Summary: Laura was just your average woman, until a freak accident involving her television set, the Advent Children dvd, and lightning strike transported her to Gaia. And that's only the beginning of the story!

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own FFVII or Advent Children. Just a single copy of the movie. Now put the pitchforks and torches away.

Queen's Quornor: Ok, so I am nearing the end of my fresh-meat year of college. Yes, you read that right. Fresh-meat. You know those old cartoons where the boxer looks at Bugs Bunny while beating up some poor, helpless sap and goes "Ahhh… Fresh meat!" before going after Bugs? Yeah, that basically describes my upperclassmates' reactions to us newbies at the beginning of the year. Anyway, I don't know how often I can update, seeing as how finals are coming up (F.I.N.A.L.S: Fuck I Never Actually Learned this Shit) and I have at least two term papers to write as well. Yay college! Rah rah rah! Anyway, I promise I'll get back to this as soon as I can. I am nowhere near finished with it yet. In the meantime, if anything gets posted it will be under my drabble/oneshot fic, "Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity." Basically, my efforts to make Sephiroth seem as human as the rest of us, highs and lows included. So enjoy the chapter, drop me a review, and I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can.

Cat's Out

Laura pushed Kadaj off of her and slid off the island, stepping into her shorts and yanking them up as fast as she could. Kadaj fastened his jeans, but didn't reach for his shirt. Proudly, defiantly, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Denise.

She snorted. "Don't look at me like that, big boy. I'm not the one who just fucked my fiancé on the counter."

Laura pulled the remains of her shirt together as fast as she could. "Denise, I thought you were going to stay in your room. You always do!"

"I got thirsty and wanted a drink. Then I heard you two, and got curious. Who wouldn't be?"

"How long were you standing there?" Kadaj asked stiffly.

"Long enough to realize that I've been told a pack of lies." The taller woman went to the sink and poured herself a glass of water, then went into the living room. "C'mon, you two. Let's have a chat, shall we?" She glanced over her shoulder threateningly when they failed to follow her. "That was not a suggestion."

Shit! If she's figured us out… Oh no. She did say she heard me say Kadaj's name…

God help us.

They followed her into the living room and seated themselves on the couch across from Denise. How is it that I'm a year older than her, and she can still make me feel like a naughty little girl? The other woman crossed her legs and folder her hand primly across her knees.

"Now. Let's get some facts out of the way. Is your name 'Ken?' Be honest, now."

Kadaj hesitated, then shook his head. His hand tightened on Laura's.

"There, wasn't that easy?" Denise beamed, and pressed onwards. "If your name is not Ken, then what is it?"

He didn't answer.

"Come, now. Is it so hard to say your name? You know mine. You know Laura's. Why don't you tell me yours?"

"It's Kadaj," he whispered.

"What was that?" she teased, cupping one hand behind her ear.

"My name is Kadaj."

Denise nodded in satisfaction. "Laura, may I ask why you have Kadaj, the leader of the Silver-Haired Men and heartless son of Jenova, in your home? Why are you marrying him and why are you carrying his child?"

Laura licked her lips and launched into her story. Through it all, Denise merely sat there, nodding every now and then.

She doesn't believe this. How could she believe it? It sounds ridiculous! Preposterous! Completely absurd! But it happened! Denise, you have to believe me! You have to!

When she was finished, having related every last detail up to Kadaj's unexpected return a few nights ago, Denise sat back, lost in thought. Kadaj squeezed Laura's hand, and she smiled at him gratefully.

Please believe me. Please.

And don't tell anyone. He doesn't deserve to be studied again. Not by Shinra's scientists, and not by Earth's scientists and doctors. Never again.

"I guess truth really is stranger than fiction."

Laura raised her head hopefully.

"And the proof is right here. I mean, he's sitting right there. I can't close my eyes and say that he doesn't exist, after all." She smiled impishly. "Besides, I yanked his hair earlier. I know that was real enough."

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Kadaj asked. Laura heard a tremor of fear in his voice.

"No, because all three of us would get hauled off to the nuthouse." She rubbed her forehead wearily. "And I have no intention of getting carted off in a straitjacket. So, I won't tell anyone. However…"

Here it comes…

"I want you and Kadaj to watch Sarah while Jim and I go on our second honeymoon in a few months. Do that, and I'll just forget that he's anything more than your fiancé and father of my godchild. Do we have a deal?"

Not like we have much of a friggin' choice… "Yeah, Denise. Sure." Laura rubbed her thumb over Kadaj's knuckles absently.

"Wonderful! Now, let's all go to sleep, shall we? You two have to go looking for a wedding location tomorrow, and I have some shopping to do. I need a bridesmaid dress, and Sarah needs to look like a cute little flower girl. So, off to bed with you!" She pulled the couple off the couch and pushed them down the hall and into Laura's room. "Sleep!" The door slammed shut behind them, and a few seconds later they heard the spare bedroom/future nursery's door close. Laura looked at Kadaj.

"Shall we obey her?" she mumbled. That could have gone so much worse…

She let out a squeal as Kadaj swept her up into his arms and carried her over to the bed, dumping her onto the comforter with a naughty grin. "Where's that book you were talking about, Laura?" he asked, spreading the halves of her shirt again.

"But Denise said…" She gasped and he ripped the shorts off her body, as easily as if they were made of silk. Whoa! And those were denim shorts!

"Denise is not your mother." He undid his jeans and kicked them off. "Now, where is that book?"

"Under the bed."

Kadaj reached under the bed and pulled out The New Kama Sutra. Laura took it from him and they flipped through it, occasionally discussing some of the more acrobatic positions and deciding that they wanted to try them once Denise was gone.

Kadaj pointed to one of the photographs, a position that had the man kneeling on his haunches while the woman lay on her back, one foot pressed against his upper chest while the other leg was wrapped around his waist. "Looks interesting. Wanna try it? I know you're flexible enough for it."

"Why not? Besides, I know you like watching the show below."

LKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLKLK

It was virtually impossible for Denise to get any sleep that night. "Hope that bed collapses on them. Metal frame and all," she mumbled, pressing the pillow as hard against her ears as she possibly could.

There was a loud crashing noise from next-door, as well as a surprised outcry from the couple therein. Denise grinned and hugged her pillow, thankful that God had chosen to grant her small request.

Then she heard Laura screaming out her lover's name, followed by his reply in kind, and groaned softly, defeated. It would take more than a broken bed to stop the bedroom antics of those two. Much more.