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Chapter Nineteen

A Trip Planned

The next week Noah went in to see Dr. Johns as usual. It was the first time actually seeing her. He sat in her office and took in everything. Her carpets were a soft cream color and the walls were a darker beige. All to give that calming effect. You didn't see too many doctors office painted a bright red. The windows were facing north and got a nice flow of sunlight from the spring sun. There were tranquil beach and forest paintings on the walls and everything the room suggested relaxation. It almost reminded Noah of a spa.

The door opened and Noah got to see Dr. Johns for the first time. She was about 45, with medium length curly hair. Her eyes were light green and she had an easy smile. She sort of reminded Noah of Lily. She was a very attractive woman.

"Hi Noah,"

"Hi Dr. Johns," he said with a smile. It was the first time she had really seen him smile. Of course, there were moments where she saw a smirk or half smile, but that usually involved him telling her a story. This was an unprovoked, natural smile. She smiled back as he entered her office.

Noah sat down and the doctor sat across from him.

"Well, what should we talk about?" She asked and they both started to laugh. "How does it feel? Being able to see again?"

"It's great. I never realized how much I took for granted before,"

"Like what?"

"Like, how blue the sky gets when winter's over. How much plaid I have in my wardrobe," he said to get a laugh out the doctor. It worked.

"I had noticed that one,"

"That's nothing. Every shirt Luke owns has stripes on it," he said without thinking and then had to swallow back the lump in his throat.

"Six minutes. I think that might be a record," Dr. Johns said as she looked at her watch. "Have you talked to him lately?"

Noah shook his head to answer her.

"I called the day after the Dr. Pierce gave me the all clear. But ah,"

"But what, Noah?"

"Another guy answered his phone. Said he was in the bedroom. I hung up right after that,"

"Why?"

"I freaked out. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him how I was doing, to just hear his voice, but when I heard that other guy's voice…I couldn't think,"

"Well, it's been a week. What are you thinking now?"

"That I'm too late. I let him get away," his voice was so sad and grave.

"You told me yourself that you and Luke had been through so much. A marriage, your father, do you really think that Luke would give up on you so easy?"

"I didn't exactly make it hard for him to leave. I was distant and angry. More importantly I was cruel and I was cruel when I wasn't even trying," he was hitting some real good points and the doctor just let him talk. "I am glad that I couldn't see because to see the look on his face when I said the things I did," he stopped; he voice caught in his chest.

Dr. Johns stayed quiet.

"To see his face when I said the hurtful things I did, to see his heartbreak over and over…I don't think I would be able to handle that. Just thinking about it is enough," his eyes were trying desperately to keep his tears from falling. "Thinking back on it now, I'm surprised he stayed as long as he did. Maybe Casey was right,"

"About?"

"Luke had to leave me to save himself,"

"I'm not sure that's true,"

"I am. When you can't see, all you can do is think. Luke has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Just seeing him with his family, you would understand. I hurt him, most of the time, on purpose. He hadn't left, the Luke that I fell in love with, would not exist anymore,"

"Noah, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You went through a very traumatic experience; it is only natural to lash out at those responsible,"

"But that's just it. It wasn't Luke's fault," Noah said and Dr. Johns could see the realization come across his face. He let out soft laugh and looked at his feet. "It wasn't his fault,"

"You wanna know what I think?" She asked and Noah raised his eyebrow. "I think that you are being too hard on yourself and anyone who loves you would agree with me. If Luke loves half as much as you say he does, he would forgive you in a heartbeat," she leaned back in her chair and let him digest that. She glanced at her watch and saw that their session was almost over. "If what you are saying is true, don't you think that you owe it to yourself to find out for sure that Luke has moved on? I can see that he is extremely important to you and who you have become; I think having someone like that in your life is very vital to your recovery. In any capacity,"

Noah left the office and thought about what the doctor said as he rode down to the lobby. He thought about it as he left the building and got into a cab. It was true that he missed Luke every single second. The whole, "First thing he thought of in the morning and last thing he thought of before bed" thing. He wanted Luke to be back with him, but if he was happy now…he wasn't going to get in the way of that. But he was also not going to just stay by either.

He arrived at his destination and rode the elevator to the 15th floor. He entered the office and was surprised by how many people worked here. He was so use to just seeing a handful of office workers at the many times he was here. Noah could feel his hands sweat as he could closer to the huge wooden doors outside her office. What if she says no? He decided to chance it and knocked.

"Come on," he heard called out. He made sure his hands were dry and entered the office.

"Hello darling, what can I do for you?" She asked as she took off her glasses and set them down on her desk. Noah closed the door and walked across the room to her. She looked up at him with a loving, but worried gaze.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Walsh. I need a small favor,"

The next day the sun was shining and the temperature was 75 degrees. Well, Luke's computer said it was 24 degrees Celsius. He really had to sit down and figure out how to change that. All he knew was it was warm. He put his heavy parka in the closet and grabbed for his light army jacket. He ran his hands through his hair; he really needed a haircut; and left to meet Scott. After almost a month of moping and not being able to eat much, Luke was finally feeling good.

Work was going great.

He was making a lot of good friends and the weather was finally warm.

What was there to complain about?

He still missed Noah every single day, but how was he to do anything about it while he was here. He sat down at the little coffee shop that he and Scott stumbled on while shopping one day. It was a real relaxing place. Funny considering that they sold a highly addictive legal stimulant. There was a bean roaster in the front window and the smell inside was enough to get his mouth watering. He walked inside, ordered his usual and grabbed a table right by the windows. He was early. He was never early; even he was amazed by that. Luke leaned forward on the table and took a long sip of his coffee.

He had come to a decision and was waiting for Scott to show up so he could talk to him about it.

Scott came in right after the thought went through him. Scott got his coffee along with a double chocolate muffin and joined Luke. Luke laughed at Scott. The muffin was the size of a softball.

"Well, I've come to a decision," Luke said and he saw Scott's eyebrows perk up. "I'm going to go home. At least for the weekend,"

"I think that's a great idea,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've seen your face when you get off the phone after talking to someone from home. You make me homesick for Oakdale," Scott took a huge bite of his muffin and offered some to Luke; who declined. "Still not hungry?" Scott asked with a concern heavy voice.

"I ate before I left home," Luke lied. He heard the concern in Scott's voice. He had been feeling sick for some time, but with his flu gone, he was sure that his appetite would come back on its own. "So are you going to ignore what I asked you the other night?" Luke asked. Scott looked at him as if he was clueless. Luke gave him trademark eye roll and smirk. "When are you going to ask Will out?"

"I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Oh come on! He is so in love with you. Why do you think that he hits on guys right in front of you?" Luke asked and then burst into a fit of laughs.

Scott suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He had mentioned to Luke that he and Will had a hot night a couple years ago, but for Luke to think that Will was in love with him was crazy. He was about to make a point of calling him nuts, when he saw Luke stare off. He looked over his shoulder and saw the back of a dark haired man leave the coffee shop.

"Are you ok? Who was that?"

"I don't know. He looked familiar," he said as he got up. He walked around the table and Scott got up behind him. They walked across the coffee shop toward the door. "It official, I've decided. This weekend I'm going to go home,"

The next moment was like in slow motion.

Luke screamed and fell to his knees. He fell into an empty table and sent everything on it to the hard wood floor; shattering all the glass to pieces.

"Luke!" Scott slid to Luke's side and rolled him onto his back. His face was twisted in pain and he was holding his stomach. Scott could see veins bulging in his neck and his face was getting redder by the second. "Call an ambulance!" He yelled at the barista behind the counter. "What's wrong? Talk to me. Luke?" He tried to keep his voice as calm as he could, but inside he was freaking out. Luke was thrashing back and forth. His left arm had a tight grip around his stomach while his right had a huge hold on Scott's jacket sleeve. Scott ran an hand over his cheek to calm him; Luke's skin was cold and clammy to the touch.

Luke felt like his insides were on fire. The shooting pain that rocked through his body was like nothing he ever felt. He looked up at Scott, but he couldn't speak. He wanted to tell him what was wrong, but in a second, everything was black.

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