This is an all Luke Chapter!
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Chapter Twelve
Letters Unsent
Scott and Luke had eaten dinner together four times this week; this time Luke even made spaghetti. He told Scott that he was an awful cook, but this was one meal he didn't screw up. That was the night that Scott found out Luke was half-Italian. It was in his DNA that he could not screw up a good red sauce. Scott's toes curled when Luke said his birth name was Luciano Eduardo Grimaldi, especially when he used a heavy Italian accent to say it. Luke then spoke in Italian for a minute and Scott almost jumped him right there. Be calm! Don't scare him off! Luke swore that the recipe was an old family secret, but Scott was almost positive he saw Prego jars in the garbage when they were cleaning up.
Next was a movie. Well, three to be exact. There was a Die Hard marathon on TV and Luke jumped at the chance to watch them all in one sitting. Noah wasn't a huge fan of action movies, so any chance he got to watch, he took. Noah. It was getting easier to think about him and not feel that dull ache in his stomach. Luke wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
Scott and Luke sat on Scott's sofa and watched the movies. Scott kept making side glances at Luke; gauging how the night was progressing. He moved his left arm to behind Luke's head along the back of the sofa. He could feel Luke soft hair on the edge of his forearm. He had been dying to run his hand through his hair since he walked into the lobby that day.
Through the first two movies, Scott had been moving himself closer and closer to Luke. They were almost thigh to thigh. Luke laughed at something in the movie and looked at Scott. His green eyes seemed to shimmer in the glow of the TV. He leaned toward Luke and Scott pressed his lips to Luke's. Luke lean in and cupped Scott's cheek with his left hand. Scott did not want to push Luke, but he found himself unable to stop. His licked his tongue across Luke's lower lip; asking for permission. Luke parted his lips slightly and Scott deepened the kiss. Luke moaned and wrapped his arms around Scott's neck. Scott's hands slid up from Luke's hips and rested on his waist. Scott slowly moved Luke back and settled between his knees. He lay on top of Luke and buried his hands in Luke's hair. He then begun to kiss along Luke's jaw and deeper into his neck. Luke's back arched as he felt small bites trail down his neck and along his shoulder. Luke could feel how much Scott wanted him. His arousal rubbed against Luke's and that action was like a jolt running through him.
He had to get out!
"Stop. Scott Stop!" Luke shoved Scott's shoulders and the man rose up slightly. Scott was breathing heavy and his pupils were blown way open.
"What is it?" He lightly brushed Luke hair off his forehead and then his fingers trailed down Luke's cheek.
"I, ah, I ah…" Luke's words were coming out staggered. His brain was trying to form a sentence.
"What's the matter baby?" It was the baby that did it. Luke had to get out and to his apartment.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this," he said as he pulled himself up and got off the couch. He grabbed his shoes and was out of the apartment before Scott could get his head around what just happened.
Luke unlocked his door and quickly closed it behind him. He didn't realize he was crying until brushed a bit of hair behind his ear.
"What was I doing?" He said out loud to no one. What he did know was he wanted a shower. He dropped his shoes and begun pulling off his clothes while he walked to the bathroom. By the time he entered the small bathroom, he was completely naked. He got in the shower and begun washing everything. Luke leaned his forehead against the warming tile and wept. Sobbed would be more accurate. The he started to scrub. He scrubbed until his hands were sore and his skin was raw. After he finished his "Silkwood" shower, he pulled on a pair of pajama pants and tank top. He padded into the living room and sat down at his laptop. He pulled up Word 2007 and opened up his most recent document.
He read once that the best way to exercise your demons was to write them down. Writing them down was like exposing them to the world. After that, they lost all power over you. Luke had been doing just that since he moved into this apartment. He had written them all in letter form; to Noah. He went back to the beginning and read back what he had written so far.
February 14th, 2010
Dear Noah,
It's Valentine's Day. As much as you hate to admit it, I think this is your favorite holiday. Sure it doesn't come with the tradition as Thanksgiving or the grandeur as Christmas, but for one day you allow yourself to open up and let your closet romantic out to play! Remember our first Valentine's Day. You gave me that card in Olde Towne and we imagined what our lives would be like without each other. Well, here it is Valentine's Day and I am without you right now. And I have to tell you…it sucks.
I miss you! I miss every single thing about you. Your smile, your laugh, your smell. I miss waking up with you and sharing breakfast. I even miss our tiny little apartment with the broken step and the dripping faucet in the kitchen.
I just finished talking to you. Hearing your voice was the best present I have ever gotten. Hearing you laugh and you sounded relaxed and happy. You sound like you are getting better. I'm so glad that you are; even if I didn't cause it.
As for your gift, I wanted you to have something that would have meaning to just you, but was unique as you are. When I saw that poster on eBay, I almost died of shock. As the bidding got heated and the time wore down, I could almost picture your face as you opened it. Seeing your beautiful baby blues light up as you realized what it was. I'm just sorry that I missed it.
I love you Noah. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you.
Love, Luke.
February 23rd, 2010
Dear Noah,
I got a new job today. I am a reporter for a local paper. When I say local I mean you can see Chicago from the parking lot…if you use a telescope. It is one the suburbs, but I am not complaining. Damian and my grandmother each tried to get my jobs working in Chicago; there are divisions of Grimaldi Shipping and WorldWide downtown. But I wanted to do all of this on my own. It's funny, I'm a reverse commuter.
I have been writing real short snippets for the paper; new book store opening; a local job fair. Fluff, fluff and more fluff, but I am not complaining. Well, maybe I am a little bit, but this the job I applied for and I am going to do this on my own.
I feel like I'm repeating myself. I just don't know what to say to you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I want you.
I hope you're feeling better.
What else can I say?
Love, Luke
February 28th, 2010
Dear Noah,
I made a friend today. Scott is my neighbor down the hall. He's also the super. He showed me around the building when I was still apartment hunting. He's an architecture major at Lake Forest. He came over with Chinese food and you know I can't say no to Chinese. It was nice to meet someone I can talk to here.
I should tell you about my place. This place a bit nicer than ours is in Oakdale. It's in this real nice neighborhood called Humboldt Park. You can see the park from my living room balcony. When the leaves come out this spring the view is going to be amazing. Am I going to be here that long? I don't know. I haven't thought about it at all.
Remember when we finally got our place. You stubbed your toe real hard on the front step. I think your big feet broke it even though you swear it was broke when you got there. I remember walking in and getting that smell. UGH! We never did find that origin of that smell did we? I'm laughing now just thinking about how we searched and searched for that phantom odor. It really wasn't a good apartment was it? It was always freezing at 2 in the morning. The floor in the bedroom was incredibly slanted. The bed didn't even sit flat. The faucet in the kitchen dripped constantly, even after you fixed it. But, despite all of its flaws, it was ours. Yours and mine. And that reason, my dear, was why I love it.
I love you.
Yours always,
Luke.
Luke moved the cursor to the bottom of the document and added today's entry. He was shaking as he typed.
March 5th, 2010
Dear Noah,
I have done something. I was at Scott's and I made him dinner. I made Gramma Emma's red sauce and linguini. Then we were going to watch a Die Hard marathon. Everything was going to great. We joked and laughed and it was nice to have a friend so far from everything. We ate and then were sitting down to watch the movie.
We finished the first two and things were still going well. We were half-way through the third one, when Scott kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
Pretty soon we were laying the couch making out. It felt good to be wanted by someone. Someone who didn't know everything about me. Who only knew me for me and nothing else. There was none of that baggage. Just two guys who are attracted to each other. Simple. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoyed it. Scott was enjoying it too from what I could tell.
Then I have never felt so awful in my life.
I got up right away and almost ran to my apartment. I needed to get out of there. When I got back to my apartment, I showered until my skin was pink. I was afraid that if I stayed I would end up sleeping with him. And I did not want that. I only want you and as long as we are in limbo, I will wait for you.
Love Always,
Luke.
Luke saved his work and then closed his laptop. He sat for a moment and then he made a mad dash for the bathroom. He threw up his dinner and retched until his eyes watered. He sat on the floor of the bathroom and brought his knees to his chest. He took long cleansing breaths and closed his eyes; hoping to calm his insides. His hugged his knees as close to his chest as he could.
God he missed Noah.
Well, whatta think! I know I'm going to have things thrown at me for the bit with Scott.
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