I meander back to my room. I look around at the pristine room. There's nothing in here that calls to me. It's just a strange empty place. Home is what calls to me now, and soon I'll be able to answer that call.

Portia comes and guides me outside the building into a car with tinted windows. Katniss is there. I smile and take my place right next to her. I grab her hand and she rests her head on my shoulder. They drive us through the silent streets to the waiting train that will take us home.

We barely have time to say good bye to Cinna and Portia; as soon as we get out of the car we are rushed to the train. We'll see them again, though, when we tour the districts for a round of victory ceremonies. I'm definitely not looking forward to those charades. They'll give us awards and plaques and ribbons while everyone has to pretend they love us.

Love us? They hate – no, they despise us. After all we killed a friend, brother, sister, son, or daughter from their district. And if we didn't personally kill them, we killed any chance of them surviving. Oh yeah, they love us alright.

Effie and Haymitch are accompanying us back. We all eat dinner and then settle in to watch a replay of the interview. I barely pay attention; my mind is too convoluted to make sense of anything. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of the future.

When the train makes a stop for fuel, Katniss and I go outside for a walk and some fresh air. We walk along the train tracks, hand in hand. I see a patch of pink and white flowers, and I stop to gather a few for Katniss. When I give them to her, though, she doesn't look too happy.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she replies, and continues walking past the end of the train.

I follow her silently, a little shaken by her response. Obviously there's something wrong.

And then Haymitch is there.

"Great job, you two," he says in a low voice, as if he's afraid someone's listening. "Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay," he adds and heads back to the train before I can ask him what he meant by that.

"What's he mean?" I ask Katniss.

"It's the Capital," she says. "They didn't like our stunt with the berries."

Stunt?

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I wouldn't make it worse."

What?

"Coaching you?" I ask confused. "But not me…"

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right."

I have to play what she just said twice in my head before I understand what she means.

…to get it …right?

My heart gives a jerky painful thud.

"I didn't know there was anything to get right…" I say, and for some reason can't conceive, my throat suddenly feels tight. "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess… back in the arena… that was just some strategy you two worked out." It's not a question.

"No," she says desperately. "I mean," she stammers, "I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could i?"

"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" Please say no.

She bites her lips, and her eyes look desperately into mine as if trying to find the answer there.

"Katniss?" That silence is answer enough for me. I Drop her hand and she takes a step back, as if to catch her balance. "It was all for the games. How you acted." No. No. It can't be.

"Not all of it," she mumbles.

I almost laugh at this. Not all of it? "Then how much?" I almost demand of her. By this point the pain in my chest is almost unbearable, and my throat grows tighter by the second. "No, forget that," I correct myself. "I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?"

"I don't know," she says. Of all the answers… "The closer we get to District 12," she continues, "the more confused I get.

This can't be happening. She can't do this. She can't. But she already has, says a mournful voice in my head, she already has.

"Well," I say trying to maintain my voiced as composed as possible, "let me know when you work it out."

I turn around and, without another word or a backward glance, walk back to the train. Alone.

Alone. Again.

Hey guys, hope you like this small chapter. So sorry I couldn't make it longer, and that I took so long to write just this, but lately I barely have time to breathe. I promise I'll update again as soon as I can. Tell me what you think of the story so far, and I welcome any suggestions for future chapters, all credit to the donor. Also, if between my readers there's anyone from college, please I would appreciate some heads up, any advise at all about applying for college. Thanks. =]