A/N: Hello again. I can't say enough thanks for all the awesome reviews that I continue to get. This story hits home to so many of you and it makes my heart flutter knowing that my little story affects you so much.
Things are going to slowly get better for our favorite couple from here on out. Yeah, there probably will be a few more tears, but they need time to process things so, stick with me, I have a happy ending planned, which is still several chapters away by the way.
Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I just own the rights to my eyes, that ogle Rob every chance I get.
Chapter 25: Hope
BPOV
I moaned in pain, unsure if I was still asleep or awake yet. I opened my eyes to find light filtering through the bedroom curtains letting me know that it was time to get up and start my day. My body ached in pain and I wanted nothing more than to lay in this bed forever but that wasn't going to help me with facing reality. It took a minute to realize where I was as I nuzzled into the covers a little more and took in the heavenly scent of Edward. I was home. A kiss on the back of my head reminded me that Edward was here. I felt his arm wrap around my waist and rub light circles over my stomach, my imagination wasn't playing games on me for once.
He was with me still. I don't know why, but I thought that maybe I would wake up alone, but I knew I should have more faith in Edward, he wouldn't do that to me, not after everything we had gone through in the last 24 hours.
I tried to roll over to face him but groaned in pain at my broken ribs. They had a way of making themselves known when I tried to do something dumb like roll over. Go figure.
"Baby? You ok?" Edward shifted beside me rubbing my hip ever so lightly, his voice sounding frantic, unsure of what to do.
"It fucking hurts!" I yelled out. I didn't mean to yell, but the pain that shot through me was fierce and I had just a little bit of frustration that needed to be let out apparently. And then he had to go and use that word again. I thought he would have figured out by now that I couldn't handle that word right now. "I don't remember this when I was in the hospital." I said in a snipped tone as I laid my head back down on the pillow trying to catch my breath.
I heard Edward beside me laughing. He laughed at me. He had the audacity to laugh at me when I was in some of the worst pain in my life. Ass!
"B. Do you even know the shit they had you on when you were in the hospital?" I didn't answer, my lips pursed and my eyes narrowed at him. Not the time to push me fucker. "I take that as a no." Edward ran his hand through his hair, taking interest in the sheets so he didn't have to make eye contact with me.
"Enlighten me E." I groaned as the bed shifted as he stood and walked around to my side to face me as I tried to sit up which ended up being a very weak attempt.
"Well, you were on a morphine drip that I controlled for you. And by the sounds of it, I did a damn good job if you don't remember the pain." I was ready to wipe the smug smile right off his perfect fucking face even though I knew that he wasn't trying to be an ass, it was the way I chose to take it. I felt I earned the right to be a bitch, at least for a while.
I moved to swing my legs onto the floor and screamed as pain shot through my body. Edward's arms were around me at once and I pushed away from him as hard as I could getting more frustrated with the state I was left in.
"Damn it! I'm not incapable!" I said it more to myself than anything, aggravated that I wasn't even able to do something as simple as getting out of the fucking bed by myself. I looked up at Edward's pained eyes and immediately realized how he took it. He thought I was yelling at him for trying to help. Maybe I needed to reign in my inner bitch just a little. "No, that's not what I meant. I'm just so damn frustrated that I can't move on my own without causing more fucking pain!"
He nodded in understanding but released his hold on me.
He looked tired, sad and frustrated. Only a minute ago, he was joking and smiling with me, but I put the nail in that coffin with my shitty attitude.
Maybe I should rethink this bitchy behavior and not use it towards the man that never left my side for my almost two week hospital stay and has taken care of me in every possible way.
Here I have this God that is willing to stay by my side no matter what and I was pushing him away unintentionally.
With a newfound energy, I got my legs to the floor and tried to stand, but as soon as my feet hit the floor I was in agony yet again. I tried to stand to fast and my body wasn't having any of it. I sat back down on the bed and took deep breaths while Edward just watched, his hands twitched and his lips pursed. His eyes showed that he wanted to help, but didn't want to upset me again.
I felt traitor tears making themselves known as they poured down my cheeks. I was so mad at myself for the way I was acting. Edward was just trying to help and he didn't need me acting like this towards him.
Edward knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his as he kissed my tear stained cheeks with a feather light touch.
"B? You gotta let me help you. I know it's frustrating that you can't do this on your own. I know how independent you are, but you gotta let me help. Please don't push me away right now. I-I don't think I can take it. I need you just as much as you need me." His eyes bored into mine as I took in how bloodshot they were. Deep bags under his eyes showed me that he hadn't slept well last night if not at all.
My hand reached out from under his and I cupped his cheek. He leaned into my touch and shut his eyes enjoying the feeling of our connection.
He was still here.
He never left.
He promised me he wouldn't leave and I should have never doubted him.
I took a deep breath and thought about what I wanted to say to him. What I needed to say to make things right.
"I'm sorry E. I don't mean to push you away, but I'm not used to being treated like this. I don't do well relying on others and just want things to go back to normal." I let out a small snicker, laughing at my own joke, knowing that normal wouldn't hold the same meaning as it once did.
Edward kissed my hand that was still in between us and a small smile reached his lips. "I know you don't want to push me away, but you gotta let me take care of you. Now, more than ever. We gotta get you better. You are my only concern now and I have to take care of you." His only concern. Huh. A few weeks ago I wouldn't have even questioned if he had any other concerns, but now, knowing that he could have been concerned about our…uh…I cant even think the word! He could have had another concern.
"Please don't take any of this personal E. I'm just still trying to wrap my mind around everything that has happened. I was assaulted by a guy I thought I would never see again, was basically in a coma for 7 days, then in and out of consciousness for another week, and then the icing on the cake...well...you.... know.... wha" Edward cut me off kissing my cheek knowing that it was going to be waterworks if the word actually left my mouth, which I didn't know if it even could, seeing that I couldn't even think the word.
"I know Angel. You don't have to say it. And I'm still trying to take it all in too. It's hard to believe that all this happened in only two weeks." He dropped his head and looked down at our hands, which were lying in my lap laced together. He then brought his eyes back up to meet mine and I found that they were full of tears. "I thought.... I...lost you...B. I...my...life.... it...it meant nothing to me if I thought you weren't apart of it anymore. God B. I thought I fucking lost you."
His head dropped into my lap as he let himself cry, shaking the entire time. My hands moved to rest on the back of his head, running through his hair letting him have his moment.
I had to remember that I wasn't the only one that had been affected by these events. This was between both of us. We both went through the attack in one way or another. And we both experienced a loss.
Our loss.
Tears flowed freely with those thoughts and we cried together, there on the side of the bed not caring about anything else but the fact that these feelings needed to be released so we could begin to heal together.
I tried to ignore it, but the pain was getting unbearable and I groaned at the position I we were in.
"Med time?" Edward looked up at me and I gave him a small smile and a nod.
He left me there at the side of the bed and was back seconds later with my new best friends that came in the shape of long white pills, and a glass of water.
I stood and leaned into Edward's side as we made our way to the bathroom. He left me alone while I took a minute for myself, which I greatly appreciated. While I was finishing up, I heard voices coming from the kitchen and silently grunted at the fact that I would need to talk with people. I felt like shit and even though I knew it was probably only Jasper, I just didn't feel up to talking with anyone and putting on a fake smile. Jasper would see right through it anyways.
I opened the door and was met by Edward who helped me to the kitchen, keeping me close to his side. Alice and Jasper sat at the island but stood immediately upon seeing me. I felt a little better when I seen that it was just Jasper and Alice, and was actually a little happy to see them. I knew that my family for the majority of the past two weeks had occupied the hospital waiting room, and I owed it to them both for all they did for me during that time.
Jasper held out a chair for me and I eased myself in. I hadn't talked to him since everything had happened and wasn't sure what to say.
Well I hadn't talked to him coherently at least and I knew this was going to be hard for both of us.
He just stared at me, along with Alice. Their eyes were blood shot and I was finding this to be a trend of the people around me. Didn't anyone sleep anymore? Oh right, I was in a coma because I was brutally attacked and lost my…. yeah, I knew why the eyes were what they were.
"Bell. It's so good to see you up, and awake." Jasper looked as if he wanted to hug me, but pulled back with a sad look on his face. "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you honey."
I grabbed his hand and took it in mine as I gave him a small smile. "It's ok. I'm not hurt here." I gave his hand a gentle squeeze letting him know that I needed to feel his touch just as much as he needed mine.
Alice kissed my cheek and took my other hand making her presence known. "You look like hell Bella." Edward gave her a death glare thinking that she was going to upset me. At this point, I think Edward would do anything in his power not to upset me just in case I started to cry. I couldn't blame him. My ever-changing moods were in full swing. "What? I'm being serious! Do you think I'm going to lie to her?"
"Can it Tink!" Edward glared at his little sister, then softened a little seeing that I was smiling at the two of them. "I can throw you out as fast as you came in."
Alice rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever Eddie." She turned her attention back to me. "Honey, we need to get you cleaned up you really do look like hell. Do you want me to help you take a shower?"
A shower sounded great. But the standing sounded like hell. I had taken a bath with Edward last night, and I was all for soaking in a warm tub again. It seemed to ease some of the pain last night. Edward sensed my discomfort about the shower and cut in before I could speak.
"I'll take care of her. But thanks Allie." Edward leaned in and gave his sister a kiss on the cheek.
"No, it's fine. But a bath sounds better. The standing bit doesn't necessarily work for me." I looked over at Edward who gave me questioning eyes.
"Are you sure B?" His face was confused and....jealous? Serious?
Was he jealous that someone else was helping me, or because Alice would see me naked? Kid was high if he was getting jealous off the latter.
"E. Don't worry. Alice has seen the twins before. And you get to see them all the time." I gave him a slight wink as he rolled his eyes. I wanted to loosen the mood. It had been so tense between us and it just so happens that the Percocet was taking affect and making me a little loopy. "And you need a break. Go relax for a bit. Alice will take care of me, won't you Tink?"
"Sure I will Bella. I'll go run your bath water and pick out some clothes for you." She ran towards the bedroom as Edward seemed to relax a little.
"Nothing tight!" I yelled the best I could. Knowing the little diva I would have skinny jeans and a halter picked out now that I was out of the hospital. I trusted her clothing choices yesterday, but today...not so much.
"I better go make sure she doesn't try to sneak anything in." Edward gave me a kiss on the head and walked into the bedroom, knowing she would probably try to sneak in a g-string or something. Just what I would need.
It was just Jasper and I left together and the tension in the air was thick.
I looked at our hands that were still together and gripped his tighter.
"Jazz, I'm fine sweetie." I tried to ease his mind, but his eyes grew angry.
"You're not fine Bell. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Your face isn't exactly what I would call fine." He practically screamed at me.
"Actually, I try hard not to look, but thanks for reminding me. That's not what I meant." He glared at me to continue. "What I meant was, I'm here. I'm living. And eventually, I will be fine."
Jasper started to shake and I thought he was pissed at me and I was in for a real ass chewing, but when I looked in his eyes, my heart tore just a little more. He was crying. Ugh! As if this couldn't get any worse! I can't remember the last time that I saw Jasper cry. Oh right, Mama's funeral.
"Bell. I don't know what to say. I don't want to make you feel worse, but.... God Damn It! I'm sorry. I'll stop. I'm just so fucking happy you're sitting here with me right now." Jasper looked down at our hands.
I reached around and wrapped my arms around him as he nuzzled his head into my chest. It wasn't romantic for either one of us. It was out of need. Need to make my brother feel better.
"I know Jazz. And it's ok. I can't imagine what you went through these past two weeks. I already had to go through this with Edward, but you have to know that I am so sorry for going out like that. I was so stupid, and I will never be that dumb again." I kissed his head as he looked at me and gave me a small smile telling me that he was coming back a little.
His hands were on my legs unsure of where to touch. I almost laughed at how he was treating me as if I was a soap bubble. I guess I kinda was like a soap bubble right now.
I let a small laugh out and groaned at the pain it caused.
Fucking ribs.
"Are you ok?" I nodded. This I was finding to be a normal pain. Well normal since yesterday anyways. "I will agree with you, you were stupid to go out on your own. And I swear Bell; if anyone has a fucking death wish it's you darlin. God, I can't believe that you're the one who's been through hell and back and I'm the one being comforted right now." He laughed at himself. "I'm such a fucking pansy."
"No you're not. You know that this" I hugged him slightly. "is just as much for me as it is for you."
"I know Bell. And Bell? I...Edward told us...about the ba" I stopped him not wanting him to continue. I was appreciative that Jasper was here right now for me, but I just couldn't go into that subject with him right now. "Well I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am."
I nodded letting the tears fall down my cheeks. I couldn't look at him. It would only make things worse.
"Whitlock? Tell me why my girl's crying after I trust her in your hands?" Edward walked back in with Alice following. His eyes were angry and directed at my best friend shooting daggers at him.
I waved Edward off and got on my feet slowly. I was off balance, realizing that the meds were taking effect as Jasper's arm came around me and caught me pushing into my ribs making me groan in pain yet again.
"Honey are you ok?" He asked with distraught eyes.
Edward was on the other side of me waiting for what I needed.
"Yes. I'm fine. My new friends" I shook the bottles. "are treating me very well. Very well. Maybe a little too well." I laughed to myself, but was joined by Edward and Alice, making me realize it wasn't to myself.
"Come on Bella, your bath is ready, and Edward approved your clothes." Alice was standing in the hallway waiting as she flicked off her big brother and stuck her tongue out at him.
Edward's arm wrapped around my waist loosely as he led me to the bathroom.
"Do you need me to help you in, Love?" He kissed my cheek as we entered the bathroom.
"No, I should be fine. Alice will help me. She might be small, but I think she can handle my ass." Edward's eyes shifted in surprise.
"That's not what I meant B." I laughed at him. He thought I was cracking a joke at my weight. No, really I was serious. Alice was a small force to be reckon with.
"I know. It's just the meds. They got me on a good high, that's all. Are you …...are you...leaving?" He had dressed into jeans and a t-shirt while I was talking with Jasper and I immediately worried. I didn't know if I could handle him leaving me right now. Was I ready to be parted from him? No. Knowing that he would be just in the other room while Alice helped me in the bath was one thing, but leaving the apartment all together was something totally different.
"I don't have to if you don't want me to. I just thought I would run down to the shop for a few minutes. I haven't been there in two weeks and should go through a few things to bring home to work on. But I don't have to, you just say the words, I can get Jasper to bring a few things home for me later."
I stopped him. I knew that I had put Edward's life on hold for too long and he needed to get back to it at some time. I knew he wouldn't leave me long and I put on my big girl panties and manned up. A little. "No, it's fine. Just come home as soon as you can." He kissed my lips softly as Alice grunted being the impatient freak I loved. I must have been pretty convincing as he nodded with his head against mine before pulling back.
"I'll be home before you get out. I promise. And I'll stop and get some food. How about the Chinese you like?"
"Ugh..food." My stomach churned at the thought. Yes, I'm sure it would be a good idea to eat, but did I want to eat? No. Food didn't hold any comfort to me. Nothing really did right now.
"Love, you gotta eat. I'm seriously ready to put you on the scale so you can see how much weight you've lost." His eyes were serious and I knew if I didn't agree I would be there in the next 10 seconds.
"Fine. Honey chicken please." He smiled and that seemed to pacify him for the time being.
"Ooh...I want the sesame chicken and fried rice since you're going Eddie." Alice chirped from behind us as she tapped her little foot letting me know that she was bored.
Edward nodded and kissed me again making eye contact with me. "I will be back within an hour ok B?" He was giving me one last chance to let him back out of leaving.
"I'll be here. Naked and all with your sister." I laughed at his face. "Probably not the thought you were thinking huh?" Oh dear Lord, the Percocet was great and all, but it made me lose my filter more than usual.
Edward shook his head no as a small smile crept up his lips, and Jasper made his presence known.
"Maybe not E, but I am all for it, ladies!" Leave it to Jasper to ruin the mood.
Alice glared at him; Edward smacked him in the chest and I gave him an eye roll. "Come on perv. Lets go." Edward said as the boys left us alone.
Alice shut the door and stared at me as I tried to pull my shirt off. No luck. It hurt too much to move.
Alice went for the hem of my shirt and I stopped her.
"Alice, you are going to be disgusted. I already know this. I watched Edward as he stared at me naked last night. But please, don't stare. I really appreciate the help, but I don't think I can take it if you look at me the way he did last night."
She grabbed the hem of my shirt again and started to pull it up. "Of course not honey. And you're not disgusting. Edward would never think so. That's just that wild imagination of yours playing with you."
She glanced at my stomach and chest as the shirt was pulled off and took in my body quickly before making eye contact again. She didn't look like she was going to be sick and I took that as a good sign.
"Bella, the bruises look horrible, I'm not going to lie, but they will heal. Just like you will heal. In time." God Bless the Pixie. I liked that she was honest with me. Not that I wanted everyone to be honest about what shit I looked like, but her opinion wasn't meant to hurt me, and I knew it.
"I know. Its just that, I seen the way Edward looked at me last night and it wasn't the usual look. I mean, I'd like to think that he likes my body, and last night, I know he didn't like what he saw."
"Honey, he's not looking at you like that right now, but does he still think about you like that? Of course he does! He wants to give you some space and let you heal, not just your body, but your mind too. The last thing you need is his horny ass trying to get all up on you and your bruised body. I know you don't need that right now." Alice went for my pants, and I was soon standing there butt naked in front of my little friend.
"I know. And believe me when I say, I'm not thinking about sex right now. At all. But I just want him to still want me." I know he still wanted me, but my mind was going in a hundred different directions right now, most likely due to my little friends that were currently taking all the pain away for me.
"He does. All in time Bella." She looked at my chest and took the bandage off my soar nipple. "We need to clean that with peroxide. Or do you want me to take it out? It might close up and we'd have to do it again, but it's up to you. I guess the hospital left it in so it should be ok."
"Yeah, just leave it in. And I don't think the hospital left it in. I vaguely remember Edward putting all of my jewelry back on me. Something about wanting me the way I should be." Little bits and pieces of the last two weeks were making themselves known.
"The little perv just wanted to put his hands on you, and if he put all of your jewelry back on you" She looked down "and I see that he did, then he really just wanted to get a little feelsky. Perv." She rolled her eyes trying to make me smile.
I didn't think anything of him touching me like that. I'm sure there were many different scenarios playing out in his head while I lay there unconscious, and wanted me the way he remembered... just in case.
"Well I for one am glad he put them all back in. I would never want to go through all that torture again. I vaguely remember a little Pixie coming at me with a nipple clamp and needle wanting to touch my tit."
Alice broke out laughing and nudged me lightly in the direction of the tub.
"I think your little white pill friends are enjoying that free space in your head. Get in. The water will feel good on you."
She helped me in and I sat ever so careful. She wasn't Edward, but she was cautious enough with me that I only groaned here and there.
Alice had rolled up a towel for me to lay my head back on so I did. The water was steaming hot and felt so good along my bruised body. My naked chest stuck out of the water, and for some reason I didn't even feel embarrassed to have Alice see me in all my glory.
She didn't stare at me, just sat there and was my friend. She washed my hair and back and when the water was getting cold, she added more hot water letting me relax a little longer.
Alice brought me up to speed on real life. Emmett had been working a lot at the shop to make up for Edward and Jasper, and Alex had even come back to help. He had enough staff running his shop in California that he was able to help out on an extended stay. Alice told me about Rose and her pregnant self, trying to keep things light. The thought of Rose being pregnant and me not was a bit hard to take, but never the less, I was still happy for my friend. Rose was due soon and according to Alice was ready to pop.
We talked about upcoming details for Alice's wedding and then she grew quiet.
"Bella? Are you guys still having the wedding in August? Or are you going to post pone it for a while with…everything that happened?" I looked down at my left ring finger and twisted my ring.
"I'm not sure. I haven't talked to Edward yet. I don't know if he's going to want to anymore. I mean with everything that happened." I trailed off thinking about the possibilities of him not wanting to get married any longer. Stupid I know, but I just didn't want to assume.
"Bella, you have got to be the dumbest broad alive if you think that man doesn't want to be your husband! I don't ever want to hear you talking like that again. I thought that night you went off by yourself was the dumbest fucking idea that ever went through your mind, but now hearing this, you could get dumber!"
I laughed at the little Pixie in front of me as her cheeks turned red. Steam was about to pore out of them at any second. I held my side as the pain was becoming intolerable.
"You gotta stop Alice! It fucking hurts to much to laugh at you!" Although it hurt to laugh, it felt good to have something to laugh about. Alice could get mad anytime she wanted to just so I had something to take my mind off of what really was going on in my life.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Bella! I wasn't thinking." Her hands began moving trying to comfort me. Silly Pixie.
I relaxed a little longer letting my mind go blank. I would be forever grateful for Alice and what she did for me today. I was still taking it all in and wasn't sure how much more I could handle right now. Her talking about real life was just what I imagined. I was to busy listening to Alice to think about my troubles. I was grateful for the pain the laughing brought; I needed that. When my mind was distracted, I wasn't able to feel the pain of the last few weeks.
That water began to get cold again, and as I tried to sit up, I realized I wasn't moving. Alice tried to grab me around the waist, but pushed into one of the broken ribs and made me scream in pain. I tried to tell her it was nothing, but she refused to touch me after that. Luckily, Edward held true to his word and returned shortly as I screamed out in pain again while trying to pull myself out.
He came running into the bathroom past Alice and knelt down beside me.
"B? What's wrong Angel?"
"I can't get up! That's the fucking problem! Tink got me in, but the slogan 'slippery when wet' totally applies to this situation."
I held out my hand for a little help, and Edward took it and then wrapped his arms under my knees and back, careful of the pressure points he had found over the last few days and lifted me out of the tub. His shirt was completely soaked along with the front of his jeans but he didn't seam to mind.
Once I was on my feet, he wrapped me in a towel. Alice gave him a pat on the back and made her way to the kitchen to give us a moment.
Just like yesterday, Edward dried me off and brought me to the bedroom to change.
He was so good to me. Too good.
But he wouldn't look at my naked body. Deep down I knew that I was dimensional, and that he still wanted me, but I needed to feel his eyes on me like I used to.
I stopped his hands as he pulled my shirt up my arms.
"E? Look at me?" I asked. I needed his eyes on me.
He looked into my eyes, and then kissed me lightly on the lips.
"No, E look at me. All of me."
"Bella..." I grabbed his face and stared into his eyes so that he knew what I really meant.
Edward's eyes went from my mine and made there way down my chest. I knew what he was looking at. The bruises, my swollen rib cage, everything. And as much as it hurt for him to see me like this, I needed it.
"I know how disgusted you must be. I'm sorry. Sorry you have to see me like this. I just wanted you to look at me, but maybe you shouldn't have." My head was down staring at my naked legs. I kicked myself for even wanting him to look at me, his expression so pained.
His finger came under my chin and pushed my face up to look into his eyes.
"B, I would never be disgusted to look at your beautiful body. Yes, I have to admit, it's really hard to take in right now because all I can see is what that monster did to you. But I know that it will all go away. Never think that I don't look at you the same way I always have, and always will."
Tears fell to my cheeks, which he wiped away with his thumb. I leaned into his touch, and when I met his eyes, I noticed that he too, was crying. This became a normal routine for us, and I was ready to put a stop to it. I hated seeing my Edward crying so much, especially because of me.
"I love you E. So fucking much. I'm sorry my head is so all over the place. I can't put into words what I am feeling. I feel good for a few minutes, and then I feel insecure, and sad and depressed. I just gotta get over these feelings and I will be fine."
"WE will be fine." He emphasized my last sentence. "And you have no idea how much I love you B. So fucking much it hurts. We are going to get through this. Together. I know it's not going to be easy. But I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. You're stuck with me for life." He kissed me on the lips once again and I couldn't help but feel the love that radiated between the two of us.
"Thank you. Thank you for loving me. All of me." I cupped his cheek, as he looked deep into my eyes. "When I said that I was broken, I didn't realize how true those words really were. I'm just so lucky to have you. And as much as I want to just push away and be by myself, I know it's not what's good for US. And US is what counts, now more than anything."
"Thank you B. And just so you know, I won't let you push me away. I'm not willing to sacrifice US. You are my life Bella Swan. I am nothing without you. Without US."
I nodded and rested my head into his chest knowing how right he was.
He cupped my left breast in his hand, and lightly touched over my swollen nipple. He placed a soft kiss there, not something that would turn me on, but affection that I was in dire need of. That's all I asked for.
"Your poor nipple. Do you...do you remember me putting all of these back in?" He pointed to my various piercings. I nodded. "They had to take everything out for surgery, but...I.... I.... didn't know what the outcome would be at that time, and I had to have you just the way I remembered you...just in case." I wiped a tear away from his eye as he continued. "And besides...after I knew you would be ok, I knew that you would have wanted me to put them back in so that they didn't all close up. Because then we would have to wait for you to heal, and B, I want you to know right now, that I will wait for you as long as you need, I won't rush you because the last thing on your mind right now probably is sex. But please know that when the time is right, I don't want anything else holding us back. Especially waiting for another piercing to heal." He gave me a faint crooked smile that I had been waiting to see and a glimmer of hope was in his eyes.
He released my breast and placed his hand on my thigh, then kissed me a loving kiss. He pulled away quickly knowing that neither of us needed anything further.
Edward helped me into one of his t-shirts, silky panties that wouldn't ride anywhere I didn't need them too, and black yoga pants that were loose.
We made our way out to the kitchen to find that Alice was dishing up lunch. We ate and talked a little more before she left to go to the shop for a while. Edward set me up on the couch with a pillow and blanket while he sat in the chair next to me working on paperwork for the shop.
Carlisle and Esme stopped by around 4pm. Carlisle wanted to check my ribs to make sure they were healing properly. He had me stand straight up and started poking with one hand while his other was placed on the small of my back holding me up. It wasn't the most comfortable thing I had felt, but I knew I'd had worse before.
"I think if we tape your side it might be a bit more comfortable for you Bella. That way you won't move as much." I nodded and he proceeded to tape my side, which felt like a bitch, but soon after I was flying high again with my next dose of happy pills.
Esme ordered some Italian for supper and we sat around the dinner table to eat, pillows under my ass and all around me.
"Honey, we gotta get you eating again. You've lost so much weight." God love Esme. She was mom and noticed that I barely picked at my pasta only eating a little here and there when Edward was looking. I had no appetite. I knew it would come back eventually but right now, I wish everyone would just let it go.
Edward grunted but didn't look up from his food. Carlisle shot him a knowing glance and Edward just shook his head. I knew what he was thinking. Yes, Cullen I went on the scale after you left this afternoon, and I dropped 15 pounds ok? Happy?
Didn't think so.
We were back in the living room with me spread across the couch, my feet in Edwards lap as he massaged my legs. Esme and Carlisle were on the loveseat.
He had to bring up the one subject I wasn't willing to talk about. Carlisle had asked if we could talk, and wanted to make sure I was fine with speaking in front of Esme and Edward. I couldn't say no, seeing that Edward was going to be my husband in a few months, and Esme was as close to a mother figure that I had.
"Bella? I know this is a really uncomfortable subject to talk about, but Edward had informed us that this was not the first time something like this happened to you." Carlisle tried not to pry but the doctor in him was coming out. I knew he had read my file that was transferred here from Chicago so he knew that I had a not so pleasant past.
I nodded unable to say anything further.
"And this James...he...you.... you were sexually assaulted, am I correct?"
I nodded again.
"You never went to the doctor after…. being assaulted, did you?" His questions were frustrating.
"No." I spoke sternly. This was not the conversation I wanted to be having with my future father in law or at all for that matter.
"I took a look at your charts and they said that you've had sporadic menstrual cycles and that you have an excessive amount of scar tissue. Your doctor in Chicago had indicated that it would be difficult to conceive?"
I nodded again, as Edward's massaging went up my legs a little harder than before. I had heard all of this before, it was nothing knew to me, but I wasn't the only one my body affected anymore. Edward's head was down as he listened to his father speak. This was just as hard on him and I started to wonder why we were even talking about this right now and when one of us would cut Carlisle off knowing that it was enough for one night.
"Did you ever attempt to get pregnant...before?" Carlisle asked as I seen Esme grab his hand telling him to back off. I needed this conversation to be over with. Now.
"No Carlisle, excuse me for being rude, but where are you going with this?" I was about to loose my temper and didn't really want to leave a bad taste with my soon to be in-laws.
"I'm sorry Bella. I'm just trying to help dear." Esme rubbed his arm knowing that Carlisle didn't mean any harm. "I just think that maybe, your future chances aren't as low as you think. If you guys are thinking of trying again. I just wanted to you to know."
I didn't speak. I didn't know what to say.
"Were you guys trying?" Esme spoke for the first time since this conversation started. She seemed curious and a little concerned.
"We weren't preventing it, if that's what you're asking mom." Poor Edward having to explain this to his mom especially right now after…. everything that happened. "But not how you're thinking. We love each other, and are getting married, so no, we weren't preventing it, and if it happened, we were ready to accept a baby with open arms."
The tears came again and I couldn't hide them. Edward's finger wiped them away as he wiped his own and cleared his throat. We had yet to discuss in depth that word.
"I'm sorry Edward, Bella, we don't mean to pry. It really is none of our business what your plans are. But if you are thinking that future children are out of the question, I wanted to let you know that when I said I did some tests on you at the hospital, I really did do some tests. And I am hoping that you won't be to upset for over stepping my boundaries."
"What are you talking about Carlisle? I was told in Chicago that my chances were slim to none...and then after.... what happened..."
Carlisle cut me off to explain further seeing that I was close to losing it for the millionth time today.
"Well with some of the blood work that I had drawn, I found that yes, it will be difficult for you to get pregnant again, but not impossible. And if you did, we would need to monitor you closely with your new found medical issues, but it could happen. What I am trying to get at is that I know this is all really fresh in your minds, but that a family for you two is not out of the question. I want you to know that there is hope. And I think hope is what you both need to hear right now. I'm sorry if I have upset you."
I cried harder taking in his words. Although they were happy tears, this was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. It was too soon, and I needed time to process everything he had said.
"You didn't over step your boundaries Carlisle. I appreciate your concern. But...I.... just cant talk about this right now. Please understand."
Edward held my hand in his, brought it to his lips and kissed it before returning it to rest with his on my legs. He looked torn as he stared down at our intertwined hands.
"We understand. We just want you guys to know that we are here for you. For whatever you need. We love you both. Please don't be afraid to call or ask for any help." Esme was so motherly that I couldn't help but slip her a slight smile.
"I think Bella needs to rest." Edward sensed my mood and knew that we needed some alone time. I think he was just as ready for this conversation to be over as I was.
Edward walked his parents to the door after they both gave me a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye.
I turned around in my mind what Carlisle was telling me. There were future possibilities of getting pregnant. It was a possibility of still having Edward's children.
There was still hope for us after all.
A/N: So… not as deep as the past few chapters. I know there were still a few moments that were a little sad, but slowly, they are starting to heal, to move forward. The next chapter shoots ahead a little bit and is a lot lighter. And then after that is James' trial which is a really BIG chapter for me. I think it will please a lot of you. Again, we aren't done yet; so don't be thinking about saying goodbyes just yet. I originally had 31 chapters and an Epi. planned out, but I am thinking that it will be more now because I have ideas that I want to incorporate still.
Oh, and I am no medical guru. If something doesn't sound right about future pregnancies and all, remember that this is fiction and not everything will be 100% factually right.
You all know what to do. Push the green button and say hello. We were down reviews last chapter, which was a MAJOR bummer. For anyone that reviews, you all know what each of you means to me. It takes a lot to write and post your work, and reviews are REALLY appreciated.
Reviews are better than Percocet. Enough said.