Dear Diary

For A few seconds, maybe a minute, I decided to stay. I decided that whatever the big secret was that I was meant to discover, I would keep quiet about, no matter how terrible it was. I would have to keep it to myself, for Arthur's sake, for Camelot's sake! But then the more I thought about it, the more I realised – I would never be able to keep the secret to myself. Not with Arthur knowing that I know some big secret about him, or concerning his future. I knew that at some point or another, I would tell him, because I would be able to bear looking at him, being with him, not with the weight of the secret pushing down on my shoulders.

So then I decided that I would take every precaution necessary to prevent me finding out the secret. I would stay in my chambers, only coming out for meals... and then... then that's when I gave up on that idea. I would go insane if I was left alone in my chambers all day, but I would not be able to risk leaving them for fear of discovering the secret! And then what if I looked out of my window and discovered the secret? Then staying in my room all day and night would be pointless! And then I'd have to face Arthur, with him knowing that I know some secret about him... Argh! I knew then that I had to go.

I had to run; Arthur, Merlin and his men had mounted their horses just as I came to my decision. I tore through the castle, almost falling down the stairs, and actually falling over three times. So typical of me. I was so worried that I wouldn't make it. I had to make it! I didn't give a damn about being injured, not when the alternative was Arthur's downfall, the end of his reign. I called out to Arthur as I neared the castle doors, praying that he would hear me in time to halt his men and wait for me.

"Arthur!" My cried scared the life out of a group of servants, they gave me bemused looks, but I ignored them and carried on. "Arthur, wait!" I actually hurt my throat with the severity of my cries. Not that that stopped me. I flung open the door just in time. Arthur and his men were riding towards the gates of Camelot. "Arthur!" Thankfully he heard me, there was no way I was going to be able to catch up with horses! and halted his men.

"Paige," he whispered sadly as he dismounted his horse and walked towards me. "I guess you're coming?" I nodded.

"I'm sorry, but I have to," I said grimly. "I can't let you fall... not now, not ever. So I get injured? I'll recover, right?" Arthur sighed but smiled at little. At least he tried too.

"Your horse is ready and waiting for you," he said gesturing towards the stables.

"You knew I was going to come with you?" I asked, an eyebrow raised. Arthur managed to smile this time, he even gave a small laugh.

"I thought you would, but I wasn't sure... I thought I'd set up your horse though, just in case," Arthurs eyes sparkled slightly as he ruffled my hair. I was getting used to him doing that... if he decided it was a sign of affection, then so be it. At least it makes him happy. "Your father would be so proud of you. You are so much like him..." I felt like pointing out that my father wanted me to be a perfect little girl, one that grew up without worrying about sword fighting and invasions. One that grew up and married and had lots of children... but I didn't want to bring Arthur down. I wasn't that mean.

"Are you proud of me?" I asked as we walked towards the stables where my horse, Willow, was indeed saddled up and waiting for me. Guinevere gave her to me a few days ago. She is so beautiful! A deep brown that is almost red with a silky flowing main. She's got the best temperament too, so calm and collected. You can tempt her to do just about anything as long as you gave her an apple. She's perfect! Arthur waited until he'd helped me onto my horse before he answered.

"I'm more proud of you than I could ever say," he said as he walked my horse towards his men.

--

"Sire, your ward is coming with us?" One of his Knights exclaimed as we joined them a minute later. "Have you lost your mind? What help will a child be to us?" Arthur scowled at him.

"Hold your tongue Lionel, you know full well that one day Paige will be Queen and you will be answering to her. If you don't want to be de-knighted hen she comes into power then keep your thoughts to yourself," Arthur cried angrily. "She is coming with us because she needs to learn to handle herself in battle. Such a small uprising is the perfect time to educate her," Arthur's voice shook slightly, but only Merlin and I noticed. I'm sure we're the only ones that know the true reason for my presence at this uprising. Sir Lionel ducked his head in shame as Arthur mounted his horse, but did not bother to give me an apology, or even a remorseful look. "Let's go," Arthur said, riding out in front of everyone else. "Merlin, stay with Paige, keep an eye on her!" he called back to his advisor. I blushed and bit my lip. Argh, how could he leave me in Merlin's care, knowing how I feel about him! Is he deliberately trying to humiliate me? Thankfully Merlin seemed to be oblivious to my shame. He just gave me a sad smile as he rode up beside me.

"You decided to come then?" he asked, sounding somewhat disappointed. Bless him! He didn't want me to come and get myself hurt...

"I couldn't stand back and watch Arthur fall," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Surely you of all people should understand that?"

"Of course I understand that... I have spent twenty odd years risking my life for that man! But you are just 13, I can't believe you would risk your life to prevent his downfall," Risk my life? What was he on about. Arthur said I'd only be injured, not murdered!

"I'm not risking my life, not really, Arthur said that I would only be injured... badly so maybe, but not killed," Merlin gave me the strangest look... it was almost guilty.

"Ah. He may have twisted the truth just a little... you will be injured, but your fate regarding this uprising is not known," he said, biting his lip. Not known? Does that mean that I might... that I might die? Why didn't Arthur warn me about this? Did he think that would scare me or something? Did he think that I was too weak to make a decision that could possibly result in my death? I scowled, but did not say anything. I was too mad too say anything. "Paige don't be mad... Arthur was just trying to protect you! He knew you'd be scared if you found out that this trip could result in... in..."

"My death? " I cried. "How can I not be mad? He kept that from me! I could die on this trip, and he didn't bother to tell me encase I got scared! Surely death is worse than fear,"

"I know Paige, he did the wrong thing... but he was only doing what he thought was best for you," Merlin pleaded, trying his best to reason with me. I didn't say anything. "If you want me to take you back to Camelot, I will," he continued when the silence got too much for him. I sighed and shook my head. There was no way I was going back to Camelot. Not now. So I might die... I'd much rather die than stand aside and watch as everything Arthur had built up these last few years fell down around him, slowly destroying him from the inside, out.

"I think I would have come to this decision even if I knew the truth about what the prophecy said... or rather, didn't say," Merlin reached out and patted my shoulder.

"You're a brave girl Paige," he said sadly.

"Maybe..." I said with a shrug off my shoulders. "But then maybe I just care about Arthur. Maybe I don't want anything to happen to him,"

"Told you that you'd grow to love him!" Merlin teased. I rolled my eyes. I did not love Arthur! Not at all! He's an arrogant Prat, a dim-witted arse and... and... I really care about him. But love? No that was pushing it!

"Shut up! Unless you want me to tell Arthur that you informed me of the truth about the prophecy!" I cried, laughing. Merlin shut up after that. At least about my feelings for my guardian.

"So are you not even the least bit curious about this big secret?" he asked a few minutes later. To be honest, I'd never really thought about what the secret might be. I just couldn't. I knew that if I did, I would want to know what it was, and if I wanted to know what it was, I would have stayed behind...

"No, not really. I mean yeah, I'd like to know... but really, I'd rather not know and have Arthur remain in power," I said. Merlin simply chuckled.

"Yes I'd much rather keep Arthur as King," he said. "Even if he is a royal Prat," Agreed! Great minds think alike... we are so meant for one another! If only he knew! Still, he'll realise I am the girl for him, sooner or later...

"So what do you think the secret could be?" I asked. Merlin stopped laughing almost at once, and paled a little. He gave a shrug of his shoulders but otherwise gave no response to my question. "Come on!" I teased; certain he was just too embarrassed about his theories to reveal them. "Tell me what you think it is! It can't be that bad!" Merlin shrugged again.

"I haven't really thought about it," he whispered, not bothering to meet my eye. Huh, that's odd... what is he hiding? Does he already know the secret? Or have some idea about what it could be? I would have questioned him about it, had it not for the flash of lighting that filled the sky seconds later.

"There's a storm on its way! Dismount and set up camp!" Arthur cried out. I got a bit distracted after that, and forgot to question Merlin. By the time I remembered, it was dark (the storm never appeared... Arthur said the wind must have changed direction, but I'm sure he was embarrassed about being wrong,) and so I decided that I would leave it. After all, if it's bad enough to result in Arthur's downfall do I really want to know what it is?

--

After we had dinner, Arthur informed his men that it was almost time for lights out. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was so close to sleep that my head was drooping I would have argued, it had only been dark for an hour! I did get a bit miffed however, when Arthur said we'd be getting up a dawn.

"That's way too..." I paused to yawn. "Way too early!" I said as I stretched. Arthur chuckled as he set up our part of camp, which was a bit separate from the others. (Thank god! Sleeping near Arthur was one thing, but sleeping next to half a dozen of his men... argh!)

"Paige you'll be getting twelve hours sleep!" he promised. "Is that not enough for you?" I shook my head, and when he sat down next to me, I curled up against his shoulder.

"I want to sleep forever..." I whispered without thinking. I felt Arthur stiffen at once, and immediately regretted my words. "Ok, so not forever, because that's stupid... but maybe for a day or two," Arthur chuckled and pulled me closer to him.

"I'm sure you'll feel more awake in the morning," he insisted. "Now come on, lie down and go to sleep," he said, nodding towards my makeshift bed.

"Mmm... no... you're warm... I don't wanna move," I whined into his shoulder. Arthur chuckled again, but nodded and pulled the blankets closer to us.

"Alright, just lay down, I won't move from next to you I swear!" He promised. I nodded but didn't say anything, too tired to even open my mouth. I don't remember anything else, I must have fallen asleep.

When I woke up I was alone... well, sort off. Arthur had turned in his sleep and had his back to me. He not only had his back to me, he had his arms wrapped around Merlin as well! He must have moved in his sleep and thought Merlin was me! I can't wait until they wake up and realise what they did in their sleep! I think before they do wake up, I'll go and have a wash in the stream. I am not washing in front of Arthur, Merlin or his men! Ok, so maybe Merlin...

Paige xxx