Dear Diary

I ended up going to dinner last night, if only because I was dying of starvation. I would have waited for Merlin to come and bring me food again, but I had this feeling that he wasn't going to be coming out his room any time soon. I was right, he wasn't at dinner. It was just me, Arthur and Gwen. (And a few guards, but they don't really count do they? I mean they just stand there...) It was the most awkward hour ever! Gwen seemed oblivious to the fact that there was tension between me and Arthur, and Arthur was back to being Mr Sweet and Caring. Arse! I don't get him at all, one minute he tries to act like he cares, tries to act like my father, and the next he acts like he hates me! I think that he might have been dropped on his head as a child... maybe on more than one occasion! So of course, I had to ruin the moment for him. (Not that I meant to... really. Well, maybe on some subconscious level... but hey, he had it coming!)

"Paige, Merlin said you'd mentioned to him that you'd been sleeping a lot more than usual, would you like me to talk to Gaius?" he asked. Gwen smiled at him, placed her hand over his, proud of the fact that her husband was being so sweet and caring – if only she knew! Could she not hear the deception in his voice?

"No, I'm fine," I insisted. And I was! Merlin had got it bang on (well, I think anyway) with his theory that the changes in my sleeping patterns were part of the grieving process. But Arthur was persistent.

"Paige, sweetheart, I really think you should see Gaius about your sleeping problems – something might be wrong," I rolled my eyes.

"Don't call me sweetheart!" I retorted. Did Arthur not hear me the first time? I said I was fine!

"Paige we have already talked about your attitude once, let's not talk about it again," Arthur warned.

"Arthur if she said that she's fine-" Gwen said, beginning to defend me. But of course, the arse cut her off.

"That's not the point Guinevere! The point is that Paige has an attitude problem," Arthur raged as he clenched his fist and brought it down on the table with a thud.

"That wasn't attitude! I just don't want you to call me sweetheart!" I yelled. How dare he say I have an attitude problem! I just don't want him calling me sweetheart – that's what my father called me! How is that an attitude problem?

"How dare you raise your voice to me! Do you have no respect for you guardian and king?" Arthur shouted. Gwen shot him a warning look, which he ignored completely.

"Arthur, please, just leave it," Gwen pleaded.

"Guinevere I am trying my hardest with her and she just throws it back in my face," he raged, shifting his anger from me to Gwen. Lucky for Gwen, she could hold her own.

"Arthur. She has just lost her parents and is now living with strangers. I can't even begin to contemplate how hard that must be for her. She needs time to settle, to adjust. A few days is not enough," Gwen's voice was calm, gentle, yet held the same authority of Arthurs yells. I could see in that moment, exactly why Arthur had chosen her for his queen. But he made me question even more so, why he was so reluctant to spend more time with her.

"I understand that Guinevere," Arthur whispered, trying to match Gwen's calm and collected tone. His anger still came through. "But that does not give Paige reason to yell at me for something as trivial as calling her 'sweetheart'"

"That's what my father called me!" I cried, leaping from my chair. Gwen and Arthur turned to stare at me, and I'm ashamed to say my eyes were brimming over with tears. "You can't call me that! That's what he called me... you can't call me that!" I rushed out of the room before I could see their reactions, and burst into full on sobs the second I shut my chamber doors.

--

I must have cried myself to sleep, for when I awoke my candle had burnt itself out and someone was in my room, just watching me. I assumed it was Arthur, here to ask for my forgiveness yet again. (It's fast becoming his new favourite hobby I swear.)

"Arthur, come back in the morning" I murmured as I pulled my blankets around myself. (One of the great perks about being the kings ward – the softest bed with the silkiest blankets!) However 'Arthur' didn't leave. "Arthur please, I want to sleep!" I groaned, trying my hardest to not raise my voice. It was far too late for another argument. 'Arthur' still didn't leave. "Just go away!" I shouted, finally turning to face my guardian. However, I was not meet with the face of Arthur Pendragon, but the face of a complete stranger. The man just stood there, dressed in a black robe with the hood up, staring at me. Just staring, this weird smirk on his face. Suddenly, I wanted Arthur to be in my chambers! I had no idea who this man was, or what his purpose with me was. Was he here to kill me? Kidnap me? Or worse? I wanted to scream, I really did, but fear had captured my throat in its iron grasp and had left me unable to even breathe, let alone speak. The expression on his face stayed the same, even as he watched the fear develop on mine. "What do you want?" I managed to squeak out, putting great strain on my stricken throat. The man's facial expression finally changed. He smirked at me, and then started muttering. His words made no sense to me, but I recognised them at once to be words of magic. Ropes appeared out of thin air and bound my wrists before I even had a chance to move. "Please..." I muttered, as loud as I could manage. The man simply smirked even more so, and repeated his magical words. This time the rope bound my feet. I tried to scream, tried so hard I thought my throat might explode with the pain, but nothing came out. I was so terrified by this point that I began to weep, tears streamed down my face as my whole chest heaved with the severity of my tears, yet the man in the black robe did nothing. He had stopped mumbling now, and was staring again. I had no idea what was going on. Why was I bound if all he was going to do was stare? Was he waiting for others? Or was he waiting to do something? My question was answered when, at the stroke of midnight, he started to whisper his words of magic once again. As he spoke, I felt myself levitate of the bed, and saw a blinding white light surround me. What the hell was going on? I tried to scream again, but failed. I tried to fight against my bindings, but they were so tight, that any movement cut into my skin. When warm blood started to drip from my tie wrists, I did something I never thought I would do. I called for Arthur. For some reason, although I couldn't scream out like I wanted, I was able to call out Arthur's name at the top of my voice. "Arthur!" The cry was shrill, distressed and I said it once, then again, and again. The cloaked man seemed oblivious to my screams, and carried on with his magical words. Then, just when I thought that all hope was lost, Arthur, dressed only in his nightwear yet welding a sword, burst into my chambers. The cloaked man paid him no more attention than to raise his left hand in his direction – and Arthur was thrown against my chamber wall, sword and all. Arthurs eyes widened and then rolled into the back of his head as his body hit the stone wall, before going limp. I tried to scream again, despite knowing my efforts were futile. That's when I felt it, the blinding light going through my body. It didn't hurt, but I still felt it. It made me feel as though I was dissolving in the air. I was so terrified by this point that I was simply still, silent. I couldn't make my body do a thing.

But then it stopped, and I fell back onto my bed, bindings and light gone. I looked up to see the cloaked man fall to the floor beneath him, Arthur's sword piercing his side. A look over at Arthur told me that he had flung it at my attacker from his position on the floor. He watched the crumbling man for a few seconds, watched as he disappeared into a cyclone of wind, before he rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms. As much as I hated him, I couldn't help but cling to him and let my tears fall.

"Paige... are you okay? What happened?" he cried frantically as he held me tight and examined my still bleeding wrists. I tried to speak, but found that my throat was still closed tight, so I just shook my head. "It's okay Paige, I'm here, I'm here..." Arthur promised as he rubbed my back.

"Don't leave me..." I managed to croak out. Arthur shushed me and shook his head.

"I won't, I promise," he assured me.

"I'm so scared..." I admitted. Arthur held me tighter, kissed the top of my head. For once I didn't mind, in fact I found it comforting.

"Go to sleep Paige, I promise you I am going nowhere," Arthur whispered. I wanted to sleep, to slumber and escape the nightmare of what had just happened, but I did not feel the least bit tired. Still, I decided that I might as well try, so I nodded and allowed Arthur to tuck me up in bed, the way my father used to do when I had nightmares as a child. For some reason I managed to find the same comfort in Arthurs actions as I had in my father's actions.

"Please don't let me go..." I whispered as Arthur went to sit in the chair at my bedside. He nodded, and lay next to me, above the covers, and wrapped his arms around me once again. I lay my head on his chest, and tried my best to sleep. I don't think I did.... the darkness dragged on and on, almost endlessly so. When dawn finally came, I felt like I'd been awake for days. I don't think Arthur slept either, but he didn't say anything about it.

"I'm sorry I let that happen Paige," he whispered when the morning sunlight reached my face and he realised that I was awake. I didn't say anything; I just lay there, staring out into nothingness. "Paige I have to go and sort this out, will you be ok alone or do you want someone to come and stay with you?"

"I don't want you to go..." I whispered. Arthur sighed, pulled me closer to him.

"I can stay a little while longer, but I can't put off meeting with my knights about this. This is a major breech of our security; I want to know how that sorcerer managed to get in undetected," Arthur sounded angry, a different angry than he had been with me the night before. This anger seemed to consume him completely. I realised in that second, that he must have cared deeply for me to have been so angered at the fact that someone had tried to attack me.

"I don't want to be left alone, okay?" I asked. Arthur frowned and nodded.

"I promise you, you won't be left alone until you feel safe enough to be alone," he assured me.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I was alone in bed, and Guinevere was asleep in the chair by my bed. She's still there now, sound asleep. I don't want to wake her, I just want Arthur... but I'm too scared to leave my room.

Paige...