Well, I'm trying to speed things up a bit. I think this is becoming torture to some readers and I really want to write the ending!

Hope you like!

ENJOY!

Chapter Sixteen

A Feeling and Emotions

Luke had an unbelievable feeling of dread when he woke up. He felt so good when he went to sleep the night before. He spoke to Noah; briefly, but it was a start. That conversation had been longer than most of the ones he had tried to initiate when he was still living in Oakdale. Sure they didn't say much, but it was an important first step. He wished that he had been able to talk to him longer, but he knew why he didn't. Luke did not want to push him. Noah took the first step and reached out to him. But Luke was afraid that if he had pushed him farther, the whole thing would have fallen apart. He was going to take what he could right now.

Luke tried to brush off the dread feeling as he drove to work. He tried to shake it free while he worked on the first of his features on the mayoral candidates. He wished that the feeling would just go away. He was so distracted by this feeling that he wasn't watching what he was doing and managed to fill his coffee cup and poured another 8 ounces on his hand. Luke jerked his hand away fast, but the burn was there. The coffee spilled all over the break room's tile floor.

"Dammit!" Luke shouted and then ran cold water over his hand. He thanked his lucky stars that the coffee was several hours old and not fresh. Any fresher and he would have to visit the ER.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked as he started to help Luke clean up the spilt coffee.

"Yeah, I've just had this bad feeling all day. I woke up with it,"

"Well, have your keys?" Luke nodded in the affirmative. He then nodded yes to Sam's suggestion towards birthdays, appointments, or deadlines. They also concluded that it wasn't the weather. Luke could plainly see from their second story office that the sun was out and the snow was slowly fading.

"There's nothing I can think of. I just can't get rid of it," Luke said and shook his body like he was trying to physically shake away the feeling.

"I had that happen once. Woke up with this bad feeling, like something was gonna happen or that I forgot something. Something big,"

"That's it exactly. It's just sitting in the pit of my stomach and I can't shake it," Luke said as he and Sam walked back towards their respective offices. Well, Sam had an office, Luke had a cubicle.

"Never forget that day,"

"What day was it?" Luke asked, what could have happened that he would remember a feeling that he had.

"9/11. The feeling was with me the entire day, from the second I woke up that morning. A full hour before the first plane hit. Take it easy and call home. You'll feel better," Sam said as he went back to his office.

Luke sat at his desk and stared at his laptop. His screen saver had kicked in with those color-tinted bubbles dancing and bouncing across the screen. He thought about what Sam had said. He knew at a 100% certainty that if anything had happened at home, someone would call him. That he knew for sure. He decided that this feeling was his body's reaction to Noah calling, maybe he was homesick. But he had been homesick before, this was different.

"Screw it," he whispered to himself as he pulled out his cell. The clock on his cell read 1:00. He called his mom. He figured that she would be going to or coming from lunch. He could catch her alone. The phone rang three times before she answered.

"Hey mom,"

"Hi honey,"

"So, how is everything?" Luke reclined back in his swivel chair and looked up at the ceiling. The no-longer white ceiling tiles were slightly stained above his desk.

"Just fine baby. How are you?" She sounded distracted. Maybe he was interrupting her.

"I'm fine. Ah, mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you in a meeting? Or busy?"

"No, honey. I'm just putting Ethan down for a nap,"

"Oh, I can call back later,"

"Maybe that would be better. I promise you will get my undivided attention next time,"

"Oh. Ok. Love you,"

"Love you too sweetheart. Talk to you later," Lily said and the line cut off.

Well, that did nothing to alleviate his anxiety.

Lily looked down at her cell phone and felt incredibility guilty. She had never done that to Luke before. She never turned away from him like that. She knew that it would hurt Luke, but she knew that if she had stayed on the phone any longer, she would have said something. She would let slip that she wasn't putting Ethan down for a nap. She in fact had been sitting on the fifth floor of Oakdale Memorial, watching Noah sleep until her phone rang. She stepped into the hall so she could speak to Luke above a whisper. Noah had been brought out of the OR about one hour before and he was going to be out for a while. Not to mention, she was not suppose to have her cell on in the first place. She dropped her powered down phone into her purse and stepped back into his room.

She breathed a slight sigh when she realized that he had not woken when her cell rang. She stepped close to Noah bed and sat back down. Lily slipped her hand into Noah's and was determined to wait there until he woke up.

Noah felt his hands and then his arms and then his chest. Slowly, ever so slowly, he was waking up. He shifted and felt like his weighed a ton heavier, like he was moving in water. He groaned and tried to sit up. His nearly conscious. He felt like he was on the edge of a dream, fighting to wake up. He could hear voices around him; one he was sure was Lily's.

"He's waking up. Faith, go get a nurse," Lily said and Noah heard the door close. The voices sounded almost like they were traveling through water. Noah drifted back to sleep. He fought to stay awake, but he just could not hold on.

He felt himself waking again; it was two hours later. On instinct he reached up and touched his bandaged eyes. He felt hands on top of his, pulling his away.

"Don't do that Noah. You need to leave them on," said the soft voice of Maddie. How many people were here? Lily wasn't supposed to tell anyone. He tried to speak but his throat was so dry. "Here, drink some water it'll help," he could feel a straw being put to his lips. He sucked gently and felt the cold liquid slide down his desert dry throat. He let out a soft moan as his throbbing throat cooled slightly.

"What are you doing here?" Noah was able to scratch out. "I didn't want anyone to know,"

"Don't be mad. I saw you being wheeled down the hall and I almost attacked Mrs. Grimaldi to get the goods," Noah could almost picture Maddie going after Lily to get some answers. He laughed at the thought of it. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked and then put the straw back to Noah's lips.

"I didn't tell anyone,"

"But I'm not anyone Noah. Does Luke know?" Noah silence was her answer. "Do you realize how upset he's going to be when he finds out?"

"I didn't want to disappoint anyone,"

"What?" Maddie got up and started to pace. Do not yell at your blind friend. Do not yell at your blind friend.

"People are already treating me differently. I can tell. If this didn't work, that would be even worse. And I didn't want people fussing over me while I was in here. It takes away whatever independence I have left," Maddie stopped pacing and looked on her friend. He was sitting up in the bed now. His blue gown seemed to make him look even sadder. The white bandages made him look even frailer. "If I told Luke, he would be here,"

"And that would be bad?"

"No. I just, whenever I hear the hurt in his voice, it just kills me. I couldn't go through all of this and have to hear his voice when he found out that it didn't work. I'm going to him tell him, I really will. Just let it be for now, please, Maddie,"

Maddie could tell that her friend was definitely hurting. He was missing Luke quite frankly maybe nearly as much as Luke was missing him.

"Maddie?" Noah asked to the room. She wouldn't just leave.

"All right. But if this blows up in your face, I reserve the right to tell you that I told you so," she poked at his ribs and Noah laughed in response.

"Deal," he smiled as she raised his glass to his lips again.

Luke got home from work even later than he thought he would. He had just enough energy to pull his shoes off and drop his jacket on the floor. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There wasn't much in there. Few bottles of water, a couple dried out apples, and a leftover pizza that was probably a science experiment now. As he stood there he realized he really wasn't hungry. He couldn't even remember eating at all today. Luke grabbed a bottle of water, wandered into the living room and dropped down onto the sofa. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. He would attempt another call to his mom.

The clock on the living room chimed 7 o'clock and Lily's phone rang. She took her phone off the coffee table and read on the display that it was Luke. She took a deep breath and opened her phone.

"Hey baby,"

"Hi mom," Luke said and felt relief pull some of his dread away. How is it that listening to your mother's voice will calm nerves, lift spirits, and ease pain. He sunk back into the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry about earlier,"

"No, I understand. Other things to do," Luke said. Lily closed her eyes as she heard the hurt in his voice. She wasn't ignoring him, even though that's what it seems like. Noah needed her so much and she needed to take care of him. Perhaps it was Luke's leaving that made her cling to Noah so much. One son was gone and now she was taking care of another.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine,"

"Luukkee," she drew out his name. She knew he was not telling him the truth.

"Well, this morning I woke up I had this bad feeling that I wasn't able to shake all day. Is everything ok there?" Luke asked and took a drink of water. Lily steeled herself to lie to her first born.

"Everything is fine sweetheart. The kids are great, your father and I are fine, your dad is doing well, your grandmother and Emma are as indestructible as always, and Noah is doing well,"

As soon as he heard his name, he leaned forward on his sofa. His attention had been heighted.

"Is he really ok? I mean really,"

"Of course he is, well, he's the same," she bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted to tell him, but she wanted to respect Noah's wishes and hoped that things worked out. She heard Luke yawn and laughed to herself. "Honey, are you all right? Really,"

"I'm working a bit too hard, but other than that I'm fine. I'm just really tired,"

"Well, you go to sleep and we can talk later," Luke yawned again and decided she was right. He looked at time and wanted to sleep so badly.

"Goodnight mom,"

"Goodnight baby. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself,"

"I will. Bye,"

"Bye,"

Luke put his cell down on the coffee table and sat back. He relaxed into the sofa and felt the dread begin to pull away from him. He knew that there was nothing wrong. His mom would have told him. There was no way she would keep something from him.

The next two weeks were more of the same.

Luke working too much and sleeping too little. He was still having a hard time sleeping without Noah. He just could not sleep alone anymore. He was use to having a body against him, warm breath on his neck, arm draped over him. It was like sleeping without a blanket or a pillow; it just didn't work out well. Scott was his only distraction. He was able to relax and just be with him. He didn't think about Oakdale or his family or Noah when they were together. Luke still only saw him as a friend, but it made the day-to-day easier knowing that Scott was there for him.

Noah was getting better from his surgery. He continued to get frustrated. He wanted to get the bandages off, but his doctors wanted to be sure that they gave him time to heal. Dr. Johns told him that if they rushed things, the surgery may be all for naught. He told her that the longer they waited, they longer Luke had to be gone. He couldn't help but have romantic movie caliber daydreams of showing up at Luke's apartment with roses and sight.

But this was reality.

Things didn't work out they way we wanted no matter how hard we tried or wanted them to.

Here he was again. In Dr. Pierce's office. Nervous and anxious. Lily was sitting next to him and Damian was pacing again. Noah was leaning forward with his elbows resting on the knees. This was almost the same scene when they were waiting for his last appointment. Noah was just busting with a flood of emotions. He was worried, anxious, excited, nervous, name the emotion he was feeling it.

"Good afternoon," Dr. Pierce said as he entered the small exam room followed up a young nurse. Noah sat up and rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs. "How are you today?"

"Good. Are they coming off today?" Noah inquired.

"Yes. Unless you want them to stay on?" Dr. Pierce teased.

"No, I'm ready,"

The doctor sat on his rolling stool and pulled himself in front of Noah. Noah could smell the other man's cologne and his mint mouthwash. He just could not calm his bouncing knee as the doctor cut the side of his bandage and begun unrolling the gauze. Everything around him became lighter and lighter, but he had that before the surgery. Dr. Pierce pulled the rest of the bandages off and Noah squeezed his eye tightly shut. This was it. Damian stood just behind the doctor and Lily clung to his arm with a vice-like grip.

"Noah?"

"The light is too bright," Noah winced as the pain of it ran through his head. Dr. Pierce nodded to his nurse and she turned them down slightly. Noah could see that the light was less and slowly opened his eyes.

"All right Noah, let's see," Dr. Pierce said as he put a couple fingers under his chin and pulled his face up to his. "Tell me what do you see?"

I had to do it. I had to leave it in this spot. Please don't hate me!

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