This chapter is dialogue heavy. I re-wrote this a couple times. I had it all planned out, but of course I forgot how I planned it. Let me know what you guys think!

I hope you guys enjoy it!

Thanks!

Chapter Five

Leaving

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Noah asked as he turned his body towards Luke's voice. "Are you moving to the farm?" He asked with hope lingering in the background. Please let that be what he means.

"No. I'm moving. As in away," he answered as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Luke let out a long shuddering breath. Please don't cry. Not now.

"What do you mean away? Where?" His stomach was in knots and his heart was pounding out of his chest. What did he mean he was leaving? He can't just leave.

"Chicago,"

"Why?" Noah's voice was so quiet he wondered if Luke could even hear him.

"It's something I need to do,"

"What does that mean?" Noah raised his voice and then wished he hadn't.

This was going to be as hard as he thought it would. Luke didn't want to do this. Not to Noah or his family, but he wasn't sure how he could explain it. Especially to Noah.

"It means…it means…that I have to do this. I've been just…existing lately. I can't be bothered with work. I haven't been to work on the foundation in weeks. I don't sleep anymore. I have no appetite. I feel like I'm turning into a ghost," Luke was finally verbalizing everything that he knew to be true but did not want to say out loud. Saying all of this out loud suddenly made everything real. Almost too real. He tried, but the tears he was holding back were making themselves known. Noah wondered why hadn't he noticed.

"So, you're just going to leave? Just like that?" Noah asked, no demanded to know everything. Was there someone else? Noah struggled to stand up. He needed to be moving around right now. Luke followed him to his feet. He didn't want him to hurt himself. He looked into Noah's eyes and saw them swimming in unshed tears.

"No. Not just like that. I have been thinking about this for awhile now,"

"Really. When were you going to tell me?"

"When exactly would I do that? During one of the many conversations that we've had lately," Luke was being spiteful now and he didn't mean to be. He wasn't doing this punish Noah. He could see Noah swallow and his jaw clenched.

"You're just going to leave with your entire family here?" Noah was playing the family card. He knew how important they were to Luke and he was playing dirty pool to drag them into this.

"They don't need me. And you have made it very clear that you don't want me around anymore,"

"That's…not true," Noah said as his head dropped and he took in a long breath.

"Isn't it? You won't talk to me, you haven't touched me in months, the last time we kissed, was the day of the accident. You blame me and it's becoming quite clear that you can't forgive me. I'm starting to realize that you…," he hesitated. He didn't want to say it out loud.

"That I what?" Noah asked a voice that was louder than he intended.

"That you may never," Luke's voice shuddered as the words came out.

There he finally said it. The words that had been lingering in their relationship were finally spoken. Both of them had been thinking it, but it took Luke to vocalize them. The tears were coming at a regular rate now.

"Look, I'm not doing this to punish you. I'm really not. But I don't like the person that I am now. I'm not feeling anything and that scares me. I'm afraid, if something happens…will I care if it does? I need to do this. It hurts me too much to be around you and not be with you. To see the look of contempt on your face. You have so many people here who love you and want to help you and take care of you. You don't need me,"

When Luke said those words, he hoped that Noah would contradict him. Tell him that he did need him. That he didn't want him to go. That everything was not lost and they could work this out.

But those words didn't come.

Luke bit down hard on his lower lip to keep it from quivering. This was it. This is how it ends. Maybe his dad was right, "Sometimes, you figure out that things aren't meant to be anymore and you have to let them go,"

Noah's head was still hanging low. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't want Luke to leave, but he wasn't sure if he wanted him to stay. It was a harsh truth to admit to himself.

"Right. Um..I better get going,"

"You're leaving now?" Noah asked and his head shot up. For a second, Luke thought Noah could see him.

"Yeah. I'm already packed, my car is loaded and I don't want to hit any traffic. And you know how much I hate driving through Chicago at night," Luke was rambling now. His hand went to Noah's arm, almost of its own will.

Noah felt dizzy. Like had been spun around and left to walk. He wanted to grab Luke and pull him close, but he couldn't move. He willed his body to do something. Scream; cry; shout; kiss him; anything! But he couldn't.

"Well, I better go. My mom will be home soon, so you won't be alone for too long," Luke said in a defeated voice. His hand was lingering on Noah's forearm. He was lightly brushing his fingers along the inside of his wrist.

"Will you call me, when you get…where you're going?" Noah asked, prayed the hopelessness in voice was not easily heard.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I think this time apart will be good for both of us. You can concentrate on your therapy and you won't have to dodge me anymore. Just…take care of you ok," Luke's hand slowly pulled away and that loss made Noah shiver slightly.

Hesitating and moving to him very slowly, Luke stepped closer to Noah. Noah could feel Luke's warm breath on his face. Luke was right in front of him. Luke stopped twice before he moved closer. His lips brushed against Noah's and they leaned into it. Both of them feeling their skin warm up. It was hesitative and cautious, like their first kiss.

This time it was Luke who pulled away first. He wanted to stay and keep kissing Noah, but he couldn't. His heart physically hurt that he could not be with Noah the way he wanted. Noah's forehead rested against Luke's for a moment and he heard Luke whisper ever so softly;

"Goodbye Noah,"

The next sound Noah heard was the door opening and then closing.

Followed quickly by his heart breaking and his wretched sobs.

I'm not a sadist I swear.

I warned you...I'm an angst junkie!

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