So, I'm back with an update. I know it's been a while, but Spring Break ended and so did my free time, but I found time to write this, so yay! I want to thank all of you reading and especially those of you leaving me reviews, I like knowing your reactions to how things unfold.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to Tommy Lynch.

Enjoy!

Beauty In Walking Away

I get back to my loft at a quarter past three. I didn't even notice how late it had gotten. After leaving the Carlin home, I didn't feel up to coming back here and dealing with Kelly when so many things were running through my mind. Instead, I found myself driving to the beach house, sitting at that piano and just letting time fly past me, time ticking by note by note. But now I'm back, I'm back to facing this reality. Images of stolen kisses and soft touches, filling my mind but only staying briefly, they stay long enough for me to desperately reach for them but disappear before I grab hold. I make my way through the loft as quietly as I can. I don't want to face the all knowing look of betrayal sure to be plastered all over Kelly's face. I very slowly and carefully get into bed beside her, I lay there still, hoping to not stir her awake.

It's an unnecessary precaution really, I knew before I walked through the door that she would be awake. I knew that she'd be waiting for me, a part of me just hoped that I'd have time, that I could somehow convince the world to stop as I gathered myself together.

She turns around and snuggles up against me, resting her head on my shoulder, while her arm goes around my waist. She pulls me in tightly and I can't help it when my own arm goes around her and brings her even closer. She buries her head into the crook of my neck and I instantly notice how her body has begun shaking and shuddering. Familiar sounds coming from her lips as the tears fall freely. I try to hold back the tears I feel threatening to spill over, but I know that I'm already on my way to a breakdown like the one she's having.

We stay pressed together holding on to one another as her tears slow their descent and her breathing returns to normal. I feel her take a deep breath and I know the next words out of her mouth are going to break us completely.

"You're still in love with her, aren't you?" She doesn't yell it, she doesn't say it with anger or malice, she says it so broken that it hurts. It cuts right through me, because I can't handle this, I can't handle how fragile her voice sounded, or how hurt and exhausted she looks. So, I do what I can, I shut my eyes and allow the tears I'd been holding back to fall down the sides of my face. I feel the bed shift beside me, I know that she's sitting up, finally ready to have this conversation that's been a long time coming.

I hesitate before I respond. For a second, I contemplate staying quiet, allowing the silence to speak for me, but she doesn't say anything else. No words escape her lips, she's waiting for me to answer her question, because she needs to hear it, needs to know the truth. So, I release the truth causing both our tears. I say the one word she already knew was coming. "Yes."

And that does it. It's the final blow to her already crumbling structure. I hear her sob and I have to open my eyes, I have to witness this damage that I've caused, this hurt that I so easily allowed her to experience. My heart aches as I take her in, as I see how shattered she is. I can't help pulling her in, holding her tighter than I've ever held her before, hoping to somehow put the pieces back together. She clings to me just as forcefully, crying into my shoulder, allowing her release to stain my clothes. "I'm sorry." I repeat it over and over but that only causes her to cry harder.

I don't remember falling asleep, but suddenly I'm waking up to a very empty bed. I reach out for her anyway, I test this theory I've concocted, and sure enough, she isn't there beside me. I sit up slowly, remembering everything from just a few hours ago. I make my way into the living room and find her sitting on the couch. She's just sitting there in the silence waiting.

I make my way to her and take a seat. "Hey."

"Hey, what're you doing out here?"

She turns to face me, giving me a small smile. "I didn't want to wake you."

"I don't even remember falling asleep." A light chuckle escapes my lips and she gives me a strained smile in response.

"Yeah…"

We don't say anything else, the tension in the air is obvious and palpable. I look at her momentarily before facing forward, staring off into space, she's staring down at her hands as her fingers fiddle with one another.

"I can't do this anymore." She says looking up at me.

I sigh. "I know."

"I thought I could, you know? I thought that eventually you'd be able to see me, and love me…for just me. I figured, if I loved you enough, then Spencer wouldn't matter. That it wouldn't hurt as much when I caught you looking at her or when I knew she was on your mind. Because it would be enough just to be with you."

"I'm sorry."

She sighs and turns her entire body to face me. "I don't want you to apologize to me…I don't need you to. I knew going in how you felt about her…I just…I guess I thought if I gave you enough time, you'd eventually have feelings for me."

I grab hold of her hands, squeeze them slightly to emphasize the point I'm about to make. "I do have feelings for you. I know I haven't always shown it, but I do care about you."

"I know that," I look down at our joined hands as she continues "But you don't love me. I know that you think I'm oblivious to things, but I'm not. I may not acknowledge them but I do notice. I feel it when you stiffen at my touch, how our kisses are always one-sided, or that you'll say her name when we're having sex. I know that your face doesn't instantly light up when you see me like it does with Spencer. And, at first it didn't bother me, I thought that eventually things would be different. But, it kept happening, and you weren't even trying to hide it anymore, you weren't even pretending to try and protect my feelings. And that hurt more than anything else."

"I'm sorry." She gives me a look and I instantly backtrack. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's all I got. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"No one intentional sets out to hurt someone they care about, the fact that you didn't mean to doesn't change that you did, and neither is apologizing for it."

"I just don't know what to say to make this okay."

She removes her hands from mine and gets up off the couch. "There's nothing you can say, Ash. An apology isn't gonna change how you feel about me or Spencer. It's not gonna make you fall in love with me or fall out of love with her. It's just gonna make us cling even more to this sinking ship and I don't wanna wait until we completely hit bottom."

"I wish I could have fallen in love with you." I say softly as the tears begin to fall.

"But then you wouldn't be able to get Spencer, and I know you will. You two are meant to be, it just took me a while to see that." She moves towards me, kissing my lips before moving to whisper in my ear. "I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you." She looks me in the eye after the last word leaves her lips and I can't help the speed, in which, the tears fall. She gives me one last lingering kiss before stepping back and making her way towards the door. "Who knows, maybe I'll find a Spencer of my own."

Suddenly my phone is vibrating, alerting me to a text message. I flip it open and see that it's from Spencer. Somehow, she always seems to find me when I need her to most.

"Meet me at our place."