had to eat and run. If it wasn't a problem with the heating system, Ranger would have insisted he stay. Gussy decided to isolate herself from everyone and sat in the corner of the living room. That suited Ranger just fine. The group seemed more relaxed without her. Ranger heard the whine of the motorized Hummer. Sure enough, Gabby was driving Grandma Mazur into the dining room.
"Isn't this a pip?" Grandma Mazur called to them as they whizzed by. The smile on Gabby's face was back. It appeared that the insults from Gussy were long forgotten, and Gabby was enjoying her Christmas once again. Even though Stephanie's family was a little crazy, they loved Gabby. His family loved Gabby. Aunt Gussy on the other hand…hated everyone. He knew why she insisted on coming. Her own kids didn't even want her. Shit…he couldn't blame them.
All of a sudden, there was a scream, a thud, and a crash. Gabby ran into the dining room. "Oh Em Gee! I teachded Grammy Mazur to drived the Hummers and summbinna bitch! Aunt Gutsy gots in the way, and Grammy Mazur runned her over. Aunt Gutsy breaked our Christmist tree!" Ranger, Tank, and Lester jumped up and ran to the location of the continued screams. Steph, Lourdes, Lula, Helen, Ella, and Gabby followed. "See?"
"This thing is pretty solid," Grandma Mazur told them. "Didn't even get a scratch. Don't worry, Gabby, your Hummer is okay." Lester and Tank lifted the tree off Gussy while Ranger helped her to her feet.
"Are you okay, Aunt Gussy?" Ranger asked. He was using his legendary self control not to laugh. Yeah, Grandma Mazur was a little wacky, a lot creepy, and wanted to get her hands on his dick, but she was fiercely protective of her family. Kind of like the old rich lady in that movie Arthur. Gussy shook the cobwebs out of her head.
"I think I need to sit for a minute," she told him as Ranger helped her to the nearest chair.
"What happened?" Stephanie asked. Grandma Mazur shrugged.
"I don't know. We were coming around Turn One and son of a bitch! She just jumped in front of us." Gabby nodded in agreement.
"I was going to the bathroom!" Gussy insisted. "And this crazy woman ran me down." Lourdes sighed.
"I think it's time for us to go. I'll come back in a few days to visit," she said. "Come on, Augusta, let's go."
"Gabby? Can you go get Aunt Gussy's and Nannah's coats?" Ranger asked her. She nodded and hopped into her Hummer. She was back in a flash with the coats in the little cargo area. Hmmm…that thing could come in handy after all.
"Here's your moss balls, Aunt Gutsy," Gabby told her as she handed Gussy her coat. They said their goodbyes, and then Ranger walked his mother to the car. Gabby surveyed the damage to the tree. "Oh….we don't gots a Christmist tree again!"
"Hang on, Princess," Lester comforted her. "We'll be right back." He nodded for Tank to follow him. Steph and Lula exchanged confused looks.
"Gabby…let's go for another ride," Grandma Mazur offered. Frank shook his head.
"You've done enough damage tonight, old lady," he declared. "I think it's time for us to go too. Stephanie needs some rest." A few minutes later, Ranger, Tank, and Lester returned with the decorated tree from the lobby. Tank moved the broken tree to the hall. Ranger and Lester set the new one in its place, plugged it in, and the lights began to glow.
"Yea! We gots a Christmist tree again!" Gabby clapped as she jumped up and down. Ranger picked her up and hugged her. "This was the bestest Christmist I ever had, Daddy. Me and Ella made Christmist cookies. And me and Uncle Lester went to the Snoopy store and let the pixie's outta that mook's wheels. Then I gots a Hummers from the Merrily Men. And I gots you, and Mommy, and my new baby brudder. Oh…and my favorite was when Grammy Mazur runned over Aunt Gutsy. I don't like Aunt Gutsy. Aunt Gutsy is like the Grinch. But I guess that's okay a 'cause the Grinch is for Christmist. I love you, Daddy. Merry Christmist!" Once again, Ranger felt like he just melted like butter.
"Merry Christmist, Gabby," he whispered before giving her a kiss on the cheek. And, it was his best Christmas too. He hated to admit that it was a toss-up….the birth of his son or Grandma Mazur running over Gussy. No. Hand down, it was having a family of his own. Duh!
THE END…….for now