WARNING: self-mutilation, depression
Blood
Sometimes Harry didn't know what to do with himself, with his life. He was drifting, without a purpose and no real reason to care about anything. Sure, he had to kill Voldemort, but then what?
He would sometimes ask his friends what they expected for the future. They would stare at him blankly, and suggest that he kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Harry once asked Hermione and Ron what they thought would happen if he didn't kill Voldemort. What would happen if he just didn't feel like it?
Their jaws dropped, and they turned abruptly away from him. By dinnertime, they were talking to him cheerfully again. Harry suspected they forced the conversation out of their memories.
He knew they didn't really care about him. He was the Boy-Who-Lived, so he had to be taken care of, and have someone to watch his back. Once he defeated Voldemort (or didn't?), he doubted they would speak to each other ever again, except for the schmoozy newspaper articles they would do on the tenth anniversary of Voldemort's death.
Harry had nothing to live for, not even silence.
He dragged the knife carefully against the skin of his forearm, watching the droplets of red ooze out and congeal together.
He winced, and then smiled grimly.
The steel reminded him that he was still alive, and the scars etched across his arm reminded him that he could still feel.
Feelings were something to live for, he thought.
oOo
A/N: I don't condone cutting, kiddos. It's horrible and painful and, yes, it does make you feel alive.
But only for a little while. There are so many better ways of living.
And when your life gets better, it's a sharp memory of the past that you would like nothing more than to forget.
Yes, I used to cut myself. And now that I would like nothing better than to move on, every time I look at my forearm, I am reminded of my past, where I used a pin to carve the word 'BLOOD' into my arm until it scarred. Permanently.
This would be also a good time to talk about that making permanent decisions isn't the best thing to do when you're fourteen. Thinking about the future while making important decisions is a wise thing to do.
I'm done with my lecture now. I'll try to make the next one happier. Thank you for the reviews!