Summary: Laura was just your average woman, until a freak accident involving her television set, the Advent Children dvd, and lightning strike transported her to Gaia. And that's only the beginning of the story!

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own FFVII or Advent Children. Just a single copy of the movie. Now put the pitchforks and torches away.

Queen's Quornor: Well, here is another humorous chapter. Worry not, the angst shall return soon enough. But right now, we merely have another hilarious situation involving Laura and the SHM. Oh, and for those of you wondering in the last chapter about the authenticity of the pictures mentioned in Voyeur, let's just say that there were long-ranged camera lenses involved in the attainment of said pictures. After all, don't you thing that famous faces such as Cloud, Tifa, and Reno would have stalkarazzi of their own? Just because they ain't in Advent Children doesn't mean they don't have them! And really, why wouldn't Reno have just picked some random woman out of the bars and screwed her? A lot of people seem to agree with me in saying that that sounds like something he'd do. Oh, and sorry about the crappy sparring sequence. I've never had the privilege of martial arts training, so I kinda had to fudge this in order to make it work. And there's angry sex in here. It's pretty graphic, to say the least. Just thought I'd warn ya.

Walking a Thin Line

Duck, punch, block, kick. Block, block, block, kick.

Never thought I'd be able to keep up with Loz. Never would have dreamed it, in fact!

Laura was currently sparring with the eldest Remnant in front of the house, with Yazoo and Kadaj watching and throwing catcalls and praise. She had been looking for a good sparring partner for quite a while, fearing that her ju-jitsu was becoming rusty. Yazoo was normally Loz's sparring partner, but he had willingly stepped aside so Laura could take on his brother.

They had gone four rounds already. Loz had won all of them, but Laura was getting a better measure of his abilities. She suspected he had a weakness, and knew she could exploit it to win. If she could figure out what it was, that was…

She ducked another punch by dropping vertical to the ground on her hands and shoulders, then snapped her spine so she launched herself right back to her feet, aiming another punch directly at his groin. Loz managed to get his jewels out of mortal danger, and tried to hit her again.

His style centers more around punching rather than kicking. Maybe I can use that to my advantage…

She blocked that punch the snapped her foot up and out, driving her foot into his stomach. Loz predictably folded, and that foot came up again, connecting solidly beneath his chin and sending him flying. I may not be able to do Tifa's flip-kick, but I manage. Pretty darn well, if their whistling is any indicator.

"Very good, Laura. But he could have had you if you had kept hesitating like that," Yazoo coached. "Remember: you won't win if you hesitate. Loz can take whatever you throw at him. Don't hold back!"

Who the hell does he think he is; my old sensei or someone? He relies more on Velvet Nightmare than his fists!

Loz got up and resumed his combat stance, looking somehow incomplete without his customary weapon. Since this was mere sparring rather than actual fighting, he had removed his Dualhound and left it in his brothers' care. Laura was thankful that such was the case; she didn't know if she could survive a fully-charged hit from that nasty weapon. Loz was a tough opponent even when he wasn't using it.

"Watch out for that left hook, Laura!" Kadaj called.

She nodded, and waited for her opponent to make the first move, fists at the ready.

Loz did not disappoint. He raced for her, fist already poised to drive her into the ground. She dropped to the ground, snapping both feet out as she fell. Let this work, let this work, let this work!

This resulted in the Remnant flying back a few feet and curling up in the dirt like an overcooked shrimp, a high-pitched whimpering emitting from his throat at regular intervals.

Laura paused, wondering if he was okay, then whirled around in surprise as Kadaj and Yazoo began applauding her.

"Way to go, Laura! He's down for the count!" Her lover whistled through two fingers, a wild contrast to Yazoo's polite clapping.

"Thanks, guys. Loz, are you okay?" she called, concerned. He still hadn't gotten up.

Her only reply was another whine, then a high-pitched "No."

Cautiously, she approached the spike-haired Remnant. He might just be putting on an act to attack me when my defense is down. "Can I get you something?"

"Don't touch me, you meanie!"

"Don't act like a baby, Loz." She turned to look at the younger brothers, kneeling beside him. "Can you guys get me an ice pack and some duct tape? I think he's more hurt than I intended him to be."

They exchanged glances, then Yazoo went into the house while Kadaj joined her in looking at Loz. "You all right, brother?"

"Hurts," Loz whimpered.

"Well, if he couldn't reproduce before, he definitely can't now," he quipped. "Don't worry, Loz. Yazoo will have some ice for you, as soon as he finds that material and freezes some water. And breaks it up and puts it in a bag."

"Doesn't help."

"Hey, it'll at least numb the pain and let you start healing. And I'm sorry, ok?" Laura said, stroking his hair comfortingly. It was as stiff and hard with gel as she had expected.

Loz rolled his head to look at her. "Nobody's ever apologized to me before."

Why am I not surprised? "Well, I am. I hope you can forgive me."

He put his head back down in its former position, curling up a little tighter. "I'll think about it."

"Here's the ice," Yazoo proclaimed, returning and handing Laura a plastic bag filled with frozen chunks of water and a roll of silvery tape.

"Loz, will you roll onto your back and spread your legs, please?" she asked.

"No. It fucking hurts!"

"I know it hurts. But it's not going to get any better until I put this ice on your crotch. So roll over already!"

He shook his head violently. "Get away from me, you evil, evil woman!"

She sighed, taking the insult in stride. She'd been called worse things before, on many separate occasions. "Kadaj? Yazoo? Little help please?"

They nodded and grabbed their older brother, rolling him onto his back and yanking his legs apart, pinning his arms with their legs. Loz howled at the aggravation to his injury, gaining him a smack across his leather-clad six-pack from Laura.

"Hold still and this will be over soon, you big baby," she scolded, reaching for the zipper that held his bodysuit together. Kadaj frowned and Loz struggled when she yanked it down, pulling the leather further down his body so the injured part was exposed to sunlight.

I'd say it's nice, but it's all purple and mottled and shit. Not a nice way to introduce your trouser snake to a gal; not a good first impression at all.

"Laura!" Loz yelped. "Pull that back up!"

"And leave you in pain? I don't think so."

"But it's embarrassing!"

"Loz, it's not like I'm going to have sex with you. All I'm going to do is put a fucking ice pack on your half-dead dick. So hold still, shut up, and let me do this!" Ignoring Loz's protests and trusting his brothers to hold him down, she began tearing off strips of tape and strapping them onto one side of the bag. Once that was done, she looked at her accomplices. "Hold him steady. This'll make him buck." In response, they sat on his arms harder and drew his legs back as hard as they could.

"The patient is ready, Dr. Laura," Kadaj said, smirking down at his wide-eyed older brother.

"Thank you, Nurse Kadaj." That remark made him scowl, and Yazoo chuckled softly. "My thanks to you as well, Nurse Yazoo." The chuckle was immediately replaced with a glare, but Laura didn't notice. She had stretched the ice pack out and was currently lowering it between Loz's legs.

The moment it touched his crotch, Loz shrieked and started fighting again. Kadaj and Yazoo were just barely able to hold him down, and urgently implored the woman to hurry up. Laura was already going as fast as she could, arranging the ice pack so it covered the entirety of his dick and sac, and pressing down the duct tape so it lay smoothly against his groin. Then she tore off a few more strips and taped them on, making absolutely sure the ice pack wouldn't move. Sitting back on her heels, she surveyed her work with a critical eye.

Gonna hurt like a bitch when he tries to get the tape off, but at least it'll stay in place. "Okay, guys. You can let him up now. Loz, leave that ice pack in place. It'll make sure there's not too much swelling, and numb the area so the pain will go away. Still, I'd advise you to abstain from jacking off for a few days, ok?"

As Kadaj and Yazoo stood up, he gave her a confused look. "What's 'jacking off?'"

All three of them rolled their eyes. "She means no touching your dick until you're healed, Loz." Kadaj grabbed her arm and began leading her away into the woods. "And please, for the love of Holy, pull that zipper back up. None of us want to see that!"

Laura was hard-pressed to keep up with him, because he was basically dragging her behind him. "Kadaj, slow down!"

He stopped beside a patch of tall grass surrounding a single tree, yanking her in close to him. There was an angry fire in his yellow-green eyes. "Say you like me more than my brother."

"What?" she asked, confused by his sudden change of mood.

"Say it!"

"Kadaj, you know I like you more than I like Loz. You're the one I love, not him!"

"Then why were you smiling when you saw him?"

"But I wasn't…" Her eyes widened suddenly as she thought back. Oh no… I was smiling, wasn't I? But that was just because that situation was damned ridiculous! "Kadaj, no! It wasn't like that!"

"You know I hate liars, Laura." His face was only inches away from hers, the fury in his eyes extremely obvious as such close range. "And you're lying to me."

"Kadaj, I was smiling because…" But he didn't want to listen to her. He was already tearing off her clothes and forcing her back against the tree, so full of rage that he scared her. "Kadaj, stop. Wait a minute! Stop!"

"You're mine, Laura. Mine! Do you understand that? You belong to me!" There were tears in his eyes now, angry tears.

Oh shit… I never thought he'd think… I'd never betray you, Kadaj! Especially not with one of your brothers!

She was totally naked now, and Kadaj wrapped his fist in her hair, yanking her head down for a passionate, forceful kiss (reasserting his ownership. He's marking his territory, which means me) and then back to expose her throat. Laura gasped when his lips feasted on the tender flesh, followed immediately by a hard bite. She knew she's have a mark to show when he was finished, as he must have intended. Kadaj was a fan of biting, but he usually didn't leave them where someone could easily see them. He wants Yazoo and Loz to see that one, wants to show them that I am his.

She could only gasp and hold onto the ghost-pale bark of the tree as he dropped to his knees, taking her hips in a vice-like grip and holding her steady while he ravished her with his tongue. He licked, sucked, bit, and stroked every inch of her slit, until she was screaming for him to fuck her. But he didn't obey; he just kept driving her onward, skillfully keeping her dancing between pleasure and pain while holding ecstasy just out of her reach. He punished her with that which she loved, torturing her until she was crying for him.

"Kadaj, please! Don't do this to me! Fuck me already!"

He drew back to look at her, his eyes still wet and full of mingled hurt and rage. "Do you promise you'll never look at another man ever again? Including my brothers?"

"Yes, I swear I won't! I promise!" It didn't matter what she was agreeing to, as long as he gave her the climax he had so long denied her. "Just let me cum!" she wailed.

He ripped the zipper of his bodysuit down and pulled out his erection, standing up and pressing against her so it was hot and threatening between their stomachs. "You are mine. Mine, Laura! Never forget that!"

"I won't forget it! I won't! I promise I won't! Just fuck me already!"

"Tell me what you want, Laura," he demanded. "Tell me!"

"I want you to put that thick cock in my little pussy! I want you to fuck me right against this tree! I want to feel your jizz in my tight little cunt! I want you to make me cum!" She let him see the tears in her eyes. "I want you, Kadaj! You and nobody else! Only you!"

He smiled at her. She knew it was supposed to be cruel, but the pain in his eyes, the desperate need for her love and reassurance, told her otherwise. She had hurt him by smiling at Loz, as unintentional as it had been. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, but knew he wouldn't accept that right now. He was too busy establishing his dominance over her. "That's a good little slut. Now hold still while I fuck that little cunt of yours raw!"

She nearly screamed when he rammed into her. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure unlike any she had ever experienced before, almost too much for her to bear. But he didn't give her a chance to adjust. He shoved into her as hard and fast as he possibly could, his nails digging into her hips so she stayed completely still. All the while, his eyes were locked onto hers, allowing her to see the tears streaming from the citrine orbs.

The orgasm was fast in coming, and soon followed by another as he kept going. It was as painful as it was pleasurable, and finally she found herself screaming for him to just let go, and stop torturing her.

At last, he ejaculated into her. As soon as he was finished, he pulled out of her and stumbled away, sitting on the dirt and drawing his legs up against his chest, crying into his knees. Laura clearly heard his words through his sobs.

"Don't leave me, Laura… Don't abandon me… Don't leave me to her…"

As much as it hurt to walk, she made her way over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He buried his face in her chest, sobbing as hard as his body would let him, and she held him to her as he poured out his pain.

I won't leave you, Kadaj. I promise I won't.

I'll never leave you.