What Tsunade hated most about Monday mornings were that they always guaranteed a surplus of paperwork and a lack of peace. She could care less about how the council wanted coffee in the break room, or that someone complained about the amount of noise their neighbors made, or any of the other non-mission-related documents that reached her desk.
Goodness, do all the villagers expect me to deal with their petty little problems? Tsunade complained as she signed yet another document concerning the quality of the recycling system.
Shizune comes in with another stack of papers.
Tsunade stopped her writing and groaned.
"More work? How much more can I take before wrinkles start to appear?"
"Don't worry, this is the last of it, but do you honestly thought that there wouldn't be consequences for taking Sunday breaks?"
"Dammit, I deserve at least one day off a week! No Hokage could do this twelve hours a day and not go insane."
"I don't know, I heard the Third Hokage thrived on this kind of work, something about helping the village as a whole."
"Well I know one thing, I don't like dealing with this junk. I need a drink."
Tsunade reached out for the bottle of sake, but Shizune managed to get to it first.
"Not at this time, Hokage-sama. The last thing you need is to be drunk while there's still a lot of work to be done."
Tsunade groaned.
Shizune reaches out her other hand.
"And the one in the drawer."
Tsunade groaned, and gave her assistant the other bottle.
And with that, Shizune leaves with both the sakes in hand, and Tsunade is left with several stacks of paperwork to complete. Tsunade let out a grin once the door closed.
Nice try, Shizune, but I'm not Hokage just for my super strength.
Tsunade took out a bottle hidden with the scrolls. She was surprised to find that the bottle cap was already loose. Wrinkly black objects floated inside the liquid.
.......Dear kami, those better be raisins.
She put the bottle down, opting not to find out.
A breeze erupted from in front of her. Tsunade looked up.
I could have sworn that fan was unplugged when I got here.
Papers began to shift, and Tsunade did her best to keep the stacks in place.
She felt more air behind her. She turned around to see the window open.
Okay, I know for sure all the windows were closed.
Papers flew out the window.
"Drat!"
She jumped off her chair and reached for them, but they glided down to the ground below. The papers that have been subdued by the weight of her arms now flew out as well and rained down outside the building like giant confetti.
"DRAT! SHIZUNE!"
Her assistant rushes in.
Huff "Yes Tsuna....oh!"
""GET DOWN THERE AND GET THOSE PAPERS, OR GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!"
"Right away, Tsunade-sama!"
Shizune immediately ran out of the office. Before the Hokage could follow her, she tripped.
She then noticed that her ankles were tied with red yarn.
How the hell?!
She yanked out the yarn, which resulted in a rash burn above her ankles.
Someone was in her office, somewhere, right now, and pulling off the tricks as she moved around.
What is this? An invisibility jutsu? Shrinking jutsu? Whoever is doing this; they're going to pay!
The vent in one of the walls opened, and suddenly firecrackers were scattered throughout the office's floor.
POP! POP! CRACKLE! POP! CRACKLE! SHHSHZ! POP!
"GAAAAH!"
Tsunade ducked under her desk. Once the noise died down, she emerged, red faced and very, very pissed.
The sound of shuffling came from the vent.
OH NO YOU DON'T!
Tsunade punched the helpless vent out. Beyond the now damaged metal lay a dark empty tunnel and the echo of movement.
In her rage, Tsunade made an attempt to follow the sound through the tunnel, only to become stuck halfway in thanks to her large chest.
The perpetrator escaped, unfortunately.
Tsunade notices a scrap of blue cloth stuck in a sharp edge.
She managed to get her arm into the tight space and reached out.
An hour later after the efforts of twenty people, including Shizune, Tsunade was finally pulled out of the vent, unharmed but extremely angry.
"SHIZUNE!"
"Y-yes Hokage-sama?"
"GET ME EBISU AND KONOHAMARU!"
"Right away, Hokage-sama!"
"YOU!"
She glared pointedly at one of the shinobi that helped to pull her out.
The poor man shivered under her vicious glare.
"Yes, Hokage-sama?"
"GET ME A BOTTLE OF SAKE!!!"
"I'll get to it!"
The ninja sprinted away as fast as possible.
Tsunade just stayed flat on the floor, face scrunched up, fingering the swatch of blue fabric.
"But I didn't do it! I swear!"
The Hokage slammed her fist onto the desk.
"SILENCE! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE PARENTS FIND OUT!!!"
"I'm very disappointed with you, Konohamaru."
"But I didn't do it!"
"THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS!"
She threw the blue scrap to Ebisu, who caught it and inspected the material.
The scarf Konohamaru wore had the same exact tear on its end.
"THAT WAS FOUND IN THE VENT! WHERE SOMEONE WAS HIDING AND THREW FIRECRACKERS INTO MY OFFICE!"
A very drunk Hokage did her best to point at the damaged vent, but ended up staggering on her feet and needed the assistance of Shizune.
"I didn't do it! I was at the market at the time!"
"I'd like to believe you, Konohamaru, but the evidence is clear, and I know very well that you look up to Naruto, who had the habit of pulling pranks when he was your age."
"But sensei, I can explain! Hanabi has been pranking me! She's probably framing me!"
"Hanabi? Hyuuga Hanabi?"
"Yes her! She's been torturing me for the past month! She attacked me and tied me to that lamppost, remember that? And then she put worms in my bathtub a few weeks ago, and then last week she took all my scarves away except this one! She probably ripped out the end and planted the cloth in that vent!"
"ENOUGH! Konohamaru, what you are telling me is that Hyuuga Hanabi, sweet little Hanabi who delivers to me whatever sweets her sister made on that day, Hanabi who is responsible and mature and well behaved, has been pranking you for a month and is probably behind all this?!"
"And she has a squirrel that's been helping her pull them off! I swear, Hokage baa-chan, that girl is evil! She and that squirrel are out to get me!"
"So now you're telling me that a little woodland creature has the capacity to think in logical terms and has teamed up with a nice little girl and that they both have malicious intent?!"
"That's right!"
"Konohamaru, off all the ridiculous things I ever hear, this tops it!"
"It's the truth! Hanabi is no innocent girl. She's pure evil and she's plotting against me!"
"I've heard all that I want to hear from you Konohamaru! It's one thing to lie about what you did, but to accuse someone else without good enough proof and to slander their name!"
"She's framing me! I know it! Hanabi is...!"
"Are you talking about me?"
The four looked up to the doorway, where an angelic looking Hanabi in a cute sundress and stockings beamed innocently and clutched a woven basket in her hands.
"Hanabi-san. How have you been? Do you have something for me, young lady?"
Hanabi politely bowed before merrily skipping into the room. Konohamaru watched in horror as the girl acted as nonthreatening as a newborn kitten with a pink polka-dot bow.
"I'm doing well, Hokage-sama. Arigato for asking. Neechan and her friend Ino made some nice-smelling potpourri for you and wanted me to deliver it. They call it Autumn Spice."
Hanabi held out the basket, where a container of dried rosemary, cinnamon sticks, sneezeweed, sedums and chrysanthemums laid inside.
"That's wonderful! They smell so nice. Tell Ino and your sister that I send my gratitude."
Konohamaru noticed the blue cloth draped on the basket.
Aha! Got you, schemer!
The Naruto imitator leaped and grabbed hold of the basket, pushing Hanabi to the ground by accident. The glass container broke and the potpourri spilled onto the carpet.
"AAHHH!"
"Konohamaru!"
"Konohamaru!"
"SARUTOBI KONOHAMARU!!!!"
Konohamaru checked the blanket, but it had no ripped area.
Sob "My knee! It hurts!"
As Hanabi cried and bawled on the floor (faking it, naturally), the Hokage's shadow loomed over the boy who just realized the big mistake he made.
Uh oh.
When Konohamaru finally finished his punishment, every tiled floor and wall in the building was sparkling, every table and desk spotless, all the rooms dusted, mopped and vacuumed, and all of the Hokage's paperwork done. A new batch of sweet smelling potpourri bought at Konohamaru's expense sat on the corner of the Hokage's desk, and Hanabi had been treated to a deliciously giant ice cream sundae, again at Konohamaru's expense. And that didn't include the punishment his parents dished out for him when he got home.
Hanabi rewarded herself and her partner-in-crime for today's hardwork with some honey roasted peanuts and popcorn and a five-hour-long movie marathon.
-
-
-
Morale of the story: Newborn kittens with pink polka-dot bows are nonthreatening.