I was fighting a losing battle and I knew it. What else could I do though? What were you supposed to do when you saw the one you love crashing and there was nothing you could do to stop them from burning?
I sat by and watched as the person I loved most in the world let herself get sucked more and more into darkness after living through her best friend's death. I had talked to her therapist and she told me Lissa was going through the normal grieving process and that it might take months before she started being herself again so I waited. I sat by and just let her know that I was here and that I wasn't leaving. I held her as she woke up night after night sobbing. I caught her cutting and took away anything that could be harmful. I got her up, showered, and dressed each day. Some days I felt as though I had a child, but I quickly banished those thoughts as soon as they came. I was all Lissa had, who would take care of her and love her if I was gone?
Today was worse than usual.
"Lissa," I said, taking her hand and trying to pull her off of the chair she was on, "C'mon honey, you need to eat, its been two days, you'll get sick."
She batted my hand away harshly. She was too absorbed in the photo album she was looking at, tracing Rose's face in each one. I don't know what happened, but something in me snapped.
"Rose is dead! Rose isn't coming back!" I yelled at her, "Do you think you're the only one hurting? Do you think about anyone but yourself? Do you think I like waiting on you day in and day out? I know you've been cutting again. I know you've been drinking and doing god knows what else. You know what? You and Adrian might want to die, but I don't!" I whirled around wanting to leave her disgusting presence when I heard a small voice say,
"Don't go,"
I stopped, flexing my hands trying to get the flames to go out.
"Christian, I'm sorry. I really am," Lissa wasn't crying for once, "I'll try. I promise, just please don't leave me."
This was the most I've heard her talk for a long time, but I stayed rooted to my place. I was torn. I was tired of being everyone's rock. Rose was dead. I couldn't keep living around people who wanted to join her.
"You try, then you come to me," I told her as I walked out of the door.