Dear Diary

Well dinner was a great 'success'. Arthur came to my chambers personally and escorted me down to the banquet hall (as if I can't be trusted to go there myself! Prat!), where a platter of meats, fruits and cheese was already waiting for us. (There was still no sign of Gwen, his wife.) He pulled my chair back for me, and once I sat down, he pushed it back under the table. But that's where the pleasantries ended. The second he sat down he started talking, not even giving me the chance to take a bite! (And I was starved!)

"Would you like to see where we buried your mother and father?" he asked, as if this were an everyday thing to ask. My jaw just dropped. They had buried my parents without me? How dare they! How dare he? Does he really want to make my life even more intolerable? I wanted to slap Arthur, to walk away from the table – dinner be damned – and return to my chambers. I wanted to, but I didn't. What would be the point? I'd only get in more trouble.

"You buried them without me?" I growled through my teeth, giving him a fierce glare. Arthur looked offended, but didn't say a word. (Although it was obvious he wanted to, and was biting his tongue,)

"No one knew where you had gone. We had to bury them before they started to decompose," Arthur said, sounding very matter of fact and empty of any emotion. Was he stupid or something? Did he not care for my parents – or me for that matter – but at all? Did he not think that maybe, maybe I might want to be there when they buried my parents. Could he not wait one measly day before he threw them in the ground without a care in the world?

"You couldn't have waited for me?" I asked bitterly, now picking at the food I had no interest in. (I always go off my food when I'm mad. It's stupid really, but who can concentrate on eating when you're bubbling over with rage?)

"You were stupid enough to run off, you suffer the consequences," Arthur said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Now, do you want me to take you to where they have been buried, or would you rather not know?" he asked rather rudely. What gives him the right to talk to me like that? My parents had just died, or course I was going to run off!

"Why can't someone else take me there?" I asked, now not even bothering to pick at my food. I was beyond angry now, how dare he talk to me in such a way! All I wanted was to see my parents buried – was that too much to ask?

"I know you're grieving young Lady, but that is no reason for such a foul attitude!" Arthur raged, slamming his clenched fist down on the table. I jumped at the sound – he'd hit the table to hard, the plates had rattled – and immediately blushed. I hate being caught off-guard.

"Yeah? Well, you may be my new guardian but that gives you no right to speak to me in such a way!" I yelled, rising to my feet as I did so, ready to storm off to my chambers in a huff. Arthur stood too, grabbed my wrist to prevent me from going anywhere. I struggled against him, but it was no good.

"How dare you talk to me like that! You will stay here, and you will apologise!" he demanded. I would have laughed if he had not scared me so much, he was being utterly ridiculous! I had done nothing wrong, and he had! Yet I was the one being made to apologise.

"I am not apologising to you," I whispered, giving Arthur a cold stare. He gave a tug on my wrist, dragged me closer to him – so close, our noses almost touched.

"Then you aren't going anywhere," he snarled. Suddenly I was frightened... he looked so terrifying and I almost mumbled out an apology. But then Merlin interrupted us.

"Arthur! Let her go!" he demanded, rushing at us. Arthur seemed to snap out of some sort of trance. He let go and his eyes widened in astonishment. I backed off at once, rubbing my sore wrist.

"Paige... I am so sorry," he whispered, moving towards me as if to comfort me. What the hell was going on? I thought. What had gotten into this idiot... one minute he was threatening me, the next he was holding out his arms as if he wanted to hug me! I backed off, feeling even more terrified.

"Leave me alone!" I demanded. Arthur's eyes widened again, and he stopped in his tracks, dropped his arms. Merlin ran at me; put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. The contact made me shiver slightly, but Merlin (thankfully) got the wrong idea.

"Paige, it's ok, I won't hurt you," he whispered, dropping his hand from my shoulder as if I were made of flames. I was so at a loss at what to do – on one hand, I wanted Merlin to comfort me, but on the other, I wanted to get as far away from Arthur as possible – so I simply shook my head, and fled the room.

I didn't leave my chambers all night after that.

--

I woke up in my chambers quite late the next morning – obviously making up for all the sleep I'd missed recently – and found a strange woman standing in front of my bed, an astonishing red dress in her hands. It took me a few seconds to realise who she was – Guinevere, Arthur's wife.

"Good morning Paige, I hope I didn't wake you," she said politely, as if she were my maid or something. I smiled at her and shook my head. She had, but I felt rude saying that. "I thought you might like to go and see where your parents have been buried," she said as she draped the dress over the foot of my bed. "I thought this dress would suit you... I had many made them I heard you would become mine and Arthur's ward, but I think this one would suit you most."

"Did Arthur send you?" I asked sceptically, and eyebrow raised. Gwen laughed as she opened my curtains, letting in the bright mate-morning sunlight.

"No, he doesn't know I am here. He is very ashamed of his behaviour last night, and wanted to make amends to you himself – but I thought maybe I better make your acquaintance first, give you a chance to calm down," she said with a smile as she started to tidy up my things, not even bothering to make a fuss over the fact that I was yet to put anything away. "I have to say I am not best pleased with him, I have never known him to act in such a way – it must be the grief for your father. He cared very much for him you know... still, I know that is no excuse,"

"How do you know about last night?" I asked. "You weren't there..." I thought I might have been a little too rude, but Gwen simply smiled again.

"Word travels fast," she said. I decided to be a bit more demanding. After all, it was very odd that she hadn't been around for my first few days in Camelot – that she hadn't been at Arthur's side to greet her new ward, or to say goodbye to the Knight she once knew.

"Where have you been?" I asked. Gwen paused; her smile faltered ever so slightly, and gave a small half-hearted laugh.

"I was helping my father with a few things," she said nervously. "I am sorry I couldn't have been there when you first arrived – it must have been a hard time for you. Now, do you need help with your dress?" I got the over-whelming feeling that she was lying – I'm sure father said she had no family left when she married Arthur – but I didn't push the matter. Instead I let her leave so that I could dress. (I have been dressing myself for a long time now, why would I suddenly need help? Then again, I'm sure Arthur is incapable of dressing himself. Idiot. Poor Gwen must be used to dressing people.) Something weird was going on in the castle, and I was determined to find out what that was!

--

Gwen and I went to the simple spot where my parents had been buried. It was at the edge of the forest, and was surrounded by trees. Freshly picked flowers lay on top of the recently dug graves. It was beautiful... perfect. So perfect I feel to my knees, straight into the sea of grief that had been waiting for me since the moment my parents had died. Gwen stood by my side while I sobbed, never once talking, leaving me alone with my grief, but having enough sense to keep her presence known, so I knew I wasn't all alone in the world. For that I was grateful. Had she left, or interrupted my anguish, I think I would have rushed off yet again.

Gwen had brought a picnic with her, and we moved down to a stream and enjoyed a small lunch. I talked about my parents, of fond memories, and she told me what my father had been like when he was a Knight of Camelot. She seemed so very sweet, and it made me wonder – why was she married to such an arse?

Speaking of the arse, he is meant to be coming to 'make amends' with me about his behaviour at dinner, but the sun is setting and he is yet to find me. How very impolite of him. How he got to be – and how he remains – King, I will never know!

Paige xxxx