Disclaimer: Alice is owned by some company who changed their name recently to something that doesn't really make sense when you think about the words that the name is supposed to come from…

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A Fairytale Fool

"Surprise." Commented Duchess, toying with the fringed edge of the blanket in her lap.

Surprise didn't even begin to cover it, thought Alice dully. Shock sounded like a better word. There was no way that she had seen this coming. Well, the vomiting may have been a clue, but still. It's not like Duchess looked pregnant. The woman was still had the same flat abs as she had had when Alice first saw her.

Alice wondered long Duchess had been pregnant. With all the time shifts between Wonderland and the real world, it would be a pain to try to figure out. Didn't women start to show somewhere around three months? But then again, she had heard stories about women who had babies without gaining any weight or showing the pregnancy at all. At times like this, Alice thought that having more female friends might have come in handy.

"Wasn't expecting that." Of course Alice had never quite understood why Duchess had come to her world, but if she was pregnant, that gave an entirely new spin to the blonde's actions since she arrived.

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"Umm… I think I'm going to get something to drink." Hatter commented when he saw Alice just standing there with a confused look on her face. This was not a conversation that he wanted any part of.

He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. It was one of the alcoholic drinks that he had taken rather well to since his arrival. Assuming, of course, that he didn't imbibe too much of it. He still wasn't exactly sure that he liked the sensation of not being able to move his body at normal speed.

Even though Hatter had decided to stay out of the conversation he kept to the main room of the apartment in case either of the women needed his help. He remembered a time when he would have been less thoughtful, a time when he would have just told them to fight it out. That time had been about two weeks ago. It was amazing how much someone could change when put in the right circumstances.

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"I knew before I left Wonderland. But I wasn't sure how you two would take it." Duchess's hands were clasped over her abdomen. She looked a bit nervous and Alice wondered if the woman thought that she was going to lash out at her. "It's Jack's." That went without saying. From the way that Duchess talked about Jack, it was clear that she was in love with him, even if she might flirt with other men.

"Good, because if I thought it was Hatter's, I would have had to kill you." With that remark, both women burst into laughter.

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Hatter looked between them. This was just another example of how men had absolutely no idea what was going on when women talked. He wondered if there was some secret code that they were all taught as girls, just to confuse the men in their lives.

"Well, now that that's settled…" he began. Both women ignored him. He chuckled softly and rolled his eyes.

"You're going to need a doctor." Commented Alice and he saw that she glanced over at him and blushed slightly. He wondered what exactly that was about.

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Talking about taking Duchess to see an obstetrician with Hatter in the room was a bit strange. And it made Alice wonder how calm Hatter would be if he found out that he was going to be a father. It was a pleasant image to dwell on. The idea of kids with Hatter's impish smile caused her heart to tighten. Now that was a future she was willing to fight for.

Duchess was smiling, and Alice could see why people said that pregnant women glowed. Duchess seemed so confident and pleased with herself that it was infectious. If Duchess wanted to have her child away from Jack and Wonderland, Alice was going to do everything in her power to make that possible.

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Hatter found himself shooed from the apartment with Alice in tow. Duchess had made some comment that just because they knew she was pregnant didn't mean they had to hang around if they didn't want to. He wasn't sure if it was the fabled mood swings that accompanied pregnancy or if Duchess was being perceptive.

"She seems happy." Alice's voice was almost wistful. Did she wish that she were the one that was going to have Jack's child? He couldn't see that being the case.

How was he supposed to respond to that statement? Of course Duchess was happy. From everything she had said, she sounded absolutely ecstatic that she was going to be a mother.

"You know, I always thought I would find a guy who would sweep me off my feet." Her voice was soft and he had to lean in to hear her over the sound of the cars driving by as they walked down the street. "That stupid fairytale romance that girls always dream of."

Hatter had heard the children's tales just like anyone else growing up. He knew he wasn't exactly the hero, a prince or a knight. In the real world, Jack was the prince, Charlie was the knight, and that left him playing something like the role of a jester. He guessed that any woman would be disappointed to end up with the fool instead of the prince.

"But I think this is better." She finished, leaning in to give him a brief kiss on the lips.

At that moment, Hatter swore that he was going to ask this girl to marry him someday. He wasn't sure when, or how, but it would happen. He wanted to make Alice his, so that no other man would ever know what it felt like to have her smiling up at him.

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"Well, you weren't exactly a damsel in distress, now were you?" He asked cheekily. She laughed, remembering how she had demanded everyone help her when she usually ignored the advice that they gave.

Her time in Wonderland had taught her just how many of her fears she had refused to face. And it had given her an idea of just how many things she had been missing out on in life.

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They walked down the sidewalk, acting like any of the other couples around them. In moments like this, Hatter felt that he really did belong in her world.

Maybe the fool really could be prince charming.

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AN:

I could see Hatter being completely confused by interactions between women. Sometimes they even confuse me, and I am one. Alice seems a bit more rough and rowdy than most women though, which is part of the reason that I think she works so well with Hatter. She's not afraid to get dirty or do something distasteful. After all, she did eat the food that Charlie gave her without even knowing what it was.

And of course, Hatter has decided that he is going to marry Alice. Of course she doesn't know it yet. And she probably won't hear about it for awhile. Hatter's doubts about their relationship would be effectively silenced if she said "yes" when he proposed. He's just afraid that she'll think she made a mistake. But he's not above capitalizing on that mistake. He is Hatter after all.

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