So, it's been a while. I really don't have any excuses...

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to Tommy Lynch.

Enjoy!

Almost Goodbye

I pick up the photograph sitting on the end table, my eyes immediately landing on Spencer. She's smiling, it isn't genuine, she's trying but I can see how fake it is. I linger there for a moment before my eyes land on my own face. I'm not even trying to smile. I just kind of look blank, my eyes empty. I put the photo back in its place before picking up the one beside it. Her smile is real in this second one.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight." I turn to face her as she comes to stand beside me. She takes the photo from my hands and looks down at it.

"It is Sunday dinner. I try not to miss those."

"Except when you're avoiding me." She bumps my shoulder lightly.

"I haven't been avoiding you, just…giving you your space."

She quirks her eyebrow. "Yeah, by avoiding me?"

I sigh. I know it's pointless to argue. "Okay, maybe a little."

She smirks before turning her attention on the photo in her hands "This was a fun day."

"I remember." I can't help smiling. "4th of July with the Carlins, definitely one for the record books."

"God, you ate so much. I thought you were gonna pop." She says laughing slightly.

"What can I say? Your dad's a great cook." I shrug.

"Yeah." She puts the photo down and looks at me.

I turn to face her completely. Our eyes meet and the air in the room changes. "So…" I think she senses the tension now surrounding us because the smile she was wearing is no longer there. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" She's stalling.

"You know what."

She looks down, a guilty expression all over her face. "Look, Ash, I…I can't." I nod my head slightly as she avoids my eyes. She's fiddling with her hands and I know she's nervous. "I care about you, a lot. I do and if you're willing, I'd love to try and be friends. But as far as a relationship goes…I just can't."

"Okay." I say it to the floor.

"Okay?" I know she's looking to me for confirmation.

I look up and meet her eyes. "I wasn't lying when I told you I'd be okay with just being friends." She nods, giving me a grateful smile. "But I also meant what I said." I think she expected this part, she's no longer looking at me. "We're meant to be Spence, I truly believe that. And if you can't see that right now, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I'll wait as long as it takes."

She sighs and picks up the other photo I had, only minutes before, been looking at myself. Her eyes move across the face of each person in the wedding party, eventually landing on mine. "You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that back then." She removes her eyes from the picture in her hands and looks at me for just a moment before returning them. "Even after everything, I…" She stops and takes a deep breath, I can only assume it helps to stop the tears from falling. "I just wanted you to hold me…and tell me you love me." She returns the photo back to its spot and finally looks at me. "I think it would've been enough." With that the tears fall.

I feel myself take a step towards her, watch as my hands move up to her face, cupping it, my thumbs wiping away the tears that are falling. She doesn't pull away, instead, she rests her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry." My thumbs are still moving against her skin, wiping away the now rapidly falling tears. "I'm sorry I didn't show you how important you are to me, that I didn't love you the way you needed me to, the way I should have." Her arms wrap around my waist and she's holding me tight. We're just standing there, holding onto one another, tears falling down both our cheeks, tears I hadn't noticed I'd begun crying. "You deserved better." I pull her in tighter, hoping she knows how much I mean what I just said.

She squeezes me one last time before pulling away. She doesn't move back, we're still so close together that it cause my breath to hitch. She rests her forehead against mine as her hand comes up to guide an errant curl behind my ear. She's looking me in the eyes and her gaze is intense. Then, she leans in, closing the miniscule distance between us. She kisses me, just lightly pressing her lips against my own, waiting for me to respond. It doesn't take long before my lips are pushing against hers, moving with hers. She brings her hand to the base of my neck, holding me in place as she deepens our kiss, her other hand gently squeezing my hip, as both of mine find purchase on her hips. She moves towards me as our tongues meet, pressing her body to mine. I'm losing myself in this kiss and as the first moan escapes her lips, I know she is too. We're not rushing, the kiss isn't hurried and desperate, it's slow, tantalizingly slow. When we pull apart, we're both breathing heavily. She moves her thumb to wipe across my bottom lip, her eyes following its journey before looking to me.

She's smiling, but it's a bitter one. "I probably shouldn't have done that."

I match her smile. "Probably not."

She leans in again, just lightly pecking me on the lips. "I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so much it scares me. You scare me…" She kisses me again, her eyes boring into my own. "You're dangerous territory Ash." Our lips meet again, lightly. "But Stacey's safe you know?" She hesitates before continuing. "Right now, I just need to feel safe." She takes a step back before breathing in deeply and releasing it slowly. She was the first to remove contact, she took her hand from the base of my neck and removed the other from my hip. She was the one to take the step back and leave the room. I was the one standing there watching her go.

Now I'm back at the beach house, staring down at the piano keys I have no desire to play, my thoughts consumed with the events that occurred earlier tonight. I'm not crying, not again, I don't think I have it in me, I know I don't have it in me. I'm just sitting here while my thoughts assault every vacant corner of my mind. I think of my regrets and hers, her smile, the way she would look at me with just the tilt of her head, the way my heart would, and still does, go crazy with her mere presence.

My fingers stroke over the keys, they don't press down, they don't elicit any sound. Deep down I know how fragile this room is. I know that any sound, no matter how melodic, would completely shatter everything here, including me. I can't handle being shattered right now. So, I sit in this empty room, free of emotion, of sound, and surrounded by silence. I like the silence, it's familiar, it's safe.

As the universe often does, it breaks through and drags me to reality. It shatters my illusions and forces me to face up to the world. And as the knocking gets louder, I can feel my imagined calm slipping away and the panic and fear returning. I hang my head for just a second before getting up from the piano bench that had held my form for the past few hours, I walk out of the room that was keeping me safe. I make my way through the beach house, from dangerous room to dangerous room, reliving all the moments Spencer and I had shared within these walls. The tears return before I reach the door, they returned the second I stepped out of my sanctuary, the moment I left safety they attacked my fragile being with no regard for how I would handle it.

The knocking continues as I reach my hand out to turn the handle. It doesn't stop even when I begin to pull the door back and, just for a second, I wonder if the knocking had been consistent as I traveled through the house, if the hand attacking my door could continue to bang against the wood without damage. These thoughts quickly leave my mind when I am met with blue eyes, when I see dripping wet blonde hair, caused by rain I didn't know had begun falling. Everything flies out the window as I see Spencer, her hair and clothes wet and clinging to her body, standing outside the door, her eyes staring straight into mine.