I walk with slow deliberate steps, but all the while I feel like running. As soon as I step into the train, out of her sight, I make a run for it, pushing some servants on the way.

"Sorry," I mutter to them, and keep running till I make it to my room.

I close the door behind me, and let myself sink to the floor. My breath feels short, like a stone has been placed on my chest. I put my head between my knees, and take long, slow breaths.

"Stupid!" I mutter to myself. "How could I have been so stupid?!"

How could she have done this to me? Why did she let me fall for her? Why didn't she warn me? Why?

"Pathetic," I tell myself, getting to my feet. "Ugh! And why in the damn bloody hell is this room so damn hot!?" I wonder out loud, ripping my shirt off.

I walk to the bathroom and turn the faucet on. I let the sink fill halfway with cold water, and splash my face and neck with it. I look at my reflection on the mirror.

"Pathetic," I whisper at the reflection, for I'm afraid that if I raise my voice it will crack. "How could you have let yourself fall for her?!"

I remember the nights at the cave. Every kiss, every touch, every word was a lie… just a well-acted lie.

Suddenly I am filled with rage; I can feel my blood pulsing on my temples, my heartbeats quickening.

"It was all a well-acted damn lie!" I spit and throw a ceramic soap bottle at the mirror.

I instantly step back from the explosion of glass, but not before one sharp piece slashes at the exposed skin on my stomach.

"Ouch! Damn it! Damn it all!"

I wipe the blood roughly away with a piece of tissue, not bothering to bandage it. I kick the pieces of glass aside with my foot, and walk to bed. I let my body fall on the bed.

"Damn it all," I whisper. "Damn it all."

Without me really noticing, reality suddenly slips away and I am walking through a forest. It's unnaturally silent in here and I feel as though I am looking for something. I keep walking and, out of nowhere a hovercraft appears on top of me, blocking the sun. The door opens and I can see Katniss inside.

"Katniss! Katniss, jump!" I shout reaching out for her.

But she doesn't move; she just stands there looking down at me. Suddenly the door starts closing again, but before it closes completely she smiles, waves, and mouths goodbye.

"No!" I scream.

I wake up startled, and covered in sweat.

"No," I whisper. "Please, don't do this to me."

I feel something warm running down my temples. I touch my fingers to my eyes, and find tears pooled there.

"Perfect," I mutter to myself. "Just perfect." As if having wasted my hopes on Katniss wasn't enough, now I'm wasting my tears and my pride on her too. Just perfect.

I get up and walk to the bathroom and I find that the shattered glass has been cleaned up. Suddenly I feel embarrassed, and blood rushes to my face; I don't want anyone to know about my weakness and anger tantrums, not even a mute Avox.

I turn on the faucet on the bathtub and let it fill halfway with warm water. I press the right buttons, and soap is added to the water; I press another button, and suddenly the water stars bubbling. I take off my remaining clothes and carefully slip into the water. I'm so glad my synthetic leg is water proof.

I rest my head on a soft, small pillow on a side of the bathtub, and close my eyes. I try not to think about Katniss, but almost as soon as I close my eyes, my mind is flooded with memories of her. I open my eyes exasperated. I press another couple of buttons, and suddenly the bathroom is vibrating with loud senseless cacophony that's supposed to be music. Just what I need. Now I can't think about her even if I try.

I don't know how much time passes before I finally get out of the bathtub, but I know that I've missed dinner, for the sun is no longer visible through the small window in the bathroom. When I get back to my room, I find that someone has left food in my room.

I sit on the side of my bed, still with only a towel wrapped around my waist, and eat my meal while the loud music is still rattling my brain.

When I'm done eating, I change quickly into a pair of shorts and then drop to the floor and start doing push-ups, concentrating only on the loud music and on the physical strain, until my arms are almost numb from exhaustion. After that I proceed to sit-ups, then to crouches, and after that to chin-ups. By the time I count to 234 chin-ups, I'm done for the night. I dry off my sweat with a towel and then, almost as soon as I drop on bed, I pass out.

When I wake up, I feel a little disoriented, but when I come to my full senses, I realize that it's morning. Mercifully enough my sleep was dreamless. I look at the clock.

"10 a.m. already?" I muse out loud.

I'm startle by a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I call out after clearing my throat.

"Peeta, is me, Haymitch. Open the door."

"Go away," I call out.

"Peeta, just open the door, I need to talk to you," he calls back sounding a little exasperated.

"Forget it," I answer back. "Go to hell. Both of you. I don't need you. I don't need any of this!"

I hear a dull thump on the door. His forehead maybe?

"Peeta, I just want to talk," he says. "Eventually we'll have to."

"Of course," I mutter caustically, and then louder. "Everything is planned."

He doesn't answer.

"I don't want to talk," I tell him. "I just want to be alone right now, okay?"

"Peeta we're almost there," he insists. "Please," softer, "just come on."

I sigh. "Fine," I mutter and open the door.

"Peeta," he says softly looking directly at me, "About Katniss…"

"No," I cut him off. "Please don't. I really don't want to talk about her right now…It's bad enough as it is."

He nods his head slowly.

"You're a good kid, Peeta," he says. "And strong, too. I really am sorry about everything."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not hers either."

"I know, but it's just that… it's just that…I love her Haymitch." But she doesn't, and it's not her fault either.

"I know you do, kid. Nobody would have done what you did out there in the arena."

I sigh. "So I'm a hero, yay," I say sarcastically. "Too bad I can't have my lady like in the old hero tales."

He pats me in the back. "Listen kid, I know it hurts, but you have to be strong for a little while longer, okay? For the cameras, that's all I ask of you, though I have no right to do so what so ever."

"For the cameras," I repeat. I can do that.

Without another word he walks out, closing the door behind him.

For the cameras. Don't expect anything else from her. So when she smiles at you, holds your hand, keep that in mind Peeta. So you don't get hurt again.

More than I already am, I think to myself.