I walked into the loft, quietly shutting the door. All the lights were off, it was pitch black. I could see a little light coming from out room. I took off my coat and threw it over the couch and I rid myself of my shoes. I walked into our room and Spencer was under the covers and on her side, her book was on the floor. I walked to the bed and lifted up the covers and crawled in. I leaned over her back, "Spence" I said softly. She had no response, so I said it again "Spencer, please". I knew I was an ass, but I was just trying to save us, I was trying to make sure we were always together.

"Ash, I don't know if I really want to talk to you right now, maybe you should just sleep on the couch tonight and we can talk in the morning" she said in a low but loud enough to hear angry voice.

"Spence, please just turn around and look at me". She didn't roll over but she did shift a little.

"You really hurt me Ash". And I could tell by the hurt just dripping form this comment, but this was my in, she might not have looked at me but she did say something.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I want to explain". Right now I'm pretty much pulling words out of my ass, not in a bad way, but I'm not really sure how to convey what I'm feeling.

"This better be really good" she ruffed as she rolled over and her eyes met mine. They were blood shot and her skin was blotchy. She had been crying a lot. My heart sank at that moment and I felt sick to my stomach. I hated making her feel this way.

"Oh Spence" I whispered out and went to put my hand on her face, but she threw her hand up to stop mine".

"No Ash, don't touch, just start explaining why you went off on me like that and made me feel so…so…I don't even know what I was suppose to feel after that". Her eyes started to water up again.

"Look, I am so sorry for storming out like that. Just know that I love you more than anyone else on this earth and that will never change".

"I know you love me Ash, but sometimes for people love isn't enough and…"

"Spence…" I was not going to let her even finish that sentence "let me explain myself and why I was so…so…upset this afternoon". I was about to lay it all out there.

"Ok" Spencer said as she just looked into my eye, I think I sensed hope.

"I'm scared". I was off to a good start.

"You're scared. Scared of what"? Spence asked,

"I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of losing us. I'm scared that if I get on a plane and leave for a month you'll find someone better and move on. I know it's stupid and childish, but you said yourself relationships need more than love and if I'm gone and I'm not with you everyday…" her lips cut me off. It wasn't a forceful kiss, it was soft, but it was comforting and it made me feel safe.

"Ashley, you are not going to lose me. I can promise you that". She whispered as she rested her forehead on mine. She continued "I thought I was going to lose you tonight".

"I know, Spence and I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I try not to hurt you, but you know how well I handle these situations. I'm trying to get better, better for you. I just think sometimes that you're going to wake up one day and realize I'm not good enough for you". Laying my insecurities out for her was not easy, especially when I hear how stupid they sound when are coming out of my mouth.

"Ashley, you are perfect for me, and more than good enough. I don't think there is one thing I would change about you, even your awful tendencies to not talk things through. It's what makes you, you". I lean into her and capture her lips "I am so in love with you Spencer Carlin" I say in between kisses.

Spencer stops the kiss and pushes me back slightly. "What?" I say.

"For future reference you can't just come home and sweet talk me every time we get into a fight. You should be sleeping on the couch tonight". She has a serious look on her face.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch tonight?" I ask in a questioning tone, because I really don't know if she wants me to sleep on the couch tonight.

"I want you to go change out of the clothes you've been wearing all day". That still doesn't really answer my question, but I'm not going to push my luck. I kiss her and roll off the bed and change out of my clothes. I throw on some boy shorts, a sports bra and a t-shirt. I wash my face and brush my teeth and all that other stuff. I'm walking out of the bathroom and I just stop and stand there not quite sure where I'm sleeping tonight.

Spencer looks over at me and says something that I will never forget, not that it was something so profound or something deep, it was just funny and endearing. "Lose the shirt", it meant I was sleeping in the bed tonight. It also meant she was going to be sleeping very close and she would be rubbing my stomach. She made this rule awhile back where she got decide what I slept in.

We where in the middle of a pretty hot make out session on our bed. This tended to spontaneously happened everywhere in the apartment. We had been living together for four months and we couldn't get enough of each other. Like tonight, we were just getting ready for bed and the next thing I know where on the bed in the middle of it. My hands were in Spencer's shirt and working down towards her boxers. She was working on getting my shirt off and was having some trouble, she must have hit the limit because she just stopped and yelled "This is ridiculous, I can't get your shirt off. I should get to pick out what you wear to bed. In fact from now on I am!" I was still out of breath and focused on her lips sp I just responded, "Ok" and tried to continue kissing her, but she stopped me and said "lose the shirt" I tore off my shirt and dove back in.

She had been telling me what to wear to bed since then. I crawled into bed and she immediately scooted closer and rested her head in my shoulder. I kissed her head and just held her. We didn't need to have sex that night and we didn't want to, we just wanted to hold each other, hold each other to make sure the other one knew we would never let go.

It was at that moment when I decided I was going to propose to her. I didn't know exactly when, but I knew it was going to be sooner than later. Kyla was right, it didn't matter if it was on her hand or in my drawer. But what Kyla failed to mention and I didn't see till now, is how I would feel knowing that she said yes, it would be there for everyone to see on her hand. It was there for me to see, the symbol of our never ending love and commitment. I was going to propose to Spencer Carlin. My lips turned upwards and I kissed Spencer on the head.

"Were still talking about New York tomorrow, Ash" she muffled into my chest before she dosed off. All I could do was smile, because it hit me right then and there that she would be in charge of me and all my decision once we got married. It wouldn't matter though because she would be my wife and I would be hers.

I'm asking her to marry me. I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest person on earth right now; I don't think my life could get any better.

Man, I love this girl.