She turns around, blocking the blinding lights with her fragile-looking hand, and runs to me. She flings herself into my arms, almost making me lose my balance. I right myself and wrap my arms as tightly as I'm able to around her. We stand there, just clinging to each other, ignoring the deafening roar of the audience all around us, forgetting everything else for a while.
I kiss her forehead, her hands, her cheeks, her lips, just to make sure she's really here with me. Finally together. As it should've been from the beginning. Everything's right. Finally. Finally.
I can feel knots in my throat, and my eyes sting. I take a deep breath to compose myself. I can't show weakness in front of the Capital. I'm one of the victors. I'm supposed to be strong.
Caesar Flicker man taps on my shoulder to continue the show, and I push his hand away reflexively. The audience goes crazy. Nothing more entertaining than two people who care for each other reuniting after having gone through hell and back. What could be more entertaining than that?
Finally, Haymitch interrupts us and gives us a good natured shove toward the victor's chair. Without letting go of Katniss, we take our position on the red velvet couch in the center of the stage.
Katniss slides closer to me and leans her head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head, and put my arm around her.
I notice that she looks too girly. She's wearing a flimsy, frilly dress, and delicate looking sandals. Whatever happened to the fearless, unhesitant girl on fire?
Caesar makes a few witty remarks, and then it's time for the show. The lights dim, the seal appears on a huge screen, the crowd hushes each other, and the show begins.
I really don't want to relive the hunger games again. Even if I am sitting comfortably next to the girl I love. I don't want to see the bloodbath again, the killing of innocents. I don't want to see any of it. But since I have no choice, and since my facial expressions will be carefully watched and criticized by everyone, I take another deep breath and ready myself for the show.
So, suffering silently on the inside, I watch a replay of the several weeks of hell I lived. The first part focuses on the pre-arena events. The reaping scene gets to me the most. That's when it all started. That's when my soul was sold to the devil. That's when they took my dignity away, my values. But that's also when I was given a ticket, an opportunity to get closer to Katniss. I watch, moved, as she bravely takes her sister's place, and walks stiffly, but with her head high, to the platform to take her place next to me, while Prim thrashes and cries inconsolably in Gale's restricting and protective arms.
Gale. His face betrays no emotion, but his eyes do. I can see all the pain behind them. I can see he suffers, too. Of course he does. He loves her, too. But I don't grudge him for that. How can I blame him for loving Katniss? How can I hate him for having fallen into the same spell I did?
And then comes the bloodbath. Blood here, blood there. Everywhere. Innocent kids being slaughtered.
Sickening. Sad.
The fire. The girl Cato stabbed. Katniss on the tree with all the careers surrounding her. Me not being able to look her in the eye. The tracker bees. My almost deadly battle with Cato – I still can't believe I survived that one. Katniss new alliance with little Rue.
That makes me stop to think. What would've Katniss done if both Rue and her had made it to the end. Would she have sacrificed herself? Would she have been able to kill little Rue? What would she have done? I watch stunned as Rue – putting he guard down completely – nestles on Katniss shoulder and falls asleep. She trusted Katniss with her life. Literally.
Their plot to take down the Careers. The mine explosion that almost killed Katniss.
I can feel my hear rushing as I watch Katniss struggling to get to her feet, struggling to escape, and making it to the bushes just as the Careers arrive at the scene of the crime. Even when she was so completely vulnerable she outsmarted the careers.
Rue's death.
That breaks my heart. The song Katniss sings to Rue as she dies is probably the most heat-touching thing I've ever heard or seen. I can see tears glistening on many faces as Rue's eyes close and Katniss spills tears of her own. I glance swiftly at Katniss. Her face is as expressionless as a mannequin's. Hard. Empty.
Katniss yelling my name as they announce two tributes from the same district can win.
I have to admit, this gives me a deep satisfaction. I remember thinking about her when they announced it. I remember being frustrated because I couldn't go looking for her. But she found me.
The days in the cave – my personal favorites. The "sugar berries" incident – I'll never forget that one. Her battle with glimmer – I shiver runs down my spine as I hear what glimmer planned to do with her. And then comes Thresh.
I still can't believe he let her go. Just because he didn't want to be in debt with her. But I'm glad he let her go. Wherever he is right now, I hope with all my heart that he's rewarded for his good deed.
Foxface's un-clever move that results in her death. The mutts.
The mutts. I know they'll be the subject of my nightmares for a long time. I can still remember their knowing, human eyes. How can the audience not be horrified, disgusted, disturbed by the fact that even after the innocent teenagers were brutally killed, their corpses were still not able to rest in peace. Maybe they don't even know. And if they do… all of them are just bloodthirsty monsters.
The scene with the berries. I can't believe we were so close to death. What if Katniss had swallowed one by mistake? What would I have done without her? I would have followed her. I would have swallowed the rest of the berries right there and then. I wouldn't want to live without her. It would make no sense.
The video ends with a scene of Katniss pounding on a glass door of the hovercraft, screaming my name as they try to revive me.
The anthem plays again and we rise as President Snow takes the stage, followed by a little girl carrying a crown on a pillow. Just one crown. The confusion is loud on the silent crowd. President Snow smiles, twists it into two halves and places them on each of our heads. The crowd erupts on roar of cheers.
We wave at the crowd for so long, my arm feels like it's about to fall out, and then we are guided to the president's mansion for the victory Banquet.
We take pictures with all the generous sponsors, face after face, and flash after flash.
The sun is already peeking over the horizon when we drag back to the twelfth floor of the training center.
Even though I never let go of Katniss hand, we never got a chance to talk. We were too busy attending to all the guests. As the elevator door opens I think I'll finally get a chance to talk to her, but Haymitch beats me to the punch.
"But I want to talk to h-" I try to tell him.
"You'll get your chance," he reassures me. "Right now you need to be well rested. You're on air at two. You need to look good for the camera. Both of you."
"But I- "
"Not now." Haymitch says dismissively. "Go on to bed now."
"But – "
"Go!"
"Ugh! Fine!" I grumble and let Portia guide me down the hall.
I look back to glance at Katniss, but she's gone.