This is an all Noah chapter! Don't worry Luke will be in the next.

Just to preface - I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. I took liberties with Noah's doctor visit. Please keep that in mind!

Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven

Overdue Conversation

Noah, Maddie, and Casey went into Noah's room and Casey shut the door. Noah sat down on the bed while Casey turned the desk chair to face Noah. They were all settling in for what seemed a long conversation. Maddie and Casey were really unsure of what Noah wanted to talk about and Noah was unsure of the answers he was going to get to his questions. Basically, whether or not he wanted to hear them.

"Noah? Are you ok?" Maddie asked as she sat next to him on the bed.

"I just need to talk to you about some things. My doctor keeps telling me that I need to talk to the people in my life,"

"Hey man. We are your friends, you can talk to us about anything," Casey chimed in as he slid the rolling chair closer to the bed.

"He's right Noah. Whatever you need," Maddie said and then slipped her hand into Noah. She gave his hand an assuring squeeze. Noah felt a rush of strength flow through him. He needed to know and he knew that they would tell him. It only took a moment's courage.

"I want you guys to tell me, about Luke," Noah swallowed hard as the words came out. Maddie and Casey exchanged worried looks. "Come on guys, I need to know,"

"Like, what do you want to know?" Casey was stalling and Noah could hear it in his voice.

"I want to know everything! What he was thinking before he left…just start talking,"

"Well, he was…,"

"Miserable," Casey finished Maddie's sentence.

"CASEY!"

"He was Maddie. We all saw it. He looked exhausted all the time; like he was carrying a huge burden all by himself. And you know him, he would never complain or ask for help," Casey leaned back and looked at him friend. Noah swallowed again.

"What else?" Noah's jaw clenched.

"He wasn't talking care of himself. All he thought about 24/7 was…," Maddie begun and Noah cut her off.

"Me," Noah had to bite his tongue to keep himself from crying. His mind kept replaying what Luke looked like when he was drinking during the whole Brian affair. "You don't think he started drinking again do you?" Noah was afraid to ask.

"I don't think so,"

"He wasn't. I asked him," Maddie eyes locked with Casey's as she heard his declaration. He shrugged in response. Noah let out a sigh of relief. When Luke was drinking, everything else became an afterthought. At least Luke hadn't fallen quite that far.

"Did he tell you guys why he decided to leave?"

"He felt lost. You two weren't speaking and he said…,"

"What Casey?"

"He said that he couldn't stay and have you hate him. He was afraid that if he stayed and kept pushing you even though you told him not you, that there would be no way back. He was afraid he'd lose you," Maddie finished Casey's sentence.

"So, he left so he wouldn't lose me?" Noah could not hold back his annoyance. Luke made this decision without even talking to him. What else was new? Luke always acted and then thought.

"That's not the only reason," Maddie interjected.

"What else then?" Noah asked; he anger at Luke building.

"He said it was too painful. Seeing you and feeling this indifference coming from you, was too painful to feel every day. He felt like you didn't care about him or what happened to him," Maddie let out. She wanted to explain slowly; as if the words would hurt any less.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!"

"Isn't it? Isn't this conversation prove that you stopped paying attention?" Casey couldn't help but raise his voice now.

"Casey…," Maddie said in a tight forced whisper; like she was chastising a child.

"No Maddie, I'm done tip-toeing. Every day, every single day Luke got up and tried to help you; even though you made clear that you did not want him around. He faced this invisible wall that you put up and he never complained, did he? You stopped talking to him. You didn't even notice that he was barely sleeping. He was depressed in a way that I have not seen since he came out. So, I do not blame him for leaving. After three months of indifference and cold shoulders, what did you expect?" Casey finished his tirade and Maddie quickly jumped to her feet and pulled him away.

Noah let Casey words sink in and suddenly felt very sick. Every moment he had had with Luke in the past few months came flooding back. He blamed Luke for everything that had happened and he punished Luke for it. Every day. Luke tried to reach out to him many times and Noah batted him away at each attempt. Luke apologized every day; even for things that he didn't need to. The night he found Luke crying he should have said something, asked anything.

Noah knew that he still loved Luke, but did Luke know that? That same question had popped up.

"Did you really need to yell at him?" Maddie asked her boyfriend in a whisper as she joined him near the door.

"What Maddie, my best friend was hurting and I was just telling Noah what I saw. That's what he wanted to know. I was not going to sugar-coat for his benefit. He deserved to know the whole truth,"

"Casey's right," Noah said in an almost whisper voice. Maddie and Casey turned toward Noah and saw him slump against the headboard. His legs were pulled up to his chest and his hands were locked together around his knees. Maddie returned to Noah side and Casey stood at the foot of the bed.

"How are you feeling? Truthfully, right now?" Maddie asked. She knew that she may be pulling the stopper on a flood, but she wanted him to get better. Noah said his doctor wanted him to open up to those in his life. She figured he was already opening up by asking them these questions, now was as good a time as any. She certainly didn't want to wait and have him clam up again.

"Terrified. I pushed Luke away because I was afraid," Noah's head dropped and he fought back the tears that wanted out.

"Of what?" Casey asked. He leaned against the footboard and waited. What kind of excuse could he come up with for torturing his best friend for months?

"That I would not get better and Luke would leave me,"

"Luke would never do that," Maddie insisted. She ran her hand up Noah's left arm, over his shoulder and held onto the back of his neck. She could feel him shaking under her hand. She wanted him to know that no matter what, she would be here for him.

"I know. Deep down I know that! But there was another part of me that was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That what Luke and I were was too perfect to be real and this whole thing would make him see that. Make him see that I wasn't good enough for him and that he should just cut his losses and find someone without so much baggage with him all the time. If I pushed him away hard enough and blamed him long enough, then when he eventually did leave me, it wouldn't destroy me,"

"Well, it worked. He did leave you," Noah choked back a sob and hung his head even lower.

"CASEY!" Maddie snapped back at him. Casey threw his hands up, as if he was saying "What?"

"Is there anything that you need right now?" Maddie asked as she rubbed her hand back and forth on Noah back; hoping it was soothing even in the littlest bit.

"Yeah, just one thing, but I really need to get to sleep. I have a check-up tomorrow," Noah said as he straightened up and sniffled slightly. Maddie gave Noah a peck on the cheek and slid off the bed.

"Noah, I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, but…," Casey came to stand next to the bed and Noah stood up.

"No Casey. I'm glad that you told me the truth, at least someone did," Casey placed a hand on Noah's shoulder and Noah slapped him on the chest. He sat back down as he heard them retreat and close the door.

Noah sat slumped on the bed for a moment and then reached for his bedside table. He picked up his cell and flipped it open. Holding up the phone in front of his face, he spoke into it.

"Call Luke," his hand was shaking and his heart was racing. He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring through. After the fourth ring, his voicemail picked up.

"Hi, you've reached my phone, but I haven't reached my phone. So leave me a message, bye," Noah laughed slightly and closed his phone. He loved that message. He loved Luke's voice even more. Noah pushed himself back and lay down. He opened his cell again, put it to his ear and spoke into it.

"Call Luke,"

As Luke's message played again, Noah closed his eyes and listened. He repeated this process several more times before he fell asleep; still clutching his phone.

The next morning Noah, Lily, and Damian sat in his doctor's office. Now that his sight was gone, his sense of smell was even more acute. He thought the smell of a hospital was bad before, it seemed tenfold worse now. He could hear Damian paced slightly in a little box across from him. Lily was also nervous, he could her hear her fumble with her bracelets and watch back and forth. He leaned back and rubbed his sweaty hands on his thighs.

"You two need to relax, you're making me even more anxious,"

"Aren't you worried?" Damian inquired. He had always marveled in how Noah was so calm. That calmness always seemed to settle Luke. He wondered how his son was doing alone in Chicago. He had spoken to him a few times, but he was sure that he was getting the same canned response to his questions. He didn't want Damian to worry.

"Why should I be? I can't get any blinder," as politically incorrect as his joke was, Lily and Damian could not help but laugh. Noah's eye doctor soon entered.

"Good morning. Noah, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm all right, Dr. Pierce,"

"Any changes to make note of?"

"The light changes seem to be a bit stronger. Other than that, not really,"

"Well, let's have a look," Dr. Pierce said and wheeled his chair as close to Noah as he could.

After about twenty minutes of questions and various tests, Dr. Pierce begun to make notes on Noah's chart. He ran every test he could think of; from a light to test pupil reflexes to an ultrasound to check damage.

"Well, doc, what's the verdict?" Noah asked; he had always wanted to use that line.

"Noah, your pupils seem to be undamaged. They react to light like they should. From what I see, there seems to be adequate blood flow to the areas of the eye. The ultrasound did show that there be a problem deeper behind the eye,"

"What does that mean?" Lily asked. Noah was glad that she did, he suddenly lost his voice.

"A mass was located just past Noah's optic nerve,"

"What kind of mass?" Noah was able to scratch out.

"I don't think it's anything to be worried about. In my opinion, we are looking at a blood clot. The trauma to your eyes, caused your body to rush blood to the wounds to help in the healing, well that worked too well and now there is a blood clot,"

"Well, how do we go about getting rid of it?"

"I would recommend surgery. It is a very simple procedure. We go in and…," Dr. Pierce's voice drifted away from him and all he could think about was Luke. Lily squeezed Noah's hand and all Noah wanted was to have Luke here, holding his hand.

"Noah. Noah?" Dr. Pierce repeated several times. Lily shook his hand slightly and Noah came back to the then and now.

"Yes?"

"Do you have any questions for me?"

"Yeah. If you remove the blood clot or clots, will I be able to see again?"

"I don't want to get your hopes up, but with amble blood flow returned to this area of your eyes, it's a possibility,"

Noah let out a gasp and slumped in bit in chair.

"But like I said, I don't want to get your hopes up. You suffered a massive trauma and it could take a while before you can see again. Or you may wake up tomorrow and see just fine. The human body is an amazing machine and I'm here to help it out,"

"When do you want to do the surgery?" Noah asked. He hadn't said much; this all so surreal right now. He may be able to see again. He couldn't help but get his hopes up.

"Well, I recommend we do this as soon as possible. The longer we wait, the longer the blood flow is compromised. And there is also the risk of the clot moving," the doctor said in a very level voice. He scrolled through a menu on his computer and begun to flip through screens. "I have an opening the day after tomorrow at 8am,"

"That soon?"

"I'll take it," Noah said without hesitation. Damian and Lily looked at each other, but said nothing. This was Noah's decision. It was his life at stake. They also knew how much Noah wanted to get better.

"All right. I'll go out and make some arrangements and I'll meet you at the nurses' station," Dr. Pierce said and then left them alone.

"Did you hear that?" Damian asked them. "You might get your sight back," he could not contain the happiness in his voice. As much as he disapproved of Luke's relationship at first, he had come to care about Noah very much. And he was also very excited when he was able to adopt Noah to help save his life. Noah and he had not seen eye to eye in a while, but Noah's cold shoulder was beginning to thaw.

"I want you guys to promise me something," Noah took a deep breath.

"Anything sweetheart," Lily said as she squeezed Noah's hand.

"Promise me you won't tell Luke,"

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