A/n: now we come to it, the part i'm sure you have all been waiting for. Who spills the beans about Ed's past to Roy (you'll never guess) and, oh wait, did I hear the "K" word? *pauses for cheers of adoring fans and is met with crickets...* This was the last chapter I had written up to so it's going to be a while before I get the next chapter up. So sorry! I'll do my best to get it done as fast as I can. Thanks again everyone for your awesomeness, I hope I can be worthy of your continued support. Okay, so now I'm going to shut up and just let you get to reading the good stuff (I think)...
Eleven
Ed
The assignment was different to say the least.
Ed had been positively accosted when he had entered the office the next morning by the enthusiastic Lt. Colonel who had shot out of Roy's office when he was greeted cordially by Lt. Hawkeye and shoved a wallet full of pictures of his daughter under the blonde's nose, gushing dramatically. The blond looked to Hawkeye but she shrugged unhelpfully and Ed sighed in defeat, knowing it was probably useless to try and dissuade the man.
"Hughes! Leave the Major alone! Fullmetal, get your ass in here," Roy snapped from the doorway of his office, shooting his colleague a scathing glare and Ed nearly fell over himself to obey, just to get away from Hughes before the other man started in on him again.
The Colonel was contemplating a slim report on his desk, a deep frown marring his smooth forehead. It was a look Ed had only seen once before, when the topic of Scar had come up, before they confronted him a couple days ago, and it meant whatever troubling words were written on the papers was serious enough to kill the usual arrogance, replacing it with something darker. Roy was worried.
His own mismatched footsteps stopped in front of the desk, obscene in the glaring quiet of the office but the dark haired man didn't look up until another set of footsteps followed the blond alchemist into the room, pausing as the door swung tightly shut before falling silent behind him. Ed glanced over his shoulder, understanding this was work now so he remained impassive as his eyes met Hughes's sober, emerald gaze. Well, it seemed the man had some idea of what was going on and hadn't come to the office just to harass them. He turned back to Roy, careful to keep his reservations to himself, finding the slanted eyes watching him carefully, as if a decision had to be made and he hated the way his blood surged through him like a sudden fire upon having those eyes assessing him like they were. It was curious, though, because Roy never hesitated but that was what he was doing now.
"I received a…report this morning which, if proven true, is…troubling," the hesitation was clear, coal eyes flicking back as if to see the Lt. Colonel's reaction and it must have been something Roy didn't like because the frown deepened. He took a breath before meeting Ed's gaze, "Have you ever heard of the Philosopher's stone?"
It sounded vaguely familiar, as if he had unearthed it in one of the dusty tomes he was always pulling from shelves and wringing clean of every ounce of knowledge he could glean but other than an indistinct passage linking the stone with alchemy, he didn't have a clue. Yet for some reason, he felt like he should know, like it held some sort of gravity he couldn't pick through because it didn't make any sense. He had only read about it a long time ago when he and his brother had been doing something they shouldn't have and memories from that time were spotty at best. So he shook his head, drawn despite himself.
"It's used for alchemy, as it boosts the user's power so much so, the laws can be broken and twisted as the wielder desires. It amplifies, allows matter to be added or broken down and that's only what we know. There isn't really much information even in the Central Library about it," Ed contemplated, the idea of a medium that could take alchemy and shatter the basic rules in such a way was a little fantastical to say the least. Yet at the same time, it was a heady notion. With that kind of power, well, he tried not to entertain the idea.
"Okay," he said slowly, pulling his own frown, "And why is this suddenly relevant?" another look passed between the two dark haired men and while he didn't see Hughes expression, he could tell Roy was debating on holding something back.
"I heard a rumor," this was the Lt. Colonel speaking but Ed held the dark gaze in front of him, seeing the cold gaze for the mask it was, "Word of this stone was been spreading on the Eastern front. There are people who are under the impression this whole war is just a cover for its creation. What I can't seem to find is the link between the war and the stone," gold eyes found bright green and Ed saw now why Roy had been reluctant, though it pissed him off a little at the same time. Finding the answer to this would possibly bring him to a place where death became nothing more than a number to be tallied.
"You want my help looking for this thing," he said flatly and there was another uneasy flutter on Roy's pale face that was gone the next second. White gloved fingers picked at the pages of the report, as if they wanted to tear them apart and forget they even existed. Hughes stepped up next to the blond, face serious for once, thin mouth set in a straight line.
"You're good at research and that's what we need. The library here is too much for myself and my assistant to handle and you're good in a fight, if the occasion should ever arise," Ed snorted, cutting off whatever the Colonel was about to say.
"So I'll be working with you?" he asked a little snottily but Hughes grinned and clapped Ed on the back, both of them ignoring the slightly rebellious look Roy was giving them, as if he really, really didn't like this arrangement but didn't have a plausible reason to put a stop to it.
"That's the spirit!" the tall Lt. Colonel laughed loudly, eyes sparkling merrily, "Roy, my friend, this one's a keeper," to which Roy made a little noise in the back of his throat, looking distracted, eyes lost somewhere along the floorboards and expression grim. Ed might have said something but he was being steered towards the door with a heavy hand on his shoulder and Hughes was going on about how his unapproachable attitude was an asset. Really, the blond did like Hughes but he was a little nuts some times.
"Fullmetal. A word before you go," Roy's voice was sharp, to the point where Hughes patted his back in sympathy before slipping from the office and closing the door after him. Looking at the dark haired man behind the desk, he knew he wasn't in trouble; he'd been told off by the Colonel before and the look on his face now was more shadowed than thunderous. Still, it paid to be cautious and he walked back to stand by the desk with his face carefully neutral and hands loose at his sides. The taller alchemist pressed his finely shaped lips together in a pale line, imitating Hughes's earlier expression and trapped Ed in a smoldering coal stare that left his mouth dry and heart racing.
"No one else knows about this assignment or the rumors and it needs to stay that way. Hughes assistant is a librarian so you shouldn't need to ask someone else anything of that nature. None of our superiors need to know what you're doing. I'll submit a report about the Scar situation with your name on it so they think you're already on an assignment, got that?" If he didn't know better, he would have though Roy was being paranoid but he had seen how the Generals and the Furer had looked at the Colonel. Apparently there was something more here that he wasn't seeing; or only seeing the top most part of something deeper and complex. For some reason, he got the feeling he just walked in the middle of something large scale and deadly.
"Do you suspect the military?" Ed asked, the warnings making his skin prickle and he wondered if even Roy knew the real reason for caution. It just seemed like a large vague threat hanging over their heads and waiting for them to toe a line that they couldn't see. Roy cast his eyes at the closed door before settling his gaze on the curious blond again. His voice was pitched low when he responded.
"I don't know how far it has gone but I can tell you the Furer is not your friend," Ed pondered this. He had only met the man once a few weeks ago and hadn't created a stir in the ranks yet.
"Why's that?" he asked, curious again and maybe he should just cut out his tongue before it blurted more stupid things. Roy just smiled wryly, an expression that looked out of place on the pale, sharply handsome face.
"Because you're my subordinate," and again that subtle conflict was unmasked. He hadn't expected the Colonel to give voice to it but it made sense when he did. It was meant to make it real for the teen and while subtle had never been his strong suit, he knew no one else would find out they were looking from him. His response was a sharp salute and a steady,
"I understand, Colonel," but he had no way of wiping that look of concern from the pale face and he walked from the office knowing the coal eyes watched his every move. For some reason, he felt just a little better knowing Roy was looking out for him. Now, he had to make sure he didn't do anything stupid like he tended to that got them all fucked over. As he opened the door and was about to step out into the bright outer office, he looked back into the dark office, back at the shockingly handsome dark haired Colonel that he was quickly falling in love with, who cared, who worried, who treated him like more than just another person, another face to talk at. It was a quick look and for a moment he thought Roy wasn't going to notice, that he would walk from the room with the dark scowl on the pale features the last thing he saw but then the Colonel looked up, met his gaze and nothing was more important than that shared glace. They were nothing more than two people sharing a glace but for some reason it transformed everything, just for that bright, heart-stopping second.
Black met honeyed gold and breath caught, pulse rocketed and Ed knew in that second he wanted this man more than he had wanted anything in his entire life. It was heady, intoxicating, and dangerous. It was scary as shit. His blood left like lava in his veins as he tore free and fled the office; hands shook, vision narrowed. It was that look, that feeling and he knew, knew Roy wasn't as cool as he pretended, or as detached and when he teased, he didn't do so with the intent to hurt or insult. He did it because he cared.
Ed told himself he was acting like some love-sick puppy, letting one look get him so agitated as he strode down the hall in the direction of the library. Stupid, foolish, crazy and the intensity of it left him terrified and he would have fled to Resembol with his brother if something else in him bubbled to the surface. He was terrified, sure, but he was terrifyingly happy. Even with just a faint hint of fulfillment, he would stay forever if that was what it took.
He would never not love Roy Mustang and it felt like the most wonderful thing in the world.
**
Ed had buried himself knee deep (literally) into his research by the time he had to leave to get his brother from the hospital and over to the train station. Most of the books and articles on the subject were hazy at best. The worst part was that no matter how he looked he couldn't find anything that even hinted how the stone was made or what it consisted of. Even the so called authorities on the subject could only speculate. He found a few thesis shoved away in one of the dark back rows of the stacks but again they were only speculations based on incomplete and unreliable research. Ed was so stumped by the time the clock across the line of tables he sat at chimed eleven thirty, he was more than happy to put the books away and escape from the confining space, leaving the confusing mystery behind even just for a little while.
The hospital was only a block from Headquarters and it took him less than five minutes to get there, finding a space in the busy parking lot and the whole time, he was lost in his ponderings.
All the books and articles had maintained that the stone would give its wielder ultimate power. One had even suggested that it could make human transmutation possible (that had left him shocked and pale, shaking for almost a half an hour). The problem was, the only Philosopher's stones that had been made had been incomplete, mere shadows of what the true stone was. And no single one had been the same either. Every step, ingredient and process had been documented for each one yet every time there was something missing. Ed couldn't explain it but as he had read over the accounts, it was like all the alchemists that had studied the elusive stone had missed a vital ingredient. Why that would be so, he had no idea; he was by no means an expert on the subject after just a few hours of research. But something that powerful would need more than just conventional ingredients than anyone could get their hands on.
He was so lost in thought that he didn't even realize he had reached Al's room until he was greeted loudly by two bright, excited voices that succeeded in pulling him from the subspace he retreated to when he was thinking about something important. Al was dressed and his normal self by then, giving Ed a tight hug that must have hurt his stitches and definitely hurt the shorter blonde's ribs. Apparently he was so happy to be free of the sterile hospital walls and off to Resembol, he was fairly glowing. Ed took one look at him and pushed everything else aside. Nothing was more important than his little brother and his happiness and he wasn't about to let his preoccupation to ruin it.
Signing his brother out seemed to give them all that last little boost and they piled into his car joking and horsing around like the three teenagers they were, making people passing by smile and remember fondly their own memories of being so young and care free. If they only knew. He and Al raced each other to the car, the taller blonde's legs easily out distancing his older sibling who was tackled by Winry and her intimidating bag upon reaching the little black car. Then the loud fight over who would ride shot gun ensued, only settled with Ed's sharp voice cutting through the friendly argument with threats that involved a certain piece of automail finding its way up another piece of vulnerable anatomy. The whole time, he was grinning. It was like, just for a moment, time had stopped and a window had opened somewhere so that it felt like everything was going to be just fine. The young alchemist held onto these rare times with the three of them together being as foolish and as happy as they had been a long time ago with a fierce determination because he was afraid if he didn't he'd forget what it was like to have ever been happy.
The day was warm, bright afternoon sun blazing down onto the city and heating it pleasantly so that he was able to roll all the windows down and catch the air as he drove, ignoring Winry's initial cry of distress as her hair was blown all over the car and it took both her and Al (who had, like a gentleman, stuffed himself into the back seat) to tame it back with a tie.
"Ed, should you really be going this fast?" the girl yelled over the roaring voice of the buffeting wind and Ed grinned widely back, taking perverse pleasure in the wide eyed panicked look on her face.
"It's fine, he always drives like this!" Al answered back, winking at his brother in the mirror.
"Don't expect me to help out if you get yourself a ticket, you idiot!" Winry screeched which just made the Major bark a laugh and accelerate faster, the thrill of the racing engine and pavement flying by working under his skin.
"I've already made more money in the military that you do in a year! Stop acting like my mom!" was his snide remark and Winry just rolled her eyes but she was smiling anyway. It was hard not to as the atmosphere was charged in such a way that not smiling (or grinning like a moron) was impossible. Then Al reached between the driver and passenger seats and a second later there was a blaring, intoxicating beat blaring through the speakers. At first Ed just listened, concentrating on the road as Al and Winry belted the words over the rushing sound the open windows and pulsing bass. But then the music and the undeniable feeling of freedom worked into him to join the thrumming of adrenaline and his voice joined the others. They must have been a sight, three teenagers, one in a military uniform, belting down the city roads singing at the top of their lungs. Ed wondered what Roy would have thought if he could have seen them and then pushed that thought away because the Edward he was now didn't care about what the dark haired man might think. Those were musings for a time when thinking of Roy wasn't going to bring him down from his high prematurely. He sort of felt bad thinking that but this song was too good and he could almost taste the heady flavor of the affect speeding was having on him. Any thoughts that didn't involve the three of them, the trembling beating on the speakers and the snarling car flew right out the window with the sound of their voices. Nothing else mattered and it was perfect.
They reached the train station after the song was played over once more and it was too soon, the blood still pumping fast through his veins. Al peered at him suspiciously when he handed him the suitcase he had packed.
"Did you at least fold the clothes or did you throw them in there all crumpled like you usually do?" Ed pretended to look affronted as Winry snickered off to the side, her own heavy duffle tossed onto one shoulder.
"What are you talking about, Alphonse? I folded them!" he added a little arm flailing, just for affect and a woman leading her young daughter by the hand past their car turned at stared at his antics. He just waved. He had forgotten he was wearing his uniform.
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I've never seen you fold a thing in your life," Al shot back, keeping his narrowed expression and Winry watched the exchange happily, blue eyes sparkling. It was all good intentions and they all knew it. Still, Ed was a little put off that he own brother didn't think he could be organized, "Was it you or was it really your Colonel friend who did it?" this Ed recognized as a tease but it didn't stop the furious blush that worked its way up his neck and spilled all over his face and for the second time in two days he wanted to shove his fist into his little brother's mouth.
"Shut up! It was not!" now he was putting on a pretty good scene as they walked up to the ticket window at the station, people eyeing them with curiosity. Winry slung her free arm in a familiar way over his shoulder, a sly and knowing grin on her face.
"Oo, you mean that pretty dark haired one that came to the hospital yesterday? What was his name? Roy Mustang?" she giggled as Ed turned from pink to flaming red, hiding his face behind golden bangs, "He's quite the catch, Eddie, you two would look adorable together," she said it too loud, making more people stare and now Ed's glare matched his blush, turning dangerous and molten as he shrugged her off, wincing at her nickname and then the way she had said adorable. She made it sound like it was the most wonderful thing in the world. "All dark and intense and what a smile!" here she squealed dramatically and Ed had enough. The last thing he needed was to be teased about his crush from Winry.
"SHUT UP!!" he screamed, crossing his arms with a huff as Al came running over with his ticket and an exasperated glace for the giggling Winry and fuming Ed.
"Really, brother, can't you go anywhere without making a scene?" Al sighed, as if he had to put up with this kind of thing all the time (well, he did but that was besides the point). Before Ed could say anything, a soft female voice announced the boarding of E2 headed for Eastern Headquarters and all outlying towns, which included Resembol. They didn't need to run but they did anyway, still caught up in the fearless freedom the day had lent them. Yet, no matter how Ed tried to cling to the feeling, every step closer to the vehicle that would send his brother far away it ebbed. With ever stride, he felt more and more like a tipping balance, emptiness heavier than any other feeling and weighing the scales precariously. Still, he found his smile again so it was in place and flawless when they reached the train. To fool his brother, he had to feel the expression, so he did. When Al turned to him after handing off his luggage, all he could think was that this is what his brother wanted and if he was happy, then so would Ed be.
"I'll be back again, brother, don't worry," the tall blond said with a confident grin, "And if you get some time off, you should come visit," Ed rubbed the back of his neck, his smile mirroring his little brother's.
"I'll see what I can do," was all he said, knowing very well not to make any promises. Winry attached herself to his arm, peering up into his face with her glittering sky-colored eyes.
"Please come visit. Granny and I miss you and would love to have you stay," she pleaded. Suddenly he realized just why Al wanted to go back. It was still their home even if they did burn their own house down and they still had family, even if their mother was dead and father long gone. After everything, they still had someplace they could go to. The feeling of being left behind tapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"Eh, that old hag? She'd rather beat me with her cane than let me stay over," he half-joked and Winry laughed, patted his stomach and stepped back, flicking two fingers at him in a form of a wave as he boarded the train.
"I'll tell her you said hi! Don't waste your time with that Colonel of yours and take good care of my masterpiece!" Ed rolled his eyes as he waved back and then she disappeared onto the car. Al's dark honey eyes were watching him as he turned to look up at his brother, smile replaced with something unreadable.
"She's right, you know. About Roy," that infuriating blush was back and he found he couldn't hold the gaze so knowing and so similar to his own.
"Well, what about you and a certain mechanic? And don't try to deny it because I saw how you guys look at each other," he accused, earning the sight of a blush furious enough to match his own. The brothers looked at each other before they both burst into laughter, his own husky laugh threading together with Al's higher, sweeter one ringing out through the crowded station.
"We make quite a pair, don't we, brother?" Al's voice still held chiming threads of amusement but his eyes were sad, longing and Ed felt like he had been stabbed in the chest.
"That we do, Al," he said softly around the obstruction in his throat. Their gazes met and held, burning gold clashing with warm swirls of amber and he tried to tell himself he was being ridiculous because it wasn't like he was never going to see his brother ever again. The feeling of inevitable parting from someone he had spent his entire life with was affecting him more that he wanted to admit.
"Don't do anything stupid, Ed, okay?" Al was saying in a small voice and Ed gave him a lopsided smile that felt more sad than reassuring. He wanted to throw his arms around the bigger teen's shoulder's to ask him selfishly not to go because Al was the only family he had left and now he was leaving too. Instead he gently punched one broad shoulder.
"You either. I'll see you soon," Another long, shared gaze that was broken by a sharp whistle announcing the last chance to board. A shared, firm handshake and then his brother was gone too, stepping lightly onto the train, turning back at the stair so their gazes could meet one more time as the whistle screeched again, steam billowing from the tall stack and wheels beginning to turn.
"Bye, Edward!" he barely heard it over the commotion the train was making as it grudgingly started to move forward and despite himself, he followed, keeping the tall figure of his brother in sight.
"Bye, Alphonse!" he cried, lifting one hand that glinted silver in the stark station lights. There was no running after the train; he wasn't twelve but his feet still seemed to move him along anyway, at a more leisurely pace, so that he could watch Al's eyes until the train was moving too fast. And then it was gone, puffing down the tracks and out from under the roof of the station, blaring through the city. The farther it went, the more the smile slipped and cracked until he was standing at the edge of the platform, one arm still slightly raised, looking like an idiot. Well, at least he could drop his hand. Yet for some reason, he couldn't talk his brain into allowing his feet to move so he could turn and walk back to his car. Long after it had gone and the next line of cars had taking its place he stood. Until he remembered he still had to return to work. That thought had him uprooting himself, as if the bottom of his boots had been glued to the concrete.
As he was driving back to Headquarters, he tried to capture the feeling he had when driving to the train station but it wasn't the same. The wind rushing into the car was just a little too cold and the song roaring through his speakers was lonely with his voice the only one singing along. But he sang anyway, trying to ignore the hole that being the one left behind was digging a hole in his chest. And the whole while he tried to hold in his mind the exact color of amber so that however long he and his brother were parted, he wouldn't forget.
**
Normally, in a bad situation, Ed tended to become living fire, all action and fury, lava flowing through him so that he scorched and burned whoever it was that was intent on hurting him or someone he decided to protect. The only time he was ever out done by someone was if he was taken by surprise or his mind was otherwise occupied. This time, it was both.
He walked back into the library with a distinct lack of enthusiasm, the hush of the large sweeping space falling over him like a blanket and while he usually loved that about libraries, this time he barely noticed it. The permeating quiet just reminded him of the color amber fading slowly from the back of his vision. A librarian glanced at him, looked at the silver watch fastened to his belt loops and went back to the stack of books she was checking in. It made him wonder, what did people think when they saw him in his uniform and silver watch? He looked young enough to be sixteen, or so he'd been told but it seemed people here didn't question anyone carrying the silver pocket watch. Or hiding behind it.
The blond was just about to start hunting through the information system when he noticed Colonel Mustang standing at a table conversing with a two star General he had never met before, his face bland but the conversation seemed intense. They were speaking quietly, as if making sure even their hushed whispers wouldn't carry. The General was a short, older man with a thick grey mustache that looked like it could hide any number of expressions, though Ed thought he might have been smiling. They were trying to throw off any would be listeners and that just made him even more curious.
The screen in front of him flashed words he needed to be interested in and he forced himself to scroll idly through his search, coping down numbers onto a slip of paper. Yet he couldn't stop his eyes from sliding up every few seconds, watching the dark haired Colonel talking, hands in pockets, the perfect picture of arrogant ease. Ed remembered the glance he had gotten trapped in earlier that day, the smoldering depths of deepest black slipping past his barriers and surging through him until he could think of nothing else but that raging fire. Until he wanted, needed to be consumed, to feel himself burning up from the inside as black flames raced through him. It wouldn't hurt but he would scream none the less because it would over whelm him, drown him, pull him under until he couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Nothing existed but the memory of those beautiful eyes tearing him apart.
Ed didn't realize his fingers had stopped their given tasks and his eyes were glued on the Colonel half way across the library until those very eyes shifted subtly and caught him in the act, their bottomless depths unreadable. It was quick, barely a second, and he might even have imagined it but the older man's lips quirked slightly, as if amused Ed was staring at him. The blond jerked his eyes back to his work, face on fire, furious with himself for allowing his attention to drift and then getting caught staring. Lord, this was getting pathetic. Yet, despite how he tried to keep focused on the page in front of him, he still watched as Roy clapped the little General on the shoulder with a friendly, familiar smile before turning and retreating deeper into the library. And he hated, hated the lump of cold, jagged piece of ice that slipped into his chest as Roy didn't acknowledge him, didn't look at him again, just walked away, head tipped up and hands still hiding in his pockets. He was confident and perfect and it was infuriating.
Snarling to himself, he snatched the collection of papers he had by now and stalked off into the stacks, wanting to get lost, preferably for good. Roy had it right. The man knew how he felt and it was definitely best he didn't encourage anything. Who knew if something did happen between them (here his heart gave a rather painful little jolt) and they were found out? Although, Roy would have to want to have something happen and it was evident that was not the case. Ed quashed the rising feeling of familiar dejection he had known his entire life before he was distracted again. The thing he found wishing most, however, was that Al had stayed so he could talk to him about it. Normally they didn't talk about crushes with each other but this was different. He had never felt so hopelessly lost before. Al had encouraged this…whatever this was. Maybe he would have some advice about how to make it go away.
By the time Ed's arms were filled with books and he was making his way to a back table, taking Roy's warning for discretion to heart, he had lost the flare of frustration, the anger at himself and his stupidity. Now it was just the dark pitch of pending despair waiting to swallow him whole.
He was at the end of the row, books teetering dangerously in his arms (moderation wasn't something he did well) when a sly familiar alto voice struck him from behind causing him to stop short and nearly had the tottering pile of books spilling all over the marble floors.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the tiniest Elric brother playing at being a soldier. Still the book nerd, I see, or did they stick you in here because you aren't good enough for anything else?" Ed turned slowly, surprise racing though him strong enough that the books were still in danger of littering the floor as disbelief made him unable to respond with anything other than a strangled,
"Envy?!" it was sputtered as he stared over the books at the dark haired jerk who was leaning against one of the shelves and had his arms crossed over his chest, looking infuriatingly smug with himself. What shocked Ed more than the fact that Envy was even in the Central Headquarters' Library was the abomination of the uniform he was wearing. The blond alchemist had always known the dark haired boy to be a bit…odd but he looked ridiculous now, pants tucked into calf high combat boots and his jacket cropped short enough that a few inches of his naval was on display. The sleeves of the jacket had been shorn too, right above the elbow so the black wrist cuffs he was wearing were visible. The complete and utter abomination of the uniform should have inspired a wealth of insults but all he could think was what the hell is HE doing here??
"What's the matter, little Eddiekins? Happy to see me?" it was the knowing grin that had him pushing words up and out of his constricting throat.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" sure, with all the clever comebacks, that was the best he could come up with. But it was a valid question and why this person, out of everyone that could have popped up on him unexpectedly, why was it Envy watching him carefully with those cold, violet eyes. The grin stayed put, brightening at the accusation in Ed's voice.
"Now, now, Ed, don't get hostile. You aren't the only one to join the military out of high school you know. But now that you mention it, you don't really think I was in that hell hole for school, do you?" he seemed to be enjoying this and that was never a good thing for Ed. When Envy smiled like that, it was always the wisest course of action to high tail it the hell out of there until he could gather his defenses for a decent and meaningful attack. But he had his arms still full of books and still kind of wondering if he was imagining Envy being there and in a uniform of his own.
"Ah, he took the bait, I see. Well, what if I were to tell you I was out there to watch you? You and that annoying little brother of yours?" Ed felt that protective flare like he always did when the jackass mentioned Al and he shifted his grip on his books, eyes flashing dangerously. He was so caught up he didn't hear someone round the shelves behind him, stopping upon seeing the obvious tension between the two nor did he see the cold gaze flicker briefly before the smirk turned cruel.
"What?" he snarled, finally finding the will to fight back as it well up within him like lava gushing from a crack in the earth. Envy just flicked his fingers in a dismissing gesture, as if Ed should have known all along.
"Oh, yeah, of course. We couldn't let someone like you walk around without keeping tabs on you, you know," something cold touched the back of Ed's neck, the small hairs along his skin rising in warning and he tightened his grip on the tottering books, wondering why, all of a sudden, fear was beginning to suffuse though him.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Envy?" his voice came out low and rough, like it did when he was upset but not sure if he should go on the attack or defensive. That dark gaze was enjoying watching him squirm.
"We know everything about you, Edward Elric. From a small town in the country called Resmbol, one brother a year younger, father left when you were six and then your mom got sick, leaving two children behind only a year later. You lived with your child hood friend's grandmother until you turned eleven and then almost killed both you and your younger brother trying to transmute your mother back to life," here the books tumbled from his already precarious grip but he barely noticed as there was a roaring in his ears and he was sure his face had turned ghostly white, the blood rushing from his head and leaving him so dizzy, he was in danger of passing out. Evny sneered wickedly at his expression before stepping closer and twining a lock of hair from his bangs around his finger, drawing the horrified golden gaze.
"Oh, yeah, we know all about that. Did you think you could do a complicated piece of alchemy such as human transmutation and expect no one to know about it. You must be some kind of genius, to figure that out at the tender age of eleven. But you didn't succeed, did you? Nearly lost your brother and did lose two limbs. How pathetic. What else did you lose, Fullmetal?" the words tore through him until he could no longer listen, letting Envy thread his fingers through his hair and use his other hand to grip his chin, tilting his head back so his cold eyes could stare into his. He stared past, through, the horror of knowing the military knew about what he did making him weak. He barely heard Envy repeat his question, breath washing over his face until a new voice, sharp and constrained shocked through him.
"That's enough. What the hell is going on here?" he was released, though his skin still crawled at the memory of the touch and the purple eyes tore away from him, leaving him free to gasp at the sudden freedom.
"Nothing. I was just leaving," Envy's voice had changed, became poison and Ed wondered what the person behind him had done to make the other boy hate him so much. The blond watched him go, extremities tingling with the force of his distress. What else did you lose? It tore through him, bringing back the memories that would never lose their potency, their ability to remind him how much he had fucked up. Envy, ever the cold hearted bastard, turned just before he disappeared from sight and pinned him with those eyes, the color washed out in the wake of cruelty.
"I'm keeping an eye on you, Fullmetal," then he was gone and Ed shivered, hating Envy so much it hurt but hating himself even more. Fighting helpless rage, he turned to see who his rescuer was only to find Roy standing behind him, an expression on his face that Ed had never seen before. He looked fierce, dark. He looked furious but in a way he din't understand. Ed took a second to make a note to never get on the Colonel's bad side, though he had to wonder if maybe Roy was mad because of what he heard.
"What was that?" the older man demanded, his voice still sharp, commanding and sounding every bit the Colonel that he was. Oh, shit, the man had heard, he had heard what Ed had done and he hated him. That darkness in those eyes was for him and he built up his rage so he couldn't be any more vulnerable than he already was. It shouldn't matter, it really shouldn't yet it did matter.
"Nothing," He managed to snap, voice just as sharp as Roy's before bending to start picking up all the books he'd dropped. The dark haired man stooped to help, white gloves starkly pale against the dark floors, the show of kindness nearly choking him and the words spewed from his mouth because he needed to know even if he didn't want know if those shadows were meant for him. "How much did you hear?" he asked it in a neutral tone, eyes watching his own hands as he picked up the books. The last one lifted from the floor and they both stood to face one another. Roy held two of the books but he made no move to hand them back, dark gaze holding him still, breathless.
"Enough," was the soft reply and finally those coal eyes softened. But it just made him angrier because he didn't need or want pity. Roy wouldn't ask if it was true with words but his eyes were doing a lot of question asking and suddenly Ed couldn't handle being in this man's presence any longer.
"Fine! Great! Well, now you know, congratulations, another mystery solved. You're free to hate me, by the way. Everyone who find out does and now I have to go because I have work to do," and with that, he snatched the books from the Colonel's hands and stalked off. How wrong he had been about Roy caring. What he did was out of pity; he felt bad for Ed and while maybe he liked him, it wasn't the same. What Ed didn't see was the dark look that followed him, watching him stomp away and the hurt that lay there, stark and raw would have had him changing his mind immediately. He would have seen that Roy didn't hate him or pity him. Yet he didn't see it, just kept walking, using his temper to mask the rejection that was sticking in the back of his throat like a caged sob. Lord, he wished his brother was here. The boy was so good at picking up his broken pieces and right now he was as shattered at he had ever been.
But then he was plunking down at a table as removed from the rest of the library's traffic as he could get and it was the lull of the black, printed words that pulled his mind away, sucking him into that familiar well of discovering new things. It pushed away the sharp ache, dulling it until nothing matter but the books in front of him.
**
While information on the actual Philosopher's stone remained elusive and rather lacking, by the time the library lights turned off on him and the young librarian came back telling him it was now past midnight and she had to close the doors, he had found two tentative leads and a familiar name, which he wrote down and slipped into his pocket. The reading had been worthwhile, though. The information he found on chimeras was interesting but disturbing. The thought of melding two animals together to create a new one was disquieting and felt too much like playing God for him likings, though as he had been reminded earlier that day, he'd done something worse.
Still, learning had always been something that calmed him, easing the fire a bit so that by the time he extracted himself from the books, he was able to look whatever was bothering him a little more objectively. As he stored what he had read away and climbed into his car, he was calmer, no longer wanting to hurt someone, to scream, to start crying hysterically but he didn't feel any better. Roy knew what he did, knew the darkest side of him. Would he even welcome him into his house again? The thought of having to pack up the few things he had at Roy's because the older man didn't want him there anymore gave him a mini panic attack. His brain made up scenarios, each one leaving him just a little more crippled and aching. Yet by the time he was pulling into the familiar driveway, he'd managed to push everything deep so his face would remain impassive no matter what happened. If the Colonel didn't want him there, then he would leave, go back to his dark apartment. Simple as that. Except his stupid heart was telling him it wasn't that simple at all.
The lights over the porch were on, as if waiting for his return and for some reason, they felt like a greeting, a hand extended letting him know he was welcome. There was a light on inside too, lighting up the downstairs windows and he hoped Roy hadn't stayed up waiting for him. The garage door was open as well, just an extension of that greeting and he made his way inside, having to feel his way along the sleek body of the invisible Corvette as it was so dark, he almost couldn't find the door. But when he did and opened it, the light was on here too. He swallowed a lump in his throat, dreading conversation and took as long as he possibly could to unlace his boots, pondering at the dark haired Colonel's obvious thoughtfulness.
His socks were silent on the cool wood floors as he stepped into the lit kitchen, eyes catching the light as he cast them around in search of the house's owner. The large space was empty, though, with just the last lingering scents of a dinner made then put away and the reminder that he hadn't eaten very much(again) made his stomach blare at him loudly. Yet the need to know what Roy was thinking, even if it meant he would be leaving just as quickly had him following the trail of lights out of the kitchen and then up the stairs. Now he could smell musky cologne that at the thought of gracing a pale neck nearly had him tripping up the last few steps, a brief flash of desire shooting through him. His demanding heart fluttered anxiously in his chest as he continued down the hall, past the dark guest bedroom and up the second flight of stairs. The bathroom light was on but the room was empty so he stepped up to the second doorway, stopping just outside the open door.
Roy was standing in front of a full length mirror on the back of the closet door, dressed in dark dress pants and a blue shirt, his long fingers expertly securing a black tie around his neck. His dark eyes were cool, indifferent as he watched his fingers but Ed couldn't stop staring. The man had to know he was fucking hot and the tie, which would look bland on anyone else kicked up his sex appeal about five notches. Ed had no idea why but one look of that tie tightening around the blue collar and pale neck made his mouth go dry, the flare of desire back again. It wasn't fair for anyone to look like that. Shit, seeing Roy like that only made him want the older man more. The possible rejection just made it hurt that much more.
The tie was finished now, a neat little knot tucked under the strong chin and then the black eyes jerked to him standing at the door, metal hand pressed to the wood beside him to steady himself, staring. Caught for the second time today but he didn't pull his gaze away this time, watching as Roy acknowledged him while he reached for a dark jacket that matched the pants and was a shade or two lighter than the tie. He didn't have a right to talk, to break the silence but the anxiety had turned into some big ugly monster and was threatening to swallow him whole.
"Are you going out?" he asked quietly, the tone of his voice almost an apology for whatever accusations might come hurtling his way. But there was no evidence of the anger or pity he had seen earlier that day in the Colonel's face as he slipped into his jacket then threaded his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end, out of his eyes. Ed's knees went a little weak. The only expression he saw on the handsome features was a kind of preoccupation, as if something was on the older man's mind. He didn't look at Ed when he answered.
"Yes, for about an hour. Dinner's in the fridge," it was short but he felt like he didn't even deserve that much and for some reason relief was making his knees even more wobbly. But instead of saying thank you and shutting up, his curiosity got the better of him.
"It's kinda late," it meant to be question but it didn't sound like one and he realized he sounded like some nagging girlfriend with a jealously complex. Roy just smiled slightly as he slipped his wallet into his back pocket, dark eyes raking over himself in the mirror critically once more.
"I have a date," four words and suddenly he felt crushed, whatever reassurance he had found in the simple gestures of thoughtfulness laying shattered on the floor. Somehow, with a great effort he shoved that down too, distancing himself so much so, he almost felt detached from his own body and he remained at the door, fingers making slight dents in the sheetrock, face so bland, it hurt. Roy didn't seem to notice as he shut his bedroom light off and slipped out past Ed, who stepped back to let him by, gold eyes barely seeing the taller man as he swept by, his normal cloak of arrogant confidence billowing out behind him.
"Then you don't want me to leave?" the words tumbled from his mouth, strong, shattering the quiet with their abruptness and Roy, who was nearly at the stairs stopped short and turned sharply to regard the blond alchemist still at the bedroom door. For a second they stared at one another, gold eyes darkened and resignation so strong they looked dead, black blazing fiercely with that fire that had almost consumed him. Then Roy was back, standing in front of the shorter blond, stepping so close Ed had to tip his head back as the dark haired man was towering over him. The rich scent of the cologne swirled around him, rendering him momentarily incoherent. Strong fingers he had watched knot a tie caught his chin in a tight hold, insuring he wouldn't turn away, wouldn't run. Burning coal eyes stared down at him and his world narrowed so that the only thing that existed was him and Roy, Roy touching him, looming over him, presence trapping him, holding him still.
"Why would I want you to leave?" the older man demanded, his voice once again sharp and Ed shivered just a little, the feeling of not being able to get away overwhelming him. Unable to hold the gaze, his own eyes slid away as his hands came up and clasped at the wrist of the hand holding him, getting ready to push the suddenly imposing Colonel away.
"What you heard…w-what I did…I—" There was a jerk on his chin that sent a jolt of pain down his spine and his eyes were brought back, staring up into shadowed shards of night. A short pause followed that seemed to last forever and he held his breath, heart thudding away in his chest like a trapped bird. Something flashed in Roy's eyes and that was the only warning he had before he was trapped further. Lips crashed against his, capturing and caressing, the contact hard and hungry. Shock whipped through him even as Roy's mouth plundered his, leaving him unable to respond because all he could think was I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, I must be dreaming because he's kissing me. And it was wonderful, those curved, neatly shaped lips soft and slightly dry but oh, so warm. The taste was deep, indescribable and set loose a craving, knowing he would never, now that he'd tasted it, get enough of. Then, just like that, his motor capacity seemed to return so he could press closer, close his eyes, start kissing back. He clung now to the expensively cut jacket just to keep himself upright.
Roy was all around him now, his every sense filled with the awareness of the bigger, older man holding him tightly by the waist, as if he was afraid to let go, as if he cared. Oh, God, he cared and Ed was getting lost in the sensation of Roy's lips on his, pressing, stroking until he was so weak it was a very good thing the other man had taken to gripping his hips as he would have fallen into a very happy heap on the floor.
When they parted, he couldn't seem to bring his vision back into focus, the impression of those lips, the lips that he'd been dreaming about four weeks still searing into him. Breath came a little fast and oh, yeah, it would help if he opened his eyes. For a second he was sure he was going to find himself waking, lifting head from wherever he might have fallen asleep but no, Roy was there, still holding him close, dark eyes smoldering with another one of those expressions he'd never seen before and made him want more.
"Don't leave," it was whispered, sweet breath ghosting over his nose and he breathed it in, eye lids still half mast, hands still gripping smooth fabric. He could only nod in response, a little noise of assent escaping from the back of his throat and the smile that grace the lips that had just been moving against his own nearly blinded him. Another kiss, this one pressed to his forehead, gently, like a thank you. Then he was being released, his waist free, his own fingers tugged open and Roy was gone, down the steps and out the door like he had never been. Ed stared after the broad retreating back, breathing painful and mind in a haze. There had been no judgment, no pity, no anger. Just a mutual understanding and a gentle acceptance. The tone Roy had used when telling him not to leave was nearly begging, though he was sure the man had never done so in his entire life. As he touched fingertips to his own full mouth, he breathed his own response into the empty hall.
"I can't ever leave now," before sliding to the floor, legs splayed out on either side of him, unable to support him. Even knowing what he was, what he had done, Roy had asked him to stay, had accepted him, had shown him something shocking, heady, beautiful. He had spoken the truth; he couldn't leave no more than he could stop falling, falling for the sexy, dark haired man, falling in love.
**
The rest of the night moved by in a blur. The fact that he was tired didn't really register until he was watching the plate of food Roy had left for him in the refrigerator spin around in the microwave as it heated. His stomach had been thrilled to find the plate held almost too much food for even him to handle, including a huge cut of steak and a mound of mashed potatoes that looked as if they had cheese mixed in with them. Any other time he would have crowed in triumph; only Al knew how much he loved steak and for a second he wondered if Roy had called his brother to ask. It was unlikely but after everything the older man had done for him, he wouldn't put it past him. Yet even with the excellent food, and the roar of his stomach, he was only able to finish half of his dinner because there seemed to be something already occupying the space in his abdomen. Then he just sat and stared at the plate, wondering where his appetite had gone to.
It was as if the doubt and elation had merged and became solid, weighing him down and making him incapable of coherent thought. Over and over he replayed that kiss and even after having eaten, he could have sworn he could still taste Roy's breath mingling with his own. In a daze, he cleaned up after himself, feeling bad about having to waste food. Every little movement brought a small tingle, like little needles stabbing at his fingertips and toes. Ed knew he should have been happy, ecstatic; Roy had kissed him, had asked him to stay. Yet the only thing that had done was confuse him. He'd seen the pity and the anger earlier that day after Envy had once again spun his web of evil disasters, probably knowing the Colonel was standing right there and while the older man had asked him not to leave, he had said nothing on the matter of what he thought about Ed's sin. And why had he kissed the blond? Kisses meant affection, love, a bond that could only be expressed through the intimate sharing of touches and breath. Did that mean that was how Roy felt? Affection? Love? Somehow that seemed unlikely. The man just left for a date! Which was why Ed was so confused. Why had Roy done what he did and then go on a date?
Poor Ed was so overwrought by the whole tangled mess of his thoughts, he found himself wandering through the house, completely forgetting to put his clean dishes away. He started in the library, turning the light on and walking past all the shelves, running his fingers over all the spines, feeling the titles under his finger tips but not really seeing them. Then he was off down the hall and into the music room, the doors opening silently under his gentle insistence. Yet once he was there, he had no idea what to do and just stood in the middle of the room, looking first at the piles of sheet music and then at the piano, it's black and white keys hidden under a dark hood. Absently, he wondered what they might sound like if his fingers pressed one down so a string inside the bulky body might be struck. But he was more interested what it might sound like when Roy sat down in front of it and played. So he stepped from the warm pool of light he'd been standing in and headed up the stairs once again, passing the guest room for a second time that night.
Ed finally stopped wandering when he came to the bookshelves in Roy's room, forcing his eyes to read the titles there so that he could stop the circles his mind was turning in. It wouldn't do him any good until the Colonel got back and then maybe he could approach him about how he really felt. His eyes snagged on a particular title and he pulled it out, studying the cover with a detached sort of interest. Moby Dick. Ed wasn't one for novels but this book looked worn, the pages loved and dog eared, suggesting it had been read often. Intruded and wanting a distraction, he plopped down on the couch, flipping over to the first page.
An idea grabbed hold of him as the dry paper rasped against the tips of his finger tips that longer, bigger fingers had touched the same places and the words had been absorbed by sharp, dark eyes. Another person's ideas had been inserted into this book that he was about to delve into. What had Roy thought, he wondered, as he wove his way through the story? Well, now he had to add his own thoughts into the pages and with that, he let himself get sucked in.
**
Despite his determination, he lasted only about four pages before he began to drift and the little thought that had been nagging in the back of his mind suddenly came to the forefront; it would be much more comfortable on the bed. So without giving it much consideration, Ed padded across the room, pulled off his uniform jacket that he'd only unbuttoned and swung into the bed, curling up under the covers. Roy probably wouldn't be back for a while and he figured he would get up in a half an hour, remake the bed and be asleep in the bed assigned to him before the Colonel was even on his way back.
The bed was comfortable, just as it had been two nights ago and it smelled so deeply of the man he was trying not to think about, it almost made him dizzy. A feeling that he was becoming more and more familiar with lifted a flaming head and he was weak with desire. It ached within him, surging like a wave he couldn't escape and he worried for a moment if he would have to get rid of it in the bathroom. The combination of the memory of the kiss and being swathed in the scent that was all Roy he suddenly felt he wasn't as alone had he had thought. But he was so tired, it only lasted a moment. All intentions of reading flew right out of his head as his nose pressed into the pillow that the dark haired man used every night to lay his head on, fatigue sweeping over him. He couldn't fight it, even if he had been conscious of it happening. It was nearly one thirty after all and it had been a long, long day. In a matter of minutes, Ed had succumbed and was fast asleep, finally, finally blissfully oblivious.
Al
The train ride had been long, each stop that brought him closer to his home making anticipation that much stronger. Winry had fallen asleep almost as soon at the rhythmic rocking of the cars over the tracks had started, her head pillowed on the arm of the seat across from him, wheat colored hair spilling down over her face and arms. She looked pretty like that, her long, bright eyelashes brushing against a soft, pink cheek, hiding the pieces of clear sky that sparkled when the lids were lifted. Suddenly, he felt very selfish for leaving the city. Sure, he felt safer in Resembol and he preferred it to living in the city but really, who was he fooling? He was coming back for her, this girl breathing softly as she dreamed, asleep just an arm's length away. He loved his brother dearly but after his brush with Scar, all he seemed to be able to think was he would regret being so far away from her, from her smile, her fiery personality. Yes, it was selfish and the guilt seeped into him even though he'd gotten Ed's blessing. He could only hope Ed figured it out with that Colonel of his because the boy was so obviously head over heels for the guy.
When the train reached their stop, it was dark out, the stars so thick in the sky, he had to fight the impulse to duck. He carried Winry's bag and his own luggage, regardless of her protests for the walk back the house was close to three miles. Not that he really minded. The blond girl was talkative, describing an automail shop she had found in the city that had just about every tool under the sun. Her passion lit up the dark road they walked along, keeping the shadows as bay. That is until they crested a hill that marked they were getting close to the house and as he looked, a bright burst of blue light lit up the distant horizon. There was no sound; it was too far away, but there was no doubt as it what it was. Alchemy.
It was then the flow of words had been stemmed, Winry's face darkening and her mouth pressed into a thin line. They didn't mention it but suddenly the tension was so thick he could barely breathe. He hadn't realized just how close the war had gotten. Just as it had those long years ago, taking so many lives, like Winry's parents. It was no wonder she reacted the way she did.
It was then he started thinking, thinking about doing his part to protect this little corner of the world that was precious to him, that held his heart and captured his soul. Arrival at the house was quiet and without fan fare, Granny just asking about Ed and offering them dinner. Still he thought, his normally gentle face closed off, expressionless. He didn't want them to know what he was already planning; barely home and he was already anticipating leaving again. But not this time, not really. He ate steadily, saying only a handful of words before pleading fatigue and slipping upstairs to the guest room that had become unofficially his.
And he began to put his plan together. No one need know just yet but his father's old alchemy books were still locked away in the basement and while he wasn't as fast a learner as his brother, he also hadn't forgot everything from when they were kids. Even if he was only seventeen, at the war front, they would most certainly recruit him as an alchemist. Besides, his birthday was only a month away…
Roy
The "date" had only lasted forty-five minutes and was not really a date at all. It was just a meeting with one of his many contacts spread throughout the city and while she was quiet beautiful, it had been strictly business. All the same, he had to force himself to concentrate on what she had to tell him as his mind was still preoccupied with Ed and his lips. That he had kissed. He still couldn't believe he had done that, taking advantage of the shorter alchemist in a moment of vulnerability but the kid had looked irresistible, with his golden hair falling all around his face and his bright eyes open as wide as they would go. Even if he had thought he hadn't wanted to encourage whatever this crush was that the teen had on him, well, it was too late now. The only thing it had served to do was flame his own attraction hotter.
And the kiss…the only words he could use to describe it was perfect. Perfect and wonderful and everything he could ever have wished it to be and more. As soon as his mouth had met Ed's, he had been lost in the shock of the taste and the feel of those soft, full lips. Who knew anyone could actually taste like sunlight? That is, if it actually had a taste. If it did, that was how Ed had tasted; bright and sweet. It had been all he could do not to force his way past just the lips so he could dive into the hot cavern that was the blonde's mouth. But considering he hadn't reacted for almost a full minute, he had thought it best not to push it. When Ed had started kissing back, sliding his lips in time with Roy's, breath quickening, hands clinging. Yeah, the kid had it bad but so did he. He hadn't realized how disappointed he was when the shorter alchemist had asked if Roy wanted him to leave until he had the boy in his grip. Shit, if Ed left now, he would go insane. He wanted to be the one to cure that look he had seen, the lonely ache behind wide pools of warm honey. More than that, he wanted Ed to be the one to do the same for him. Roy may have put a good face on things, with his masks of arrogance and lofty superiority but the existence he led had, until this point, only enough room for himself.
As he navigated the dark, vacant streets back to his house, he realized how much better it was to come home to someone rather than the dark emptiness he had been used to for so long.
The house itself was lit up like a Christmas tree, just about every single window blazing with a warm internal light. It gave him pause as he pulled his car back into the open garage and closed the door behind him then he found himself smiling fondly. Ed had probably fallen asleep somewhere and had forgotten he'd turned all the lights on. The kitchen and library light was on when he walked through but nothing had been disturbed but the dinner he had left for Ed and it looked like the blond teen had started to clean up after himself and got distracted half way through washing the dishes. Nothing in the library had been moved either; there was no sign that anyone had been in there at all except the light was on. Just as Ed had done earlier that night, he followed the trail of lights, taking pause when he noticed the light in the music room also shone softly, like a passing breeze had blew through leaving behind nothing but light. He wondered if it was some kind of metaphor for the boy himself. Patiently, he turned all the lights back off, locked the doors and headed upstairs, just happy the day was over.
After breaking up the…altercation between Ed and the dark haired punk in the library earlier that day, he had been curious as to the relationship between this Envy and his blond subordinate. He had seen the other boy at Ed's high school, his gang being annihilated by the fiery blond himself and he'd grown curious. Professionally, of course, but he needed to know why Ed was being watched so closely. Or rather, by whom; he had overheard the why while listening in on the unpleasant conversation. The military cared so much about the whereabouts of this one single teenager, they had sent in a spy. It made sense, if what he had heard was true. Human transmutation at age eleven. Roy had known the kid was smart but that was genius. Even if it didn't work, which it wouldn't have, no matter how smart the alchemist performing the transmutation. There was a reason why it was taboo and against the law.
So he had made a phone call to one of his contacts for information regarding Envy. It was a reliable contact who had access to the higher government in ways he never could but the lack of information on this particular mystery was odd to say the least. It was almost as if Envy the soldier didn't exist. He wasn't on any of the payroll records and no one seemed to really know who he was. The only thing he had really learned about the kid is that he'd been in and out of Headquarters for as long as anyone seemed to be able to remember (those that took any notice of him anyway) and he was often seen in the Furer's company. Which, again, was odd. The kid couldn't be older than Ed but the reports said his appearance was always the way it was now. And the uniform! Roy had almost set the kid on fire after first setting eyes on the abomination. Only the poison spilling from his lips had given him pause.
To say he felt sick upon hearing the real reason for Ed's automail was an understatement and he was ashamed of himself. The he'd seen the look on the blonde's face when he had turned and saw Roy standing behind him, and every negative thought vanished. Terror and acceptance of the worst possible outcome had been brimming over in those gold eyes, striking him right through the chest. The teen had suffered the consequences, to an extent Roy would probably never understand. Then the fire had moved in, like a burning shield up over the pain, flaring brightly in the form of anger and sharp words. It probably hadn't helped that he himself had been so angry that he could barely control his voice. But not at Ed. Never at Ed. To think, the kid had thought he would want the young alchemist to leave! Now that he had a taste, he wasn't ever letting go. It didn't matter what he had done; Roy had sinned too. No one was perfect. The fact that the boy had loved his mother so much that he would risk anything to get her back just went to show how incredible this boy really was. Both brothers were. Al surely had as much to do with that as Ed had but Al's eyes weren't haunted and his smile wasn't weighted. And he wasn't the one Roy had fallen in love with.
The guest room was dark and silent; the only light left on seemed to be his own, though he remembered turning it off. The kid probably found the books and was curled on the couch. He'd done the same thing the night before, only in the library, narrow nose caught between the pages until almost two when Roy had to come down and asked if the kid remembered he actually did need to sleep. The thought made him bite back a smile as he ascended the last flight of stairs. He didn't mind the blond curling up in his room; the kid needed to figure out that reading could be used for more than just research and learning.
But when he walked into his room, Ed was not reading on the couch like he had thought but sprawled in the bed, covers tangled with his legs and one of Roy's favorite books caught in one of his outstretched hands, as if he had been reading and just conked out. The blond was still in his uniform pants and the white dress shirt, wide brown belt clasped tightly around his slim waist and the silver watch dangling, shining against the dark sheets. The pretty face was pressed into Roy's pillow, gold hair still half-trapped in the confines of the unraveling braid and the rest spread out around the hidden face. The dark haired man stopped at the edge of the bed, staring down at the teen in his bed and something swelled in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He knew the kid was pretty; hell, he was gorgeous. And he was on the side of the bed he tended to sleep on. Suddenly Roy wanted to kiss Ed again. Badly.
Instead, he just studied what he could see of the kid's face, the narrow, expressive nose that flared prettily when he was angry, the dip in the corner of the full lips, the little fold of skin under the closed eyes. Oh, and those eyelashes. They were so thick and long, they looked like mini blades of sunshine resting against the sweeping curve of the tan cheek. Each spot he wanted to taste, to see if every part of Ed would taste like honeyed sunlight like his lips had or if they would taste different. It was stunning, how every little part of Ed, barring his silver automail, looked as if it had been dipped in a batch of liquid daylight, ochre and buttery yellow and gold.
He realized he was staring and had to shake himself, pulling away so he couldn't get caught in the web of dusky beauty asleep amongst his sheets. As quietly as he could, he pulled off the stuffy suit that he always wore to meet his contacts and replaced it with comfortable sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Then he brushed his teeth and returned to the bed, once again contemplating the young man now snoring gently into the soft pillow. He felt bad leaving Ed in still dressed in most of his uniform but he didn't want to wake him up. Then, before he could think about it anymore, he was moving to his closet again, digging out a pair of shorts that had always been too small and a big white t-shirt, much like the one he was wearing. Maneuvering the boy while he slept was a little challenging. He got the belt and shirt off fine, with just the barest moving of limbs. He had seen the boy in just his boxers a couple of times but he hadn't been alone with him nor had he been touching him. The metal arm was cool to the touch as he worked the tee on, trying not to pull any of the shining strands and he was a bit surprised that when Ed's head popped back into view, wisps of gold still shuttered the round pools of sunlight and he just buried his nose back into the pillow, wrapping his arms around it. Roy was reminded of a child and he paused for a moment. What was he doing, letting himself fall for a mere teen? He was thirty-one years old, for crying out loud! Ed may like him now but in just twenty years, Roy would be in his fifties and Ed would still be in the prime of his life. That is, if this lasted that long.
That made his hands stop moving so he could look down at the strong back moving gently as the boy slept. Ed might be more than twelve years younger than him but he was more of an adult than most people even in their forties. If Ed grew tired of Roy, than he would back off but taking in the tousled blond head, Roy would never stop feeling whatever this was for the smaller alchemist. Be it affection or love, as long as he lived, only Ed would hold the entirety of his heart.
Right, now he sounded like a sap. Shaking his head, he took one look at the blue-clad legs tangled in the blankets and decided Ed would be comfortable enough the way he was. Just as he was turning away, a little flash of light caught his eye and he leaned in again to find a tiny gold stud fastened discretely in the curve of the cartilage of Ed's left ear. In the earring, a tiny diamond sparkled. It was so small, in fact, it was a wonder he had even seen it, tucked away as it was. He wondered at it as he walked over to flick off the light switch; it must mean something to the teen if he bothered to wear it but made an effort for no one to see it. Yet now that he knew it was there, Roy realized it added to the boy's looks.
For some reason, turning off the light made his heart leap up into his throat. The room was plunged into darkness only broken by the silvery moon outside and one of the neighbor's deck lights. The thought of climbing into his bed with the blond in it sent a tremor though him, though he couldn't explain why. It was like, after he had kissed Ed, something had happened, a wall had been lowered, a door opened. He had the impulse to touch the teen before he'd kissed him but now it felt like he needed to, like if he didn't he'd start to shrivel up and rot away.
Sliding under the covers on the other side of the bed, he found himself on his side staring at the dark face across from him. In the dim silver light, the little glitter in Ed's ear was visible. The bed was big and they'd shared of before, two nights ago. But this time, this time he had no control over his body as he scooted close under the blankets, his own dark head sharing space on the pillow with the golden one. He was careful not to actually touch Ed, though he longed to just wrap his arm around that straight waist and draw him close. Instead, he just breathed in the warm breath spilling softly from the parted lips and let his eyes drift closed, quiet warmth spreading through his chest.
So this is what it's like, to not be lonely…
To be continued...
Wellm, there it is, I hope none of you were too disapponted. Again, I'll try my best to get the next chapter posted as soon as I can. In the mean time, I have three more Royxed stories on my profile in case you need more. Later!